It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!



Friday, March 23, 2012

BE VERY CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY!

Well that is a lesson that lately I can't seem to learn!  I'm pretty sure that it was less than 24 hours before I left for Daytona when I made the announcement to the universe, in a somewhat mocking tone, "I haven't been sick, had the flu or even so much as a cold in close to a decade"!  As with everything else in our lives, the Universe quickly responded by crushing my nuts in to dust again!

The worse thing that can happen to someone with an auto immune disease is to get sick!  So now not only did I bring Diane home a few Broken Spoke t' shirts but I also managed to get her incredibly sick as well.  Oh yeah, I'm such a gift to have in her life!  We spent the morning yesterday going to the doctor so that I could find some kind of miracle cure and get me ready for another 9 days of speaking on the mic and another 9 days of minimal rest and food.  The doctor took one look at Diane and made her get up on the table.  99.8 fever and she is only at the beginning of this Goat Fucker Flu or whatever the hell it is that I brought home with me!  I got so many needles in my ass yesterday and for the record, I don't know why the bitch didn't move her target area around at all, she seemed to have put them all right next to each other, anyway, that I now have a lump so big in my ass I can barely sit!  Whatever was going on actually settled in to my knee as well.  I guess this thing goes after the weakest parts of your body.  "We've got a shot for that too", well, stick it on in there!  What the doctor forgot to mention was that within a few hours, Gulden's brown mustard would be spraying out of my ass like holding your thumb over the end of a garden hose on full blast!  That was a special bonus of it all!

Now as far as my angel goes, we learned nothing!  The tests that they ran at the hospital while she was in the midst of the worst of it all were all wrong!  As a matter of fact, nothing they did was right!  After an hour with the specialist we learned that we need to see a great many other specialists.  It could be the MS rearing its ugly head in a way that we have yet to see or a whole gaggle of other reasons that we have yet to check off of the list!  Only time and a few grand will tell.  Well hopefully it will tell!  I feel horrible for her!  In nearly 26 years, I can count on one hand the times that I've seen Diane taken completely out of the picture and laid out and this is one of them.  The "brain pain" has decreased thank God but everything else is the same.  We've been in bed more or less since Sunday night so it is hard to say if she is passing out at all because I've been asleep on and off through most of it.  Anyway, so many of you have sent messages and asked about her, I thought I would do my best to keep you up to date.  One way or another, she will be okay because she will not accept any other option.

I can say this though, she sure had a smile on her face when we got home yesterday to find flowers, a card and some chicken soup at the door!  Thanks Suzy!  You fucking rock!

Until we see each other on the road again or perhaps at AZ Bike Week,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ASS!

Your friend,

Jack Shit

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

What the hell happened?

So it seems that every important date in our lives falls during the dates of a big motorcycle rally.  Our wedding anniversary is during the Laughlin River Rally, my birthday falls during the Sturgis Rally and Diane's birthday is during Daytona Bike Week.  This particular year was Diane's 45th and a pretty special milestone!  The problem was that I had no choice, I had to be in Daytona for the rally.  We devised a plan for Diane not to be alone on her special day and had a friend fly in from Jersey that she missed dearly and had not gotten to see in a very long time.  I pulled in some favors and made some calls to make her day a memorable one.  The plan was to send them both to Vegas for her birthday.  They would get to hang there for 2.5 days and get in as much fun as possible while there.  I even have a friend who works with Chris Angel hook them up big time and got them sick seats for his show.  Diane would take me to the airport on Friday early and then go back and pick up her friend later the same day.  For a few days before I left, Diane just didn't seem right.  I thought that maybe she was just bummed that we were going to be apart for so long again, but there seemed to be something more underlying. 

Here is the thing that you may not know about Diane, she will not allow me to worry about things and she does all in her power to keep me from knowing bad shit until I absolutely have to know.  We spoke from Friday night until Monday when they left for Vegas and I could hear something off in her voice but she just said that she was tired.  As so many of you know, Diane takes her shot on Monday night and I was concerned about how that would go.  I could say that it went perfectly because there was no bad reaction but that would not be accurate.  As it turns out, there was no bad reaction because she NEVER took her shot that Monday night!  I only found this out on Thursday of this past week.  Here is another thing that you would not know about Diane.  If I am away on the road, she tells me everything is great no matter how bad things are.  Here is a perfect example.  If she was home, the house was burning and her legs were on fire and I asked how are things at home?  She would answer "oh not too bad, it's a little bit warm here"!  I would never know anything had happened until she picks me up at the airport and drops the bomb on me!  With each time that I spoke to her this past week, she kept telling me that all was well, but I could hear in her voice that things were absolutely not okay.  No matter how hard I pushed, she would just tell me that she was just really tired and that there was nothing to worry about. 

It is so loud between the bands and the bikes at these events that most of our contact is done with text messages.  You can only imagine my shock when the answer to a text I sent reading, "how's my baby today", came back with "I think something is really, really wrong"!  My heart sank instantly!  I ran down towards the highway so that I could get away from the noise but it only cut it down by half.  Did she just tell me something is really wrong?  The girl who would lie through her teeth so not to make me worry just told me something is really wrong?  Something must be incredibly wrong for her to hit me with this.  She began to explain the symptoms that she was having.  Legs, back, neck, vision, blinding head pain and she swore had she not been at home, she would have believed that she had been dosed.  She said she felt as if she were blind drunk and could not walk or keep her balance and then she would pass out.  I was crushed!  I am more than 2000 miles away from home and there is nothing that I can do to help her.  We would text or speak as the night went on and I finally convinced her to try and get some rest and she apologized for making me worry!  Can you imagine, she is saying sorry to me?

I told her to call me the moment that she woke up and if anything happened during the night to call me immediately.  There is a 3 hour time difference between Florida and AZ and the better part of the day had gone by and I had heard nothing.  Finally I sent a text, praying that the answer would be good in any way shape or form.  The answer was not!  I called and got her on the phone and in the nearly 26 years that we have been together, I've never heard her sound so bad!  I could barely make out anything that she was saying and then she would drop the phone and go throw up.  With each call, her condition worsened.  Now this woman is not the girl who cries wolf!  For her to even admit that something is wrong is epic.  My last call with Diane ended at 3:30pm when she got really sick again and told me she would call me right back.  By 5:15 pm, you can only imagine how scared to death I was.  I could not get her back on the phone.  I could not get anyone on the phone, anywhere.  No one I called answered.  I could not even think clearly and then I managed to get our friend Kimberly on the phone.  She left her kids at home and raced over to the house.  I asked her to check on her because the last thing Diane said was, "I need to get to the hospital" and then she was gone.  "Please tell me what you see when you get there" is all I could ask.  When she got here, she confirmed that Diane was in really bad shape but she could not get up long enough to even make it to the bedroom door much less to the car.  Money has been so tight these last few years that we have become so accustomed to not wasting money, that Diane would not allow her to call an ambulance because of the massive cost of it!  Can you imagine?  I could have killed her myself for that one!  I got her parents on the phone and they raced over.

Diane spent about 9 hours in the hospital, maybe longer and was given all kinds of IV meds to help with all the symptoms she was having and she recvd. a CT Scan as well.  Of course they never tell you the actual results of what the test shows and because it was the weekend, there was no one there to read them and explain the results.  All we know is that there is some type of mass in the front of her skull and the pressure from that could be what is causing the massive head pain and migraines.  I made it home by Sunday night and she was much better but still pretty bad.  I tried to get more answers from Diane but she just could not explain what had happened, she had very little recollection of a great deal of it.  On Monday night, I spoke to the girl that she went to Vegas with and boy oh boy did I get an earful.  It seems that the entire time leading up to, during and after the trip, Diane would just pass out while talking to her.  She said that she could see Diane's face change, her eyes sink, her mouth drop and then she would just be out cold.  30-40 minutes later, she would be wide awake, complaining about a migraine and have no idea what just happened.  She took the time to explain in detail all the times that she could remember this happening while she was here.  I was just stunned to say the least!

So we have an appointment tomorrow at the neurologist and I pray that we can get some answers as to what is going on, what may be causing this.  I don't know if this happened because she missed her shot so not to ruin her friends trip?  This was the very first time that she ever went without her meds.  But the more I think about it, this had already begun before shot night.  Did missing the shot add to this?  As of now it is all a great mystery to us both.

I just wanted to keep you guys up to date on where she is with all of this.  The amount of messages that I have received, the calls that I've gotten and the love and support that everyone showed me while I was away will never be forgotten.  Thank you all.  The outpouring of love for Diane was just nothing short of overwhelming!  Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ASS!

Love unconditionally, your friend,

Jack Shit