It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!

Friday, February 4, 2011

It's What I Do!

I have so many friends from all over the world now and a great many of you have never had the chance to see me do stand up! Now that I have MY VERY OWN software, I can finally get some of this footage out. For years people pleaded with me to try Stand up comedy and the thought of it just freaked me out. I have had a mic in my hand since I was a kid and I was always lucky enough to make people laugh when I wrote something funny. The thought of getting up on stage with the sole purpose of making people laugh non stop for any length of time sent chills down my spine and I wouldn't do it.

With enough pressure applied to me in just the right way I was seriously considering it. I have never cancelled a gig and I have never not showed up for a gig and for the first time in my life I was seriously considering it. The show that I thought I was going to do, maybe 5 or 10 minutes which is a LONG ASS TIME on stage turned into being 2 - 30 minute sets and I could barely breathe. 2 sets like that, shit, that's an HBO special and this would be the first time that I ever tried it. Like I said, I wanted to back out, I was damn near sick over the whole thing. Then I got the call, you will be opening up for Tommy Lee, oh boy! Well that won't look so bad on a resume' right? So I agreed and that's when I found out about the number of sets and their length. I was in Hawaii, I had no material and I had 5 days to write it and sell tickets. But who the hell would want to see me? Not to mention that the show was on Valentines Day. As it turns out, a great many people wanted to see me do this and for a long time. You guys were so supportive of me, I ended up playing to a sold out room and looking back, this was one of the highlights of my life and forever altered the path I was on. Here is a clip from my first ever attempt at Stand up! It's just a quick one and I hope you all enjoy it. In time, I will bust out more of these clips and I truly hope it brings a warm smile to your face on an incredibly cold winter day. Enjoy my friends.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

In Case I Am Found Dead ! ! !

Remember when you were number one, the single most important thing in some one's life, when you were it, you were, The Shit?  Sometimes being Jack Shit is far different from just being THE SHIT!  When you are in a relationship for a long time you tend to take things for granted.  You may tend to take each other for granted but in your heart, you know one thing, that thing is above all else, no matter what the case, you are loved.  No thing, or no one ranks higher than you do in the eyes of the one you love.  Sure sometimes you fight but what couple doesn't?  Sometimes life becomes a bit melancholy for you both, highs and lows, right?  Regardless of what is going on in your life, your career or your family, deep down inside you know that above all else you are still the top dog, the big cheese, the whole enchilada, the icing on the cake, the cherry atop your significant others sundae and that gets you through those rough times.  I don't know about you, but I know that love conquers all and this knowledge gives me strength!  Well, at least that is what I thought!

I am beginning to wonder if I am still all that I believe that I am in the eyes and the heart of the one that I love?  Now those of you who know me and better yet those of you who know both my wife and myself together are more than likely thinking right now, Jack, you are out of your mind!  Your girl loves you very much, probably more than ever, don't be a fool!  But you may or may not know that I am a deep thinker, a guy who watches for signs, a guy who watches for small changes in speech patterns or "looks" that I receive.

Let me tell you a little story and then you tell me if you think I am nuts!  A few days ago, my wife and myself were standing outside the back door of our home.  Well I should say the door that leads from our master bedroom to the back yard.  We are standing on the concrete walkway that weaves it's way through our property and we are just talking, mostly about nothing all that important, just talking.  So we finish our conversation with my announcement of "I'm going in the shower".  I take a step back and turn to walk back into the house and I trip and fall backwards.  I have no control over the fall, I am twisted up, there is nothing to grab to slow my fall.  I can feel the knee that I had 5 surgeries on popping as it gets twisted under me.  My home is all brick and I fall into it!  I whack my forehead against the brick, bend my wrist that was surgically reconstructed straight back and I fall hard to the ground.  What I hadn't noticed was that while we were talking, one of the dogs had laid down right behind me at my feet.  As I turned around to walk away and felt myself trip I could see him there.  I did all that I could not to step on him.  So I am laying on the ground, knee twisted under me, skin scraped from my forehead and my wrist feeling as if it was being crushed in a vise!  For a moment all I heard was ringing!  More than likely from hitting my head.  As the ringing subsides I can hear my wife excitedly saying Oh my God, Oh my God, oh baby are you okay?  I turn my head back to look at her and signal that "yes, I am okay" and to my amazement, SHE WAS ASKING THE DOG!  That's right, she wasn't asking if I was okay, she was checking to make sure that I didn't hurt the God damned Dog!  Once she saw that the dog wasn't injured in any way or wasn't startled too badly by my inconsiderate use of the concrete walkway to my bedroom and she stopped laughing long enough, she then asked me if I was okay?  YES, FIRST THE DOG, THEN THE HUSBAND!  Am I nuts or should I be concerned?  Later on that evening when I brought this up she just started laughing and said "I didn't do that"!  Oh yes you fucking did!  Really?  YES REALLY!  Oh.... well I wanted to make sure you didn't step on him..... NO SHIT, that I figured out as I lay in the gravel and cactus!  I was waiting for her to offer the dog a percocet and an ice pack! 

If any of you women who are reading this right now are wondering, which I am sure you are..... NO, I didn't hurt the damn dog.  As a matter of fact, I believe that they were working as a team.  Remember when you were a kid and you would kneel down behind your friend and another friend would push them backwards and they would fall and you would all laugh?  I think that they had this little practical joke planned but I have no proof, neither the dog nor the wife are talking!  The other dog, my Whiskey Boy was standing at a distance, I could tell he wanted no part of any of it.  Then again, it was his barking that brought us out of the house in the first place, so he is still a suspect in this investigation as well!

I like to think that it was a practical joke but I have some doubts.  I'll explain why too.  The dogs are Blue Heelers or Queensland Heelers or Australian Cattle Dogs, no matter what you call them they are all one and the same and they are said to be the smartest dogs in the world.  I can't tell you how many times I have come home late to find this lil prick sleeping on my side of the bed with his head on my pillow!  MY PILLOW!  I will investigate further and let you know what I come up with.  Until then I want you all to know that there may be a plot to take me out.  If you guys find out that I died, question it...  If I am found to have choked on dog biscuits, I want you to know this now, I don't eat dog biscuits!  Look for signs like that please, don't let these two dogs murder me and try and make it look like an accident. 

In case something happens and they go on the lamb, here is a current photo of them. 
It was just after I took this toy away from them that I believe in my heart is when the plotting began.  To be completely honest, I think that the parrot is the ring leader of the entire conspiracy, but this I have no proof of either..... NOT YET!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Sunny California -- MY ASS!

Don't believe all you read or see on television!  They try and sell us this bill of goods that it's always sunny in Southern California.  Well, it's not!  It may always be sunny in Philadelphia but it's not in Malibu.  As many of you fine folks know by now that Bean're and I took a trip out to California.  Bean left on Friday but I could not, I had to wait until Saturday to go.  Now some of you know Bean're in real life, many of you know him from TV or ALL the biker magazines and some of you may just know him because you had mutual friends on Face Book, but to know him is to love him.  I am not normally in any way shape or form a jealous type of guy but if I had to be, I would be jealous a little bit of him.  I'll explain why.  This guy lives the life that we all dream of.  He is like Outback Steakhouse, NO RULES, JUST RIGHT!  He gets on that Purple Pimp bike of his and just points it in a direction and takes off.  He may not be back at home for 6 months to a year.  When you live your life like this you meet so many people along the way.  When you are charming like he is, you make many friends along the way and they all want to hang out with THE MAYOR OF FUN! 

Now, being good friends and knowing that he left for California with no plan or place to stay, you can understand  why I was worried about him.  It takes some time for you to realize that the one person you never have to worry about is Bean.  Turns out that Big Ben put him up down in Long Beach for the night, not too shabby and in the morning, the one sunny day we had, he rode his bike up to the Canyons of Malibu and went horseback riding!  That son of a bitch!  While I am worried that he froze his ass off sleeping in a storm drain, he is riding a beautiful horse with a couple of women through some of the most beautiful landscape on earth.  That bastard even rode that horse down to the set of MASH, remember that show?   WHAT A LIFE this guy lives!

As I drove out from Arizona, visions of the beach danced in my head.  It's been sometime since I dipped a toe in the Pacific Ocean and I couldn't wait.  I had read a post that the Rock Store had put up about taking a ride there. I believe it was something like "the weather was gorgeous and was expected to be in the high 70's to low 80's all week".  Oh man, I couldn't wait.  As I got near the end of Arizona and crossed the border of California I noticed something off in the distance.  It looked a bit cloudy!  Okay well it is the mountains, clouds happen right?
Hey wait a minute damn it!  Those are not clouds!  That's SNOW!  Is there supposed to be snow in California, in Southern California?   Well not that I have ever heard of?  Oh well, maybe it's a good thing that I threw the knuck up on the trailer to race out there.  It sure got a bit chilly coming through the pass but it warmed up as I came out of the mountains.  I was making amazing time and rocking out to some good tunes and occasionally dipping into my bag of nacho cheese Doritos that somehow made it through the entire weekend and helped me survive the drive home with a few hand fulls still in the bag.  As I drove late in to the day on Saturday I couldn't help but notice that there was virtually no traffic at all.  As I drove into Riverside, the traffic going the other direction was dead stopped but I was still flying.  It was like it was written in the stars, nothing was going to stop me getting to Malibu, ah hell, nothing was even going to slow me down.  Those of you who live there or travel to California know damn well that there" not being traffic" at any given time was really more of a freak occurrence, not the norm.  As I hit the 101 North off of the 60, the traffic hit.  I have only 33 miles to go till I get to my destination and the sun was still shining.  I was way ahead of schedule!  It took me an hour and forty five minutes to go that 33 miles!  I was losing my mind!  It seems that if someone stops on the shoulder, the entire freeway stops to see what they are doing.  Then they race back up to 80 mph only to jam on the brakes again to look at a tree frog off to the side of the road.  That was my trip up the 101.  0 - 80 mph back to 0 again and repeat.

See all the damn break lights?  This was about mile 3 of the 33 that I had to travel.  As I got closer to my destination the sun was setting but seemed to be setting a bit early and everything was turning grey and getting harder to make out.  I thought I was having a stroke or something.  It wasn't a stroke after all, it was FOG rolling in through the canyon and the temps dropped immediately!  77 degrees rapidly became 57 and then 47.  I got there, rolled the bike off the trailer because I could not wait to go for a ride.  I took my bags up to my suite and with that, the phone rang.  It was my favorite equestrian!  I told him where I was and that he was more than welcome to come sleep in the suite with me, after all, it was ridiculous to have it to myself.  He said he was right down the road and would be there soon.  I told him to just call when he got there and to just pull his bike right up next to mine, I saved him a spot.  Bean're arrived, made the call and I went down stairs to meet him.  Imagine my shock when I opened the hotel door to find out that it was now about 40 degrees and I could barely see the other side of the parking lot.  Well so much for my ride up to Santa Barbara to visit Keith and Tiff and so much for a ride to Ventura to see my friend Greg who is an amazing artist who creates his work with nothing but scrap metal!  At this rate, begging my way on to a fishing boat seemed out as well.  Okay, no big deal. That is when I noticed as Bean got off of his bike that the inside of each thigh was completely covered with white hair.  Oh my God, he finally did it, Bean're screwed a sheep!  He said that he was having fun but my God!  Turns out that he actually rode the horse bareback and the horse was white, much to my relief.  The last 33 miles of my trip had beat me down as a man.  I was so frustrated with the drive that the last thing I wanted to do was ride my bike through canyons that I have never ridden before with virtually no visibility.  Warm bed and television it was going to be for Mr. Shit! 

I can tell you this much.  If you get the chance to stay in Homewood Suites by Hilton, don't hesitate.  Every night there is a free cocktail hour.  Of course the night that they don't have it is the night that I am staying there, oh well.  Each morning there is a "real" free breakfast, not a muffin and coffee.  The plan was to get up early, ride the canyons and to hit the Rock Store around 1 or 2 PM and introduce ourselves in person to the Producers from the BBC who were hosting the casting call for the show that we want to be part of.   To say that I didn't need an alarm clock to wake up is an understatement.  The pounding of the driving rain against my window was enough to take care of that task for me.  Houston, we have a problem!  Those of you who know me, know damn well that there is nothing that I won't hesitate to ride in.  I won't be happy about it, but I'll do it.  I have ridden in snow, on black ice, during a nor- easter and worse yet, I have ridden across the desert at 121 degrees.  The problem as I see it though is that this is about television and television is about appearance.  We were now going to look like two drowned rats by the time we got there.  The idea of riding my old knucklehead through the twisties of the canyons and to do it in torrential downpours with no front brake, mehcanical rear brakes that have been my albatross since I got the knuck and to suicide clutch and jockey shift through it all while my oiler for the chain is turned way up and the bike is spraying oil on to my back wheel just wasn't feeling all that appealing to me.  We took our time to get ready, spent some time on facebook and watched a bit of world news.  To be honest, since living back east and living through the 9/11 aftermath I was really trying to see what was going on in the world, I am a bit of a news junkie.  Sorry to burst any bubbles but I am well versed in world affairs.    As luck would have it, each time that I looked out the window the weather seemed to be a bit less horrible.  I went outside and took the chain off of our bikes that I had put on the night before to help assure that they would be there in the morning when we awoke.  I couldn't believe it, the clouds had parted and although there was nasty looking clouds in every direction, above my head and towards the ocean the sun was shining and it had warmed up drastically!  Oh yeah, it's on like donkey kong.  I damn near ran back to the room to tell Bean the good news!  Within 20 minutes we were rolling the bikes out of the parking spot.  Now my bike isn't use to sitting out in monsoon rains all night and every part of it was soaked to the bone.  I figured that it would be hell to start.  I took a minute to explain to KOKO how very important this ride was to me and that she had to perform to the best of her ability and I swore up and down that upon our return to AZ, I would give her a fresh oil change and even a bath.  The moment of truth came, my glasses were already fogging over and it was time to kick her to life.  SHE STARTED WITH THE VERY FIRST KICK!  Oh yeah, she wanted to go, she knew what she was there to do and she was doing it!  We pulled out of the parking lot, got off of the service road, pulled out to Kanan Road and crossed over that damn 101 which of course was near empty.  As we crossed the 101 the sky opened and dumped on us with all the vengeance it could muster.  We knew that it was only between 4 and 6 miles to the Rock Store so we had nothing on to fight the elements and since we were so close we didn't bother to stop and put the right riding gear on.  BIG MISTAKE!  Bean're said he didn't trust those fucking GPS things so he got directions from a tow truck driver who had stopped on the side of the road to help someone who had just gotten a blow out from hitting some jagged pieces of boulder that had come down on the road from the ROCK SLIDE!  He told us we passed it and had to turn around.  With that, Bean took off in the opposite direction of traffic, yes, the wrong way down the lane and I had to go through a tunnel and up a mountain to make my u turn.  A few miles down the road I found Bean waiting for me and pointing.  We rode a few more miles and once again found ourselves making another u turn.  Bean called someone to ask them about where this place was.  One more u turn and we were off.  At the next stop sign we made yet another wrong turn and rode a few more miles in the deluge and dodged a few more ROCK SLIDES only to find out that another u turn was in order.  A short time later, we eventually found our way into the parking lot of the near empty Rock Store.  We were soaked to the bone!  As we pulled in, the door opened and I heard someone saying hey, it's Jack Shit and Bean're!  Since we had already sent in a video people were curious to know why we were even there?  How could we not be is what I asked?  To see short clips of us is in NO WAY like meeting us in person and I wanted them to meet us!  As we got off of the bikes another guy comes out and it turns out he knew Bean too.  He was another producer that had nothing to do with the BBC or their show, he was just there to see Bean're.  I told ya he was a star!  We were so cold and so wet when we got inside we weren't so worried about meeting people as much as we were about sitting down someplace warm and getting a bit of food in us.  There were a few other guys there that we had met on our travels around America on Harleys they too had come to try and get the show for themselves.   Luckily the weather was terrible and the "fair weather Chicken Shits" didn't show up!  The ones who did, I was actually really happy to see!  We ate some lunch, talked about bikes and spent some time with the fine folks from the BBC.  That was it.  We took a few pics, well Bean broke out his camera, I was too wet and cold to even take mine out and we said our mutual goodbyes and we rode off into the proverbial sunset, THERE WAS NO SUN.  Luckily for us, the last hour that we were there, the weather had broken and stopped raining so we hung out in the lot for a bit before we rolled out.

 Bean're was the first to pull out and take off, I'll see ya back in AZ bro!  I put on my leather overalls and got all bundled up and it was time to kick start my girl to life!  Ut oh!  What I hadn't thought of was that my clothes were so wet that they were stuck to me.  Now add the weight of the overalls and the fact that I was buttoned up and now water proof like a submarine I could barely lift my leg to kick.  As I tried to kick the first time and came to this realization I said oh shit.  Two friends were waiting for me to leave so that they could show me the "ACTUAL" way back to the freeway and I thought for sure they would be waiting an hour.  The first kick sent out a huge fireball out of the back of the carb and nothing.  The second series of kicks and the bike started and instantly died.  It was like running in quicksand.  By the grace of God she fired up on the third attempt. 

I had plans to race back to the hotel, put on dry clothes and ride on up to Santa Barbara.  Like I said, that was the plan.  As we rode out and got 1/4 mile from the Rock Store, God had one more practical joke to play.  He threw everything at us.  Rain, oil slicked roads and yet again, MORE ROCK SLIDES!  I got back to the hotel, found a safe place to park and secure the bike and went inside.  Once in my room I had to PEEL my clothes off of me.  I was freezing cold and soaking wet, this ain't Arizona!  I jumped in the bed and got under the covers and started watching the X games.  I was asleep within 30 minutes and out cold for four hours.  The weather was miserable.  I got up and showered again just to warm up and took a drive, yes, I said drive up to Ventura and even in the dark I must say, what a gorgeous city.

Since moving to Arizona with the exception of PF Chang's, I have not had decent Chinese food.  I know that California has a tremendous Chinese population and San Fransisco is known for it's great food, I hoped that this area would as well.. had to take this chance while I had it and go out and find some, to make a long story short, I did not! 

With that, I gave up.  I never got to see any of the friends that I had intended on seeing that night.  I damn near moped  back to the hotel and went to sleep and hoped for better weather before I left to go home. 
The next morning I got up to see that the storm had passed and that the sun was shining, although by Southern California standards it was still cold as shit!  There was no way that I was leaving and going home without taking a ride through the canyons and down to Malibu Beach, no way, so that's what I did.  It was so worth it.  If you ever get the chance to do this I highly recommend this trip.  As you come through the canyon and through a series of tunnels, you crest the mountain and the valley opens up and all you can see is rolling green hills, mansions and the Pacific Ocean, it was so amazing.  I have been to many spectacular places in my life and I have seen some views that will stick in my memory forever but I can surely see why this is some of the most valuable property on earth and why people work their entire lives to live there or even so much as visit there, it was truly awe inspiring!  Here are a few shots that I managed to capture.  I actually shot more video clips than I did stills and I will probably just post those up on Face Book, it's much easier that way.  So check out a few more pics, I hope you enjoy them as much as I did taking them.

I went up the Pacific Coast Highway until I could find a great place to stop albeit illegal.

Well it was about time to get my shit together and get the hell out of Dodge!  I decided to go back up the canyon and over the mountain instead of going all the way down the PCH.  I knew that there would be too many distractions and I would never get back home.  This time I knew what the roads had in store for me and it was a much more relaxed trip back to the freeway.  On the way back I saw this street sign that reminded me of someone special, so Roadside Marty, this next pic is for you brother! was all good now.  All I had to do was make the 440 mile trip back home and give the little woman her shot, yes, it's Monday and it's shot night and you guys no how much I love that right?  I got back on the 101 and I couldn't believe it, smooth sailing.  Well with the exception that my GPS could not find a satellite to connect with and I didn't remember where the hell I was supposed to turn.  Who knows, my next stop if I miss my turn off may just be Tijuana!  So I am driving down the freeway, not a care in the world and I see this car in the lane to my right just ahead of me.  The car was beautiful and had a temp plate on it, it was brand new.  I guess the woman driving hadn't heard about the bad economy.  She was so excited about driving her new car that she was on the phone and then finally texting, I could clearly see her reflection in the mirror.  As you know, texting and driving really don't go well together and she crosses the line and nearly takes me out by pushing me over in front of a semi.  I might add, the semi should not have been in the left lane anyway so I almost got taken out because of two assholes.  I was able to capture a photo of the car just seconds before she crossed the line.  Some folks said that I should have man'd up and taken the hit so that I could have retired with the settlement.  I said "oh yeah, as I am steering my wheelchair with a straw for the rest of my life everyone will be enjoying my settlement".  Here is the shot I took, nice car huh?
Yes, the woman in the brand spanking new Ferrari almost took me out while she was texting!  What a world we live in and sometimes nearly die in!  I don't typically cry wolf.  You know that person who "was nearly killed" 5 times today, that's not me, but I know in my heart this was going to be bad!  My exceptional driving skills got me through this one!   The trip was event free from there on out.  I travelled fast enough to catch up with and pass the storm.  It will be here in Phx. tonight.  FREEZE WARNING for central Arizona, thanks California!
So in the end, I made it home safe and sound and as a bonus, Diane's shot was actually a good one.  Virtually no reaction whatsoever!  Anyway you slice it or dice it, the trip was a great one that I got to share with a great friend and we all made it home safe and sound.  I got to meet some new people that I wouldn't have gotten to meet had I not made the trip.  I am a better person for each new friend that I make while living this amazing life that I lead.  Not to mention that Pam Anderson couldn't take her eyes off of me in Trader Joe's!  I swear she looked at me like she was on a no meat diet and I was made out of steak AND SHE WAS HUNGRY!  Luckily she was there with a cute blond and she was able to distract Pam while I got away.  Although I have no photos to document this part of the story, with a court order I am sure we could pull  Trader Joe's surveilance tapes.

So that's it, that was my weekend in California.  Road trips rock but it's always nice to come home, especially when you got a sexy woman waiting there for you with dinner hitting the table as you walk through the door.  I promise to keep you posted on my next adventure if you promise to keep on reading about them.  Thanks again for keeping up to date on what's happening in Jack Shit's World!

Monday, January 31, 2011

Been Dying To Show You Guys This

But I always forget. 

Since I moved to Arizona I damn near stepped away from the bar scene altogether.  It always seems that you find a perfect watering hole to call your very own and something or someone flat out ruins it.  I have only found a few great bars here in the Valley of the Sun that I absolutely love.  I am a details sort of guy and I can't help it.  After growing up in New Jersey next to the town with the most bars in the world yes, South Amboy, N.J., I fell in love with hole in the wall kind of joints.  I'm not sure if it's because things that were stuck on the wall 40 years ago are still stuck on those walls.   For whatever reason these bars rule for me, there is always something that stands out.  It seems each bar, like a woman, has it's own attitude.  Some attitudes you love and some you hate.  It's the little special things that help you overlook things like the toilet being held down with only one bolt.  

One of those bars for me is TT's Roadhouse in Scottsdale, Arizona.  I know immediately you are saying oh God, not Scottsdale.  This isn't anything that comes to mind believe me.  On the bars print and radio advertising,  TT's proudly claims to be a DOUCHE' BAG FREE ESTABLISHMENT!  It's a great little park and punch!  You feel so at home here it's like being in your uncle's basement bar.  Years and years of memories and trophies and it has the best "BANNED" list I have ever seen behind the register, if you ever get a chance take the stool in front of the register and take some time to read it. 

I know you are thinking, Jack, we don't read your blog so that we can hear commercials for your buddies bars!  That's not it.  Like I said, I am a details man and the devil is in the details.  In this case, the devil is in the men's room.  Check out the pics below of the Condom Machine.

Oh yeah, Jack Shit has lost his mind right?  It's not the condom machine that I love so much.  It is the fact that the condom machine states the return policy clearly on the front panel.  At least you know before you purchase.


I LIKE ME AN HONEST BAR OWNER!  I can't tell you how many times I have used this bathroom.  The bar was a converted home, an old home!  The men's room is just a bit larger than a phone booth.  Imagine a small bathroom with a tiny vanity and where the toilet was, a urinal was installed and where the shower was, or I should say is, a toilet was installed.  If you get lucky enough that it's your turn to use the toilet, look to the right and you can still see the shower controls.  I always said that Skoog, the owner, should make T shirts,
I PISSED IN THE SHOWER at TT's Roadhouse..... 

If your in town, go check it out and tell em Jack Shit sent ya!  I am exhausted from my trip to California and I only got home a few hours ago.  So all you get tonight is this bit of JACKSHITLOSOPHY! 

I'll write to you all tomorrow!