Not as bad as it seemed !

It seems that although I am having the most interesting experience of a lifetime at an Interactive Animal Park  more often than not in the last few years,I feel like I am the Giraffe, not the COMPLETE JACK ASS on the chair!  But in looking back on this year alone I realized that there was more good than bad and that is one hell of a nice change of pace.  By now you know that I like to set my camera down on a rock, a ledge or any thing that I can prop it up against and keep it balanced.  When I am out on the road or there is just no one to share a great moment with, I just set my auto timer and hope for the best. 

Looking back on this past year, not only did I realize that we survived yet another really tough year.  A year that was just absolutely brutal for so many but that there were times that were not only great but those times made some memories that will last a life time. 

I got to hang in a storage shed and watch a mad man's progress on an incredible piece of art.  It's far from what it seems at a quick glance.

In one night alone, Charlie the Nomad and I killed 56 BLACK WIDOW SPIDERS outside my house.

I had some of the very best times that I have ever had on stage in my life this past year.

That view above, well it can be the loneliest place on earth and the scariest.  In this case I had a ball!

I knew my luck was all turning around when this onion ring was tossed from "Dart Throwing" distance shooting to land it on the antler, ON PURPOSE and I got it!

I got to take a ride in Sturgis with a few friends, old and new!

One of the highlights of my life, I had a Doobie Brother tell me he enjoyed my performance.... HOLY SHIT!

I got to ride along, if only briefly, with the riders of the Cannonball.  The bikes were nothing short of miraculous!

I was able to witness one of the greatest acts of love and devotion to God that you could ever imagine.  A man's life work.  This is all done with simple paint and caulk and yes, it is a mountain!

I was invited into and given the full tour of WHEELS THROUGH TIME MUSEUM and it's one of the highlights of my life!  You need to get there sometime in your life, bucket list item for sure.

I got to ride a motorcycle cross country for the very first time ever.  Another bucket list item, check!  I met some amazing people on the road.  Life long friends I am sure.

I got to reconnect with an old friend I hadn't seen in 13 years and see him blow the roof off of the Dodge Theater. 

First bike show ever and I took best of show.... incredible

The lil woman and I made it through our 24th Hell Ride of a year together.

and a good friend showed me the joy of hanging out and shopping at Goodwill.  This is really only a portion of the things that my friends found to help keep me busy in 10'.  For the first time in a long time things are really looking up for my family and I only hope and pray that it is for you guys too.   I believe that with everything "life" has become over the past few years, it's been as good as it has bad.  The good you ask?  Think about all the "bad" people that were around or in your life.  Those people weren't able to fake it anymore, those people who didn't have good souls showed their true nature and some of the wrong people faded off into the sunset.  Although we have all been through some shit, I think in the end somehow we come out better. 

MAKE GREAT MEMORIES BECAUSE NOTHING CAN TAKE THEM AWAY.

Our Plot To Take Over The World Foiled By Explosion

So I am sitting on my couch disgussing what type of outfit Bean're should wear tonight for his Arizona Debut.  This is only a brief discussion though as we were really planning on how we would conquer the world.  He offered suggestions and I did as well.  Apparently he didn't like one of mine and he said Jack, that shit will blow up in your face.  I said oh really, ya think?  With that, a massive explosion is heard and a brilliant flash of light appeared and engulfed my completely dark home in a big blue flash.  HOLY SHIT, HE WAS RIGHT!

My wife was with us and we all three ran towards the rear of the property where the explosion came from.  Upon inspection you could see smoke and watch all of the electrical wires shaking violently and all the power in the house was gone.  Now we are in total darkness!  I make the call to the Authorities, against my better judgment of course.  Those of you who know me, know damn well, I am no fan of authority!  Thank God my wife is Sicilian and Bean're is a former United States Marine so I knew that we were safe going into the yard to check the situation not to mention, they were armed to the teeth.  Well we found the cause

Apparently, this God Damned Woodpecker laid himself across two of the terminals and caused a massive explosion.  If anyone is hungry, just for the record, it is fully cooked now.  How do I know it is fully cooked you ask?  I'll show you the insides.

See, I told you it was cooked, look I am going to eat it.....  FRIED WOODPECKER IS DELIGHTFUL!

Yes, those are it's intestines.  The guys from the electric company told me to just start shooting them so they don't have to come back!  So who is coming over for dinner?

CHOPPERS, FIRE, WIZARD STICKS AND HAUNTINGS

I find it hard to say how much I enjoyed this past week.  From riding choppers and vintage bikes you get to meet an eclectic to say the very least group of the most amazing people.  Some it's great to see and shake hands and take a look at what ya each rode in on.   Others it is just amazing to see in any way, shape or form.  People that you have met, ridden with and gotten to know.  The problem is that so many of these people live thousands of miles from you and you rarely get to party, ride and enjoy each others company.  The bi annual vacation, the annual bike run and that's about it.  Over the past few weeks I have been lucky to have friends in from Wisconsin, Jersey, Florida, Tennese and others.  They have each come as another left.  In that same time we rode tripped down to visit still more distant friends.  This last few weeks has been fantastic and can't wait to make more memories!

The deluxe Guest House at the Porn Compound down in the town too tough to die, TOMBSTONE

THE WIZARD STICK 2/3 COMPLETE

LITTLE BEN WITH THE MODIFIED AND FINAL VERSION OF THE WIZARD STICK

NO WONDER KEITH GOT SHOT OUT, LOOK AT THE FIRE COMING FROM HIS CUP

I DID NOTHING TO THIS PHOTO, ONE OF THREE INSANE SHOTS OF DAVE AND JEN

MIXING YOUR DRINKS ON AN OLD WHISKEY BARREL, PRICELESS

JK 47

THE CLOSEST THING TO A GROUP SHOT

THE GROUP SHOT BEFORE WE WENT OFF TO WORK well some of us did.

LIKE I SAID, SOME OF US WENT TO WORK, I AM POSING ON THE BIKE

SERVE ME AN UNDERCOOKED BURGER AGAIN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS

I am making even more great memories with friends as I type this, but wanted to share a little bit of just last

week with you all.  During winter, the early dark nights and shit like that brings me down and I am usually a miserable bastard but with all of these friends around lately I don't even have a moment to stop and realize that it is even winter.  WEll WITH THE EXCEPTION OF RIDING ON MARIO'S BAGGER WITH HEATED SEATS AND GRIPS, that night I remembered it was winter.

KEEP THE WIND IN YOUR FACE, TITS IN YOUR BACK AND THE MAN OFF YOUR ASS!

Things are looking up

I know so many of us have had it so bad for so long now.  Jobs are leaving the country faster than illegals are coming in.  We seem to end each month about 200 bucks short of what we need to pay for all of the shit from last month when we were 200 bucks short then too.  People with master degrees in engineering are making coffee at Starbucks just to get out of the house where their angry ass wife lives and she hasn't been able to get her nails done by the lil asian illegal who was smuggled here in a cargo container.  She won't gain her freedom anytime soon because all the white women had to cut down on getting their nails done.  The days of the "early" bikini wax are over and for some the age of bikini wax just may be gone forever.  Which leaves the miserable coffee making engineer fighting his way through a late 60's hippie bush and choking on the loose pubes that find themselves wrapped around his tonsils deep in the back of his throat.  Let me tell you from experience, there is nothing that ruins a woman's mood more than when you slip down from her neck to her chest to her belly and beyond, start planting little kisses and suddenly you are hacking and gagging!  Obviously she thinks that you are offended and disgusted by what it is you found when in fact you are just choking on the base jumping pube who leaps into the back of your throat.  A sure fire way for the fight to start.  Why don't you trim this fucking thing?  Why don't you get a better job so that I can afford a razor that don't come from the dollar store in a pack of 90?  Why do you have to act just like your mother?  Why are you pointing that shotgun at me?  I am sure you have all been there right?

Well, it seems that we may be at the beginning of poking our heads out of this hole.  It seems that the real estate market is starting to flat line in it's values.  It seems that there are less Canadians buying homes here now and more Americans are holding onto their homes.  Maybe it's the holidays that bring out the hope that we shared as kids?  Maybe it's because the aforementioned engineer who is working at Starbucks also got a part time job at Wal-mart for Christmas, I don't know what is going on, but things seem to feel a little bit less like that "impending feeling of doom" and more like "we are going to make it".  I hope that it's the latter of the two and that it lasts for some time.

For myself and my family, things are picking up for sure.  There seems to be light at the end of the tunnel.  Well at least it appears to be a light, perhaps it is just an illusion from lack of quality food over the last two years.  The lil woman is selling houses and properties like crazy again and although the commissions are one 5th what they use to be, money is flowing into our home again like it use to.  For me, I have concentrated less on stand up comedy although I absolutely love it and I am writing like mad again.  I surely have missed it and I think it is all based on mood.  When I feel like shit, the writing is dark and miserable and nobody wants to read that, but with the noose around my neck having loosened a bit, the creativity is flowing like mad.  I am currently in negotiations along with a great friend to co host what looks like it could be an amazing television series.  I would share more but don't want to poison the pond by giving the details.  Although things are looking up, I am still superstitious and don't want to jinx it.  I am still going to host bike events because there is nothing that compares to them, nothing!  So if you or someone you know is looking for the host with the most, don't hesitate to have them reach out to me.  I wasn't sure what the year ahead had in store for me so I held off on booking events.

I hope that you guys, my friends are seeing the same light and that your future is looking brighter.  I have learned that through these past few "lean" years, that we need far less than we had.  I have learned that love, loyalty, honor and respect go much further and last longer than the limit you had on that credit card that you can't afford to pay anyway.  I have learned that through tough times "the cream truly does rise to the top" and the scumbags in your life fall away, usually after stealing from you, but fall away none the less.  That the people who will be in your life have stuck around and proven their worth by holding the same core values of L,L,H & R and have all ridden out the same storm with some semblance of dignity no matter how hard they themselves have had it.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG, LONG TIME, IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE ALL GOING TO MAKE IT!  I hope that this is true for all of us and I am not just feeling this good because I awoke to a blow job this morning.  If in- fact this is the reason I feel this way and in-fact the world is still racing down hill at break neck speed and we have no brakes, please don't tell me until tomorrow and let me have this one day.