It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Never Say Never, yet again!

About a year and a half ago, I performed the most beautiful wedding ceremony that I've ever done at the most spectacular place that I've ever performed the ceremony of marriage!  At the time that I had taken the booking for the wedding I was so happy to have been asked to do it my answer was an instant YES!  I had also done the same thing for a friend back in January two years ago, I was asked and said YES!  Never for a moment did I think to look at a calender, check the dates, see what else might be going on during that time, I just said sure!  As it turned out, during both of those wedding dates, I missed two major bike events that I had been scheduled to attend.  As the time drew nearer I realized that I screwed up and big but I am a man of my word and come hell or high water I try to never, ever break that word. I've lost business, I've lost friends, I've lost incredible opportunities because I won't break my word.  Oh well, such is life and if a friend can't realize this, then I guess they were never really a friend in the first place, right?  Fuck them anyway, they can suck the gnats of a dead rats scrotum while having a cactus jammed straight up their pee hole, but, I digress!  The point of this stupid ass post is simple, as of that last ceremony, I said that I would never again perform the ceremony of marriage!  It was one hell of a way to go out on top, my greatest wedding ever and it would be my last!  Never, ever again will I do another wedding........... or so I thought!

A few days ago an old friend called up that I had not really seen nor heard from in some time.  It was a nice surprise to hear from him.  Every now and again a quick face book comment or something would pop up, but other than that, not much in the way of contact.  He is an east coast guy like me so the second I answered the phone and heard "HEY!!! HOW YOU DOOOOON!!!"  Notice that there was no question mark at the end of that sentence?  Why?  Because it was not a question, it was a statement!  This guy is your typical, Brooklyn, Italian, bike riding, gun toting lunatic and it sure was nice to hear someone speak with that accent and for a brief moment, I was back home in Joisey!!!  I knew why I had not heard much from him over the last few years and it was because when he moved to AZ, his mom had gotten old and sick.  Here is a single guy who moved to paradise and gave up partying, chasing ass and living his life to move into a trailer in a senior development to take care of his mom and make the last time she had here on earth as happy and comfortable as possible!  I've got mad respect for him for doing this!  As we spoke we bullshitted back and forth, asked each other the typical question and then he hit me with the bomb question!  "Hey man, what are you doing on Valentine's Day?"  My first thought was "oh no, all that time away from chicks taking care of mom and he realized that he was gay and now he is asking me out", for a brief moment, I admit, I was flattered but I had to remind him that I was still married.  Then he responded to me with "no you fucking jerkoff, I am not asking you out, I'm asking you to marry me!"  Now I was REALLY flattered but still as equally married.  Then came, "NO you stupid prick, I'm getting married and I want you and only you to do the ceremony!"  I had to ask, "so then you wouldn't want to marry me?"  "What the fuck is wrong with me that I'm not good enough for you?"  Funny how easily our feelings can be hurt!

I informed him that I don't do these things any longer, that I was going out on top and I didn't have my schedule set in stone for the year yet and I could not commit in advance to any date etc, etc, etc....  He was not taking no for an answer.  I informed him that the odds were really good that I was going to be away on that day and if I was not away, I'd just be arriving home in the middle of the night or rather, early that morning and he still didn't care, he was not taking no for an answer.  This poor bastard was in love, he was getting married and nothing was going to stop him, NOTHING or no one, myself included.  He asked me to meet him on Friday at noon at the location for the ceremony and we'd talk about it there.  It's only a 40 minute drive so I said what the hell, it's cold as hell but still a beautiful day, I'll go meet him.  I had already decided in my heart that after all this guy had gone through recently, the things that he gave up to do what he did, I WAS COMING OUT OF RETIREMENT!  Check out where we are going to do this ceremony!

I've done ceremonies in some of the coolest places ever!  I've performed them in beach houses after a hurricane by candle light because there was no power, I've done them on the beach with dolphins jumping out of the water behind us, I've done them on the side of a cliff overlooking a spectacular lake, inside MC clubhouses, at bike rallies in front of thousands of people, in the center of circled wagons, at the World Famous Broken Spoke Saloon, I've been flown all over the country by couples who would have no one else marry them, hell, I've even performed the ceremony of marriage inside the OK Corral, yeup, the OK Corral!  But how in hell am I supposed to turn down performing the marriage ceremony of a friend inside the Elvis Presley Memorial Chapel?  Just can't do it, no way, no how, this shit was on like Donkey Kong!  As I stood there staring at the altar, I thought to myself, "you said you were never going to do this again man, how pissed are the people going to be that you have turned down recently?" Someone is going to take that personal, I just know that no matter how much I try to explain, someone is going to think that I just didn't want to marry them, this is going to back fire on me, maybe I shouldn't do it!  The confusion and the inner turmoil was building in me and having this damn Chantix running around my body and twisting up my brain was not helping.  My friend and his fiance had not arrived yet to meet me and now I didn't know what I was going to say to them.  Right then and there while looking at Elvis' face, I decided that unless I had some devine intervention, a proverbial kick in the nuts from the universe or a sign from God, I was going to bail out on this ceremony while they still had time to book someone else.  That was it, I WAS OUT!  I turned to walk out the door and as I looked up, a dove was hovering, flapping his wings like a mad man right in front of this window that was above the door! All I could think of was the scene from Orgasmo when he asks God for a sign that he should not make porn movies anymore and the apartment began to shake, an earthquake hit, all the dishes came out of the cabinets and fell to the ground and smashed and after all the damage was done and the earth stopped shaking violently, he said and I quote, "any sign at all God, anything, any sign at all!"  So there it was, a dove flying in front of a stained glass crucifix window..... are you kidding me?  Guess I'm back in the wedding business!
 I began to think, this will be pretty cool.  A small, intimate ceremony with only a handful of guests in this tiny, historic chapel that was made famous in so many movies, yeah, this will be alright!  My friend arrives and I meet him outside as I'm taking a few pics around the grounds of the Superstition Museum. I use to live right on the mountain but we never really spent any time here.  We'd walked around parts of it once or twice.  I filmed a little bit out there, for what I can't seem to remember.  I think it was when we were trying to get that tv show on BBC, who can remember this shit, I certainly can't!  I told him how perfect I thought the chapel was for an intimate ceremony.  That is when he says to me "well it may not be so intimate now, it appears to be growing."  So now the small, quiet, "intimate" ceremony for only a few friends has grown and it's far too big for the tiny Elvis chapel and did I mention that I opened up meeting up with my friend with the phrase, "yeah man, I'm in" and now I'm not even doing it the damn chapel!  Thanks for the sign!!!!  The grounds of the museum are really cool with a few buildings saved from the fire at Apacheland Studios that suffered one final horrific fire a few years ago.  Here are a few shots of that shit.

Along with the old stamp mill, jail, blacksmith shop and such, the property also has an area they call the coliseum or what they can "loosely" call the amphitheater and that is where we will be holding the ceremony.  Since this day really has nothing to do with me and is in fact of course about the couple, I'm going to do whatever they want to do.  We took a walk and he pointed out the area to me.  I asked, "you mean that area over there with the construction barricades laying on their sides?"  Yeah, that's it he responded....  Luckily as we got closer we realized that these weren't actually barricades but big ol' stones and in the front and center, a stacked stone altar with the ultimate back drop of the Superstition Mountains!  It was actually pretty sweet and since I hadn't ever performed a wedding at a museum, I will still pulling off something that I had not done yet!  Check it out.

So it doesn't look like we will be doing shit in the Elvis Chapel but I gotta tell you, this don't suck either!  It's going to be a good day no matter where we do it.  Oh yeah, since the word got out, I'm now booked for a wedding on the Beach in San Diego too!  Here we go again!

Until we see each other on the road again;

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back an
The Man Off Your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Yet they won't tell anyone this!

It is a mad, mad world that we are living in these days.  People are so passionate in their own position that nothing on earth can or will sway them regardless of whether they are right or wrong.  There are times in my life when I pause and think, " I wonder if we should have had children", or "sure would have been nice to have kids to put me into a diaper as I did them." Then I see what is happening around the world and the other side of my heart and brain say "thank God we didn't!"  Beyond the fact that most kids these days are ingrate, arrogant little assholes who think they deserve everything and should have it all without working in any way, shape or form to get it, they just simply want it now, the end.  I'm also sure that because Diane and I are not your stereotypical parent types that after the first time that we stood up for our child or attended a little league game our kid would be brought into an office for an evaluation and I would bet my ass in this day and age that the kid would be put on some type of psychotropic medicine that will twist their little still forming brain!  If the school psychiatrist or the principal says that the kid needs to be on one of these meds good luck getting that back in school without it happening.  I read about judges handing down sentences that include children being court ordered to go on some type of behavior modification drug, what the fuck is that?

We see only what people want us to see unless we go and search out the information ourselves.  With opinion constantly mistaken for fact these days and believe me, I've fallen for this as well, what are people to do?  There is so much information out there and at the very same time an equal amount of disinformation.  Tactics that were devised to use against our enemies during war are being used against us, We The People and all to confuse us and keep us off our game and most importantly, to keep us ALL VERY, VERY SCARED!  I find it amazing that we are once again in this great nation discussing taking away a right so important it was second only to freedom of speech by our forefathers!  Fear, fear, more fear, that will get people in line.  People believe what they are told.  Even if those people don't believe it when they first hear it, they "learn" to believe it after they have heard it repeated often enough and loud enough!

I've never been much of a "conspiracy theory" kind of guy but the people presenting these theories can be so persuasive in the presentation of "their facts" that I find myself thinking at the end, this is probably not plausible but I have an open mind enough to think "but what if?"  I have always been willing to listen to anyone offer up a debate on any facts or position as long as it was a fairly intelligent debate.  You can not have a battle of the wits with an unarmed person as the old saying goes.  Good people find it hard to believe the evil that man is capable of.  Good people find it even more difficult to believe that entire companies or governments can be evil.  I hear so often, "not in this day and age, it's just not possible!"  Really?  It's been possible since the beginning of time, why is now any different?  Having been born in a major city, growing up in a family of "super cops" and having spent a great deal of time in NYC, I became street smart.  When you spend time in places like these, you learn all the hustles, the street games, the street thugs, the street scammers and the beggars, it is all one big hustle and just as in seeing a great magician or illusionist perform, it's all about deception and distraction.  Don't pay any attention to what this hand is doing, watch this one!  I firmly believe that the United States Of America has been tricked into the most expensive, most dangerous and most deadly game of three card montie ever played in history!

People are screaming guns, guns, guns, get the guns when in fact it is just a "now watch this hand not the other" ploy to hide what is really wrong.  Why don't we read about adult lunatics committing these mass shootings all over the place?  Why do these horrible tragedies always seem to happen in schools?  Why, because that is where the children are, this is the place the kids know better than any other place with the exception of course of their own home and since we are on that subject this is where most of these other tragedies occur!  Why is it that these kids are losing their minds and killing so many?  Is it that cartoons are violent?  I don't think so.  I watched cartoon characters splatter the heads of each other and watch those heads pop right back into shape my whole life and I've not gone on a killing spree.  I've watched violent movies, I've watched violent television and I've played violent video games and yet still, I've gone on know spree!  As a matter of fact, hundreds of millions of people around the world have witnessed these same things yet they have not gone on killing sprees so what gives?  What is out of the norm, what has changed in the past decade or two?  ANTI DEPRESSANTS, MIND ALTERING, MOOD ALTERING, drugs designed to control kids thoughts and actions.

A huge supporter of the 2nd amendment was a man named John Noveske and he was also known as the manufacturer of some of the world's finest rifles.  This man was no fool and he knew that his industry, his sport, his passion and more importantly, his RIGHT to keep and bear arms would once again come under attack and rather than just take it, or listen to it and worse yet, accept it, he did the research.  His research revealed shocking information and that information seems to be getting absolutely no press and one has to wonder why?  If this was the opposite and the evidence showed that each and every one of these kids who killed people were taking "bath salts" or had a copy of Grand Theft Auto in their pocket when they were caught, captured or killed at the scene the coverage would be non stop, yet this man's findings are virtually being ignored.  So he went on to his facebook page and he posted the information that I'm going to share with you in just a moment and it would be his last post ever!  Only days later he was dead, a victim of a horrible "one care accident" on a desolate "dirt road", what are the odds?  Oddly enough, this death came only days after a man named Keith Ratliff, the creator of a super-popular YouTube channel featuring videos of exotic weapons, which I believe to be the third or fourth most popular channel on all of you tube, was also recently found dead.  The crazy part was that this man, who seemed to be at all times armed was found on the side of the road after having been shot in the back of the head as well as having been tied to a chair or some other object.  Fire up those conspiracy theories, starting right now!  HERE IS THE VERY LAST POST MR. NOVESKE EVER MADE!

Eric Harris age 17 (first on Zoloft then Luvox) and Dylan Klebold aged 18 (Columbine school shooting in Littleton, Colorado), killed 12 students and 1 teacher, and wounded 23 others, before killing themselves. Klebold’s medical records have never been made available to the public.

