Dreams Come True Only If You Chase Them

Sweet 5 lb 8 oz Baby Jesus, what a night in Vegas!  Last night I got to live out a dream.  For someone like me, who does what I do, this was a highlight of my career and really, one of the highlights of my life.  Let me fill you in on what happened.  A whole bunch of you already know because you were here for it, but even those of you who were here, may not know what led up to this or how it even came to be.

We got to Vegas on Wednesday night, got our shit together and ran on down to Hogs where apparently everyone we know was down there and busting our balls to get there as soon as possible.  On the walk over, we ran into Jack and Terry, the owners of the Dirty Dogg Saloon in AZ.  You guys know this place, it is where I host events during Bike Week and such.  They are great guys and nothing but class.  I told them where we were heading and they too were on their way down.  We stood on the corner of Freemont Street and talked about how long it had been since Diane and I had been to Vegas.  I mentioned that I had the chance of a lifetime to perform here in March during Nascar but I had to be in Daytona to work The Spoke.  I told them how bummed out I was that I never got the chance to play Vegas.  I also mentioned that the comic that I was going to work with was performing this weekend while we are here and that they should check her out.  With that, we headed down to the bar.  About an hour or so after being there, I'm walking back to my table and I see Bag Lady Sue and ask her how it's going?  What she had planned and who she was performing with?  No one, it's just me was her answer.  I said oh hell, you should let me at least announce you and bring you up on stage.  She said better yet, why don't you perform with me.  You can open the show.  I said well I don't know about that, I haven't done stand up in 15 months.  You can go up, bring me up and if you feel good, do a few minutes, if you feel great do 10 or fuck man, just do whatever you want.  Shows are Thursday, Friday and Saturday.  So I said "fuck it, I'm in" and from that moment on, I've been a nervous wreck.  Thursday came and I said that I will work Friday and see how it goes but there is no way I'm doing 3 nights.

I wake up at 10 am on Friday, nervous as hell and can't stop thinking about what I've gotten myself into?  Diane then informs me, it hasn't been 15 months, it's more like 25, nearly 26 months since I've done any stand up..... well that makes me feel much better.....  so I spent the entire day, sleeping, shitting, sleeping, shitting.  I got out of bed just about 8pm last night, went down to the Canyon Club in the casino, met up with Bags, drank two Jager Bombs, grabbed a sharpie and piece of paper and at 8:25 wrote a show that I was now going to perform in half an hour.  I got on that stage with my hands shaking like a crack head needing a hit.  I mustered up a big ol', trademark, "WHAT'S UP MOTHER FUCKERS" and it was on like donkey kong!  My intro, turned into a few minutes that turned to 5, 10, 20 and closer to a 30 minute show and the audience went nuts.  I've got to admit, it felt really great to be back on stage doing stand up, that I use to love to do so very much.  It has re-ignited a fire in me.

Last night, for the first time ever, I PLAYED THE STAGE IN LAS VEGAS, a comedian's dream and you know what?  I FUCKING KILLED IT!  I just want to say thank you to all that came out to support me and the show.  I was stunned when I saw you all coming in!  I hope you guys had a blast.  So tell your friends, looks like we will be doing it again tonight, but just typing that makes my stomach turn and now I've got to go shit again!  So tell your friends, come down to the 4 Queens on Freemont Street in Vegas and laugh your troubles away, if only for a little escape from reality.

Until we see each other again on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off Your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit

Vegas Bike Fest Bitches!

Well so far, Vegas has been an absolute blast.  We planned on leaving real early to beat the heat but Diane had to work all day and I could not even finish packing the bike until she got home.  First bump in the road.  Second bump, Phoenix rush hour traffic, 103 degrees going traffic light to traffic light.  The heat was frying us and all I could think about was the old drug ad, "this is your brain, this is your brain on a Harley in bumper to bumper traffic"!  Once we finally got moving, the stress of the day, the traffic and business peeled away with each passing mile and as the spectacular sun set behind the mountains, we were back to being ourselves.

I always keep my phone turned off when I take road trips to save the battery in case something happens.  With our original plan to arrive in Vegas by 1pm the latest, when I turned on the phone, it was filled with messages from fb, voice mail and texts from people who were worried about us and message after message about getting our asses down to Hogs!  It seemed that EVERYONE was at Hogs already.  It was like walking into a reunion as we got there.  It was nearly overwhelming, in each and every direction that we turned, there was someone that we hadn't seen in a real long time.  The fact that Diane was with me proved to many that she is not really a figment of my imagination.  It is so funny that people who have never met her, absolutely adore her because they have learned so much about her from my sharing so openly our lives with the world. 

 We finally decided to go inside the bar, get a drink and say hello to Ms. Michelle, el jeffe of Hogs!  The last thing Diane said as we left the hotel was, "grab my license, don't forget"....  well I forgot!  So as we stood at the door, exhausted from the trip, I handed the door man my i.d. and proceeded to tell him that I forgot Diane's.  I asked him, "hey man, I left hers in the room, can she still get in"?  I'm friends with Michelle, does that help?  He laughed and said, I only hear that 200 times a day.  So I told him that on the 201st, it was true.  Then I asked, does it help any that I work for Cycle Source and he said well hell yeah, that helps a lot!  With that, Michelle came screaming through the door, damn near knocking this wall of a man aside, wrapped her arms around me, then Diane and I looked at the door man and winked.... he laughed and said "201st times a charm"!  Since Wednesday, we've more or less spent all of our time that we've not been in bed, down at Hogs!  We did run down to Cashman Center to pick up our media passes and we were lucky enough to catch the Artistry In Iron show and the level of the bikes were incredible. 

I don't have any pics as I want to leave that as a surprise for you all in upcoming issues of EVERY major bike mag out there!  Stellar scoots, amazing people and an awesome spread of food for all left nothing to be desired, it was all TITS!  Then afterwards, you guessed it, straight back to Hogs!  I could go on and on, but I won't.  I just wanted to keep you guys up to date on our trip so far.

The big news that has come out of this trip is my return to STAND UP COMEDY.  It's been nearly 15 months since I've performed straight stand up and I have to say, I'm nervous as hell and wonder how I get myself into this shit?  So tonight, at the 4 Queens Casino on Freemont Street, the Real Vegas to me, Bag Lady Sue and I will take to the Stage at 9 pm.  If you are in town, c'mon down, if your friends are here, let them no.  I've not really had any time to let people know this was going on!  Wish me luck!

Until we see each other again on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man Off Your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit

Another great moment in Suck off History!

I'll share with you a brief back story before you watch this video.  Very rarely do I ever get frazzled while working.  Till this day, I'm still freaking out like you can't believe until I go on stage, scream "what's up mother fuckers" into the mic and let all that energy out.  From there on, it is usually smooth sailing for me.  No event ever goes without its share of troubles, drama or bumps in the road, but on this night, with a capacity crowd that was fired up and waiting for a re-match of our now legendary oil wrestling, I got pulled aside by one of my bosses Frank.  I say one of my bosses because pretty much everyone, right on down to the parking lot attendants are my bosses at The Spoke.  Anyway, Frank says and I quote "now don't get worked up, we have a crisis and what I need is a way to avert it, I need that answer quickly and I don't need you flipping out"!  Okay, no big deal, what could be so bad?  We own this crowd, we've shown them the best time they have ever had at Laconia (our guests words, not mine) and we've got a bunch of girls who are about to get oiled down and wrestle for a few thousand people, what could possibly put a monkey wrench in those spokes?  Is the band running late, have we once again sold Budweiser out of Bud Light, nothing is going to upset me!  Frank says "I bet I can prove you wrong on that statement".  The girls are not coming!  "So what, who cares, what girls" I asked, not really caring.  The wrestlers are not coming!  WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?  I had spent all day long, promoting the return of oil wrestling, the pool was in place, the baby oil sitting in the cup holders of the pool!  What the fuck are we going to do, they are going to riot?  I had to think and think fast.  There was no way to make it in to town with the tire to tire traffic on the only road in.  Okay, he was right, I was fucking freaked out!  We had walked away from the action so that we were able to hear each other speak and hash this nightmare out.  Then my eyes moved from side to side as I was shaking my head in anger and disgust when I saw them!  Sausages, lots and lots of sausages!  Then it hit me like a lightning bolt from the Gods themselves!  We are going to have, the first ever, Laconia, Broken Spoke Saloon, Spring Suck Off!  The rest my friends as they say is history!  I hope you all enjoy this!  I really needed a good pick me up after the week that I just went through and finding these old videos that my dear friend Rodeo was kind enough to send me surely did the trick!

Until we see each other on the road again,
Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

This is how you make memories!

So you guys always read about me saying that what I do is make memories.  This was one of those.  I can't tell you how many messages I got when the event was over and my hand was sore from how many people, both men and women alike who high fived me after the contest was over.  We are only 24 days out from Biketoberfest down in Daytona and we really hope that you will come on over the the World Famous Broken Spoke Saloon and party with us.  I've said it many times, YOU AIN'T SEE NOTHING YET!  For all of those who made the 89th annual Laconia Rally so amazing, thank you.  I promise you, Daytona Biketoberfest and The Spoke will not let you down!  If you think this was fun, just wait until you see the DILDO IN THE HAYSTACK COMPETITION!

See ya on the road soon.

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Paying It Forward

So it's a good time to share this with you.  I mentioned this a few weeks ago and had a pretty overwhelming response, but I only did it on Face Book.  I reach a much smaller audience there than I do here.  We had come up with this idea prior to The Sturgis Rally this past August but didn't have time to implement it before the event took place, but we still have time to pull it off now!

Are you an artist, a jewelry maker, a parts designer/manufacturer, a leather worker, and engraver, a bike builder, do you pinstripe, have you developed a motorcycle related product that will change the world and you are just starting out and can't really afford to come to the MEGA rallies and rent space to become a vendor and share your work with the world?  Are you a charity or do you represent a charity and you want to get your message to the masses?  What would you do if I told you that The Broken Spoke Saloon wants to help you?  It's our time to give back!  THE BROKEN SPOKE GIVES BACK is the official position that we have taken going in to Biketoberfest in Daytona next month!  We are expecting huge crowds once again for this upcoming rally and we want to help you to become part of it.

I've met so many people throughout the years that work out of their garages, storage spaces, in tiny little sheds in the back yard and even on the dining room table trying to chase their dream and produce a final product that they can be proud to call their very own.  A great many times these folks don't make it, although their creations were amazing, very few people ever learned of them.  We want to help you show the world exactly how amazing those creations are!  How are we going to do that?  We can do this because it is our place, we can say who sets up shop on the property and who doesn't and the best part is, we can decide exactly what that costs!  What will that cost you?  You will be stunned when you find out, so it is up to you to ask the question.  Perhaps your reading this right now and are saying well I'm not one of those people you mentioned above, but, my brother is, my sister is, the fabricator who hasn't even heard of the internet yet is, well I call on you to make them aware of this opportunity we are affording them.  THE BROKEN SPOKE WANTS TO GIVE BACK!  Do you know of a veterans charity that needs to have their voice heard, now is your chance to do something to give back to the troops as well!  We are opening up our hearts and our doors to all of you.  Don't miss out on this opportunity

Now don't go thinking "ut oh, The Spoke doesn't have anybody on the property this rally" because you would be so very wrong.  We've recently done a total re-vamp on the lay out of how the property will be set up for this rally and realized that we've got some space now to do something that we've been talking about wanting to do for some time now and we are doing it!  We have builders, artists, the tattoo shop will be up and running and your favorite vendors whom you've come to know and love will once again be at The Spoke with us for this party too and before you get worried and start thinking, "Jack Shit didn't mention the bikini bike wash girls", well now I have and YES they will be back too!  We've also added a motorcycle rodeo to help keep everyone entertained and what would a bike party be without bike games?  Yes we will be hosting a huge bike show with a very special addition this year, we are also hosting a Trike Show, aptly named, Triketoberfest.  We'll be having insane contests once again that you have also come to know, love and expect and I give you my word that we are doing everything in our powers to make this the very best Biketoberfest that you have ever attended!

So the countdown is on and we have only one mission for this event and that mission is to help you dirty ol' bikers make some of the greatest memories you've ever made.

If you missed a previous post that I made last week about "only being as good as your word", you can find that post on the right side of the main page.  What was it about you ask?  It was about The Spoke keeping its promise to you, a promise that we tried to make and were not able to pull it off and now we have, the following image will serve as one hell of a good hint.

So by now you've got to be thinking to yourself, "self, this is a pretty friggin cool thing that The Spoke is doing but how do I become part of this"?  I'm going to tell you right now.  If you would like to be part of this rally and have the chance that you have never before had and may never again have, then all you need to do is contact us.  Leave a comment here with your contact info, send me an email at Jackschit@brokenspoke.com or reach out to one of our head honchos at heather@brokenspoke.com and say "hey, what do I have to do to take part in The Broken Spoke Gives Back" and you will get all the info you need!

We are going to once again throw one hellified biker party for you and we look forward to serving your every wicked need and twisted request, as allowed by law of course.  We can't break them, but we are quite talented at bending them pretty well!  As we get closer to the event, we will be dropping more and more info on you folks to further excite and entice you.  Like I said above, this is an opportunity that has never before been offered by anyone, anywhere and we are doing it because there is never the wrong time to do the right thing and we are PAYING IT FORWARD as our way of saying thank you to all the riders of the world and for those who get em up and out on the road too!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Never give up the fight!

Well howdy ho folks!  Once again I find myself sitting alone on the couch at 1am thinking and once that starts, there is virtually no way to stop it.  This leaves me three options;

Option 1:  Rub one out!  Well with my lack of imagination, poor concentration and nothing but Titanic on cable, this is not an option.

Option 2:  Take to Face Book and get in to the topic that has ruined my day, pissed me off and left the most foul of tastes in my mouth, thus once again causing a wave of "un-friending".

Option 3:  Turn on the Blog, start typing and just let the shit fly, knowing full well that if you maniacs are reading this, the odds on me pissing you off are pretty slim.

Tonight, I really had to decide between Options 1 and 3 but as I unzipped my pants, MY HEART WILL GO ON began to play and a vision of Celine Dion popped in to my head and now I'm not sure how long it will be before I can even get another erection, so I'm going with Option 3, what choice do I have?

As it turns out, this post will run the course of everything from fuck the system to it's a miracle!  What do you say we start with fuck the system?  Good, that was my choice as well.  As many of  you will remember from previous posts, knowing me in real life or just some beauty parlor gossip, on my last trip to Daytona for Bike Week back in March, Diane became very ill.  For those of you who have only begun to follow this blog, my writing or are a new friend on Face Book recently, I'll say this; back in March while I was in Daytona, Diane got very ill.  Okay now we are all on the same page, so I can continue.  At first, I was concerned.  Shortly thereafter, concerned rolled into afraid and that was rapidly followed by the magical combination of terror and guilt.  I felt guilty because I was away and there was absolutely nothing that I could do for her.  With each phone call, Diane told me not to worry, that it was not that big of a deal and all she needed was some rest.  Early on, I believed it but with each call that passed, I could hear her sounding worse and worse.  One thing I've figured out is that when I am away, there is virtually nothing that can make Diane tell me that anything is wrong.  No matter if she hits a vein when she does her shot and ends up mainlining that poison straight into her heart or her eyes get so blurry that she can't see, I never find out about any of this until I arrive home.  She just never wants me to worry when I'm on the road and God love her for that!  I remember walking away from the main stage at The Spoke saying, "hang on baby, it's really loud, let me try and get somewhere that I can try to hear you".  "Are you okay baby", I asked and my jaw dropped when I heard her answer NO, NO I'M NOT!  She tried to explain what was going on, how bad the pain in her head and eyes were and that each time that she stood up, the room spun and she threw up.  "Is it a migraine" I asked and I'll never forget her answer, "I'm praying that it is" she said.  Who the hell prays for a migraine?

To make a very long story short, it was far worse than a migraine and eventually it got to the point where I could no longer get a hold of her.  The last thing she said was "I can't stand up", I'll call you back in a few.  That was the last time that I heard from her.  I called relentlessly all to no avail.  To say that I was panicked would be the understatement of a lifetime!  I was frazzled.  I didn't have to tell anyone at The Spoke that something was wrong because each and every single person saw it on my face.  I had to call a friend who lived 35 minutes away, give them the lock box code and the alarm code and beg them to get to the house to check on her and pray that the dogs didn't bite her as she came in.  Waiting for the call to let me know what was going on felt like an eternity.  When she arrived, Diane was in really bad shape and I can't remember now if she found her on the floor or on the bed.  My phone rang, I answered it and all I heard was "Jack, this is really bad and I don't know what to do"!  With that my heart sank and I wanted to puke instantly.  CALL A FUCKING AMBULANCE I shouted into the phone.  "Diane won't let me" was the response.  Eventually she made it to the hospital and was loaded up on all kinds of shit and an IV and a few shots of morphine had done nothing to help.  I think the combination of Demoral and the Morphine finally did the trick and she began to rest.  She was ordered to get to her Neurologist immediately!

Upon my return home from Florida that is exactly what we did.  The doctor ordered all kinds of tests to get to the bottom of this episode.  The most important of these tests was the MRI.  When we lived in Jersey, Diane had them every 6 months to monitor the progress of the MS.  Now we have to go to war with the insurance company for everything.  So now remember, this is in March right?  Well last week, yes, last fucking week, the insurance company finally approved the MRI.  Can you imagine that?  We pay $900 bucks per month for Diane's health insurance alone and it took more than 6 months for them to approve this!  I guess maybe they were banking on it being a brain tumor and her dying before approving it and therefore saving them some money.  As of right now, NO OTHER TEST HAS BEEN APPROVED YET!  $900 bucks per month and still no approvals.  We are not asking for any radical, experimental treatment or some far out test, these are all diagnostics that go along with her condition!  I now know why people snap and go off, just plain losing it and  going to these offices or the dmv and places just like those and go on sprees that become national tragedies.  I could never understand what drove someone to lose it so badly, I am beginning to understand it now!

If this is what paying nearly 12 grand a year for gets you with health insurance, what do you think it will be like when it is govt. mandated?  It is an absolute disgrace the way these companies act!  They take your money and refuse to give you service, hoping that with enough denial letters, you will give up the fight and just quit "bothering them".  NEVER GIVE UP THE FIGHT!

At the beginning of this post, I said that it would go from anger to miracle I believe, so where is the miracle part you ask?  Well here it is.  Although we have absolutely no answer to the questions that came from what the hell happened to Diane in March, Diane had the MRI's a few days ago and the results came back that her MS was stable!  She is still diagnosed with relapsing / remitting Multiple Sclerosis and it has not become Primary Progressive and that my friends after 12 years with this diagnosis is a miracle!  We will never know if the medicine that she takes, also another grand a month is actually doing anything for her, but since she has shown no further progression of the disease, how can we ever stop her taking it?  The doctors mostly attribute Diane's current condition to her Diet, staying in good shape and the fact that SHE NEVER GAVE UP THE FIGHT!  Every day is a battle, some are little skirmishes and others are full on trench and chemical warfare, whichever they are, she just keeps her head down and her rifle up and keeps on firing back!  So there you have it.  We have not one single, solitary answer after 6 long, painful months of what happened to Diane those two days in March and I guess we never will, but right now, she is doing well and that is all that we can ask for!

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you all for the messages that you send, the phone calls that you make and the posts that you guys put up checking on her.  Sometimes, Monday comes and I forget that it is Diane's shot night and all I have to do is turn on the lap top, open up Face Book and there are all the well wishes that her shot goes well.  People from all over the world know that Monday is shot night and that just blows my mind!  Even in the worst of times, the kindness and the generosity of some people is just incredible!  We are blessed to have so many people, kind, caring people in our corner pulling for her to be well or to get well.  I don't know that I will ever be able to share with you how much that means to us.

So remember now, if you find yourself facing the abyss, no matter what may lay ahead, NEVER GIVE UP THE FIGHT and we will be right there for  you as you have been for us!  Oh, I nearly forgot,
FUCK THE SYSTEM!  FUCK MS!  FUCK THE PAIN & FUCK THE INSURANCE COMPANIES!  

Live each and every single moment for the moment, give until it hurts, love with all of your heart, be kind when you don't want to be and above all else, be fucking honest!  Not one of us will ever know what tomorrow may bring or if there will even be a tomorrow so make the very best you can of every second you have and live it and live it as loud and as fast as you can!


Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit