It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!



Thursday, January 3, 2013

It's all leveled out / The Chantix Diaries

The Chantix Diaries

Day number:  I've lost track, have no idea
Night number:  It's a mystery to me

So at this point I'm not really sure what to say?  When I began writing the Chantix Diaries I had planned to document each day what I experienced the day and night before and I was off to a pretty good start.  Well I stayed on schedule for one whole day and that's not too bad for me as I'm pretty much a screw up in general.  After my second post and rave reviews from the two prior posts, the wild ride of the medicine began to wane.  The dreams the first few nights were wild as hell and the detailed memories of them can only be described like if you closed your eyes and someone hit the play arrow and you watched it again like a movie.  I'm not experiencing that any longer.  Now I awake and find my first thoughts are of me desperately trying to remember what I dreamed of at all.

I was told by the doctor to do half the dose for a while and let it build up in my system so as not to hit me like a 2 x 4 to the side of the head.  I was warned that if I were to begin the medicine the way it is prescribed, the side effects could be so rough that I, like a great many people, would immediately stop taking it and just continue to smoke.  Smoking for me is not an option any longer so I followed his directions.  With each dose that I took, I found myself nervous.  I would swallow it and think to myself, "is this when the lunacy begins?"  Now I'm up to taking the medicine as prescribed because I am not getting any benefit from it that I notice.  The only thing that I am experiencing is the stomach pain and a fart here and there.  I never thought that I would say this but, I miss the "SUPER FARTS" and I can't believe it.  Yesterday was the first time that I started taking the medicine twice a day and hardly a fart is to be found!  Diane on the other hand is extraordinarily happy about this!

So now I've leveled out on the effects of this shit and I can't believe that in a way, I'm disappointed about it.  Who knows, I'm still only at half of the full dose so maybe I'm jumping the gun here and in 3 days when I start the full dose I'll be on here bitching again.  I'm still nervous about what this shit will do to my mind and how it may twist it, but for the most part and with all that I've read about how it affects the mind with depression and suicidal thoughts all I can say is that I feel as if I'm having the opposite reaction to it, go figure!  I do still find myself to be irritated at times rather quickly but that goes away pretty quick as well.

So this post really isn't that funny, what can I say, they can't all be side splitters but it is in the spirit of the blog, brutally honest.  I was told once by a long time stand up comic that you don't always have to be funny, you just have to be interesting and informative and that is what I try to do here with Jack Shit's World.

Until we see each other on the road again;

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back and
The Man Off Your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The end of decent literature!

If the event that has just taken place had happened a few thousand years ago, one might surmise that this is what wiped the Mayan people off of planet earth.  Fast forward a few thousand years and one could reasonably draw the conclusion that this is the cause for "global climate change" if in fact it really even exists.  This release had to be timed to come after the holidays so that they would not be ruined for children and adults alike for all time.  What was this event?  What was released upon the world to create such chaos and fear?
Probably not what you were thinking right?  Many of you know George for different reasons like, his world famous motorcycle, the Leaky Latowski, his mind blowing original oil paintings, his warm and fuzzy personality perhaps or for most it is George's writing that sets him galaxies apart from the relatively normal folks in society.  Hell, it distances him from the lunatics of the world who read his writing and say "that fucker is nuts"!  Many, like myself actually got to meet and know George having never read a single word that he has written, only finding out later that he was even a writer with a huge loyal following.  Once you find out that George is a writer and you get your first taste of his personal brand of ______________,  you can't seem to get enough.  You've got to be asking why there is a blank space there?  I don't know what to call what he does and I would hate to even attempt to label it, so I leave it up to you to do that.  The thing I have heard from people once they have found his writing is how much they would have loved to have been able to read his earlier work.  Here is that chance.  George always said that his writing, his monthly column in The Horse Back Street Choppers was at best, good for taking a dump and at the very best, two dumps.  There is something special that comes from being the person who is responsible for giving the world great bowel movements and she should be very proud of that!

If you go to this fucking page right here, you can order your book now!  The name of the page is AMERICAN MOTHERFUCKER . COM and I could not imagine a more accurate name for a website for George.  If you order now, not only will you get the first run, first edition of this book but you will get your book signed by the man himself.  Who knows, knowing GTP, you never know what he will sign his name in?  Will it be 50 wt motor oil?  Will it be feces?  Maybe he will sign your book in blood?  The odds are that it will be plain ol' ink but hey, you just never know!  If you've never had the chance to enjoy the ramblings of this great American artist now is your shot!  Get them while the getting is good!  Tell him when ya order that your pal Jack Shit sent ya and you will get absolutely nothing extra for doing it!!!!  While you are on the site, check out his amazing work on canvas in oil and hell, buy some of that shit too!  There is only so much Dinty Moore beef stew that one man can eat before he snaps!  This book is yet another lifestyle book from the great folks at Wolfgang Publications, make sure to check them out and see the other titles they have offered to our community!

Until we see each other on the road again;

keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back and
The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

MY KINGDOM FOR A FART / the Chantix Diaries

THIS POST HAS BEEN CHANGED FROM ITS ORIGINAL FORMAT!  ANY CHANGE FROM THE ORIGINAL POST WILL APPEAR IN RED SO THAT YOU MAY FIND THE ADDITIONS OR CORRECTIONS.  IN THE SPIRIT OF BRUTAL HONESTY, YOU WILL SEE THIS ATOP ANY POST THAT HAS BEEN PUBLISHED AND CHANGED.  THANKS

The Chantix Diaries

Day: Unknown
Night: Can't remember

I've gone from questionable pressure in my stomach and high volume, turbo farting to crushing, doubled over stomach pain and haven't had an honest fart in nearly two days!  Who would have ever imagined that I would desperately miss asshole tearing, violent farts?  Not me, I can assure you of this!  Certainly not Diane either.  If I were a conspiracy theorist, I would be leaning towards the belief that Diane put crazy glue or something in my last few meals of P.F. Changs, because immediately upon finishing a meal that usually creates a biblical bowel movement, the farting stopped, the thought of taking a good dump has become a New Year's wish and each time I stand or lift something, it feels like I'm getting a prison shank in the left side of my gut and rib cage!  The truly worrisome part of all this is that I've for the most part only been taking at best, half the dosage.

For now, I've come to grips with the wild dreams.  Normally, I have insane dreams anyway.  I don't know if it is because of things I've gone through in my life, the abuse as a child or the fact that I fall asleep with the television on that drives the madness that has happened damn near every night of my life for the last 30 years.  What I have noticed is that the type of dreams that I've had for these last 30 years have for the most part gone away and believe me when I tell you that is a welcome gift.  I no longer find myself sitting straight up in the middle of the night soaked in sweat, breathing heavy and freaking out.  Now I just have high definition, 3D dreams that feature people I've not seen or thought of in years, joining me on my wild ride so I guess in a way it's nice to see them again.  Another blessing has been that since the very first night on Chantix, I've not had to battle any more lions!  The first two nights the dreams were really intense and for the very first time in my life, I could remember every single detail of the dream, no matter how small they are or were.  Typically, within moments if not minutes, it was like I never dreamed at all.  I remember NOTHING!  Those first two nights, now what seems like months ago are long gone but I can still remember virtually every detail.  Over these past few nights, the dreams are just as interesting and often wild and when I awake, I remember what was happening prior to waking up but I have to try in the morning to remember what I was dreaming last night.  If I try hard enough, I can remember some of the details.  For the most part, I sort of miss the detailed memory of the dreams.  I am however still on only a partial dose so maybe as I up the meds, this will come back.

Since leaving the doctor with the prescription in hand and a poor outlook, I've tried cutting down on smoking so that I might have an edge going into trying the Chantix.  I'm not going to lie, after having posted up the question on FaceBook asking for people's personal experience with this medicine, I was pretty fucking scared to ever even try it and for that matter, I am still genuinely concerned about what will happen to me as I increase the dosage!  It is time for me to quit smoking one way or another and I am not a fan of failing at anything, it is not an option for me.  I've been riding out the cravings as best I can and since you can still smoke on the medicine until it builds up in your system, I still am.  The good news that I do have to report is that for nearly 30 years, I've smoked a pack a day.  Sure when I was partying or working 18 hour days I would smoke more, but there were days that I would smoke less so really I can say that I'm a pack a day smoker.  Over the last 5 days, I've smoked 2 packs of cigarettes and I seem to be smoking less and less and I'm pretty sure that the Chantix has not taken hold deeply enough in my brain to effect the smoking but it has grabbed on enough to twist my mind and stomp my guts.  So there is both good and bad going on here.  I have no choice but to accept whatever side effects come with taking this process, I'm going to beat these fucking things if I have to bash someone's skull in to do it!

They say that you need to watch for unbalanced temper, stomach pain, irritability, depression and thoughts of suicide or increased level of and or violent thoughts or actions......  I've felt myself becoming a bit more easily annoyed but it doesn't seem to last and I'll take that over the other possibility for damn sure!  Diane may beg to differ and you will have to ask her if I've been any more of a prick than usual, she is probably too afraid to answer me honestly.....  AND SHE DAMN WELL BETTER BE!  What I have noticed is that within a short time of taking the medicine, I get the most hollow feeling in my stomach as if I were starving.  They say to take the medicine with food but I really only eat once a day.  Since starting this shit, I'm insatiable hungry.  It's like I'll eat anything that comes my way.  So now I'm trying to balance the breaking of the habit of smoking and the virtual vacuum my fat ass is rapidly becoming.

I do have some reservations though and a few fears as well.  I worry most about the poor bastard who raises their voice at me, I worry about hurting the people that I love but mostly, I worry about the poor jerkoff who points a finger at me, especially if that fool points it anywhere near my face and more accurately towards my mouth as I will either try to light that shit and smoke it or bite that thing off and eat it!  Since we are on this topic of devouring things, I'm so desperate to begin farting again to relieve some of this insane pressure building inside me that I made the command decision and a very dangerous, risky one at that!  I decided to take a chance, go for broke, let the shit fall where it may, you see what I'm going for here right?  I ATE A BIG BOWL OF CHILI WITH CHEESE AND TORTILLA CHIPS!  As of the time of updating this blog, the results are not yet in.  I may pay for this decision dearly but only time will tell on that.....  all I know is that if I don't get a reasonably effective fart soon the pain will grow more intense and I could quite possibly explode!!!  Keep your fingers crossed!

At this point, it's all becoming a blur!  I want to wish you all, my friends, the happiest new year ever.  I hope and pray for much needed relief for many of us who have suffered so terribly over this past year.  I pray that ALL OF OUR TROOPS soon return home to the people who love them safe and sound and get to begin their new year with a fresh start and awake in their own home wrapped around them the arms of their loved ones.  I hope and pray that those of you, well us, that are sick get well and that those who are healthy right now won't get sick.  May the economy grow, jobs begin to flow and prosperity come to all that we know.....  yeah yeah yeah, okay, I was just throwing a little Jack Shit poetry at you right there, hope you liked it!  My biggest wish is that the long missing KARMA makes an appearance soon and delves out some much needed justice for so many!  They say Karma is a mother fucker and I surely hope it is true.

Until we see each other on the road again;

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back and
The Man Off Your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Ass of FIRE! The Chantix Diaries

THE CHANTIX DIARIES

DAY 4
NIGHT 3

Well I've not died yet, I've not killed anyone yet and I have not felt like killing myself yet so I guess one would or rather could say, I'm off to a hell of a start!  The dreams have not been as wildly vivid and seemingly as long as the first night but they've still been a pretty wild ride.  If you did not catch the first post in this series, just below the photo on top of the blog page there are two tabs, one reads "home" the other "The Chantix Diaries", there you can read in pretty great detail the dream I had and what happened within hours of taking the first dose.  So now if you haven't read it yet, I would suggest hopping over there, checking it out and then clicking back over to this post to continue on.  If you are up to date on the first post, then by all means read away.

I was warned by the doctor that it would be a smart move to break the dose in half and begin that way so up until yesterday I was on the equivalent of 1/4 dose.  Since nothing in the opening line of this post had occured, I thought, "why listen to that silly doctor, nothing bad has happened, I must be immune to this shit"!  So I doubled up!

Chantix lesson number one that I've learned in this process is what I believe will be an important one to remember!  DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT if you ever decide to go on this medicine, eat MEXICAN FOOD at 11pm!  As one might imagine what Mexican food does to the insides of us GRINGOS, but now imagine what it does to us GRINGOS whose bodies are just getting use to a medicine that the most reported side effect is stomach pain or upset stomach?  Each night since I began this, I lay in bed hoping to fall asleep while trying to stay awake over an uneasy feeling of the "unknown".  Last night was the first time that all I wanted to do was fall asleep and I didn't care what the dreams brought!  As I lay down I could feel my stomach pain coming on.  You know when you are absolutely famished and your belly feels so empty that you think it's going to cave in?  That is what it feels like to me at least.  I sat around a campfire last night with a pharmacist and ran down what I've experienced so far and he just laughed at me.  Nice bedside manner right?  I also ran down some side effects that he had yet to ever hear about, so I've got that going for me!  Anyway, back to laying in bed and the pressure building up in my gut and the gale force winds blowing straight out of my ass!  I was sort of rolling around and pulling my knees up into fetal position and then pushing them straight and then rolling to the other side.  I had the added bonus having my mouth fill with acid virtually simultaneously with the anus RATTLING farts, so that was super cool!  I've been experiencing what one could only consider a 60 hour long fart!

Oh my my, I nearly forget to mention the true gift that comes from all this farting.  I've got so much room on my side of the king size bed now!  I need it for all the rolling around I do throughout the night but mostly I have that extra room because Diane is laying as far away as possible from me with her extra pillow over her head and the down comforter pushed so tightly around her that no air can pass through it.  I believe that it may work and no air passes through but apparently GOD AWFUL SMELL OF DEATH is not considered air because she just can't seem to get away from that.  Have you ever seen your dog right after it farts and it looks back at its own ass like "wow, did that come out of me"?  Almost immediately, the dog gets up and just walks out of the room leaving that dead goat smell for you     to savor.  Well I'm not the dog so I don't get out of bed and go foul another room, but I am very much like the dog when I actually look down at my ass and think "that could not have just come out of me" and before I even have a moment to ponder that question it is answered by the next rolling wave of stomach pain and chemical warfare emitting from my already sore from the violent vibrating sphincter! My asshole is shaking so hard that there is no way that it's not burning calories from the workout, so hey, got that going for me too!

I won't even get into the most recent dreams because they were not as amazing as my evening fighting lions on the back patio of TT's Roadhouse here in Arizona with nothing more than a bar stool.  I will say that I had no idea that when you are up in Payson and it is freezing cold and snowing like a son of a bitch out front of the house, if you want to go for a ride on the bikes, all you have to do is walk out the back door of the house where the bikes are lined up and sitting out in the bright Az sunshine!  Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't ask, it gets insane from here on out!  I will add however that the most amazing idea that I've ever had for a television show came to me that night courtesy of my hosting friends I love and one epic piece of shit in my dreams!  I'll let you know how that goes!

So tomorrow I begin taking the medicine twice a day, the only thing that I look to the heavens and pray for is that my ass can handle all of this.  Okay, not the only thing I can ask for.  I'm also gonna ask that Diane does not become so completely and totally disgusted by me that our new sleeping arrangements last any longer than they have to!

Until we see each other on the road again;  Have a happy, healthy and safe new year's eve everyone!  I've cancelled all plans, I'm just not up to hosting a party and for that matter, I'm not even up for going to one so it looks like it will be just Diane and your pal Jack just burning a hole in the couch from his epic ass of fire!

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit