It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!

Friday, February 18, 2011

I'm telling you, this shit really works!

So the other day I had written about always doing the right thing, at any cost and I truly try to live by it.  I also received comments about the Karma Truck backing up to my front door and unloading and I said oh yeah that day is long over due.  You get a bit disheartened sometimes no matter how much good you do.   Everyone always says that it is better to give than receive and I too believe that from the bottom of my heart but, sometimes it just feels good to be recognized or thanked. 

Now about this shit really working, here is a perfect example.  You all know about "Panda" getting killed on the bike right?  Even though I didn't know him, I still performed the memorial service to help ease the pain of some friends.  A week or so later, I volunteered my time to host the benefit to raise money for the boys he left behind.  See, doing good things right?  So while there, a friend from facebook and hell, maybe even myspace that I had never met in person walks up and introduces herself.  We had photo comments and such but never really much conversation.  Since we really never met, what did we have to talk about right?  She turned out to be really very nice in person.  As luck would have it, I got pulled away and our time was cut short.  The Microphone called!  Now this fine lady is helping another friend who lives here in Az.  He is going through a world of shit and I mean a WORLD OF SHIT!  To make a long story short on this part, the state put this poor bastard on the rack and stretched him until he nearly broke!  In this glorious process, he has damn near lost everything.  The fine lady that I mentioned earlier invited him to stay with her and gave him a roof over his head.... that's good shit to do for someone!  MORE GOOD DEEDS HAPPENING NOW!

So less than 48 hours after meeting this lovely lady I get a message.  Her ex is jammed up and is really getting it good from the system.  Like so many, he is beat down and near busted from the world we are all living in right now.  He has a bike, a good bike and he needs to get rid of it.  One friend suggested to another that they reach out to me.  "Jack Shit is asshole deep in this shit" he said, if anyone can help you get this done quick, it's him!  I got the message and took a look at a pic taken by cell phone online.  It was hard to tell how it really looked, hell, it was at least intact!  I reached out to the ex and made arrangements to check it out.  When we got there, we got to talking about all the shit going on in every one's lives.  I explained that we too had been beaten down hard over the last few years and suggested he just keep knuckling up and pushing forward.  Here is the bike that he had to sell

Imagine my surprise when I got there and saw that not only was it an FXR but a FXRSC, yeup, the ever elusive Convertible.  I was no longer interested in helping these fine folks to move a bike that had to go and find someone to take it.... it was taken!  The person was found!  Now although the paint and shiny stuff is not at all my style, THIS BITCH IS BAD!  So while bullshitting in the back yard, we negotiated a fair price for both of us.  This guy was dynamite, he knew what he had, but knew too well that it had to go and go quick, with no getting jerked around and he was a realist when it comes to what used bikes are worth.  He was such a nice guy that we decided that we would do not only a good deed for him but a great deed.  Here is another picture of the bike and then I'll tell ya.

So now it was quite hard to come up to the number he wanted and it was quite hard for him to come down to the number I wanted so we found a happy medium and the deal was done.  After just learning what my new friend was going through we put our expertise in gear and we explained to him how in a deal that he was involved in, he could make an extra, 2-3 thousand dollars and come out ahead of the game by using this little known trick.  Turns out that he didn't know and it felt great to help him find out about it!  So by him not being a dick when we came together on the price, what we taught him will put far more money in his pocket than what he came off on the price of the bike. 

See where I am going with this all?  When you do nice, good things and do right by people, maybe the universe does kick it back every now and again?  Had I not helped my friends in their desperate time of loss, I would never have been at the benefit, had I not been at the benefit I would not have met this friend in person, had she not met me in person, I would not have come up in the minds of my friends when they thought about the bike, had I not been a good friend to the friend living with her I would not have been suggested, had I not been a good person the guy with the bike would have thought me a scum bag and not made a deal with me, had he not made a deal with me I still would have told him about how to do better for himself but I may not have felt as good as I did about it!  lol... 

I always say just do the right thing and do it for just that very reason, because it is the right thing!  It is just that simple!  I will say though that it does feel really good to have something good happen back for you.  I really began to forget about what it felt like when that happened.  Don't get me wrong, I have exceptional friends that would do anything to help us anytime we asked, the thing is, we virtually never ask.  What makes this so great is that this happened and I never asked for it to......   and THAT SHIT ROCKS!  So, ya wanna see her ass?  I thought so, here you go, hope you enjoy it.

I will not say the who's who or the who did what's or why but I will just say thank you to;  Coty, Ed, Tracy, Diane, Byron, Mario and Panda, the friend I never got to have.  You each had a SIGNIFICANT SPOT in the direct line of GOOD DEEDS AND GESTURES that made this all work out for the very best.  Beginning sadly with the loss of a friend to me back on the road with a reliable scooter and putting me hard in to the wind again!  Now everyone, get out there and do some good!

 I'm telling you, it pays off in the end in more ways than one.  I guess I'll not only be seeing you on the road, but I'll be seeing you on roads much further away!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

No bullshit here, this is "hands down" the best I have ever had!

Every now and again I come across a place that is a must see, a road that is a must ride, a person who is a must know, an artist who is a must check out and on the very rare occasion, a product that is a must have!  I have come across one of those products and I want to share it with you guys, my friends.  Now understand from the get go, no one is paying me to do this, there is no promise of a hand job if I say something nice, nothing like it at all, but now that I said that, I'm thinking it's not such a bad idea, anyway,  I just know when something is good and when something is shit!  Typically, if it is Shit, I say nothing!  I am not in the business of hurting people's feelings.  Oh wait, I am a stand up comic, so that may not be fully the truth.  Let's say for the most part, I am not in business of doing it and I don't normally take pleasure in it, normally!

I got mine nearly a year ago and I never ride without them, NEVER!  NO it's not a 64" front wheel, and no it's not some amazing new braking system because God knows, I don't use them because hell, I don't really even have them.  I call what I have, Suggested Retail Rear Brakes, they are not all they are cracked up to be and honestly worth less than a third of what they are valued at!  What I am talking about is something that we take for granted and just grab any old pair.  Now I know where your mind is going and again, NO, I am not now talking about TITS either.  Although now that I am a bit older and have my very own pair to play with any time I like, they are not nearly all they are cracked up to be either!  Hey, at least I don't need a bra yet or that just may be the next product I bring to you.

Last June I think it was, I was riding cross country on the Horse Magazine's Long Road.  I had planned on going for months.  I was going to ride out to New Mexico with George The Painter, Brother Porn and Jay, party with them for 2 days and then ride on off solo to Rockingham, N.C..  As the day of departure neared I started to have second thoughts about riding the Knuck all that distance at such a break neck speed, balls out if you will.  I began to count myself out on the trip.  Turns out that just prior to leaving I got hit with a huge expense and it damn near wiped us out for the month.  How do I justify then leaving for a cross country trip?  My dear friend Daryl could see the disappointment on my face and pulled me aside and said listen man, of all people on earth, it is killing me to see you down, you are there for everybody, always, without fail and now I want to be there for you!  Really, what do you mean?  He said he was going out of town for two weeks and that there would be no way for him to ride, so "just take my new bike and go man"!  Are you shitting me?  Really?  You mean rather than ride a rigid, 64 year old chopper 5k miles, you want me to ride your brandy new Bike?  Let me think for a second, okay!  This is what he gave me!

That bike was damn near brand spanking new.  I think it only had 2500 miles on it!  Some of you may not know the shape that this old scooter jockey is in, but I'll say this, it ain't the best!  5 knee surgeries, a surgically reconstructed hand and wrist and a few ruptured discs take their toll on a guy.  Not to mention my plethora of head injuries and living each day in horrible pain.  What at first felt a little like cheating, riding a bagger on a chopper ride began to feel like a stroke of mad genius!  I took him up on the offer and thought, hell, I'll get off that bike each day and feel like I've never even been on one..... boy oh boy was I mistaken there.  100+ temps matched with 100% humidity at 100 mph will take it's toll on anyone, much less a guy like me.  There were times that my hand and wrist were so bad that I could barely hold on to the bars.  By the time I got to Memphis I wasn't sure what I was going to do.  Take a day to get the feeling back in my left hand and then head back maybe, a BROKEN BITCH!  Well thanks to a new friend that didn't happen.

While sitting at the bar in Memphis, I was hanging out with the one and only Bean're.  C'mon, would you expect less?  He had met a good friend of his there, her name was Lynn.  While we were hanging out she took a look at the brace on my wrist and said "what's that all about", I explained.  She asked if it made it difficult to ride?  I began to explain, "funny you ask but yes, sometimes it does".  We talked back and forth and I began to explain what was wrong with it and how it was repaired.  I told her how bad it was and that I had even thought about turning back.  She told me not to move, that she would be right back, so I didn't.  She returned and asked me about what kind of glove I wore riding.  I don't know, I wear glove, gloves!  What do you mean?  Leather gloves, I wear leather gloves.  Well check this out she said.  She handed me what looked to be a pretty strange pair of gloves.  Different than anything I had ever seen.  Now we have all seen gloves with a pad here or some corny shit that is supposed to help you ride and they actually make it damn near impossible to even hold onto the grips.  You realize you just pissed away more money on shit gloves.  I was blown away by them.  She explained to me that her friend was an orthopedic surgeon and he too rode.  She explained in great detail about the parts of the wrist and hands that get beat up extra hard when riding and holding on to the bars.  Every part of the hand and wrist she mentioned is what was hurt and repaired on mine, what are the odds?  That's why it hurt so damn much!  I told her that I loved them and they felt great and I wished her good luck with them.  I meant it too, they felt pretty good.  She asked if I wanted a pair?  Of course I did but like I said before, cash was really tight and I was on a shoe string budget.  She said that she didn't want me to suffer any longer and she heard in my voice how much I didn't want to turn back.  She said, "TAKE THEM, THEY ARE NOW YOURS"!  Really?  Are you shitting me?  I was blown away!

I got on that bike the next morning and said to hell with it, I am just going to point the bike east and go as far as I could.  About 250 miles in to the trip that day, I all of a sudden realized, WOW, my hand don't hurt and as a matter of fact, neither does my wrist!  HOLY SHIT!  Further on and on, the miles melted away and no pain in the wrist and hand, not only was it incredible, but it was the first time ever that I rode without serious pain, EVER!  I am going to load up a pic so you guys can see these bad lil bitches!

If you click on the pic it blows up full size.  Take a close look at these.  This is not a padded glove by any stretch of the imagination.  These are designed by a specialist!

The back of the gloves are perforated so that you have amazing air flow over them.  Mine are leather on the palms and the backs but they are offered in other ways and materials as well.

Notice that the shape and placement of each pad are designed to hold on to handle bars
and help to keep an extremely tight grip.

I have ridden with these gloves on every single ride since June.  They got me from Memphis, Tenn. to Rockingham, N.C. without hand and wrist pain and without question SAVED MY TRIP!  I met some amazing people in person for the first time on that trip rather than on silly facebook or myspace.  I made business contacts on that trip that will last a life time.  I had one of the most incredible rides that I have ever experienced and none of it would have at all been possible had I not stopped in Memphis and met this dear friend of Bean's named Lynn Rowe.  I believe that the universe puts people in your path for a reason and what you do from there is up to you.  No, they don't all live up to the standards that we have set but you have to take a chance and if they don't, screw em, cut em loose, life is too short to surround yourself with assholes or leeches who suck the very life from you!  I almost said too short to surround yourself with Shit, but that would have cut me right out of all of your lives! 

So now, I want you to do us both a favor.  I want you to go to and check these things out.  They have nine, yes nine, different styles of glove just for riding.  They also make driving gloves and bicycle gloves amongst other things.  The truck drivers that I have turned on to these gloves say that they changed their lives as well.  Also, here on Facebook, you can find my friend Lynn Rowe, ask to add her as a friend and you won't regret it, this lady is first class!  I could go on and on about these gloves but the web site is really the most informative and will answer any question you have.  They have every glove in ever size from xxs to xxl, they will have a glove for you.  Don't forget to tell them that your friend Jack Shit sent ya. 

I have made it clear to Lynn just how grateful I truly am for her generosity and I want you to feel the same way towards me after you have yours.  Remember on that next ride, when you get off of your bike and your fingers still work well enough to dig out that frozen snottsickle, I want you to think of me!

All bullshit aside, check these out, they will forever change your riding for the better.  Whether you ride rigid or you are riding a big road sofa it don't matter, these things are amazing.  Thanks for checking them out and the next time I come across something amazing that has grown to mean something to me, I'll let you guys all know!

Here is the link again;

Monday, February 14, 2011

When I do GOOD, no one remembers but when I do BAD no one forgets!

.....the answer is YES if you are wondering if that is the one and only Randy Pants, one of the fighters from Choppertown Camparound!  While we are on that subject let me just say that motorcycle events in general have changed so very much in the last few years that some are barely recognizable as such.  Not Choppertown!  This is the shit, the real deal, strap what you can on your bike because you don't need any more kind of party on the side of a mountain in Arizona and it's second annual is just around the corner!  Please google that shit!  The date is earlier this year and it's during AZ Bike Week, so if you want a touch of what "riding and brotherhood" use to be about and still lives on here, then grab a tent or your sleeping bag and get your asses up there, this you will not regret!

Now on to the subject line, the title of this blog post.  Very few things in life I have found to be more true than those very words above.  This holds especially true if the evidence lends itself to show that you are a biker.  For years this really pissed me off to no end.  Why is it that you can stop your bike at an accident, smash windows to pull people out of their wrecked, gas leaking vehicles, get them away before the cars burst into flames and then go sit on the side of the road to drink some water and have one of our fine public servants, yes, they are supposed to protect and serve us, the people, come over and read you the riot act because of where your bike is parked?  Then after being accused of causing the accident, obviously because you are a scum bag biker, this fine officer notices that the registration tag on your plate expired two days prior and writes you a ticket while people are shouting for him to help out the injured, but he just continues on, checking your vin number, because the piece of shit you obviously must be, must have clearly stolen that fine piece of American Iron that you are riding.  It must be stolen of course because no one who looks like us could possibly be capable of holding down a job or better yet a career and be a productive part of society, right?  I could go on and on with stories like these that I have experienced personally or have been shared with me but I won't, I am sure you guys must get the point, right?  I have decided to go the other direction and this is why.

A few years ago I found myself in the battle of my life, fighting for my life and my freedom.  The  reason that I was  forced into this battle was the very fact alone that I was a "BIKER".  The lowest of the low, a gang member that must be swiftly and with extreme prejudice, removed from the streets for the safety of the community and the security of our nation!  I CALL BULLSHIT!  We put up the fight of our lives and although I can't really say we won, because in no uncertain terms, we DID NOT, I am free to live, to love and to learn.  The first lesson that I learned back then was that there is NO JUSTICE, in the JUSTICE SYSTEM!  The entire system is flawed if not totally fucked!  I am not going to go in to any further details of the who's, the what's or the why's all this happened, you will have to wait for the book for that one and believe me when I tell you, you will want to read this story.  What I will go into is the aftermath of it all.  I turned myself off.  I removed myself from the BIKER WORLD and I just disappeared and moved out west.  When you have a crooked cop who is on a mission to ruin your entire life and you get a chance to run, YOU RUN FAST and that is just what I did.  I was tired of being pre-judged because of the way I looked so I cut off my 16' goatee and gave locs of love a 31" pony tail for the kids with cancer.  Which for the record is the 3rd time this SCUMBAG BIKER has done this.  I slipped into the world of the CLEAN CUT for the first time since I was 13 years old.  I went from being this guy;

To being this guy; For the record I was actually a bit scruffy below from travelling cross country.  My hair was growing in and my goatee was thickening up again.

I had changed what I looked like on the outside but nothing about me had changed.  I was still the very same person on the inside.  Boy oh boy did it all change after the haircut and leaving the life.  Strangers would smile at me walking past, old ladies wouldn't clutch their purses as I passed, people stopped trying to run me off the road while on my bike and the biggest thing, no one tried to kill me anymore!  All this changed because I cut my hair and trimmed my beard?  Is the world that screwed up?  For the first year, I spoke to barely a soul.  I stopped attending toy runs, charity events or anything else for that matter.  I just slipped away.  Over time I found that there was a great big hole in my soul.  I wasn't sure what was missing? 

I slowly got back out in to society and rather than ride alone, I began to meet folks out here.  That old Knucklehead of mine is sure good at breaking the ice with like minded chopper jockeys.  The more I rode her around, the more people I met and many of those people are in my life to this day.  Had I let them keep me down or I had I given up on who I truly was, I would have missed out on so many great memories and so many amazing people!  I slowly began my return to charity events.  Diane and I rode on our first Arizona toy run and were stone, blown away by the sheer size of it.  When we reached the end point and saw hundreds of down and out kids receiving those donated toys, I damn near cried.  For the record, those donated toys were donated by us Scum Bags.... Diane was picked from the crowd to go up on to the stage and hand those toys out to these children and the strangest feeling came over me.... I was warm, I was happy, I was content and I was at ease and I hadn't been any of these things for 3 years by this time.  When we left that day I noticed that my rodeo bike that we rode there was leaking oil and you know what?  I didn't care!  We had no idea where we were because we rode in with a pack of nearly 800 bikes and now we were alone and lost and you know what?  I didn't care!  The sun was setting, we were under dressed and it was getting cold and you know what?  I didn't care!  We rode home and we each had a smile on our faces from ear to ear and right there and then I realized.....  I DO CARE!  I care about my friends, I care about my brothers, I care about my family, I care about my community, I care about homeless soldiers, I care about people who have lost homes to fires, I care about strangers who have less than I do, I JUST CARED!  After having had it beaten, quite literally beaten out of me, again, I cared!

I opened up my mind again to helping others without worrying about going to jail for it!  I once again was able to live my life without looking over my shoulder for a crooked cop who may just kill me.  Most importantly, I opened up my heart again and allowed people the opportunity to earn a place in it and you know what?  It felt amazing!  From that moment on, all I wanted to do was once again, go back to being the person that I truly am.  No more hiding under short hair and a shave.  I once again became INVOLVED in the world around me and tried to personally correct some of the wrongs that happen to people.  I gave as big as I could, I gave till it hurt.  I never once turned away anyone who came to me in need, not one single time and you know what?  It really made me feel good.  I came to the conclusion that I really didn't give a shit what people thought of me because anyone who is willing to judge someone based on their appearance was not someone I could care about what they thought nor would I allow them to ever again influence one single solitary thought.

This has all come freshly to the forefront of my thoughts because of what I did yesterday.  Rather, I should say because of what so many did yesterday.  I had written previously about "the best friend I never had", a cat named Kenny "Panda" Rohrer, a person whom I had never even met.  He was killed a few weeks ago on his bike.  The accident so bad he couldn't even have an open casket.  I had gotten a call from a dear friend who was absolutely devastated by the loss.  She asked if I would help with the memorial service.  I didn't know this man, but I did know this friend and if I could help in any tiny little way, how could I refuse?  So I did the service and it again lit a fire in my heart.  So many people hugged me, said thank you and cried on my shoulder.  After the service, I was informed about a benefit to be held to help out his 3 sons who were left without a dad, a role model or a hero and asked if I could help.  How could I say no?  Will you host it?  Of course I will.  Will you perform?  Well, I'll try to make people laugh, no promises! 

Yesterday the benefit was held and it was nothing short of incredible.  The weather, the turnout, the donations and the love shown to this family were overwhelming!  I was honored to be a part of it.  What I always assumed to be a waste of time and effort, "the bike wash", raised over 500 bucks alone for these boys.  That silly bike wash was worked nearly all day and in to the afternoon almost entirely by two ladies who broke their asses to help out.  Shit, my fat ass is exhausted after cleaning out my truck and I am sure they must have been too, but they just kept going.  They worked so hard that on several occasions they didn't even realize that one or both of their boobs had fallen out.  Now that is devotion! 

 One of the 50/50's, the big one, was won by a woman named Michelle and she promptly returned all of her winnings, there's another 500 bucks for the kids!  I don't know in the end what was raised for these boys and it's really none of our business.  I know that not only were they left a bit more financially secure, but they got to see the love, the honor and respect that people had for their dad!  Kenny did a lot of bad things, made some mistakes, hell, we all do.  But more importantly he did so many more GOOD THINGS....  There is a big hole in this Universe that needs to be filled, I hope we each step up a bit more and try to fill that void!

In closing, I have come to the conclusion that I don't give a shit if you remember the good that I do and I don't care if you ever forget the bad that I have "allegedly of course" done, I am good with me and I am surrounded by people who love me, are loyal to me and respect me and I need nothing more.  In the end, remember that it is better to be judged by 12 than to be carried by 6!  Do whatever you must to remain true to the person that you are.  As I walked out to my bike last night before knowing how the day would end, I wondered if Kenny would have enjoyed the day and I looked up and saw this;
Right then and there, I knew in my heart that not only would he have enjoyed it, but in fact he DID ENJOY IT, because he gave us this gorgeous day and ended it with this spectacular sky!

Long may we all run!

Ride Safe and Ride Free my friends!

I didn't take many pics yesterday because I was a busy lil beaver, but I captured a few so I thought I would just add them here in the end, no explanation, just a few shots.