Jeff Weise, age 16, had been prescribed 60 mg/day of Prozac (three times the average starting dose for adults!) when he shot his grandfather, his grandfather’s girlfriend and many fellow students at Red Lake, Minnesota. He then shot himself. 10 dead, 12 wounded.
Cory Baadsgaard, age 16, Wahluke (Washington state) High School, was on Paxil (which caused him to have hallucinations) when he took a rifle to his high school and held 23 classmates hostage. He has no memory of the event.
Chris Fetters, age 13, killed his favorite aunt while taking Prozac.
Christopher Pittman, age 12, murdered both his grandparents while taking Zoloft.
Mathew Miller, age 13, hung himself in his bedroom closet after taking Zoloft for 6 days.
Kip Kinkel, age 15, (on Prozac and Ritalin) shot his parents while they slept then went to school and opened fire killing 2 classmates and injuring 22 shortly after beginning Prozac treatment.
Luke Woodham, age 16 (Prozac) killed his mother and then killed two students, wounding six others.
A boy in Pocatello, ID (Zoloft) in 1998 had a Zoloft-induced seizure that caused an armed stand off at his school.
Michael Carneal (Ritalin), age 14, opened fire on students at a high school prayer meeting in West Paducah, Kentucky. Three teenagers were killed, five others were wounded..
A young man in Huntsville, Alabama (Ritalin) went psychotic chopping up his parents with an ax and also killing one sibling and almost murdering another.
Andrew Golden, age 11, (Ritalin) and Mitchell Johnson, aged 14, (Ritalin) shot 15 people, killing four students, one teacher, and wounding 10 others.
TJ Solomon, age 15, (Ritalin) high school student in Conyers, Georgia opened fire on and wounded six of his class mates.
Rod Mathews, age 14, (Ritalin) beat a classmate to death with a bat.
James Wilson, age 19, (various psychiatric drugs) from Breenwood, South Carolina, took a .22 caliber revolver into an elementary school killing two young girls, and wounding seven other children and two teachers.
Elizabeth Bush, age 13, (Paxil) was responsible for a school shooting in Pennsylvania
Jason Hoffman (Effexor and Celexa) – school shooting in El Cajon, California
Jarred Viktor, age 15, (Paxil), after five days on Paxil he stabbed his grandmother 61 times.
Chris Shanahan, age 15 (Paxil) in Rigby, ID who out of the blue killed a woman.
Jeff Franklin (Prozac and Ritalin), Huntsville, AL, killed his parents as they came home from work using a sledge hammer, hatchet, butcher knife and mechanic’s file, then attacked his younger brothers and sister.
Neal Furrow (Prozac) in LA Jewish school shooting reported to have been court-ordered to be on Prozac along with several other medications.
Kevin Rider, age 14, was withdrawing from Prozac when he died from a gunshot wound to his head. Initially it was ruled a suicide, but two years later, the investigation into his death was opened as a possible homicide. The prime suspect, also age 14, had been taking Zoloft and other SSRI antidepressants.
Alex Kim, age 13, hung himself shortly after his Lexapro prescription had been doubled.
Diane Routhier was prescribed Welbutrin for gallstone problems. Six days later, after suffering many adverse effects of the drug, she shot herself.
Billy Willkomm, an accomplished wrestler and a University of Florida student, was prescribed Prozac at the age of 17. His family found him dead of suicide – hanging from a tall ladder at the family’s Gulf Shore Boulevard home in July 2002.
Kara Jaye Anne Fuller-Otter, age 12, was on Paxil when she hung herself from a hook in her closet. Kara’s parents said “…. the damn doctor wouldn’t take her off it and I asked him to when we went in on the second visit. I told him I thought she was having some sort of reaction to Paxil…”)
Gareth Christian, Vancouver, age 18, was on Paxil when he committed suicide in 2002,
(Gareth’s father could not accept his son’s death and killed himself.)
Julie Woodward, age 17, was on Zoloft when she hung herself in her family’s detached garage.
Matthew Miller was 13 when he saw a psychiatrist because he was having difficulty at school. The psychiatrist gave him samples of Zoloft. Seven days later his mother found him dead, hanging by a belt from a laundry hook in his closet.
Kurt Danysh, age 18, and on Prozac, killed his father with a shotgun. He is now behind prison bars, and writes letters, trying to warn the world that SSRI drugs can kill.
Woody ____, age 37, committed suicide while in his 5th week of taking Zoloft. Shortly before his death his physician suggested doubling the dose of the drug. He had seen his physician only for insomnia. He had never been depressed, nor did he have any history of any mental illness symptoms.
A boy from Houston, age 10, shot and killed his father after his Prozac dosage was increased.
Hammad Memon, age 15, shot and killed a fellow middle school student. He had been diagnosed with ADHD and depression and was taking Zoloft and “other drugs for the conditions.”
Matti Saari, a 22-year-old culinary student, shot and killed 9 students and a teacher, and wounded another student, before killing himself. Saari was taking an SSRI and a benzodiazapine.
Steven Kazmierczak, age 27, shot and killed five people and wounded 21 others before killing himself in a Northern Illinois University auditorium. According to his girlfriend, he had recently been taking Prozac, Xanax and Ambien. Toxicology results showed that he still had trace amounts of Xanax in his system.
Finnish gunman Pekka-Eric Auvinen, age 18, had been taking antidepressants before he killed eight people and wounded a dozen more at Jokela High School – then he committed suicide.
Asa Coon from Cleveland, age 14, shot and wounded four before taking his own life. Court records show Coon was on Trazodone.
Jon Romano, age 16, on medication for depression, fired a shotgun at a teacher in his
New York high school.
Missing from list… 3 of 4 known to have taken these same meds….
What drugs was Jared Lee Loughner on, age 21…… killed 6 people and injuring 14 others in Tuscon, Az
What drugs was James Eagan Holmes on, age 24….. killed 12 people and injuring 59 others in Aurora Colorado
What drugs was Jacob Tyler Roberts on, age 22, killed 2 injured 1, Clackamas Or
What drugs was Adam Peter Lanza on, age 20, Killed 26 and wounded 2 in Newtown Ct
Roberts is the only one that I haven’t heard about being on drugs of some kind.

SO I ASK YOU NOW, DO WE NEED TO WORRY ABOUT OUR GRANDFATHER OWNING A SEMI AUTOMATIC HAND GUN OR RIFLE OR DO WE NEED TO STOP DOPING UP OUR CHILDREN?  How can this information be ignored?  Why won't the main stream media report on this?  They have been known to build up massive stories on rumor alone and then have to apologize for getting it totally wrong yet they say nothing about this shit.  How does that not raise a flag?  How does that not ignite a fire inside you enough to make you ask why?

It is time to become parents again and raise these children with dignity and respect and teach them values.  It is not the school's, the village nor other kids responsibility to raise up a decent human being, it is the parents and the parents alone.  Perhaps if we paid more attention to our kids instead of just giving them a pill, or in many cases, a shit ton of pills we would not be breeding a record number of killers, lunatics and potential suicide victims!  If you pay attention to your kids and you still see that they are a mess or dangerous then at least someone will know rather than standing on your front lawn talking to a reporter saying "we had no idea, we never saw any sign of violence from lil Johnny"...........  no you didn't see shit because you don't pay attention to them.....  Modern conveniences like the computer, the internet, television, gaming and such were made to make our lives more enjoyable, to make them better, they were not designed to replace parenting, wake the fuck up people!

I found this all too much to ignore and since no one else will ever share this with you I felt like it was my duty to do just that, share it!  I can't wait to see the generation of children born to mothers taking these kind of meds while pregnant breed, maybe, just maybe all those zombie movies were on to something?  Well it's just some food for thought but I do believe that maybe two things in common, perhaps three can be coincidence, not this, no way!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back and 
The Man Off Your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

If you give up one right you may as well give up all of them!

What is the difference?  We each have rights that we deem more valuable to us than others.  You may never write about the government, you may never stand on a street corner on a stage made from milk crates to voice your opinion, you may never go to a tea party event or an anti war protest but YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO, WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO and no one shall ever take them away!  It makes me insane when people are willing to give up our bill of rights or surgically remove sections that just don't "matter" to them!  Well who are you to give up my rights?  I have many friends from every walk of life and I have readers here on this blog in more than 110 countries around the world, many who have very few rights and I want you to understand where I am coming from.  I am not a gun nut, I DON'T EVEN OWN A GUN but does that give me the right to take away another's gun?  No it does not, just as the gun owner doesn't have the right to give up my right to free speech.  This is in fact, the only debate regarding anything in the Bill Of Rights that liberals or proud democrats are willing to just give away.  I have a great many dear friends who are liberal, who are proud democrats and I have debated with them on many topics over many years and they always put forth a great argument but when it comes to the 2nd amendment, they straight up lose their minds.

I wanted to share this link with you and it was posted the last time that the govt. began the mad dash to seize the guns of American citizens and the argument holds just as true today.  Also, I might add that this is published and posted on one of the most liberal / democratic sites in the world so don't just dismiss this as right wing propaganda......  please take the time to read this and you will understand that in fact this is not about the gun at all, it is about our rights, plain and simple!  This is the very best argument I've heard and barely a statistic was quoted!  For my friends from all over the world, understand that we are not a wild society of lawless men shooting everything upon sight or at whim as you have been led to believe.  AMERICA HAS ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT FREEDOM AND THAT IS WHY SO MANY PEOPLE FROM AROUND THE WORLD HAVE GIVEN UP THEIR LIVES TRYING TO MAKE IT HERE!

Read this right now, click on this link and understand.  Just in case you wanted to copy and paste it, I also added the link below, it is from the dailykos.

I hope this opens up your mind, opens up your heart and you use common sense on this one folks.

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

They are BACK! / The Chantix Diaries

Be careful what you wish for!

Before I began taking the Chantix, I was concerned about the side effects that would come with the medicine.  If you've read any of the other Chantix Diary posts, then you know what I've gone through so far.  My last post was about the fact that everything has leveled out and I was more or less feeling nothing.  The vivid dreams had gone away and within seconds of waking up, I could not for the life of me remember what I had even dreamed of only moments before.  When I first began taking the Chantix, the dreams were so vivid that I can remember virtually every detail now, nearly two weeks later.  Over the last few days had it not been for the vomiting and the stomach pain, I would swear that the package of medicine was filled with placebos.  I was on the phone with George the Painter last night as he calls me each and every day to see if I've snapped yet or if I am planning on jumping off a bridge.  I think he just wants to know so that he can come down and photograph it for his next book!  Hey, content is content and those things are hard to fill 200 pages.  Anyway, while on the phone with him, I told him that I in-fact actually missed the dreams and that I had come to enjoy them even though some of them were truly insane.  The last week or so, I've been kind of moping around right before bed time.  I was bummed out because I knew that the dreams were gone and I knew that it was going to be just another boring night of my usual, natural pattern of sleep for an hour, wake up for 30 minutes, sleep for an hour, wake up for 30 minutes all night long.

Well last night I must have gotten back to the pills in the package that actually have the medicine in them.  Not only am I still sick to my stomach and fighting puking but THE DREAMS ARE BACK!!!!  Not only are they back, but they are so vivid that as I sit here, hours later, I can remember them as if I just woke up.  As I sit here and think about them, more and more detail pours in and I'm not filling in the blanks, I'm remembering as if they had only recently happened, IN REAL LIFE.....  I'm debating on getting into any of the dreams now and sharing them with you fine folks.  But I hesitate because telling the story, sharing the dream with you in print may not have the impact of sharing it any other way.  Like I said, if I had one wish these days, I would wish that there was some sort of USB type cord that you could jam into your ear and hook that shit up to some type of memory and record these dreams.  Later, I'd be able to upload the video and share with the world just how twisted it is to exist in Jack Shit's World!

Let's just say for now that if you go on Craigslist and buy an antique fire engine for $732, I know, don't ask me where this shit comes from, you can have all kinds of fun with it and you would be surprised all the things you can drive it on, through and over and you'd be even more shocked at how many of your friends can hang off the back and sides of those things!  Also, while I'm sharing little bits and pieces from these dreams, let me share a little wisdom that I picked up last night;  don't drive a 1988 Chevy Corsica through the mountains in the winter if the head lights are not functioning correctly and if the elk is standing in front of you, hit the fucking elk and don't cut the wheel to the left or you will drive off the cliff and roll over and over and over again down the side of the mountain while your wife bitches at you that you are such a huge fuck up!  You'd be really surprised though how well you can walk after being thrown out of that vehicle as it performs its death roll down.  When I got to the bottom, Diane was shouting that she was trapped and I had to go for help.  I could here people down along the river so I walked towards them.  When I got there, a bunch of kids were jumping in and out of the river with a bunch of adults standing on the shore, drinking beer and grilling burgers.  As I approached, the guy manning the grill, beer in hand was the President of the Black Widows Motorcycle Club from the Clint Eastwood, Clyde the orangutan movies and he was pissed that I interrupted their party!  We sleep with the tv on so maybe that movie was on last night while we slept, otherwise, I have no earthy clue as to why this guy was bbq'n in my dreams.

Here is the kicker to this all and just so you will understand how real and "vivid" these dreams are.  Everything that I hurt in this massive rollover crash, which of course began to hurt more and more as I led the Black Widows back to the crash site, with the park ranger of course.....  anyway, all of these injuries began to hurt more and more as we worked our way up to pull Diane from the car and call for help.  When I woke up this morning, all the parts of me that I hurt in the "accident" hurt in real life this morning!  I'm sort of surprised that I was not covered in mud, still ringing the bell on the fire truck  and patting the head of that damn dalmatian that bit me every time I reached across the cab to shift!

Anyway, that's that!  So the wild dreams are back and as crazy as they are and as sore as I was when I woke up this morning, I really do enjoy them.  Now if I could just stop feeling sick and throwing up, I could get down to the business of quitting smoking!  Oh yeah, did I mention that for some reason, some ingredient in this medicine makes turds form inside your body that are hard as a rock, look like they are made from stone boulders and are about three times the diameter of your assholes ability to stretch!  This makes for some agonizing moments on the bowl and with each time that I push with all my might the vision of Elvis dying on the toilet comes to mind!  So now that you know more about me then my mom does and probably more than you ever wanted to.........  where do we go from here?

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back and
The Man Off Your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit