It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!

Friday, November 25, 2011

Surround yourself with greatness!

....... and a great day was had by all!

For the first time ever today, I celebrated Thanksgiving twice in one day!  We got up at what only WE could describe as early, 10 am, and got right up and out of bed..... well... hang on.... I told you I'd never lie to you and always be honest...  it took a few minutes and Diane finally got up and got in the shower and I went back to sleep!  I'll just say, shortly before 11 am, I got the day going and hit the shower myself.  What I didn't realize was that while I was asleep in bed and thinking that I was soon to be in trouble, Diane was sound asleep in the shower!  I was only made painfully aware of this about 6 minutes in to my shower when my hot shower turned quickly to luke warm! 

We were invited up to the Sacred Skin Compound to celebrate this day of giving thanks and we really wanted to attend.  One major hurdle though and that was Diane's family, well my family too really.  They now live here in AZ and we are their only family here.  How could we abandon them on this day?  The answer was obvious, we could not!  The problem was that we have gotten ourselves in to a real funk of late.  Work is okay, life is okay, everything is okay...... but okay SUCKS!  We find ourselves more content with sitting on the couch watching television than we do getting off our asses and doing something, anything!  It has been FAR TOO LONG since we've spent any real quality time with the people that we love and on this day, a great many of them would all be gathered in one place and that place was Long Jon and Pinky's joint!  We devised a plan to go see the parents early and well, yes, we blew that early part, but we did make it.  We talked a bit of business, ate some fantastic grub and of course, I fixed the laptop and email troubles they were having.  We said our goodbye's and jammed over to Tempe to pick up Brother Adam!  I guess he needed some quality time with friends as well because when we pulled up to his house, he was standing across the street, leaning on a tree with his bags, bedroll and red velvet cupcakes!  He was the best outfitted looking homeless guy I've ever seen on a street corner!  We ran back to the house to take care of the damn dogs and then took the hour and a half ride up to visit with our friends!
This was one of my first sights as I approached!  If this don't bring a smile to your face, I don't know what will?  The house was filled with people and as I made my way down the hill, I was surprised to see so many more down in the garage!  I always think of my friends, they are always on my mind.  I'm not the kind of guy to just pick up the phone with a hello how are you call, it's just not me!  I hate the fucking phone!  Because I don't make those calls does not mean that I am not wondering how you are doing.  I truly do miss my friends when we are not around each other.  I fully understand that life continues to move forward no matter what is going on in your life or theirs, it stops for no man!  What I don't realize is the amount of time that passes with little or no contact from me!  This is something that I truly need to work on to better myself and I am going to make a serious effort to do so!  We should never stop trying to be better people!  When I stepped in that garage and saw everyone standing next to the bike lift, a wave came over me.  It was a magical swirly wave too!  The wave encompassed, love, warmth, happiness, thankfulness, inspiration and total joy!  All the things I love where there at that moment and with all those things, a great many people that I love as well! 

Some people carve turkeys on Thanksgiving, but nothing is greater than sticking your hands in to a Shovelhead engine and pulling off a piece to gnaw on for a bit!  Believe me, this particular engine had a lot to gnaw on!  So many friends were there.  Some that it's been a while since I've seen them and some it seems that it has been FOREVER since the last time we shook hands and hugged!  I can't allow this to happen anymore!  Instead of feeling incredible when we had those hugs, I felt guilty!  I was feeling like a shitty friend who should be better at staying in touch!  This is a lesson that I learned today, once and for all!

Today, at the compound, we did nothing..... nothing at all.... and it was amazing.  We ate, we drank, we sat and rubbed away on the animals and did nothing but talk and laugh with each other.  If there was nothing else, this was an amazing thing to be THANKFUL for on this, the very day for it!

I want to thank Long Jon and Pinky for having us up to their home!  I want to thank all of our truly wonderful friends with whom we got to share the day with.  I want to thank the Rottie for not biting me and I'm thankful that I didn't get in any trouble for rubbing that strange pussy for so long with Diane sitting on the couch, right next to me on the other side!  What a day!

I hope that you each had a day like we did today!  There are so many people that are such an intricate part of our lives.  Each of you a very special part in "our engine" and if even one part is missing, the engine blows up or seizes!  All the parts must be maintained!  I'm going to be better at maintenance! 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Monday, November 21, 2011

The Finish Line Is In Sight!

Well howdy ho folks!  I know, I know... it's been a while since I've posted.  I've been busting my ass!  There's been quite a bit going on in the Shit family's life!  Of all the things I write about and all the crazy ass shit that I post, it makes me laugh that the renovation of the investment property has garnered so very much interest.  I guess so many of us have projects going on at home or investment homes or maybe some people just love to see something so ugly, beat down broke and used up, get a fresh start at a new life.  I can see how even though this is a home, it is inspiring to think that even when something "or someone" is at it's worst, there is a chance to once again get a new beginning. 

So here is where we are at with the Phoenix house.  The kitchen is done!  The bathrooms are done!  The flooring is done!  The paint is done! 

We built an island and covered everything in granite.  It was a bit more in the cost but as you can see the payoff is there.  The kitchen is really shaping up at this point.  We did some hunting and found appliances that came in a new home and were used 3 or 4 times and swapped for stainless.  We got a great deal on those bad boys so we jumped at it. 

The focus has moved to the outside and giving this sexy ol' girl a fresh makeover!  Since the home was foreclosed, the bank turned off all the utilities, water included and that killed off all the grass and plants.  So we were left with a green pool and weeds out the ass and nothing but dead plants.  Luckily, two of the palm trees have been there so long that they survived.  I was all ready to get to work on the back yard and we finally had the last of the garbage removed from the patio.  We had knocked down all the walls on the four season room.  We had planned on painting or staining the concrete but there had been so many additions and patches there was no way on earth to make it look even half way decent so we went with the next best option, COVER THAT SHIT UP!  A little outdoor fake grass on the patio and wallah! 
It's coming in to our "rainy season" here in the Valley of the Sun and with the rain comes the weeds.  The last thing that I wanted to do was landscape and stone the entire property only to have big clumps of grass and weeds pop up every where.  Once that happens, it is a giant pain in the ass to maintain and get rid of that shit.  I bit the bullet and for the first time ever, shot for the extra cashola and went and bought weed fabric!  You never realize how desperately out of shape you are until you spend two days bent over hammering metal staples in to rock hard AZ ground!  The backs of my thighs feel like I've been caned!  Who would have thought that it would hurt to try and sit down.... then worse to try and get off the damn couch!  My knee is so busted up and after having a whole bunch of surgery on it, kneeling was not an option, so, I had to choose the "new inmate" position to get the work done! 

225 metal staples later and the fabric is down!  I got the best "napalm" that I could buy to try and nuke the weeds that have grown through the patio and hit from two fronts.  I went full on at them with the weed whacker, the shovel and even a damn screw driver in some places.  I rebuilt the irrigation system in the front of the house and turned it from lawn sprinklers in to a low water usage drip system.  What a giant pain in the ass to dig in this ground, but I got it done.  For me, there is not even the start of the feeling like we are getting to the end or that victory is in sight until I get the first plants in the ground.  I would not leave that house today until I got at least one plant in!  I ended up getting five installed but what a massive pain in the scrotum!  The ground was so hard in one spot that it actually bent my pick axe!  How the hell do you bend a pick axe? 
I know right now you are thinking, "damn, Jack Shit has one hell of a nice wheel barrow"!  You would be right.  Notice the aluminum rim and the "flat free" tire I'm running?  Hell to the yeah!  So now tomorrow will bring a whole bunch of hole diggin, lots of planting and most assuredly, lots and lots of cactus stuck in my fingers but it is the price one must pay for greatness! 

I love taking old "crack houses" that nobody would ever want to live in and turning them in to beautiful homes where people can raise a family and make memories that will last a life time!  I'll keep you posted when I'm done, we are finally in the home stretch now!  Again, thank you so much for even being interested in this shit.

Remember, like I've said before, if you are looking for a house in AZ either to live in or as an investment, my girl Diane is hands down, the greatest realtor that I have ever seen.  Please, don't hesitate to ask any questions no matter how silly you think they may be.  Like I said, you are not being a pain in the ass, we love real estate and we love to help people!

Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit