The Chantix Diaries

Day TWO:
Night ONE:
PART ONE:

I've never tried to make a secondary page and add it to the blog so I have no idea where this thing will even end up but since this is the age of "trying new things" for me, I figured what the hell.

So it's day 2 on this med and last night was a pretty wild ride.  I'm going to cut this right here, post it and see if it even shows up.  If it works, then I'll come back and finish up the post and share my first night of truly vivid dreams.

Okay, I'm back!  Well it took a few clicks of the mouse, a few what the fucks and even a few more, I know it's here but where the hell did it go's and now I've gotten it figured out!  For the first time in 2 years, a second page has been added to Jack Shit's World and to be quite frank, I'm pretty damn proud of myself!

So if you read last night's post about my decision to document my experience while taking Chantix then you know what this is all about and you caught the first post!  If you haven't let me sum it up here for you.  THIS MEDICINE MAY UPSET YOUR STOMACH was a bit of an understatement.  I experienced a fart so epic in is power and aromatic to a level that I've never experienced!  A fart so magical that Diane had to ask if I was hiding a dead hooker in the closet.  That was day one, at half the starter dose which is half the regular dose.  So I'm taking what is one quarter of a normal dose and on that note, I lay down to sleep for the very first time.

I was worried that I would not be able to sleep and the medicine might keep me up.  As I laid down on the bed and rolled over on my right side I could feel myself really antsy and with the feeling that comes on you just prior to a full blown panic attack.  The Hangover 2 was on as I lay my head to pillow and it was the part in the movie when Stu is on the phone with his bride to be and realizes that he just then remembered where the brother had been lost.  In what seems like a split second I open my eyes up and I'm a bit bewildered.  I'm not exactly sure what was happening, what was going on in my head or what I was feeling.  I felt like I had been slipping off the edge of a cliff and hanging on to a twig in the side and just as the twig gave way, I opened my eyes and Mike Tyson was singing in the movie.  I just experienced my first "loss of time".  I closed my eyes for a moment and woke up maybe ten minutes later?  I'll have to watch it again and see the time distance between these two parts in the movie.  I discussed it with Diane when it happened and she just laughed.  I went to bed just minutes after 1 am.  I also feel that I need to mention that all night long I kept hearing the sound of a weed whacker running then stalling out.  Only later, around 5 am did I realize that what I was hearing was my continual machine like farting!

So now I go back to sleep and I must admit, I'm a bit nervous to do it.  I do however drift right back off to sleep and I'm sleeping well or at least I thought I was.  At 3:15 am, I awake and I'm sitting straight up in bed with my arms out in front of me and my head on a swivel, looking left, then right, left then right!  I lean over the edge of the bed slowly so not to surprise the 3 female LIONS that are surely lying in wait for me as only a moment earlier I was battling them and holding them off with a bar stool on the back patio of TT's Roadhouse in Scottsdale and still trying to keep an eye on the angry male LION that was about 50 feet down the alley way!  A guy who I had ridden cross country with goes riding by, sees me fighting the lions and I flag him down and he turns his bike around and pulls into the lot.  I can't remember for the life of me who was with me in this dream but I do remember pointing out the guy on the bike, telling them about our trip but also telling them that for the life of me, I can't remember his name!  I'm using the legs of the stool now to hold the lions back and they seem to be scratching my knuckles and fingers badly with each swat of their paws but at least they are not bum rushing me and are taking shots at me one at a time!  All the while, the guy who rode in on the bike who I still now being awake can't remember who he was is telling me about what he had seen earlier on the news about the blood soaked lions but he tells me as I'm battling them, not to worry because they have yet to determine if all the blood on them was human!  OH GOOD!  I don't know what the tickets were for but he insisted on purchasing them from me and calmly waiting for me to make change for his fifty dollar bill that he had just handed me.  So now I'M FIGHTING THE 3 LIONS OFF WITH ONLY ONE HAND!  As I handed him the ten dollar bill that I had to go through my damn wallet to get, one of the lions knocked the bar stool from my hand and leaped straight at my face.  I awoke as I stated above, arms straight out ready for the block and on a side note, if I see this guy on the road again, I'm going to tell him how fucking rude he was to bust my balls about buying tickets while I was busy fighting lions!

Once I realize that this is only a dream and my first VIVID dream as the commercial warns, I grab my phone off my nightstand and see that it is only 3:35 am!  Are you kidding me?  How many more hours of this shit am I going to have to live through?  Now I know that this was a dream because I am fully awake but when you are asleep, you are living this shit for real!  I NO LONGER WANT TO GO BACK TO SLEEP, EVER AGAIN! 

Of course Diane wakes up to witness me looking around the room only moments after I awake sitting straight up and she asks "are you okay baby"?  I quietly say to her "slowly lean over the side of your bed and tell me what you see".  She says "two animals" and I have to ask "what kind are they", she replies "dogs, why, what else would they be", "LIONS I SAID, FUCKING LIONS"!  She just laughs and says, "oh boy"!

I want to explain a little bit about your pal Jack Shit here.  I've had some wild dreams before and I wake up from them and know everything that happened in that dream but I only remember it for what seems like moments and then it is like it's magically erased from my mind forever.  I never remember any of my dreams after I go back to sleep and once I wake in the morning it's like I've never dreamed at all.  I'm typing this post right now, ten hours later and I still peek over the top of the lap top screen to make sure no lions are sitting on the edge of the bed!

I don't fall back to sleep for some time and when I tell you that I AM WIDE AWAKE I would be underselling it!  I'm going to take a break right now because I have to go check under the bed because I'm pretty sure I just heard a lion roar but I'm not sure if it was a lion or my sphincter rattling again, they seems to be equally loud now!

Until we see each other on the road again;

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back and
The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit