Battles have been won and the end of the war is near!

 When we started this shit I didn't quite no what to expect.  Like most companies in Arizona, we were given lots of promises and I just waited for them to be broken.  They didn't live up to the horror level set forth by nearly every contractor that we have met in the last 6 years but they did manage to piss us off a few times. 

When it came time to chop the pool up, the crew showed up and it seemed like they did it in no time at all.  These guys were working like animals chipping and chopping.  Once it was all done, they then formed the steel and oddly enough, took everything that they chopped up and dumped it back in to the pool!  Then they disappeared!  This was to be expected.

As it turns out, I guess we had to wait until they chopped up two more pools so that they could dump that shit in ours as well!  Seems that we had stuff dumped in our pool from all over the valley.  I guess it was cheaper than dirt and sure as hell cheaper than concrete.  After a few days, our crew showed back up and poured some concrete that I swear, if I were shitfaced drunk and had never done it before could do a nicer job!  I had a knot in my stomach thinking that we picked the wrong company for sure!  I got photos sent to me while I was on the Cali. trip and even on my droid it looked like shit!  I got home and Diane told me that they would be here at 6 in the morning to plaster.  I laughed and said that there is no way on earth they would show up on time.  I was right, they showed up early!

I was blown away at how well this pool was coming out and with the quality of the craftsmanship that this company was bringing to the table.  I was also dumbfounded that something was going our way, I'm not used to that at all!  Everything that was outside our house was covered in an 1/8 inch of concrete dust and it was time to start cleaning up.  What is the sense of having a nice pool if you can't even sit down next to it without being covered in shit?  This should be our last MAJOR project at the house.  We've been here a year and a half now and it has taken twice as long to do the work and 3 times the projected budget, but if you've ever done any renovations, you already know how that works out!  I was now motivated as I had not been to get back to work on the yard.  The weeds near the orange tree were damn near head height or higher, there are piles of construction material all over the yard and debris from doing the new roof was every where.  It was time to roll up my sleeves and dig in.  In typical Jack Shit fashion, I never get motivated to work outside until it is over 105 degrees and this was no different.

It made no sense to start the clean up, only to make a bigger mess so I ran down to Charlie the Nomad's house and grabbed up his sawzall and did what we had discussed doing from the first time we ever even looked at the house.  I began to cut down the iron fencing around the pool and once I was at it, there was no turning back.  I cut away the iron but I have left the brick, FOR NOW!  Once I had gotten the iron down I was relieved that I had made the right choice!  Knowing that I didn't screw up for once, fueled my fire to keep going and try to make the back yard as happening as possible!  Each day, or rather after each long ass day out in the sun, I had a little more to show for my labor and was happy that it was paying off.

You can see off in the back just how bad the weeds were.  If you look closely, you can see something sticking up through the top, it's a high backed lawn chair, yeah I know, they were bad.  I set out to kick this yard ass!  Things were going so well with the pool I had to make the rest of the property look as nice.  So each day, I break my ass in the yard and Diane lays out on the chairs that I lovingly placed around and swims or floats in the pool.

In Diane's defense though, she does every now and again yell from her raft, "honey, why don't you come in the pool too"?  Because someone has to clean this place up, that's why!  By the third day, I had won a few of the battles and it was looking like the back yard war was going to be won by the Shit family!  The pool area started to really shape up as well as the surrounding area.

Now on to the battle of the weeds!  I got my weed whacker out, put on my sun glasses and actually put on work boots.  I have had a few close calls while weed whacking in flip flops!  I fired it up and headed on in to the valley of the weeds.  For about 3 minutes and all it did was keep breaking the cutting line!  These are some tough weeds!  Perhaps I should have cut them down before the stalks got so damn thick...  I was going to have to break out the heavy weaponry and go with the lawn mower.  The only problem was that some weeds were 6 feet high and as soon as you pushed the mower in to them, the mower wanted to stall out.  I must have been some sight to see.  I would bend all the way over with the handle of the mower virtually on the ground and the spinning blades spinning and hacking away like a drug crazed Samurai!  It was a huge pain in the ass and hurt like hell, but I was making progress!

I had won the weed beatdown and was feeling pretty damn good.  Then I remembered the other half of the yard was not only filled with weeds but all kinds of other shit!  Furniture, concrete fountains, pipes and a massive bar b que and bar were all still in my way.  With what little energy I had left and with my legs bleeding a slow death of a thousand cuts, I mustered up the balls to attempt the other side.  What was I going to do with all of this shit?

That bar from hell right there took 7 of us to lift up on to a lift gate of a big ass truck and the damn thing nearly snapped it off!  Brother Adam and I moved it about 45 feet across the yard at the Mountain house by ourselves but we snapped a steel hand trucks base plate clean in half and at that point we gave up and the following day I hired 5 more guys to help us!  The above photo does not do it justice, each piece is 11 feet long and nearly 7 feet wide.  At the last house we had to build a 15 foot circular concrete pad to place them and then realized that was just for the island, the bar stools didn't fit!  This thing has been the albatross of my life and the bane of my existence since we moved to AZ.  I would have thrown it out if it wasn't 15 grand!  Now half of it sits in my garage and the rest sits where the 7 of us were able to get it.  It has not moved in 18 months and won't move anytime soon.  Unless I throw a pool party and invite YOU GUYS over.  If I do, beware and bring a bathing suit and your work boots and gloves!  I got the whole yard cleaned up as darkness fell.  I was so shot out that the very last thing on earth I wanted to do was go near the pool or yard.  I had to go out and scrub the side of the pool so that the plaster continues to cure or some shit, who knows, I just do as instructed.  While doing that I could not help but to look around at what I had accomplished in 4 days and it felt pretty good.  I put down my pool brush and grabbed the camera and took these last shots.  Now, I can't wait to come back from a long ride in the blazing AZ sun and have this to come home to and yes, you my friends are always welcome at the Shit Family Resort and Spa!

So now, all we have to do is find a place to move the bar, hook it up and fill that fucker with liquor and it is party time at the SHIT FAMILY RESORT AND SPA.  I will keep you fine folks posted when the date is set for a party.  It seems that with each pic I post, I am asked repeatedly, when should we come over?  Believe me folks, once I know, you will know as well!  I will tell you this in advance so that there is never a mistake, I have only one rule when it comes to the pool.  IF YOU THROW SOME ONE IN, I THROW YOUR ASS OUT!  I don't fuck around by pools, I have seen far too many people hurt because of this stupid shit and it don't fly at the Shit House!

Until we see each other on the road or at the Shit Family Resort,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

The Shit Family Resort and Day Spa

I've been getting quite a few messages about not writing and sharing new shit with my friends for the last few days. They say when you live in Arizona, your back yard is the biggest room in your house. If that holds true then the biggest room in my house is a total shit hole! It seems that when your home is 93.5 % renovated, there are always "piles" of projects laying around. A stack of old doors here, two saw horses in another area with molding and door jams stacked up on them, my bbq island that was taken from my last house in another corner of the property, a big concrete fountain that is in 3 pieces leaning up against a tree and weeds near my orange tree that are no bullshit, as tall as me.... Every now and again, the back yard is sort of cleaned up and it looks great and we enjoy it. With the roof being done, the fascia board being replaced and painted, the only siding on the house being being torn off and replaced and everything covered in concrete dust from having the pool jack till it looked like the dark side of the moon, I guess I let it go a bit too far? So for the last few days, I have been in a showdown with the back yard. Hell, I'm feeling so good about it again, I may even turn the lawn sprinklers on. So the pool is nearly finished and I took down some of the iron fence and the gate around the perimeter of the pool. I am torn between leaving the brick columns and "mini me" wall around the base. I have also toyed with the idea of cutting an opening in them to make a walkway through, take them down altogether or leave them be just as they are. I guess time will tell. I'll keep those of you who are interested and ask me about this shit up to date on my progress. For those of you who just want me to post up half naked girl pics or chopper pics, sorry, but I'll get those to you again soon enough!

I just heard that there was another earthquake in Christ Church, New Zealand, I sure hope I heard wrong. If I am not wrong, we all need to hope and pray that nobody was hurt too bad or God forbid killed. It truly seems to me that the world is off its rocker, so to speak. I guess I'll just keep working on the yard and we will have one hell of a "kiss our asses goodbye" party in December of 2012! As a matter of fact, just in case the world really does end, I AM GOING TO BUY ALL THE PARTY SUPPLIES ON CREDIT! Everyone have a great Wednesday!


Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Chopper build progress

So that is it!  This is as far as we have gotten so far but we have big hopes, dreams and plans!  Can you picture it now?  Hell yeah, I can see her tearing down the street on this bad bitch right now!  Funny thing is that I said "how far we have gotten", shit, I didn't even have anything to do with this!  Brother Adam walked outside with a bug up his ass and a sawzall in his hand and this is what we ended up with!  That was yesterday, can't wait to see what tomorrow brings...  Do you want to see more pics?  Well so do I but this is all we have!  I can tell you this though, I can guarantee that it will be cool as hell!  You guys have a great night, a great week and I wish only nothing but good for each of you.

It's shot night and I am going to check on my girl.  I am absolutely exhausted from breaking my ass in the back yard trying to get the pool up and running and making it seem as if humans live in our home and not billy goats!  I am kind of proud that the weeds over near the orange tree are as tall as I am.  Do you have any idea the amount of neglect it takes to get weeds that high?  NO?  I'll tell you then, a shit ton!  That is an actual measurement by the way!

The pool is coming along really well and the poolside area is really looking sick!  It is nearly ready and up to bad porn movie standards so I am pleased with that!  Quite a few of you guys have asked to see pics of the progress so I'll shoot some tomorrow and post em up.  Yeah, yeah, I know, this is neither biker nor comedy related so what the hell am I doing?  Hey, I told you that I was tired!

I was in a really great mood tonight with all that I accomplished and then I got taken to a really strange place.  I had gotten a friend request either today or last night from a woman in Australia, names are not needed here because her story has broken my heart.  Her son was murdered at 33 years old last year and the body was hidden in a shallow grave.  It took a long time to find the criminals, yes more than one who did it and in that time, the stress has given this poor woman multiple heart attacks.  She has two other children who are horribly ill as well.  She sent me a message and told me that she desperately needed to laugh or smile at the very least.  I know only one thing!  I was not able to do it!  I spoke to her from the depths of my soul and my heart, but what can you say to someone who has suffered so much and continues to do so each and every single day.  To add insult to injury, she has to go and see these fucks in court each time.  I can't begin to imagine having to live through this.  Worse yet, I would feel tortured as she does by not being able to get my hands on the people responsible for this horrible murder!  I can't imagine being able to see the people who are responsible for killing my child and be only feet away and not be able to get my hands around their throats!  I ONLY WISH THAT I COULD HAVE MADE HER SMILE!

So now it's off to bed and tonight as I pray that Diane does not have a horrible reaction to her medicine, I will add my new friend to that list of prayers and pray that she can find some relief, some easing of her pain and that some type of vengeance is granted her!  For each of us, I can only wish that none of us ever have to feel this type or level of pain!  I believe that the Universe puts people in our paths for a reason, now the question is why has this person been put in my path and what can I do to help ease her pain?

Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit