These Crazy Maniacs Know Jack Shit !

Every Time That I See Someone With One,

I Am Truly Humbled, THANK YOU ALL

FOREVER A SUCKER FOR A WILLING OPEN MOUTH

EVEN MORE SO WHEN THAT MOUTH

IS PAINTED WITH BRIGHT RED LIPSTICK

Like I said before and I will say again.  I will never lie to you!

I just can't help it folks we all have those things that just turn us on so

stinking much that you have to curl up your toes, summon the strength

from somewhere in the depths of your soul to not act like the

CAVEMEN that we are still at our DNA level.  Grab your wooden club

and just take what you want, WHAT YOU NEED!

I was in Honolulu, Hawaii, I was on Waikiki Beach and I had

been drinking for a few days by this time.  I will admit that my inhibitions

were also on vacation and they were in Aruba!  I walk up to this roof top bar and ask

the gorgeous hostess where I could find relief?  She pointed to a girl walking and said

"do you see that girl there, walking with the blonde hair"?  Yeah, sure do!  Follow her!

SO I DID!

I followed her down a dark narrow hallway that was really

dimly lit.  It had a particular smell, the aroma was so

much different than the main bar area.  I was intrigued.  I can't

say that it was intoxicating, but more intoxicated.  She stopped

looked me in the eye and moved her arm across her chest, was

she signaling me?  Nope, she was pointing to a sign, one of two

actually.  The sign said

<--- MEN'S + LADIES--->

so I turned the corner and life changed forever!

I knew that I was a little bit inebriated so I pretended

that I didn't notice that hot willing mouth. 

So I summoned my strength

and I turned away to the right

then  the worst thing that could

ever happen...... HAPPENED

SHE HAD THREE FRIENDS

AND THEY WERE JUST AS

WILLING AND READY

AND THOSE INCREDIBLE

BLOOD RED LIPS

I FIGURED NOBODY WAS

WATCHING, WHAT THE HELL

MAYBE JUST FOR A MINUTE 

BUT I COULDN'T HOLD BACK

MY INNER CAVEMAN

BROKE FREE AND

I JUST COULDN'T RESIST.

I THREW MYSELF

AT THAT MOUTH LIKE AN ANIMAL.

I DIDN'T CARE WHO KNEW OR WHO

COULD SEE ME.

THE ONLY ADVICE I CAN OFFER IF

THIS EVER HAPPENS TO YOU,

DON'T DO IT

NEXT TO THE MOUTH

COVERED WITH THE

MUSLIM BURKA!

IT TAKES AWAY FROM THE THRILL!

Feel free to share your kinks, your fetishes or come clean

on that thing that you can barely control yourself over right here at

THE REAL JACK SHIT'S WORLD

MOMENTS I'VE CAPTURED THAT KEEP ME GOING

I LOVE PICTURES! 

 I LOVE TAKING THEM, I LOVE BEING IN THEM AND I LOVE LOOKING AT THEM.  Sometimes being the annoying asshole with the camera actually pays off and you capture a split second in time otherwise lost forever.  When I'm down or lonely, I can open up some digital pics and those shots take me back to that moment, good or bad and I remember all I have to be greatful for.

Here are a few of my most favorite shots

We called it Christmas World

We were only recently married and we were kids with stupid money.  The home was nearly 4k sq. ft.. and we Christmass'd up the whole damn thing.  It was a Christmas to remember.

on a side note about this photo; 

every friend we had helped set it up and not one came to help take it all down  

The Chapel from Apacheland Studios

Saved from a horrible fire and sitting powerfully

 SUPERSTITION MOUNTAIN

My home for the first 5 years out west

 That is a HUMMINGBIRD going up against a Golden Eagle....

 IT'S ALL ABOUT YOUR HEART

Baby Golden Eagles

approximately 3-4 months old

 I nearly stepped on this one night barefoot in my backyard

I had to get the saw to have comparison to show it's size.

 Casa De Shit

Jaeger Boy

Put quite simply, that stick IS HIS LIFE!

 THE MOMENT FAT BOB AND I PUT IT ALL BEHIND US, hopefully!

 Smokeout West 1 Eve

There's no feeling like a few guys getting their choppers ready to ride late into the night

 First person I ever met named Oren.

He died 2 days later on this bike.

I performed his funeral service. R.I.P. man!

 Typical Arizona Evening Sky

Deep Into Tonto National Forest

Speaking of friends.. we haven't seen Sue in AZ since this photo was taken 4 years ago.

HEY, IT DOESN'T SAY I WOULDN'T LET YA BLOW ME DOES IT?

MY GIRL KOKO AT THE GOLD MINE 

 A SHIT TON OF OLD IRON

 BURY ME IN A KISS CASKET
W.W.L.D.?  What would Lorri Do?

 My only nephew and he is a carbon copy of me at his age.

IN LIFE THERE ARE MOMENTS OF GREATNESS.
I didn't take this photo, the NJ State Police did from a car in the parking lot across the street ..... 

foot note to this photo; this and another photo were found in my mailox on a Monday morning in an unmarked envelope.  They are always watching us, always!

This is what your Minister looks like when JackShit performs

your ceremony of marriage.

 Okay, I appologize!  They really do handle well
in low speed cornering.

On the Mayan Peninsula, Puerto Penasco, Mexico
back when you didn't have to wonder if you would survive the trip!

I never ever photo shop my photos, what I shoot is what you see. 

Thank you so much for taking the time and looking at some of my favorite memories.  I have hundreds more shots like these.

TRUE FRIENDSHIP RECOGNIZES NEITHER TIME OR DISTANCE

I CAN NOW TELL YOU FOR CERTAIN

 THAT THIS IS AN ABSOLUTE FACT!

In the time that has passed over the last 8 years or so I have learned many great life lessons.  Nearly all of those lessons have had great influence on the way I view life, love and friendship.  Those of you following early on in this blog more than likely know me in real life so you know first hand the value that I place on friendship.  They say that a friend will help you move but a True Friend will help you move a body!  I would say that this too I can tell you for certain but that would mean that I have moved a body and I can't say for absolute sure that there was a body in that old roll of carpeting.  I just keep watching re-runs of unsolved mysteries and hoping for the best.

I'll give you an example of what I am trying to say with the title of this post.  I guess it's about two weeks ago now that I was outside working in my back yard.  I was miserable and dicking with the most recent thing to go wrong with my old house.  Under my patio cover I keep a Sony 36" tv and a yamaha stereo, yeah, the weather is nice enough here to leave this shit outside uncovered for quite litterally 350 days per year.  Anyhow, I got the stereo on trying to help carry me through the joy of the combo of picking up dog shit for two good sized dogs that seem to be having a contest to see who can shit the most in the most extraordinary places, and wondering how in the hell I am going to afford this next repair.  I had just stepped back through the gate and swore I heard the DJ say something about Black Label Society.  I didn't know if it was how good the show was or how good it was going to be.  I have an old friend, as a matter of fact if we were friends and lost contact over the years and you didn't completely FUCK OVER either myself or someone I care about, we are still friends in my heart and mind.  Anyway, back to my old friend.  I hadn't seen him in years and one day I saw his photo on-line.  It was on Myspace of all places.  I sent him a friend request and he added me.  I couldn't believe that after all these years he was still doing what he loved and doing it big.  When I was a teenager in high school, I can remember the battle of the bands and seeing this guy play bass at 15 and thinking "holy shit"!  This guy is going to be somebody for sure.  As it turns out he is.  We spoke here and there and I was going to stop and see him a few years ago when I went back to Jersey but never did.  So as it turns out, they were in Phx and they were playing that night.  So I reached out to him and asked how long he had been on tour and when is the last time he had Italian home cooking?  For far too long was his answer.  I said well I'll tell ya what, get me +1 on the list and I will make you some of my famous Rigatoni with Vodka Sauce with Garlic Bread.  The deal was struck!  He told me to meet him at the tour busses at 7pm.  Now mind you, I am sure that this guy can only let so many people in on his "tab" so to speak and he is more or less responsible for the actions of said retards.  I began to think that nothing in his voice had changed, it was like I was calling him as a kid, I could have been talking about kick ball it felt so natural and normal.  While cooking I tried to figure out when was the last time that I saw him.  As it turns out, it was 13 years since our last chance meeting in a bar in Jersey.  Now I could care less about seeing the band play as we had no tickets for the show and I wasn't going to go drop 150 bucks the week before Thanksgiving, but I just wanted to catch up with an old friend.  It was as if virtually no time had passed upon meeting up with him.  We were both a bit older, we both had a bit more facial hair then last we saw each other.  We met him at the barricades where he had to explain to a member of the local Dominant here that he was sorry that only JackShit and Diane can come with him.  With each step we took towards that tour bus I could feel the happiness that my wife was feeling and I couldn't help but smile because I got to see a friend I wasn't sure I would ever see again.  We hung out on the bus for over an hour and a half while Phx's top DJ and assorted other misfits came and went and we ate pasta and caught up.

Everything was going swimingly between us as we spoke of friends and loved ones that we have lost over the years and what we had both been up to.  Well that is until his phone rang and on the other end was a 5'1" Blonde Chilean girl who was one of the leads in Cirque de Solei!  I'll be right back he said as he damn near jumped off the bus to go back through the gauntlet of everyone who wanted him to get them in too.  After a few moments they were back at the bus and I have to tell you what a sweetheart this girl was.  I tried my very best to repeatedly hint how badly we would like to see the show but since she is from So. America she did not understand the hints I was hitting her over the head with!  Well it was time for JD to get ready for the show and as I didn't want to be a cock blocker, not knowing the relationship between them I got ready to say my goodbyes.  You aren't staying for the show?  Well we don't have tickets.  Tickets?  With that he slapped two VIP passes on us and walked us through the door and into the elevator and on the the dressing rooms and right backstage.  Not only were we going to see the show, but we were going to see the show from the stage.

It was absolutely amazing to see A STELLAR PERFORMANCE by someone considered to be one of the very best bass players in the world.  Diane got to throw out Black Label Society BeachBalls to the crowd.  With the exception of having honed his skills, I couldn't see one thing different about this old friend.  He played with the very same enthusiasm and joy that I remembered from High School, it was just incredible to see.  It didn't matter to either of us that we lived 3000 miles apart and had not only not seen each other in over a decade but we had barely spoken over that time and we picked up pretty much where we left off in that Shit Hole Bar in Jersey.  The show ended and we hung out on stage for a little while.

Now JD had promised to take us onto the band Clutch's bus for a little bit of "happy time" and to hang out some more but we had to leave.  Why would anybody leave this you ask?  Because another friend, George the Painter had broken down on the Leaky Latowski and he needed help and to be picked up.  FRIENDS FIRST ABOVE ALL ELSE!  So we said goodbye and agreed to meet in another 13 years!  If not for my belief in friendship and the value that I put on it, I would never have even made the call and I would have sat home complaining about dog shit in the yard.  Instead we ended up having one of the best nights we have had in years.  Oh yeah, we never got to go to Cirque de Solei..... oh well, next time I will flirt with the guy, I may have much better luck.

If you are in my life, there is a reason.  If I am in yours the reason is probably because you were a scumbag in a former life and this is your payback.  I'll see ya somewhere down the road and cherish your friends because with this life we all lead, who knows if they will be there tomorrow!



How it all began for me

I never in my life could have imagined the way owning one simple antique machine could have a direct effect on my entire life the way owning KOKO has had on mine.  It truly is an utterly amazing machine or better yet I should just say she is and always will be one bad bitch.  Sure she's got one hell of an attitude sometimes.  That comes mostly from me not riding her.  She lets me know that she is unhappy about it and makes me have to work to earn the pleasure of caressing her, fondling her, kicking her and then finally mounting her and making sweet sweet miles together.  I've ridden bikes now for better than half of my whole life officially and that isn't even counting the mini bikes, dirt bikes and other insane contraptions kids create and attach a motor to, those years aren't even in consideration. 

For me, the fascination with bikes, big bikes and Harleys in general started when I was just an incredibly small boy.  I am still incredibly small in  the most "true" sense of the word but that will be blogged under psychiatric disorders of mine.  My dad was a cop in Newark, N.J. and it wasn't too many years after riots ravaged that beautiful, yes I said beautiful city of Newark.  He wasn't one of those hide behind a billboard and write ticket cops, he was the guy who truly protected the community and caught rapists and murderers.  A cop before they became these chicken shit "TASER CARRYING" guys now.  We went one day to cash his check because back then, you cashed your pay check.  While standing on line holding dad's hand, I looked down to see my face staring back at me from the reflection in the mirror polished black gestapo boots attached the the biggest, blackest man I had ever in my short life seen.  He was a "motor cop" in the city and he was there to cash his check too.  He picked me up and I near shit.  He carried me outside and asked, "so what do you think, ya like it?"  My mouth dropped open and he put me atop his Shovelhead Police Special.  This was the beginning of a life long addiction.  I started as most did, on a 78 Honda CB 750f if my memory serves me correctly.  It was a shit ton of fun.  It was sort of like an original crotch rocket.  Don't hate me, I was a kid and loved speed and rolling on that Rice Power through the pine barrens of Jackson, N.J. and I had a full face helmet and nobody knew it was me.  Ah hell, I was 20 years old.

After a brief stint on that bike a real kick in the balls nailed me.  I had been feeling horrible for some time and it was only getting worse.  To make a long story short I had contracted Lyme Disease.  At the time there wasn't much really known about it except that it was horrible and life altering.  I was so bummed the lil woman wanted to cheer me up and she knew that I wanted a Harley and wanted one bad.  At the time, 1992 the madening "lists" began to appear at HD dealerships around the country.  She knew that it could take two years to get a new bike.  So while swinging on a swing set somewhere, I can't really remember and staring at the ground she said what do you say we go buy you a brand new bike?  Really?  Holy shit!  Well that did it, I was cheered up and the quest began.  She had already called every dealer for 200 miles in a circle, no bikes were to be had.  She knew that we wouldn't get a new bike but she didn't want to tell me, she was just happy to see me smiling again.  I was working as a machine operator building a prison in So. Jersey near the Delaware border.  One day it rained and none of us really had enough money to go spend an entire day at the hillbilly titty bars down there so on rainy days what else?  We went to the Harley dealer.  Back then they were still small down to earth shops with down to earth people.  Every rainy day I walked in and when they asked if they could help me I said yeah, "I want the bike in the window."  Always the answer was Sorry!  Well one day it wasn't!  Can ya pay for it?  I sure as shit can!  He put away the notebook, the "list" that he had just taken from under the counter.  I WAS NOW A HARLEY OWNER.  I waited two of the longest weeks of my life to pick her up.  The tax rate in NJ had gone up to 7% back then by this bastard of a Govenor Jim Florio.  Well on July 1st, they went back to 6% and that's the day that I picked her up.  What a day what a day what a day!  I mounted up, threw the lil woman on the back and started off my 120 mile ride home on her.  We pulled away, she wrapped her legs around me, kissed the side of my neck and whispered in my ear, I love you, congratulations baby!  I was the king of the world riding my brand new Softail Custom.  That is for about 9 miles.  At 9.1 miles a summer thunderstorm hit us like no rain I had ever seen.  I was now riding on the NJ turnpike on a bike that hasn't been broken in yet and that I have never even ridden a bike like it before with the woman I love on the back and waves from the tractor trailers were washing over us!  I had litterally bit into my bottom lip while riding the first 75 miles.  Well on that ride, that bike and I made a pact.  I wouldn't let anything happen to her, if she didn't let anything happen to me.  For sixteen years we kept that promise to each other without fail and there were times for both of us that it sure as hell wasn't easy.  Here is a picture of my Rodeo Queen, she never let me down once.

It wasn't much long after that bike coming into our lives that I started hanging around and eventually patched into a club.  From there our story takes some pretty damn wild turns so stay tuned folks. 

What will you find when you look inside?

Well I guess that we all have to start sometime.  In keeping with the times, I have finally taken up "blogging". 

I am not your average guy, I fall a little to the right of the Bullseye.  In my 43 years living in JackShit's world, I have experienced life altering highs, soul crushing lows and have had periods of melancholy that would make Dr. Jack Kevorkian kill himself.  Through these times I have been blessed to have a partner in crime for nearly 25 years.  She is often the voice of reason and one early morning in an emergency room parking lot told me the greatest advice anyone had ever given to me at the worst moment in my life, "Jack!", "don't say anything, not one fuckin word to these scumbags!"  That advice and her strength in crisis has afforded me the ability to live the life I am leading, FREE and not through 2 inch thick bullet proof glass!

I am lucky enough to be surrounded by the finest people that my money can rent.  See that I didn't say buy?  That's because like so many in this country, the last few years have been "lean" to say the very least.  I was sure that when I left New Jersey I would never have another person in my life that I could trust with my life.  As luck would have it I was completely wrong and have had the great honor in the last 6 years to surround myself with amazing people.  Not all though.  Some of the "fine folks" that entered our lives here in Arizona have fallen into the category of "I wouldn't piss in their mouth if their teeth were on fire".  When you live someplace tropical you tend to get a great number of people who move there with big dreams and end up there with one hell of a dope habit and would crush a girl scout and her cookies just to "get" something for themselves.  We have learned how to weed these pieces of pure trash out of our lives but on occasion one or two of these complete sociopath fucktards finds there way through our security system.  As of yet, by the grace of God, we have not had to shoot any of these trespassers of sanity. 

I have been lucky enough to travel to some pretty amazing places outside of JackShit's world and I plan to share the memories of those trips with you here.  For example the story and the photos of the giant zit and open sore covered ass and thighs and big monster bush that I awoke with my face damn near in on the beach in Hawaii.  It seems that I damn near always have a camera of some sort on me and manage to capture some crazy shit.

In my time I have had so many "jobs" and I have done so many fantastic things that I promise to finally tell the tales, with total disregard for protecting the guilty involved in them.  So keep that in mind next time you are on a cocaine induced murderous hooker killing night on the town and you ask me to come.  I won't stop you, I just may blog about it once the statute of limitations no longer applies.  I just checked and so many of these statutes have just recently passed so be ready to be shocked, appauled, disgusted, enthralled and perhaps even left wanting more.

I love motorcycles.  I love all motorcycles... well okay, that's bullshit!  I love damn near most bikes.  Like I said above, I will never lie to you.  I love everything about them and I love to see handbuilt bikes.  Forged with the inspiration of many sleepless nights and people telling you that it can't be done or better yet, people asking you why you would ever want to do that to a perfectly good looking bike.  I live in a place where bike night is 365 nights a year.  I have been known to ride to the strip club down the street or ride damn near ocean to ocean and those adventures I just can't wait to share with you all.

I am a writer an emcee an ordained minister (yeah really) and most importantly I am a Comedian!  Everytime I tell someone this or someone introduces me as such, someone without fail says really, tell me a joke or oh yeah, MAKE ME LAUGH THEN!  Well that I can't.  I know only one joke that I can remember.  I don't tell jokes on-stage!  I just get up, introduce myself with my tried and true WHAT'S UP MOTHERFUCKERS? From there on, I just tell the truth and nothing but the truth.  I talk about what's going on in the outside world and moreso, what's happening in JACKSHIT'S WORLD....  so join me, tell your friends about this blog and help me make it a success.  Although I don't really even know what a successful blog is?  oh well, thank you so much for even checking this out.  Until we see each other on the road sometime,
KEEP THE WIND IN YOUR FACE, TITTIES IN YOUR BACK AND THE MAN OFF YOUR ASS!
ps.  I sure hope this is what blog is even supposed to be?