I CAN CHECK THIS ONE RIGHT OFF MY BUCKET LIST! NEXT ITEM PLEASE!

THIS POST HAS CHANGED SLIGHTLY FROM ITS ORIGINAL FORM AS FOR SOME REASON, AN ENTIRE PARAGRAPH HAS DISAPPEARED SOMEHOW.  I TOLD YOU I NEVER READ THIS SHIT, I JUST CLICK PUBLISH POST!

Quite simply, I'm not a man with big hopes or grandiose dreams.  There are very few things that I hope and pray for.  Mostly, if I'm having a one on one with the big man up in the stars, I just ask for him to make Diane's burden less!  I do however still have a list of things that I'd like to do before I die, that's not so selfish right?  I don't announce to the world what those things are because I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me if I don't achieve them.  I'll stick with only Diane feeling sorry for me each time that I pull my pants down.  Well, I guess that may be the only time she feels sorry for herself as well.  This past weekend, I got to take my big fat imaginary sharpie and cross an item right off of my mental bucket list.  I would actually write it down on paper but I'd be afraid someone would find it and it would be evidence enough to show intent and I would be locked up forever, so for now, it stays locked up in the only place that I can stay out of trouble, in my mind!

A few weeks ago, I had toyed with the idea of making this item happen but as our luck and our life would happen, we got nailed with a few unexpected expenses and they were each close to a grand.   By the grace of God, we had the funds on hand to cover them but it wiped us out of "screw around" money.  Hell, this one almost took us back to Ramen Noodles for a few days, luckily it did not.  A few dinner invitations and a little fasting and we made it through!  It looked like it wasn't going to happen and I was okay with that.  It's not like I had hard plans and after all, it's not called a bucket list item for nothing, right?  There is always next year!  It is an annual event and if the world does not come to a crashing halt on 12/21/12, then the odds are good that this event will still continue.  It was only a few days out when I got the call from a friend....  "hey man, I was thinking bout having GTP come up to Milwaukee to shoot some pics and paint a portrait of me and my brothers before I leave the country".  Part of me was instantly a little tiny bit jealous but nearly all of me was thrilled for GTP, really, I swear!  I told him that I thought that it was a great idea and that I'm sure he would love the end result.

His next statement hit me smack in the nuts.  He said "why don't you come with him"?  I would love to, of course I would love to.  I'd only been talking about it for A FEW FUCKING YEARS, but I could not, money was far too tight".  "Doesn't George need someone to help him and hold the flash or carry his cameras around or something"?  Well, yes, I do believe he does....  WELL THEN, THAT SETTLES IT, you are coming too, I could use the extra Sky Miles!  I sat stunned.  I tried, I honestly tried to talk him out of it.  I am really great at being a giver, I love it but I am really bad at receiving gifts and the more generous they are, the harder it is for me to take!  No for an answer was not going to be taken, I too was on my way to Milwaukee!  Right now, you have to be thinking, what kind of twisted sick fuck would have going to Milwaukee in the winter on a bucket list?  Well this twisted sick fuck would and in a second, you will understand why!

So your friend Jack Shit, the comedian, the host, the writer was now Jack Shit, camera case holder and designated drunk passenger and I would not have had it any other way.  We began our travel day on just about 2 hours sleep.  I think GTP got an hour more than me but hey, the little woman wanted to say goodbye, ya hear what I'm saying?  The looks on the faces of the people in the airport as the two of us fucktards made our way through were priceless.  The look on the TSA agents faces when we passed security screening without so much as a cavity search even greater!  You just know that they wanted a piece of us!  I knew it as I watched as the people in front of us passed through the metal detector and nobody even looked at them.  They just stared at us as they snapped their latex gloves on to their hands!  But we showed them.  We hid all the dope in a little old lady's bag that went right before us and then we pick pocketed it right back after we passed security!  Okay, we didn't do that, George did!  We had to fly to Minneapolis where we would have a layover for a bit over an hour and then hop on to our final destination.  The question was, what would we do with that time?  The answer?  Run like mother fuckers through the airport!  Our plane was late and now this!  Picture two crippled old bikers running for their lives, dragging briefcases and camera bags as fast as our busted backs could go.  Imagine the sight of us running down the moving sidewalks?  It was not pretty but people sure did move out of our way!  We made it to the next plane as they were boarding, the Universe was kind this day and had delayed the connecting flights arrival.  George and I make friends every where we go if you can believe that.

Brother Mario was going to meet us just past the last TSA Checkpoint.  Lo and behold, he sees a friend and the guys first words to him were, "I think two of your friends were on my flight"?  Really?  How do you know?  "I just know" was his answer.  Sure as shit, IT WAS US!  We stick out like a pig at a Muslim convention!  As we approached he was already laughing and within moments of hearing this we were laughing too.  Right up until the airport doors automatically slid open.  WE WERE NOT LAUGHING ANY MORE!  Remember how I said that the Universe had given us a break?  Well I guess you only get one of those per day.  It was like getting hit with a sledge hammer to the forehead!  I thought that the PA system on the plane was malfunctioning when we landed and the pilot spoke.  Did he say we were at terminal one?  NOPE!  As it turns out, what he had said was, "the current TEMPERATURE IS ONE"!  Yes, that is correct, ONE MOTHER FUCKING DEGREE!  At this very same time, it was 77 degrees in Phoenix, that is a 76 degree temp drop.....  and this is the very first thing that we saw as we landed.

Interesting, our airport does not have white pavement?  As it turns out, neither does Milwaukee!  Brother Mario picked us up and just laughed at us all the way to the truck.  We had planned for cold and we had gone long underwear shopping the night before.  Picture George and I dragging Diane through the stores for this.  I really don't know why she puts up with us?  She just laughed the entire time, especially as I video taped George pulling his pants down in the middle of a store called Dick's.  I guess it just seemed appropriate to him.  I have to admit, it sort of seemed reasonable to me to at the time.  Our first stop on the trip was to a store to load up on beer and then off to Ken and Darlene Baas' house.  If that name sounds familiar to you, that is because it should, that is our dear friend, the one and only Kevin "Teach" Baas' mom and dad!  We were going to hang out in their garage, do some drinking, do some bike talking and just soak in the lovely Wisconsin temps!  On this 80 acre snow covered farm, we were welcomed and treated like family!  These two amazing people have been living this life that we love and building and riding MurderSickles before many of us were even born!  I will go on the record and say this, THESE PEOPLE ARE NOTHING BUT CLASS!  We were going to drop by for a beer or two and wait for Biker Jym to come pick us up.  He would be there in 45 minutes!  As the second 24 pack was opened and we wondered where the hell Jym was, the phone rang.  He was stuck at the bottom of the farm driveway and his four wheel drive was not working!  We are off to help!  Outside we all run and for the first minute, with the lights shining and the snow falling it was just gorgeous.  The way the headlights hit that big old red barn was straight out of a movie.  By minutes two and three, the beauty had long since passed and my nuts were racing up in to my body for some place warm to hide!  I quickly pretended that I was really happy to see Jym and jumped in his truck for some "quality time"!  His four wheel may not be working, but his heater sure as shit was!

Milwaukee Mike was the guest bartender down town at this kick ass lil joint in a row of houses and we were going to see him but first a nice dinner.  We drove back to Mario's place where we were to stay and it was just gorgeous!  The way the house looked with all the fresh snow in front made it look like a post card.  Right then, I knew that having to stay in conditions like this was going to be really rough but I was going to do what I had to do!  Well here, I'll show you and you can judge for yourself just how bad we had it!  I mean don't get me wrong, it wasn't like sleeping in a cardboard box, but close!  We knuckled up and just made the best of it.  For example, I only had 7 pillows on my bed, can you imagine having to spend time under these conditions?

If you see the conditions that we were forced to endure, then I'm sure you can only imagine the meal that we were forced to eat that night as well.  I mean really, Fillet Mignon and Wine?  What are we savages?  We spent the next hour or so looking for kitty litter, that is an entire blog in and of itself, so I will just move on past this subject.  I will however tell you though that it was at exactly 10:04 pm that the heat in the truck suddenly stopped working!  For the fine folks who live there, a mere inconvenience, for us two AZ pussies, you would have thought we were dropped in to a ice filled horse trough!  I stepped outside the truck to smoke and figured it would be so damn cold outside that the truck would feel warm.  It did, for a moment or two.... then, not so much!  As we pulled away, kitty litter in hand, the heat kicked back on!  Back to the house to spend some quality time in the garage while we awaited a few more bar goers.  So now you've seen the squalor like conditions that we have to sleep in, you've heard about the awful food we had to eat, wait till you see the work conditions in the garage.  I mean how are you supposed to function with that big heater blowing over your heads warming the arctic air and allowing your fingers the dexterity to actually hold on to a tool?  I know, awful right?  Then, to add insult to injury we had to get stuck in the middle of the quadrangle of hell between the two Knuckleheads, the Panhead and the fridge full of anything and everything one could ever need to drink while working on bikes.  It was horrible!  Oh yeah, did I tell you that this God awful garage had every tool you could ever imagine?  No?  Then I won't!  Well, see for yourself what we were forced to endure!

 Here is a quick shot I was able to capture of our cruel host!  This was taken right in between beatings!

We finally loaded our sorry asses in to the F 350 and off we went.  To add insult to injury and what nearly ruined the entire trip was when the rear back up camera that is built in to the rear view mirror malfunctioned!  It nearly sent us packing and right back to AZ, but George and I endured!  Hey, it was the very least we could do, right?  We rolled on in to down town, parked and entered the bar which was filled asses to elbows with the greatest people God ever put on this crazy ass planet we live on.  I have to tell you what really chapped my ass was how rude everyone was.  I mean they just walked right up and without even asking permission to touch you, wrapped their arms around you with these big ass bear hugs and would not let go!  It was awful to say the very least!  We arrived around midnight and were going to stay for one drink just to show our support for Milwaukee Mike.  So at 2:15 when we were thrown out of the damn bar by the staff who was equally as horrible as the patrons there was no place left for us to go but home......  oh yeah, there was one place we could go and we decided to do just that.  The plan was set in to motion.  It was a simple plan, "ONE AND WERE DONE".  One drink and we'd be right out the door.  Where did we go you ask?  Well we went to the one and only, world fucking famous, SHED!  Oh yeah bitches, we are in Milwaukee and it is SHED PARTY weekend!  One and done, we are sticking with the plan.  It took about ten minutes from the bar to get there and we left the bar by 2:20 am.  So as we rolled in to the house at 5:15 am we tried to figure out where and when the plan went to hell?  We fired up the plasma cutter and cut our names in to a nice piece of steel that will be leaving the country for Amsterdam.  6 am and we are still awake.  We are now up for with the exception of the 2 hours of sleep, somewhere near 45 or so hours and I am loving it!

We had HUGE PLANS for the next day.  Saturday night was the Shed Party.... holy shit, I'm in Milwaukee for the Shed Party!  I won't cross it off the bucket list quite yet as I haven't quite made it to the party, but damn, this is the closest I've ever come to attending.  We were going to go spend the day at the Harley Museum, then go over and see Warren's shop and visit Lil Ben, pick up a trailer at the Shed and bring it back to pick up Mario's knuckle, what could go wrong?  Well, I guess quite a bit when you put GTP and I in charge of it and you don't go to bed until 7 am.  We did make it to see Warren and Lil Ben so screw the museum.  I didn't want to be that jerkoff with the camera just snapping away but man oh man, the shop was just awful!  Here we are again, having to deal with these sub human conditions.  Yet another shop where I have no earthly idea of how anyone could ever get anything done.  I mean with distractions like the "break room" with it's bar and pool table if my memory serves me correctly, right on down to the photo studio and the second story line up of gorgeous bikes for all to have to suffer through viewing!  I mean Jesus, here is another place where you just can't walk straight through, you have to step around a Panhead here and a Norton there and oh, well, I guess you get the idea.  All the other things that make these places miserable like one off tanks and helmets hanging on the walls and from the rafters!  I won't go crazy showing you pictures because I don't want you guys to have to suffer as we did but I will share with you the truly hard to endure moments and things that were particularly painful to witness.

Like I said, just terrible.  We were running out of time and like Cinderella, I had to get GTP to the ball!  It was the night of the one and only SHED PARTY and I was excited like a school girl on prom night!  All we had to do was drive back to the house, get the camera and head back to the SHED.  What could possibly go wrong?  All we had to do was follow the GPS in the truck, it's technology, it could never lead us astray!  Well I guess that would be true if had someone not changed the settings to avoid freeways!  So we had only about 40 or so miles to go, roughly 30 minutes on the freeway.  Oh yeah, that's right, we never got to see one of them.  40 miles, traffic light to traffic light to traffic light.  Did I also forget to mention that not one person on those surface streets ever drives more than 35 mph?  We arrived back at the house and I hadn't torn the steering wheel off with my bare hands so we had that going for us.  Our plan for a couple long hot showers, fresh change of clothes and maybe even a nap turned in to running through the house, changing socks and shirt, grabbing the cameras, running down stairs, out to the driveway, smoke a cigarette as fast as humanly possible and then jump right back in to the truck!  We outsmarted the GPS by not using the one in the truck!  I waited until after we got on the freeway and used my phone to get us there.  SHED PARTY 2012, here we come!  Eat your hearts out world!  We made it on time, George got everyone lined up for the portrait shot and the evening got under way in style.  You guys ready for what happened next?  Do you want to hear what happened on the night that I got to cross off a long over due item on my bucket list?

I bet you do, but what happens at the SHED PARTY stays at the fucking SHED PARTY!  So sorry but that's how it goes!  I can tell you that it was hands down, one of the greatest parties that I have ever been to in my life held at one of the coolest places that I have ever been at, where I was invited by people who I love.  I was welcomed like family and treated even better.  I had bruises on my back from the hugs and back slaps that I was lucky enough to receive all weekend long.  One day, maybe you too will be invited to the SHED!  Maybe? 

Roughly shy of 7 years ago, the Milwaukee crew rode their crazy choppers right on in to our lives and in to our hearts and they will remain there until the day that I die.  This party was more than just an annual offering to the demons, it was so much more.  Jimmy Giggles was leaving Milwaukee to make a fresh start in Virginia and it is hands down the right thing to do.  Brother Mario is leaving, wait, correct that, has already left to live in Amsterdam for a few years!  This party was both a welcome to the SHED and a going away for brothers who helped to make the SHED the world famous place that it is today!  A place where legendary bikes roll out, legendary people roll in and LOVE, LOYALTY, HONOR AND RESPECT are not just words but a way of life!  They are a family, a brotherhood and a world unto itself!  I will forever cherish what we share as friends and brothers and do all I can to only make what we share the very best it can be.  I am honored that these crazy fuckers welcomed me in to their home, their house, their lives!  I no longer have to worry about making it one day to the SHED PARTY as a bucket list item but just when do I book my flight for the next one!  This party has gone from my attending being a dream to having a place forever etched in to my calender!  I can't thank everyone in Milwaukee enough for the hospitality and the generosity that you showed to me.  I never forget these things, ever!  I'd run down a list of those names, but that would be evidence that others were there.

I know you are saying to yourself, I can't believe that this prick made us read all this shit and then gave us no details of the party and no pics either!  Well if you are thinking that you are right, I will not post any pics and I won't write a single detail.  I am however working on the SHED PARTY MOVIE so keep your eyes out for that, it's coming soon!  DID YOU FUCKERS REALLY THINK THAT I WOULD LET YOU DOWN?  C'mon, it's your pal Jack Shit.... I'd never do that to you!  I'll let you know when the movie is done!

Again, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart to all of you lunatics in that frozen tundra known as Milwaukee, THANK YOU!  Now I have replaced this item with the Knuckle Shuffle on that Bucket list of mine.... who knows, I may just make a spring time return!

Until we meet on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Well that was a first for me and I like it!

So last year, as many of you fine folks know, I got to go to my first BMR and while down there I got to meet this good ol' boy named Jeremy, all thanks to our mutual good ol' boy friend Mailman.  It was like a good ol' boy festival down there.  When I first met him, I could sense a bit of apprehension from him about me, after all, I am a Yankee.  I was once taken aside while down in Georgia by yet another good ol' boy who explained to me that I was a Yankee and that there are three kinds of Yankees.  There are Yankees, no good Yankees and NO GOOD GOD DAMNED YANKEES!  I respect a guy who doesn't just blindly like or trust someone because another friend brought them around.  We all know that weeds grow in between the cracks and sometimes those weeds, if not dealt with right away are really difficult to pull and they keep coming back.  You pretty much need to spray them with like Napalm or something to keep them away forever and you guys know they don't sell Napalm at the Home Depot!  Anyway, it took a bit of time, but eventually we hit it off.  From then on, we would cross paths at a rally or online and without fail, this maniac would just make me laugh.  They say that sales people are the hardest to sell and by that theory, comedians are the hardest to make laugh.  This guy, MAKES ME LAUGH!

So I often see him post up links on face book about a radio show that he does.  Times have changed and I didn't realize that it is what I guess you would call an internet radio show?  I'm still not sure if that is what it is called.  Here I thought, damn, if I lived in Georgia, I could hear this damn thing.  Today, the universe aligned and I just happen to be online when he posted up the link.  I clicked on it and realized that I didn't have to be in Georgia to hear.  Oh hell, I'll check it out, it's something new for me.  It took me a few minutes to navigate around the page and figure out how the hell to turn it on, the show was already under way.  I can't tell you what they normally do or what the format for the show is, but I can tell you that it is really funny and more importantly, IT IS REALLY HONEST!  You all know how I feel about that right?  Shit, there should not have even been a question mark at the end of that last sentence! 

While listening to the show, I could not help but think that this was obviously a bike related show, that goes without saying but it was more like sitting by the fire at a run after a day of riding, drink in hand and story telling.  With the show being on the net, you can send them messages, call in and it is all live.  The more that I listened, the more I liked it!  The show was not what I thought, it was not about the proper gap for a spark plug, but I'm sure if you call them and ask, they will tell ya, but it was about current shit in our lives.  The MurderSickle life that we all love so much!  The topics current and although serious, it was non stop laughter.  The host laughing at us and himself and that my friends is the formula for greatness!  If you can't laugh at yourself, you are in the wrong business!  In just the brief time that I was able to catch the show, quite a few people in the industry were both on the phone and hammering away on the keys leaving comments in real time.  It was the first that I've ever experienced anything like this!  I really dug it.  At the end of the show, I got to call in and say something that I've always wanted to say....  are you ready to hear it?  Okay, here it goes......  I thought my head was going to explode as I awaited the chance to use these very words......  "Long time listener, first time caller"!  I hear that on every damn show and always wanted to say it and I finally got to.  I did add the disclaimer that it was not true that it was the first time that I heard the show, yeah, right back to that honest thing again!  I am going to call in again next week and have a bit of fun with these fine southern folk!  So if you get a chance, you have got to check these guys out, trust me, YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT!  Just remember in a few years, when you are still listening, that your friend, your pal, Jack Shit turned you on to Garage Seventy One!  So click on this link that I'm going to post and do yourself a favor and check this shit out!


Garage Seventy One

I can't get over it.  I am blown away with the entire concept of this shit now!  A few friends have already forwarded me links to other shows that are their favorites.  If you have some, send them my way.  I don't even know where to begin to look for this shit!  So check out the station or the show, hell, I'm not even sure what to call it, just go ahead and do it, you will love it as much as I do!  For many of you who are stuck in the middle of ice cold and snowy winter, it is a great way to feel the warmth of riding again and have the crackle of the campfire play in your head as you listen.

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,

and The Man off your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit

One degree? One God Damn Degree?

Shed Party!

At this point, very little to say except thank you to everyone who made this one of the most memorable trips of my life!  At this point, I can't put in to words or express the gratitude that I have... 

AT THIS POINT!  Soon though, I will, I just need to marinate in it for a bit!

Thank you all again!  

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,

Tits in your back

and the Man off your ASS!

...........and oh yeah, I once again have gained much respect for you fine folks who have to live in this kind of weather!  I'd forgotten how bad this shit is!

Your friend,

Jack Shit

This Ain't No Crack House! Not yet anyway!

Well for those of you who love to follow the homes that we come across and fix up and flip, then this one will be of particular interest to you. First I took you on the journey of the home in Phoenix that was just a total shit hole that we turned in to a gorgeous home to raise a family, diving pool and all.

Then you guys may remember the home that had been gutted and every thing stolen from it. When I say EVERYTHING stolen, I mean EVERYTHING. They took the old electrical lines because they were made of copper, they took the old plumbing because that was made of copper, the furnace, the a/c, the windows and yes, they even took the pool. Ring a bell now?

Well this time we are not fixing and flipping, nor have we found our client a crack house to fix up and move in. This time, we weren't even looking to sell anyone a house and they weren't looking to buy a house. Our friends had come down for the holidays and they own a home here in AZ that they have used for the last few years as a getaway and their spring trip down to ride during our traditional ANTI- ARIZONA Bike Week time. They also came down to get that home ready to go on the market. Diane listed the house for sale and I've got to tell you, it is a beautiful home. We wanted to take them around, look at 10 houses or so and give them an idea of what is on the market for the money that they want to spend. With this market here in AZ and all the foreclosures over the past few years, home values and the the deals are like nothing you have ever seen. Imagine getting a million dollar or million and a half dollar home for less than a third of its value? Well that is how it is here these days. If you have ever wanted to own a vacation home or an investment property in the Southwest, NOW IS THE TIME. So the next to last home that we looked at on this day stunned us to say the very least! As we pulled up to it, I looked at Diane and she at I and at the same time, we each said and I quote, "holy fucking shit". The value of this home, compared to the asking price was incredible. We left, looked at another home and then went to dinner but none of us could stop thinking and talking about this home. A few days later, an hour before they had to catch their flight home, we went back and looked at it again. When we arrived, the front of the home was lined up with Range Rovers and the driveway had a Range Rover and an Escalade parked in it. Ut oh, they are going to buy it and we will not be able to get it. Now it went from a warm thought of owning the home to these sons a bitches are going to buy our home!!! Well Diane and I were not about to let that happen, if our friends want this house, by damn they are going to get it, so we jumped in to action...... NEEDLESS TO SAY, IT IS NOW THEIR HOME! So check it out.

Once they allow all the dirty ass bikers they hang out with to start coming to the new home, with any luck, we can turn this one in to a crack house!




Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your Ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

MELTDOWN! Sick Cop loses his mind!

Yet another post from the Protect and Serve files!  Holy Sweet Baby Jesus, can you imagine getting pulled over by this lunatic?  I've seen cops do and say some nutty shit before but this guy takes the cake.  I think at one point as he was walking back to the car he may have been crying...  I HAVE TO ASK?  WHAT THE HELL EVER HAPPENED TO THE PSYCH EXAM?

CROSS YOUR FINGERS

Well there sure as hell ain't much else to say about the video below other than, well, it speaks for itself. Hands down, one of the highlights of my riding life. I wrote about riding this beauty the other day and I had gotten some messages about folks wanting to get a better look at her. I forgot that I even shot this and just found it on the camera. For you antique iron guys like me, I hope you enjoy. For those of you who believe that these old bikes can't be ridden, you could not be more wrong!

Thanks Brother Mario!




Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass.

Your friend,
Jack Shit

No Bullshit, This Video May Save Your ASS!

This is no bullshit, this may literally save your life one day! THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE is what we are brought up to believe. Always tell the truth and nothing bad can happen to you. Well let me tell you something from someone who knows what it's like to get wrongfully caught up in the system because of a crooked cop who has devoted himself to sending you away for the rest of your natural life. All the truth will do is give a crooked cop or a dirty prosecutor the hurdles that they need to jump over to send you away forever!

I've posted this up on FaceBook and I've posted this on an old Blog way back in the day that I use to drop in and "guest" write a piece for now and again. This could quite possibly be the most important video that you or your loved ones have ever seen. I implore you that you watch all of it! I implore you that you watch this with your kids, your parents, your friends and anyone who matters to you even a tiny little bit. Oh that can never happen to me, right? You have no idea my friends, you have no idea what this can do to your life. Getting caught up in the legal system and being an innocent person does not mean a damn thing to the person bringing the charges or looking to "solve" a case! You see all the videos that have made their way on to the net these days of vicious cops beating people for no reason or even worse yet, the cop who believes with all his heart that YOU ARE THE ONE and he is wrong but will spend every waking moment of his life to end yours! Yes, it happens. Until you've seen your life savings taken away by your defense attorneys and then if you are lucky by the grace of God Almighty, a jury of people who are too stupid to not get out of jury duty will decide your fate and find you innocent, you will never know the pain and the heartache this can cause! If you are found not guilty and notice that I didn't say innocent, you are never found to be innocent, just NOT GUILTY, there is nothing you can do because the cops and the prosecutors are immune from prosecution and law suits themselves.

If you don't believe me, or you don't believe what you see in this video, that at the end by the way is confirmed to be DEAD ACCURATE by the Detective who is supposed to argue THE OTHER SIDE of the debate, then I say just do a search for WM3 or The West Memphis 3! These three boys, 16, 17 and 18 years old I believe have just been released after 20 years in prison, one, Damien Echols sentenced TO DIE BY LETHAL INJECTION all based on TALKING TO THE POLICE and believing that ALL THEY HAD TO DO WAS TELL THE TRUTH! It is one of the worse cases of police and prosecutor gross misconduct that I have ever seen or heard of! After 20 years of Rock Stars, Country Stars, Huge Hollywood Stars, tens of thousands of people around the world screaming for justice and millions of dollars donated to the FINEST LAWYERS MONEY CAN BUY and DNA evidence, they didn't even get released as either Not Guilty nor Innocent. Ask yourself, when I'm wrongfully convicted of a crime, will these people be there for 20 years to fight to free me? NO, THEY SURE AS HELL WILL NOT!

AGAIN, I BEG YOU, WATCH THIS ENTIRE VIDEO! SHARE THIS VIDEO WITH EVERYONE! WE AS AMERICANS HAVE THESE RIGHTS FOR THIS VERY REASON! We've had soldiers by the tens of thousands die to protect these rights, don't just wave them or give them up without even knowing it!
We have the right to remain silent, THE RIGHT, to remain silent.... I plead with you to use it!




Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back,
The Man off your Ass
and by all means, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

It's no wonder they want to make it against the law to video police!

So much for my planned vacation to Seattle! Just remember folks, if you don't speak to the officer in a tone that he deems "respectful" or as he says don't "lip off" you will be dragged, tazed and taken to the ground while your mom gets pushed around and then arrested for asking for a superior officer to come to the scene! Imagine having to call the cops, ON THE COPS? Well it is happening more and more! Never in my life did I ever imagine have such disdain, disgust and lack of faith and trust in the Police. My father use to say that it took a level headed man to do the job. Before the cop ever resorted to violence or putting hands on anyone, they always tried to talk first. Why? Because they didn't have Tasers. Now anyone can be a cop and anyone can take you down without having to get closer than 10 feet from someone! It is horrifying who they are letting become police officers these days! Never in my life did I imagine a time when you would have to worry about being attacked by both bad guys and the good guys. Something must be done! These guys (women) must be held accountable for their actions, not just a letter in the file saying that they have been bad! It's all bullshit! Do you think the soldiers will be nice when they lock us up in the "detention camps"?



Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ASS!
Whatever you do, speak nicely to the officer too!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Eat Your Heart Out Is All I Can Say

Anyone who knows me, knows damn well that I am not one to gloat.  I am not one to rub some one's nose in it nor am I one who says "look at me, look at what I got to do"!  Well that is until today!  Today I'm going to gloat a little bit, today I'm going to say LOOK AT WHAT I GOT TO DO!  A few days ago, less than a week for sure, I put up a few pics on my Facebook wall of a sick flattie.  Wait, I'll show you here, right now, the bike that I'm talking about!

LOOK AT THAT BIKE!  To just be close enough to really get a good look at it is incredible.  To be allowed to hop on it, sit on that plunger seat and put your feet up on the floorboards, mind blowing.  To sit on it and remember the old videos of the soldiers training on these bikes and what they were able to do on them, takes your mind to another place and time.  To be allowed to "go ahead and kick it", a pure thrill.  Last weekend, we sat amongst many great chops, stockers and survivors in the freezing garage for probably 4 if not 5 hours bullshitting and just talking bikes, of memories past and planning new ones.  There is something about even sitting next to a bike like this that gives me a tingle in my "special place"!

TODAY THOUGH, THAT ALL CHANGED and what I thought could not get any better proved to me that it can get MUCH, MUCH BETTER!  The bike had been transported down to AZ. for safekeeping while its owner was off conquering the world.  From that night in the garage on, the thought of that bike sitting in the garage had me horrified.  You see the home where it is being stored is up for sale and the thought of people going in and out of the garage and seeing that bike, amongst the others sitting there might be too much for some to handle and entice them in to doing bad things.  All the bikes there are gorgeous, not a one of them you would not be proud to own and ride.  The thing is though, even the Panhead could be replaced with a hefty insurance check, God forbid they were stolen, but that Flattie, how could you ever replace that bike?  Check or no check, it would be virtually impossible to find a bike this bad ass and this pristine.  I had not had a decent night's sleep since that bike was left there.  Finally Brother Mario called and asked, "were you serious about parking that bike at your home"?  I replied, at my home, I'm going to park that fucker INSIDE my home!  He then told me, "then go and get it"!  I was going to run down with a trailer and pick it up when it dawned on me that I sold my truck and no longer have a vehicle with a trailer hitch!  We had to go show the house today to clients, who loved it by the way and I decided that I would ride that rolling work of art home!

I rolled it out of the garage, clicked the choke up halfway, advanced the timing and that 70 year old bike fired on the very first kick!  I let it get up to running temperature, sat on the seat, stepped on the clutch and it DIED!  Son of a bitch!  Got off it, kicked it over, fired it up, sat on the seat and it DIED!  Mother fucker!  It sounded like it was starving for gas and I knew the gas in the tank was very low so I began to look and look and look for the petcock!  WHERE THE HELL IS THE PETCOCK?  Is it possible that it doesn't have one?  I can't seem to find one.  I'm kicking and kicking and kicking and now there is nothing!  Got a nice bright headlight so I know I have power, what in the hell is going on?  The house sits on top of a very high hill so now I have a flash of genius, I'll put it in second, roll it down the hill and bump start it, all good, no problem!  Well it would be no problem if the engine was getting any gas!  So once again, it fired up, I rode it 25 feet and it promptly DIED!  THERE IS NO PUSHING IT BACK UP THE HILL, this I know for sure.  Finally I call and tell him what is going on.  He asks, did you open the petcock?  WHERE IS THE FUCKING PETCOCK?  Oh, that's a petcock?  Who'da thunk it?  If the engine gets gas, the engine will run!  Now the thrilling, amazing, inches added to my penis just pulling down the driveway ride began!  Off I went.  Now I've never ridden a three speed, rocker clutch, tank shift bike in my life, how hard can it be?  Actually, not hard at all.  Got her off the mountain, down the hill and filled with gas and off I rode.  Luckily, the lil woman was in the car and she was able to capture a few shots for posterity!

Holy Sweet 4lb 7oz Baby Jesus was it bad assed!

All I could think of the entire ride was "oh God, please don't let anything happen, please don't let anything happen"!  As I crossed the intersection of Guadalupe and Ellsworth Roads, some stupid bitch, on the phone with a car load of kids made a fast left across 6 lanes and cut right in front of me. I THOUGHT IT WAS OVER FOR BOTH MYSELF AND THE BIKE!  At the very last moment, she saw me, slammed on the brakes, then punched the gas and then finally jammed on the brakes again and stopped right in the middle of the intersection!  It took approximately 2 miles before my balls returned to their original location in my nut sack!  They were somewhere near the base of my throat I believe!  At least that is the last place that I felt them rise to.  Every single car, truck or bike that went past me spun their necks like their heads were going to come off when they seen her going down the road.  At each light that I stopped at, someone would roll down the window and ask me what year it was and with big smiles say "my God, it's amazing"!  I've gotten this a lot while riding the knuckle but I've never seen anything like this.  What blew me away were the old timers.  It's what we call here in AZ, SNOWBIRD season and we got lots and lots of old fuckers running the roads.  The look on their faces as I rolled up next to them at traffic lights spoke volumes.  That bike going down the road today brought back a flood of memories for a few old guys in pick up trucks with Army stickers in the windows and on the bumpers and I got to be part of it!

I rode that thing so gently!  It was like the first time I was ever handed a new born baby!  I was terrified and astonished at the very same time!  Today, my Brother Mario made a dream come true for me and I'll never forget it!  I've had the honor and the pleasure of riding some of the most beautiful choppers that have ever put two wheels to pavement, like the one he made me ride the other night by saying "hey, if you don't want to ride it and just be a bitch, well, I'm okay with that"!  This bike here!

When I rolled back in to my driveway last Friday night on this sick Pan, I could not wipe the smile from my face.  I shut her down and the only words that came out of my mouth were "man, I've never felt so cool in all my life as I just did rolling down the street on this"!  Well I have to correct that statement after today!  I don't know of anything that could make me feel as amazing as I did today riding that Flattie!

In our life, a tremendous amount of bad has happened and Diane and I have survived a great deal and no matter what, we've always pushed forward.  Countless times, I've thought to myself and I've even asked aloud, when will things get better?  We've dedicated our lives to keeping 100% perfect Karma and are just waiting for it to come back around.  I've come to realize that it's not the "things" we get in return or get back, that is our good Karma coming back on us, but the very people who have come in to our lives and share their time with us!  The kindness, the generosity, the support and THE LOVE that these people share with us, that right there is our COSMIC REWARD!  That right there is our Karma coming back to us!  Every now and again, friends talk about the fantasy of winning the lottery and I always say, "I never play, I never buy tickets"!  I'd never put too much thought in to it and when I did, I just figured our luck is so shitty and so bad that we would never have a chance to win, so why waste the dollar to play?  More and more lately though, I realize, that we've already WON THE LOTTERY!  We are surrounded by the most amazing people that anyone could ever wish to be surrounded by.  Of course a scumbag, a user, a rat, a liar or a flat out fake fuck will sneak through the cracks but they are quickly found out and cut loose.  Most times we are no worse off then before that trash entered our lives.  On occasion, unfortunately we are and those are the lessons in life that you learn from.  It also helps you to realize just how amazing the "real" people in your life are!  So even though at times, we may be a couple of broke bitches, we are extremely wealthy where it counts and we are blessed!

For those of you who we share our time with, who we make those memories with and with whom we look forward to a future with, all I can say from the bottom of my heart is "you guys were our winning powerball ticket"!  Thank you for all you do and for who you are!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your Ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

I'd piss on them too!

I THINK BEFORE ANYONE GETS REALLY UPSET, THINK ABOUT THIS;  MAYBE THESE FINE UPSTANDING TALIBAN MEMBERS WERE ON FIRE AND OUR HONORABLE MARINES JUST HELPED TO PUT THE FIRE OUT?  Did you think about that?

Okay, some of you are going to be pissed at what I write here and some of you will agree. I've always promised that I would be honest with you no matter what the repercussions and I will never break that promise. I am listening to all opinions and you guys and gals know damn well that I have an open mind so I'm still willing to hear your side of this. But for now, here is my side.

WAR IS A MOTHER FUCKER! There ain't no two ways about it. We expect these men and women who have been dropped in to a big giant kitty litter box in Afghanistan to act like they are at a Sunday Church function. Well I have news for you, they are not! Is it okay that these guys were trying to kill these Marines? Is it okay that these extremists use women and children to hide behind? Is it okay that these guys give children bombs to carry over to the our soldiers and then detonate them? Is it okay that these Marines are ambushed at damn near every turn? Is it okay that when an an American or any other Allied soldier is captured that he is tortured, beheaded and then their remains dragged and paraded through the streets for all to spit on and to be beat with their shoes? FUCK NO IT'S NOT! So then you tell me what is the big God damned deal that after these Marines did battle and I'm sure that it was a hell of a battle with these guys, because they are usually entrenched and in fortified positions and our troops walk right in to it with no cover. They are then forced to fight for their lives while they watch their comrades die by their sides and they must continue to fight and fight or DIE! So I ask, what is the big fucking deal?

I can tell you this with out any question or reservations, if you try to kill me, my friends or my family and YOU FAIL and I kill you and I just happen to have to urinate, you can be damn straight that I'm going to piss on your corpse! Later if I find where you are buried, I will go there and piss too! These "fighters", notice that I did not call them soldiers, have no honor, no pride and no sense of commitment, they fight for the Taliban because they have nothing else to do, they have no life, they have no belongings, they don't have shit. They are illiterate, nearly every single one of them and they believe whatever fantasy they are told by those who are too afraid to fight and die themselves. So their own countrymen send them off to die. I SAY PISS ON ALL OF THEM! None of our Marines or Soldiers want to be there, none asked to go there but yet they are there and they have to live, fight and survive in horrid conditions, so what, they pissed on the men who tried to kill them!

I've heard people state that "this is going to effect our standing in the eyes of the world"! Well ya know what, I say fuck them too! I am so sick and tired of America having to be the world's police department. Every time something happens, every time a nation needs help, we are the first to help. We donate more than any country on earth when there is a catastrophe, we send aid workers to the most God awful places on the earth as volunteers and when the shit hits the fan, we are the first to send troops. Yet no matter what, WE ARE THE GREAT SATAN! We are the "monsters" of the world. I'm so sick and tired of hearing it. So I say this to all the Marines and American soldiers that read this blog where they are stationed, drink lots of water and gatorade, stay hydrated and after you kill these mother fuckers, PISS AWAY! Hell, I say next time, TAKE A GOOD SHIT ON THEM! Just make sure you get that on tape too. I don't care what anyone says, your friend Jack Shit is proud of everything that you do. Who the hell are we to complain about what these guys are doing? Did you volunteer to go? Yeah, didn't think so!



So c'mon, let the hate mail fly! Until we see each other again on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your Ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Remember these guys from my writings?

Sort of like the happy ending to my story from a few months ago, WHO THE FUCK DO PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE?  If you've read me regularly, you will know these guys immediately and remember the story, if not, now you know the title of the post to go look for.   

So how's everyone doing today? I just got back from the post office where I dropped off another big stack of boxes and packages filled with I Know Jack Shit shirts, so if you ordered some, they are on their way towards you as you read this. Not too long ago, I wrote a piece on the blog about coming to the rescue of my friend, who was the tour manager for the band Rains. They had just began a leg of the number one tour in America with Five Finger Death Punch and were being held hostage by a lunatic bus driver on a power trip. They had gone from California to Arizona where we were going to meet in Scottsdale and party the night away. Instead, the bus driver got his tampon in a twist and pulled the bus over in to a truck stop in Phoenix, backed the bus in to a spot between two semi's and refused to move it! What a way to start a tour! The story had to be told and here is a link to the original story http://jackshitsworld.blogspot.com/2011/10/who-fuck-do-people-think-they-are.html .... With the bus being such an important part of the story, I was thrilled to see the brand new video from the band. Not only do I love this song, but I love the entire album. As I am looking at what is above, I dropped a link in but I don't know if it is clickable or not, I'm not exactly savvy at this internet shit!

Anyway, I just thought that I would share this video from a great group of guys who have become friends. My only beef with the video is that there is not one single I Know Jack Shit shirt in the damn thing! The bus from hell is featured prominently though!




Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

TO PROTECT AND SERVE MY ASS!

THEN AGAIN, THAT STATEMENT DOES HOLD TRUE. Only it is to Protect and Serve each other, not us! I'll share something that perhaps you don't know about me. I've posted something about it briefly in the past but I'll say it again. Nearly every single man in my family and shockingly, nearly myself are and were Police Officers. They were men of honor who took a horrible paying public service job so that they could protect people from criminals, stop rapists and solve murders so that another would not be committed. They were all what would be considered "super cops". They were not the guys who hid behind billboards to jump out and write tickets in speed traps. I can remember speaking to my father during his last days, about the job that he devoted his entire life to. I asked if he regretted the choice that he had made with his life and if he felt as if he had made a difference? He knew in his heart that he had but he also said that he was glad that he had retired when he did because the men and women that were "on the job" now, were nothing like the people in the past who had chosen the job. There are and will always be "bad" cops but what bothered him was that the folks joining the police departments now were unstable lunatics to say the very least in the kindest way. He would laugh and ask "who is charge of the psych tests now"? By what standard are they using to pass?

This video is yet another example of the fucks who believe that they are above the law. They commit the very crimes that they would arrest any person on the street for. Crimes serious enough to spend a decade or more behind bars and when they are caught, they use fear and intimidation against the very people that they are sworn to protect to keep them from testifying or in this case, to destroy the video evidence! It seems my friends that the lunatics are in charge of the asylum!

I grew up with nothing but love and respect for the people who chose this life. I knew that they were just men and women doing a job and they never took their work home with them. Those days are gone. I don't trust the police nor my government any longer. I nearly spent the rest of my life in the gray bar hotel because of a crooked cop and none of these videos shock me any longer, but they still need to be shared! Stand up and don't let these scumbags get away with this shit!




Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass.

Your friend,
Jack Shit

The Best Gift That I Never Got!

Confused, excited, stunned, intrigued, shocked and thrilled were just a few of the emotions that I was feeling as I slowly approached. Could it really be? Has this happened? This is the kind of thing you read about in a fiction novel or you see on the news because it is so rare that people do these kinds of things, but was it happening to me, this very Saturday? At first, I was just frozen as I stood there. I took a few steps closer and closer until I finally made it all the way to the street. I walked in a circle and each of those emotions and more were filling my mind and body. Each car or mini van that drove by with the neighbors would stare at me as they passed, envious I thought. Perhaps it was time to go put pants on? I guess the best look for me is not Under Armour underwear, black socks and Al Qaeda shoes with no shirt. I also came quickly to the realization that it was certainly not the "perfect look" for standing in the middle of the street that runs through the heart of my PREDOMINANTLY Mormon neighborhood!

I was afraid to walk away for fear that it would disappear from sight, but I had no choice, I had to go back in the house and put some pants and a shirt on! I had only awoken 5-10 minutes before and had quickly leaped out of bed when I heard Diane's announcement, there was no time to dress. Now I had no choice in the matter, I had to put some clothes on before some one called the police and I have to spend the rest of my life registering as a sex offender for standing in the street in my Boxer Briefs!

I raced in, asked Diane rapid questions as I pulled the jeans that I had worn last night quickly back on and refused to believe her that she was not the one responsible. I slipped my feet back in to the old Al Qaeda shoes and pulled my shirt down over my head as I made my way to and out the front door. It was still there, right there, right in front of my home. There is NEVER anything in front of my home. I had to ask, why this, why now and HOW? The following is what I saw and how I saw it when I returned fully dressed to the street. Once the video is over, go to the bottom of this post and I will give you the full, heartbreaking details of what my investigation uncovered!





Well as it turns out.... this was not mine! This was not ours! This was not a gift at all. As a matter of fact, this right here was the VERY BEST GIFT THAT I NEVER, EVER GOT! I was so damn close too. I also had good reason to believe it. Some might ask, what in the world would ever make you even think that you would deserve this type of a gesture? 99.9 times out of a 100, the thought would have never entered my mind. I mean really the odds have to be even less than that. What lit my fuse were two things. First, the way Diane was so emotionless as she told me about it, this was unlike her. The only time she acts like this is when she has done something incredible for me and is trying to keep a surprise and a straight face. I have to give her credit on this one, she was really a good actor, or so I thought. The other was that the night before, we were being told a story by our friend with whom we were having dinner. He had been interrupted by the waiter and the manager of the restaurant a few times, but always returned to telling the story and finishing it. The punchline if you will, was that as a way of saying thank you for your help to someone, this friend gave another friend his 1949 pick up truck. I was blown away as I listened to the story. All I could think was "THIS GUY IS NOTHING BUT CLASS"! He is very much like Diane and I are. He, like us, is a giver much more than a taker. He loves to share as do we. What we have been blessed with is shared with the people we love. The night before he slept over but got up in the morning and hopped on his sick Panhead and rolled off. Three hours later we awoke to this in our street. Holy shit, he really wanted to share that story about the truck with us, was this the reason why?

NO IT WAS NOT! As it turns out, the truck belongs to a 71 year old man. It was his first truck that he ever owned and has it to this day. He is a mason who was building a block wall across the street from our home. Why the hell he was parked where he was, I have no idea. NO ONE EVER PARKS THERE! That was another thing that stirred my imagination. Turns out that his wife picked him up and took him to lunch and that was why it just sat there with no one around and believe it or not, keys in the ignition! The key in the damn ignition, yet another reason that I thought this was MINE! Once again, it was not! As I walked in to the house, confused and heartbroken, the old man and his wife pulled up across the street. We spoke for a bit and I told him that I was about to take it for a ride and the old guy said "to hell you are"..... feisty old Mormon mason that he is! I told him what I thought happened and he looked at me with a blank stare and asked "what kind of person just gives away old trucks, no one would do that"? I said a great person would and I know of one great person who just has! So stick that in your pipe you old, miserable, opinionated prick! Don't you say a bad thing about my friend or I'll take your truck and drive it straight up your ass! I was confident because I think I can take him! If the fight gets too rough, I'll just break his old hip!

Hope you enjoyed!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Another Spectacular Day

Since I began this blog I've been blessed by growing a vast audience of incredible people all over the globe. Jack Shit's World is now viewed in more than 90 countries around the world. It's viewed regularly in places with a great big Chopper Culture and places where Freedom is the worst 4 letter word that can be spoken out loud.

Right from the get go, I gave you all my word that I would never lie to you and no matter what, I'd be straight with you no matter how painful or personal the subject. I guess that it struck a chord with quite a few people who are just sick and tired of being fucking lied to all the time by the very people whom we've put our trust in. In my heart, I believe that has been the secret to the success of this blog. I try to answer every message that I get as fast as I can and publish every comment. Well scratch that! I've published every single comment ever posted to the blog with the exception of one. There was no way on earth that I was giving that guy an open forum to spew more bullshit! So in the spirit of answering those questions, the most frequent question that I receive is about two things and they are usually in the same sentence. Is the weather in Arizona really as beautiful as you make it sound and how is the riding out there? So today, I mounted up the new Go Pro Hero 2 Hd Camera that Diane bought me for Christmas and fired up the bagger! So far, I haven't found anything that I haven't been able to mount this crazy ass camera to. I've slapped that shit on my tachometer, my gas fill lid, the mirrors, the saddlebags and even the inspection cover on my primary! I am stunned with the quality of the footage that it shoots.

So for all of you folks who take the time to read the blog and share it, I say thank you so very much for taking time out of your life, to hear about mine. So I made this video today to show you just how beautiful it truly is here in the Valley Of The Sun! It was a quick 75 miles or so and it was absolutely gorgeous out. The sun was blazing away and it had to be nearly 75 degrees and it's FUCKING JANUARY! Filming the ride ended with yet another mesmerizing Arizona sunset. So I hope this video answers your questions. For those of you who have been on the fence about coming out to AZ. for Bike Week, I hope this changes your mind and you come visit us. When you do, make sure you come see me at the Dirty Dogg Saloon and have a drink with me! Enjoy! Keep this in mind before you watch the video, I am not a videographer nor am I a film producer/editor, I'm just figuring this thing out!




Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Drool Motherf**ckers Part 2

It took me a little bit while watching this before I realized that I had forgotten to breathe! I couldn't wait for the camera to turn the next corner! I've NEVER seen anything like this! If you are an old bike guy, you have got to watch this. If you are a chopper guy, this is truly heaven! Thank you Joey Chop for pointing these videos out to me! Okay, I can take a deep breath now! Sweet Baby Jesus, what I wouldn't give to have a pocket full of cash and a day to spend in this place!



Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

The Mythical Pink Unicorn Revealed!

You guys have always heard the stories of the PARTS PALACE.  It's the similar story to the guy who knows a guy who is friends with a guy whose sister dated a guy whose brother's Uncle's Grandfather had the Knucklehead in his garage, it has 400 miles on it and they only want 750 bucks for it.  The problem is, no one can ever produce the The Knuckle much less so much as a name.  This is the same story you hear about the guy who has an entire barn and chicken coops full of every bike part known to man.  Or you hear a story about the high rise building that is filled from the basement to the roof with nothing but old Harley shit!  Even when you find out that it is true, the chance that anyone would ever allow you in to see it is less than slim to none!  I don't know where this place is and I'm not even going to ask because I'm afraid that I'll get the answer!  I have never in my life seen anything like this!  My friend Joey Chop from here in Az. posted this video earlier on Facebook and it blew my mind.  As I watched it, I found myself saying "oh my God" and "holy shit" every few seconds! 

Well here it is folks, the mystical Pink Unicorn that up until now has only existed in fantasy, urban legend or drunken camp fire story!  The part that struck me deep in the gut was around halfway through when I hear the guy say, and there are five more floors of this!  This was truly like peering in through the gates of heaven and being able to see paradise, but not being allowed to enter!  As the video begins, a few words come on the screen and they could not be more accurate!  Thank you guys for proving to us that the Unicorn does exist!

LIKE A TUMOR ON THE BALLS OF THE WORLD

JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT'S GONE, IT COMES BACK!  You did the right thing, you did the treatments, you rubbed the creams on your sack, you let them blast you with radiation that sent your lil swimmers running for their lives and dying in the furthest reaches of your hairy boys anyway...  and still, that Tumor on your nut sack still re-appears, you just can't get rid of it no matter how hard you try!

 Well in this particular metaphor that I'm spewing out my twisted mind, The World's Nut Sack just happens to be the one and only Dirty Dogg Saloon in Scottsdale, Arizona and

I AM THAT VERY TUMOR!  

The deal is done, the contract signed and my return is set in stone!  Lock up your daughters and lock up your wives, ride them murdersickles over to the Dirty Dogg for the TIME OF YOUR LIVES!  I am back!  I will be hosting AZ Bike Week once again and bringing my own form of insanity back to the Dogg for AZ Bike Week!  Last year was completely insane and I'm looking to not only top that shit this rally but I plan to crush that shit in to submission and make last year look like we spent 8 days at church!  For those of you who are worried about such sinful activity giving you an express ticket through the gates of hell, worry not, for I am an Ordained Minister and will absolve you of all your sins each night at closing time!

So spread the word, JACK SHIT IS BACK at the one and only Dogg!  Make your plans to spend your time losing your mind with us!  I will keep you posted as to what we have in store for you as it gets nailed down.  What I've seen that is already a done deal ROCKS!  Live entertainment each and every day and once again, we will host our Annual Spring Fling on the last Saturday of the Rally!  Last year, the party was mind blowing!  It was the first time in my career that over an hour after we closed down the event, people were still lined up outside along the fence just to say hello, take a picture and thank me for showing them such an incredible time!  I was just stunned by that.

There is nothing on earth that makes me feel better than making people smile, NOTHING!  I plan to bring an ever loving fuck ton of smiles to you fine fuckers this rally!  So I will see you there, tell your friends and come hang out with me at the WORLD FAMOUS, DIRTY DOGG SALOON!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit 

Okla. Woman Shoots, Kills Intruder: 911 Operators Say It's OK to Shoot - ABC News

Once again, you tell me what would have happened to this woman and her child? There was no way on earth that the police would have ever arrived in time to save them. Her husband had died on Christmas and these scumbags tried to take advantage of knowing this woman was home alone. If this had been another state, she would either be dead or on her way to prison! Thank God that this woman had the strength and the courage to protect that child! 18 years old and she stayed calm enough to make it count. There is nothing on earth more dangerous then a mamma protecting her baby! For 20 minutes they tried to break down her door and still no police! What would you do when someone is coming at you with a 12 inch knife, oh that's right, you are supposed to wait for the police to arrive so they can take pics of your dead body and notify your relatives.


Okla. Woman Shoots, Kills Intruder: 911 Operators Say It's OK to Shoot - ABC News

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

OFF AND RUNNING ! ! !

Over the years, I've come to grips with certain factors in our life.  For example, one step forward and two steps back.  I've come to grips with the fact that in my life, no Good Deed goes unpunished.  I hear people say that the bad things in life are a test from God or the Universe or whatever that particular person who was saying it to me at the time believed in themselves.  I was just getting in to some really heavy, possible life changing thoughts, the thoughts I was working on and cultivating this very moment may very well change the world.  But holy shit, Hangover 2 just started so, I'm going to have to put those thoughts on hold!

Okay, well I'm back and although that movie was funny as hell, I've completely lost those world altering thoughts that I had earlier.  I tried to keep them fresh in my mind and I did, right up until the end of the movie when they showed the photo of the monkey who caught the ping pong ball that was shot out of the Bangkok hookers twat with his mouth!  From that moment on, all thoughts were washed from my mind and replaced with hysterical laughter!  So we will now forgo any of that magical wisdom and Jack Shitlosophy that seeps from the depths of my mind and we will get on to better things like going out and bringing in the New Year with a bang!

We in the Shit family are not much in the way of tradition.  Although Diane and I have been together now for nearly 26 years, we just roll with the punches, go with the flow or let the proverbial tide take us wherever it will.  There is one thing however that we have held pretty sacred in our lives.  That sacred thing that we cherish so very much, our one family tradition, what is it you ask?  IT'S OUR NEW YEARS EVE PARTY!  We began the tradition with just a few friend way back when we began dating.  We were more or less kids back then so it was a great way to be able to drink and party and not get in to any real trouble, not to mention that Diane's big, beautiful house was completely empty because her parents were in Italy for damn near a month!  From that day on, it became our night!  Since that first party, we've hosted New Years Eve nearly every single year since with the rare exception.  Over the years, these parties have become both famous and infamous I'm both proud and ashamed to say!  A combination of hard work and good fortune has allowed us to always have a home large enough to accommodate anyone and everyone who wanted to stay.  We've always thought that this particular night was amateur night.  I never wanted myself or anyone that I cared for to be hit head on while driving home by some pencil pusher who had a few too many wine spritzers at his mistresses house and was trying to race back home to his wife and family.  So we more or less insisted that everyone stay.  Over the years, it just became common knowledge.  Guests not only came with their favorite pillows but began to show up with motor homes, pull behind campers and some maniacs would even have the balls to sleep outside in a tent.  There were years that the overnight temps reached 0 and these lunatics would be asleep in a tent in my back yard!

My days of hosting massive house parties for this occasion are over for now.  This past year and the last few before it have been a motherfucker for us and so many.  I really have not had the excitement or enthusiasm to host the party.  Little did I know that carrying on our tradition was exactly what I needed to re-ignite that enthusiasm.  As you ladies have heard this phrase before, I decided to not go full pump, but to just "put the tip in"!  We kept the party small and had a total of 20 people or so.  Although there were some great friends who could not be there, the people who were are the closest people we have on earth.  About 3 hours before the party, instead of being wiped out from cleaning up the patio and the house, I felt more and more excited.  As you guys know, I shoot lots of photos.  I always have some type of camera on me.  This party was so damn good that I didn't shoot one single photo.  I had so much fun that it never even dawned on me to grab the camera.  Luckily for us, our friend Jill had hers and shot some great shots of the night.  Many magical moments were captured this night but hands down, my favorite shot was this one.

They have now made certain types of fireworks legal here in Arizona.  Unfortunately for us, the types the folks around us decided to blow off were not the legal ones.  My dogs were freaking out, especially the one with the green glowing eyes on the left.  That poor dog was so horrified that he would not even step outside.  Anywhere you stepped, he was behind you, next to you or jamming his head between your legs.  We had to dose him with xanex just to keep him from having a canine heart attack.  We didn't know what else to do.  As you can see here, it had long since hit and he was just totally chilled!

Look at the night time temps that we were blessed with for the party!  I know that it seems warm, yet it really did not feel that way.   That is why we had to drink so much, solely to keep warm of course.

 Discussing the art of the chopper,

I like to simply call this shot, THE NEW SPICE GIRLS!  We've had both of these dogs for a long time now.  Over all these years, neither one has ever sat still for a posed photo.  Guess the xanex helps!

Here we have Long Jon schooling me in the ways of the game of pool.  I lost and learned nothing!

 This is our friend, our neighbor and our extraordinary photographer for the evening, Ms. Jilly!

Poor Pinky Pancake, she waited and waited for that damn elevator to take her down to the basement!

Two words, Weenie Tots!  Who doesn't love Weenie Tots?  These were home made by my girl!

What struck me this year as mind blowing and different than most other parties that we have thrown was the incredible generosity of our guests.   Everyone showed up with something to take the burden off of us and some showed up with gifts that were amazing!  How do you ever go wrong with a bottle of Jack?  You can't!  Thanks Brother Adam, you rule.  Our photographer Ms. Jilly, came with gift in hand and it was like nothing I've ever seen.  If you are like me and you like to beat your meat, then you too will truly appreciate the gift that she was kind enough to bring us.  Here, I'll show ya.

Right after Sturgis, I had asked Pinky about doing a microphone tattoo on my dead arm.  All I told her was that I wanted an old mic.  I could not come across with the idea that I had in my mind.  I mean not at all.  There was no way for me to describe it.  With no input, she showed up with this piece of art, framed and it blew my mind!  This photo does it absolutely no justice!  BAD ASS!

 While hanging out in the garage with some of these fine party attendees, the one and only GTP comes strolling in and says, I got something for ya man.  He hands me a garbage bag!  I love garbage bags.  I thought he was just adding to my bike luggage collection.  Well that was until I opened it!  I am now the proud owner of a George The Painter Original piece of artwork.  Again, believe me when I tell you, these photos in no way shape or form do either of these pieces of art any justice at all!

Looking in to the eyes of this chick will send chills down your spine.  Just staring at this painting made me want to run down to the projects and score some dope!  Luckily, I don't drive on NY eve!

The party could not have gone any better than it did!  There was no drama, no bullshit, nothing but great times, hard partying and non stop laughter!  I can't put in to words how lucky I feel to have all of these amazing people in my life, in our lives!  If we truly are judged by those that we spend our time with, then I MUST BE AMAZING!

The only other tradition we have is our New Years Day bike ride.  We had planned on joining the group and riding to Cave Creek.  THAT DID NOT HAPPEN!  When it came time to leave for the ride, our house guests were just beginning to get their asses up and moving.  I didn't mind because it just gave us more time to hang out and enjoy each others company.  Later in the day, once everyone had gone home, I rolled the Road Glide out of the garage and we took off for the mountains.  It had been a good long while since the lil woman and I just took a ride.  A ride with no real destination or arrival time set in stone, just a ride to nowhere and it was great.  We use to live on Superstition Mountain and it is the only thing I miss about our last home.  That is where I pointed the bike and that is where we ended up.  The Goldfield Ghost Town was a perfect spot to walk and talk and sit down and have a beer, not to mention that the riding and the view is just plain spectacular!

We took a whole bunch of pics that day.  Every single shot came out perfect but one.  Oddly enough, only a portion of one photo was screwed up.  I guess they don't call this area a Ghost Town for no good reason.  I don't really believe in all that shit because I know of no proof positive that any of this exists.  I do recognize things that are very difficult to explain.  We were sitting at the table and I had the camera on a mini tripod.  I held it out in front of us and shot the pic.  I just couldn't get the angle right.  I thought I would put it on the table, set the timer and shoot a better photo.  I set the timer for 10 seconds and stood next to Diane.  All of a sudden, I got this crazy chill.  Now mind you, it was nearly 80 degrees in the heat of the day.  At the same time, I got a bit sick to my stomach.  I didn't think much of it, after all, I partied the night before like it was my last day on earth.  In as fast as the feelings came, they left.  I remember the very moment that it happened because it was just as I set the timer.  Look closely at the photo and look at my head and face.  Look at the ORB floating in front of my face. Not one other photo had this.  None before and none after!

Did you notice that it is not in front of my shirt, that it is not in front of Diane's face or that it is not anywhere else?  Pretty damn strange if you ask me!

The sun would soon fall out of the sky and beautiful day or not, the temps would drop quickly.  Even though our total ride that day was only around 70 miles or so, I wanted to ride out in to the desert before the sun set and get one great shot of the day, of our ride and capture for eternity, just how happy I was this first day of 2012.  I wanted to capture it for those days ahead that I won't be so happy on.  On those days, I will be able to look back at it, remember that feeling and hopefully re-capture it.  We hopped on the bike and rode off towards the setting sun.  I took a 20 mile detour hoping for the perfect hill, the perfect back drop and all at the perfect light!  Just as our luck would have it this first day of our last year, we nailed it.

So I go through the trouble and run the risk of not getting the shot before the sun set.  I ride out in to the desert to find the perfect Saguaro Cactus to shoot in front of on the perfect stretch of road.  The road has very little traffic on it and that is why I chose it.  I can stand in the middle of the road and shoot or I can put the mini tripod down on the road and know that it won't be crushed by a passing lunatic!  So we hit everything just right.  We stop and I line the bike up directly with the setting sun.  I play the shadows and light.  I've got the perfect shot lined up, it has all paid off!  WE DID IT!  With that, in all this massive open desert, on this long, lonely stretch of road where there are hundreds of thousands if not millions of these Saguaro Cactus, this guy comes pulling up and quite literally parks right in the frame of the shot I've set up.  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  He gets out of his truck, sees us shooting pics and walks right up and through the shots.  "Are you taking photos"?  UHM, NO, I'M ABOUT TO JAM THIS CAMERA AND TRIPOD UP MY ASS, YOU FUCKING MORON!    He then says, wow, I bet it will be a good one.  Hope I'm not in the way.  Well, you walked through, your shadow is in the photo now and YOUR FUCKING TRUCK IS NOW PARKED NEXT TO THE GOD DAMNED BIKE!  I will admit that it truly was a bad ass truck!  It was so damn strange.  We were just stunned.  He took a few pics of his truck, of us and then the cactus, got in his truck and drove away!  I looked at Diane, she at me and at the same time we said to each other "what the fuck was that"?  Then we just laughed and tried to beat the darkness home.

You believe that shit?  As you can see, I had the shot lined up, the shadow spreading its way across the ground and actually climbing up that cactus.  Now it is parked under his fucking truck!  We get back on the bike, laugh, shake our heads and ride away.  We don't make it a mile away and there is the guy parked on the side of the road, right next to another cactus!  Did he stop just to fuck up our photos?  Guess we will never know!

I had an amazing last day and first day of the year.  I am grateful for all the good that I have in my life because it makes me humble to know that I've been blessed and I've learned to be grateful for all the bad in my life because it builds character.  I am not going to lie to you, I told you that I never, ever would.  I would like to have more good than bad this year, I think it would be a nice change of pace once and for all!

I wish you each and every single one of you who have chosen to take this journey with me here on the blog and follow my antics and support us when times are bad, only the very best that life can offer.  I wish you each, love, health, happiness and joy in this upcoming year!  Live each and every day like it is your last and remember once again that there is never a wrong time to do the right thing!  HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE and from the bottom of my heart, I honored to have you along for the ride!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your Ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

 

Armed Homeowner Shoots Robbers During Daytime Invasion (AZ)

I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY THAT YOU CAN'T TAKE JUSTICE IN TO YOUR OWN HANDS! I want to bang my head against a wall when I hear people say, "well, that is what the police are for"! No, it's not! I grew up with somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 men in my family. Nearly every single one of those men was a cop! I don't mean the hide behind the billboard to catch you speeding kind of cop but the kind of cops who took murderers and rapists off the street. The cops in my family were super cops! One was the head of homicide for the city of Newark, N.J., another the head of crime prevention for the city of Newark, N.J., (an impossible job) which the title in itself is pretty much an oxymoron! Sgts, Lts, Cptns, Chiefs of Police and Police Directors and they all always said the same thing. We don't stop crimes from occurring, we don't prevent crimes from occurring, we show up afterwards to take the report and then hopefully catch that person before they hurt someone else and we notify next of kin!

So now watch this video and you tell me; would this guy have even survived long enough to dial all of the numbers in 9-1-1? Perhaps he and his family would have been slaughtered or his wife and daughters kidnapped and taken to a whore house in Mexico City or just plain old school held for ransom? These guys, in broad day light, had the balls to storm this man's home and they want to take away our right to OWN A WEAPON or PROTECT OUR FAMILIES? I mean seriously, look at the fucking gun that guy is carrying, what is it, an M-16? This family would have likely been first robbed and then killed so there would be no witnesses! DON'T EVER LET THEM TAKE AWAY YOUR RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS or YOUR RIGHT TO SAVE YOUR OWN LIFE! When I questioned an old man with a gun as a young boy as to why he carried a gun, was he a policeman, he replied "no son, I'm not". Then why do you have a gun, I asked him? I will never forget the answer he gave me. More than 35 years later, I have not forgotten his answer! IT IS BETTER TO HAVE A GUN AND NEVER NEED IT, THAN TO NEED A GUN AND NEVER HAVE ONE!




I'm done venting now! Good luck, stay safe and have a great new year. Anyone who tells you that we don't have real problems down here in AZ, show them this video! For all we know, that rifle was probably one from Fast and Furious!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass
and remember, it is better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6!

Your friend,
Jack Shit