Banned In The Middle East

So back around the third week of December a few friends reached out to me via email and facebook.  They wanted to tell me something that they were both furious about and hysterical over at the same time.  It seems that in the mix of these fine folks were some American ex-patriates, a few Europeans, a few Americans working in Dubai and one Iranian girl who I have no idea how she can even find a way to read my blog and I guess risks going to prison to read it wanted to let me know that my blog, Jackshitsworld had been blocked in their countries.  JACK SHIT BANNED IN THE MIDDLE EAST!

If I never achieve anything else in my life, I can go to my grave and know that I have achieved something great.  I have never been able to travel with our soldiers and do my part for this country.  I have not been able to catch a USO tour and bring smiles to our soldiers and it bothered me.  But knowing that I made some miserable jihadist pricks so worked up that the Government had to block their people from reading what I write helps me to sleep at night.  Screw any one who tries to hold another back! 

Then the thought occurred to me, I wonder if this means that the very soldiers that I try to get strange women to pay it forward and show these said soldiers their boobs!  Yes those soldiers, I wonder if this meant that they could not read the blog.  If they lose touch of why they are fighting I did more damage than good.  So in the spirit of supporting our troops, I offer you tyrannical pieces of shit running that shit hole of a sand box you got over there this gesture of peace.  I will try and act more appropriate for your beliefs and try to fit in with your culture some more.  Well see for yourself, how's this?

I hope that this will show you how very serious I take you.  Yes, that is a bb gun in my hand....  Turn the damn blog back on now so my little Iranian friend can see how much fun we have here in America and I can make my other friends laugh again....

Sincerely,
Jack Shit

MORE MOTORCYLE STUPIDITY Try this at home!

So you guys know full well that I am a hardcore chopper guy right?  But there was a time that I too had suffered from Bagger Syndrome.  It is only after a few years of therapy that I am able to admit this openly.  Don't get me wrong, there is a time and a place for these bikes so those of you who ride them, understand that I am just dicking with you.  The first year the Street Glide came out was just after I moved to AZ. full time.  I was never going to give in and buy one and if I did, it was going to be an old Pan Shovel or something like that.  That is when I started to realize the vast differences between riding out west and riding back east.  For example; back east I would go on a poker run and the entire run would be between 80 - 100 miles total.  100 miles on a rigid Knuck, that ain't shit!  Out west though, I quickly realized that the poker runs out here might be 80 - 100 miles between stops!  Still not a problem on the Knuck but it was beating the shit out of both my ol bike and my ol lady.  I kinda dug the look of the Street Glide and figured it was the least baggery of the baggers available and I got one.  It took me a while to get use to riding it and when no one was around to see or hear me, I even turned the radio on!  YES I DID!  Now both myself and the lil woman were ready for some real road trips, here is the story of one of those trips.  Now as many of you know, I tell some pretty wild stories and quite often people would say no way or come on man, it didn't happen like that.... so I began to document these stories with photos!  So here we go.

An old friend had suggested that we jump on the bikes and take the ride out to Las Vegas.  It would be about 7 hours of riding non stop, a bit longer with fuel and smoke breaks.  Just before we left, my girl decided that she was going to ride in the car with my buddy's wife and teenage son, okay, no sweat.  Now anyone who has ever ridden more than a few hundred miles across the desert knows although beautiful it can get kind of boring.  The problem with being bored at 90mph on a bike means it becomes time for stupid human tricks but you still need to stay with the pack.  The first thing that I had been wondering about was how comfortable was the back seat really while riding?  Since there was no way to try this out without riding bitch I had to figure out another way..... ah yes, throttle lock!

..... and you know what?  The wife was right, the back seat truly was comfy.  I rode this way for nearly 20 miles and just steered the bike with my eyes and my ass.  Sadly the only pic captured that hasn't been lost to computer crashes is this one.  Now my wife absolutely hates when I fuck around while riding but like I said it was a long and really hot ride and I was getting punch drunk.  Every now and again they would come pulling up in the car next to us and snap a pic or two.  So naturally, being an attentive husband I felt that she needed my undivided attention, so I rode the next 15 miles this way;

needless to say once again she was not happy about my antics, what else is new?  So we got through the Joshua Trees, stopped in Kingman for a smoke and a Red Bull and we hit the road again.  Well we hit the road again after a long talk about me riding like an asshole at such high speeds.  Well the high speeds part I completely understood because the pack was runnin at nearly a non stop 90+.   The kicker was that everyone was right, these bikes really are comfortable.  So comfortable in fact that I had to pull what I call the 100 mph LAZY BOY!  It's an easy move, and like it's name, you just lay back like you are in a lazy boy chair and relax.  I have to tell you, it's damn comfy!

I could see the look of absolute disgust on her face and the out stretched arm giving me the finger for not listening to her was a dead give away that she was less than happy with my riding.  Well as you guys know, I live to make people smile and the woman I love was not at all happy and she hadn't smiled since I told her that I would behave leaving Kingman.  I know how to make her smile, hell, I know how to make everyone that I am with smile.  I will simply do a trick that no one can resist!  I will show you with the pics to follow the process for bringing a smile to your friends and family's face.  One note here that you should take into consideration and I did not, don't wear button fly pants when you do this trick, it makes it much more difficult in the "dis-mount" process.

Begin by unbuttoning your pants, again, if you plan to do this, wear normal jeans, button-fly makes it more difficult and more time consuming.  So now I am riding down the highway or I should say rather, flying down the highway and I am taking my pants off.  The chase car is behind me as well as the other bikes, they will all get a big kick out of this right?  My plan was to get my pants down and stand up on the seat and free ball and bare ass my way down the freeway.  Problem one, can't get one leg out of pants because of boots, problem two, once your pants are down it's difficult to stand on the seat.  Just picture when you are sitting on the toilet and your pants are at your ankles, you really can't move well, now picture that on a bike!

Okay, got the pants down and that wasn't easy, next step is to stand up and share an early fall moon with my dear friends.  I know they will enjoy this!

Now that's some funny shit right?  Here is the kicker to the whole thing.  My friends car was a black Nissan Altima and while pulling off this stupidity I watched the car in the mirror.  I was surprised that they were keeping up with us so well.  Imagine my surprise when I looked to the lane next to me to see my friends car there?  Now I am confused, who is in the car behind me?  Two old couples!  I thought I was mooning my friends and in-fact they were next to me the whole time and it was old people behind me the whole time.  Oh shit!  So now I am laughing, this is some funny shit right?  I am looking at my boys, my friends next to me and at the old people behind me.  The one and only thing that I am not paying attention to is the road or the traffic in front of me.  When I do finally decide to look straight ahead I see traffic coming to a rapid stop, flashing lights of every color available and I have my pants down!  Now it's easy to do these stupid human tricks at higher speeds, but not so easy to put your pants back on as you are hard braking so not to smash into everyone in front of you as you realize that the lane you "were" in is now ground down to just grooves and the lane is 8 feet to the right.  As I frantically try to pull my pants back on before I get to the virtual POLICE ROAD BLOCK AHEAD and not crash out the bike I see my wife's face looking at me and I know the look!  It's that look like, the first thing she wants to do is get a quicky divorce once we get to Vegas!  I have to say that it was a big hit.  Here are two photos of my buddy who was riding behind me, in front of the old people's car.  I think the expression of shock on his face in the first pic is good but the tongue hanging out in the second is even better.

Needless to say, I didn't crash out, the cops didn't nail me and instead of rushing to get a quicky divorce my wife decided that I had learned my lesson and partying all weekend at Hogs and Heifers would be a better course of action.

SEE YOU SOMEWHERE ON THE ROAD

AND REMEMBER

THAT ASSHOLE YOU SEE ON THE BIKE IN FRONT

OF YOU, JUST MAY BE YOUR FRIEND

JACKSHIT!



Jack Shit & Bean're Take Over The World Famous Dirty Dogg Saloon for Arizona Bike Week 2011

Well folks, the word is out. 

The cat is out of the bag and we tied that furry little prick up pretty good too!

Tonight we signed the deal with the World Famous Dirty Dogg Saloon in Scottsdale, Arizona for both myself and Bean're to appear daily and make sure our fellow bikers have the absolute best time they have ever had at AZ Bike Week.  In the weeks to come we will keep you guys posted with all the particular details for the events hosted at the Dogg and the events that we personally support and will be riding on as well.  If you have never been to AZ Bike Week you should come check it out, this state is stunningly beautiful and has some of the greatest day rides on the planet.  Most importantly if you have never been to the Dirty Dogg, you have absolutely no idea what you are missing.  This is hands down one of the greatest Saloons that I have ever been to and one of only three bars in the Valley that I truly love to go to.

In the hours of this info coming out we have been bombarded with emails, face book messages, texts and phone calls and people were really excited.  The Dogg was one of the first bars that I ever pulled into on my rented Harley on my very first trip ever to Arizona.  From the outside I thought ok, yeah so what?  Well that changed the moment we walked into the door.  The place was a zoo!  The band was rocking, the place was packed with the greatest people and everyone was laughing, smiling and pointing.  When we made it into the main bar I damn near shit myself.  To the right side of the room was a kick ass, long over sized bar and every eye in the building was staring at it.  I look up and I see nearly naked women hanging upside down and swinging like a circus act...... and it was the bar maids!  The place was going absolutely mad, talk about a show.  The crazy part is that this wasn't during bike week, if my memory serves me right it was like a normal Friday night!  I WAS SOLD FOR LIFE! 

As you know, I am not only a comic,a writer and an Ordained Minister but what I truly love is hosting bike events and I mean big bike events.  I get on that mic, on that stage and I have electricity running through my veins.  Nothing gets me going more than hearing a crowd go absolutely ape shit with laughter and smiles.  Walking through the crowd and meeting people from all over the world and people shaking my hand and telling me how happy they are because now they finally KNOW JACK SHIT makes me feel happier than damn near anything in the world.  Since moving out west to AZ, I have done some local  bike events, performed stand up, did some weddings and sadly a few funerals already.  The one thing I haven't done and it was by choice was get involved in anyway with AZ Bike Week.  I hadn't found a place that I wanted to call my home and represent.  All I wanted to do was host the best party in town at the best place and I hadn't yet been afforded the opportunity.  TONIGHT I WAS GIVEN THAT OPPORTUNITY and I jumped on it.

One of the things I like the most about the Dogg or perhaps I should say the very thing I like the Best is that the Dirty Dogg Saloon is a family.  Their employees are a family and have been there for years and I am honored to have been asked to become part of it.  To Jack and Juli over at the Dogg, I just want to say thank you. 

So keep checking my blog, my facebook page and do the same with all the Bean're pages to stay up to date with what's to come.  As always I want to thank you guys for being such great friends and supporting us both with our love and addiction for all things motorcycles, entertaining and bringing joy across the land!

SEE YOU ALL IN AZ FOR BIKE WEEK 2011 

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to reach out to either of us anytime.

A video I just got turned on to... enjoy

A friend turned me onto this video last night. This was on my birthday while I was hosting the Broken Spoke Saloon during the 70th Sturgis Rally. Michael Lichter had told the big man, Jay Allen that he wanted to shoot some burnouts. Jay told me and I was off to search the crowd. This is the World Famous Broken Spoke Saloon and we don't do it any other way than big. While the day was going on we hosted the Easy Rider Ride in Chopper Show. Not only did we have burnouts, but we had insane burnouts. I grabbed the one and only Teach, Cycle Source Magazines, Man of the year and gently applied a lil bit of pressure. How bout showing the world that these old bikes aren't just for showing but they are show as hell for BLOWING!!! I could see the pain in his eyes as he said, JackShit, I'd love to, but I have to ride her home and the tranny is brandy new. I said well, no worries man, just thought you would like to show the world. I walked away fully knowing that I lit a fuse. Roadside Marty won the whole kitten caboodle, Best Of Show and I hit him with the very same speech. He hit me with the same reaction. Oh well I said, I think there are a pair of Honda Goldwings that are waiting, they'll do it, they are dying to. That was it, the rest was history. I made the announcement that we were about to do some burnouts..... the crowd went nuts. As I stepped up to the stage, mic in hand, my arm was grabbed, it was Roadside, he said, I'll be right back, with my bike.... OH HELL YEAH! As I turned to get back to business Teach was standing there and looking really serious, he said and I quote, I'm gonna do this and I am gonna do it for you! I love these two. Well they did it and they destroyed it! These burnouts were immortalized on mag covers and features all around the world. I have yet to see any of Lichter's shots but I know they must be incredible. Once again, without my friends, I am nothing, thank you all again and enjoy.....

Love was the word for the day! Love's Cycles that is

It's been pretty nuts for me since the holidays and I have fallen behind on so many things.  Things I want to get done, things I wish to get done and things I NEED to get done.  One of the things that I NEEDED to get done was get my knuck back up and running strong again.  It's been sitting for far too long in my living room and poolside.  Since I moved into and rehabbed the home that I am living in, I have yet to get the garage cleaned out much less set up, the very reason my bike lives inside my house,  (The reason I tell the lil woman that is).  It's nice to have it right inside but it is a real mess when you start pulling primary covers and changing the oil. 

My good friend Pinner finally said enough of this shit, bring on up to the shop and let's change that primary chain.  You mean a shop, with a lift and easily accessed tools that aren't still packed in different unmarked boxes, that kind of a shop?  So I got the bike up to Glendale and rolled it into the yard, the carpeted yard, try that shit where it snows.... 

Sitting on that carpeting is a 46', 47' and a 48'.  Off in the background are two Shovelheads, another Panhead and an XR1000, not to mention another bad ass Shovel chop in the shop.  I am not sure why I feel the way I do when I am there, but a sense of calmness comes over me while dicking around in that shop.

We got the bike up on the lift and of course changing the primary wasn't as simple as you would hope it would be, the old, slip one off and slip a new one back on it's place.  Once we pulled the old primary chain, we held it up with the new one side by side and the old one had been stretched a good 1/2 inch.... Now that is some hard riding.  It took some time extra time because I knocked some of the needle bearings off, woops.  We finished up the bike and I loaded it up on a trailer and trucked it back the 35 miles home.  Pulled it off the trailer, changed my clothes, kicked her to life and took off...  About one mile away I began to think, oh shit, I should have test ridden her before loading her up.  The clutch was slipping!  I was now running late to meet some folks that had ridden in from Cali. for the Love's Party in Phoenix.  I had pretty much no tools on me, but I did have a screwdriver.  I adjusted the linkage and it appeared to have solved the problem.  I rode balls out to Phoenix and met Pinner over at Love's and we rode up the street to the bar.

 You know you can't go wrong when you pull up to the bar with two Knuckleheads on Two Knuckleheads and park next to another Knucklehead.  We hung out in the bar for an hour or two and then decided to hit the one and only TT's Roadhouse in Scottsdale.  We fire them dirty bitches to life and took off blasting through the city.  We headed towards the freeway and upon pulling away from the last light, I could feel the clutch slipping again, oh well, The Candy Man has a bag of tools, I'll fix it at TT's.  We banged the right and tore ass up the on ramp and merged into the right lane of traffic and with that, the pack pulled away and I hit fourth gear and had nothing, oh shit!  Down shift, 3rd, 2nd and I look in my mirror and here comes this guy in a truck in the right lane flashing his high beams and holding on the horn, yeah boy, I'm screwed!  I look down at my dash and see that I am doing 45 now in a 65 and I'm gonna be plowed down, I also notice that the numbers on my trip meter read, you guessed it, 666, now I know that I am dead for sure.  In the end it wasn't as close as it began to appear and the guy went around and I coasted halfway up the exit ramp and pushed it the rest of the way.  Here is where she sat.

In my rush to get out and not keep anyone waiting I didn't grab shit for tools, just some pliers and a pair of screw drivers.  There was nothing I could do, I needed one simple tiny lil allen wrench and without it, I was one stupid, stuck, non test riding ass on the side of the road, 25 miles from home at midnight....  Really great day gone to total horse shit in just two series of Jockey Shifting!  In my rush to get the bike done and having gotten distracted, I only hand tightened the nut on the shaft.  Gotten side tracked with dicking with another bike and came back took a look and buttoned up the primary, I never wrenched it down tight and now I would pay for it!  Pinner took off and came back with an allen, tightened down the stupid nut, buttoned her back up and took off for the bar, total down time, 1:10 minutes. 

The next day we met in the afternoon with a bunch of Cali. guys in downtown Phoenix.  Hung for a bit as a guest of some fine fellers "house" and then rode into the party probably 20 of us on choppers.  What a turnout, you could see it as you rolled up on the place.  We parked our scoots pretty much each knowing what section of the lot to go to.  I was blown away by the bikes as I rolled up.  Flatties, Pans and knucks everywhere you looked and all surrounded by Shovels and even a few Indians, today would be a good day.  I got to spend the day surrounded by great people bullshitting about amazing old iron.  A really good day.  I won't bore you with any more story, I'll just show you some pics of the bikes that came out for the ride and to party.

These are just a few of the incredible bikes that were there.  Not only were there choppers but full on 100 point originals as well.  Some as original as they "remain" or have "survived".  This show and event were truly an event for you to mark on your calender.  Once again I will say it, without my friends I wouldn't be the person that I am nor would I be able to live the life that I do, so thank you again brother Pinner!  I will see the rest of you guys somewhere on and down the road soon, until then,

KEEP THE WIND IN YOUR FACE

TITS IN YOUR BACK

AND THE MAN OFF YOUR ASS!

Missing In Action

Well not completely in action, sometimes missing in complete in-action.  Sometimes in life, we need to take a step back, re-evaluate the path we're on, set new goals to strive for, take stock in the people that you are surrounding yourself with and then strike while the iron is hot.  Then, sometimes in life, a great day is one where ya get up in the morning, wander around your backyard aimlessly in your robe or underwear (usually I do this wearing nothing but Bean're won't stop staring at me), smoke a few cigs, take a marvelous dump and then sit on the couch and watch reruns of Saved by the Bell until it's time to go to sleep again and repeat the following day.  For some crazy ass reason, winter always gets me down.  Now not down low enough to shed a tear or enough for me to stop laughing at the people who keep tripping and falling over the broken sidewalk in front of my house, but still down none the less.  Back in the day, I thought that it was because of the short hours of daylight that comes with winter or the inability to just hop on the bike and take off because the road was covered with black ice.  I don't know, maybe it is the annual 20lbs I gain during the winter because I inherently grow incredibly lazy during this time of year.  One way or another something had to give!

For a person like myself who's sole purpose in life is to bring laughter and smiles to everyone around me, feeling like total shit truly sucks the life out of me.  No matter how I feel, since I was a kid, I hide it inside and work harder to bring those smiles because when I get them I feel just a tiny bit better, Tears of a clown I guess you could say.  Don't get me wrong here, I am not sitting here practicing noose tying I just got those winter blues.  In years past I was able to kick those blues with a trip someplace warm and tropical or head on down to Daytona for bike week, get in some riding and some sun and it carried me through the back end of the winter.  Now here is the problem, yes it's winter but now I live in paradise, it's damn near always somewhat warm, the sun is nearly always out and there is virtually never a reason that you can't just hop on the bike and go for a ride.  So what's my problem you ask?  I'LL BE DAMNED IF I KNOW?  I have more or less been damn near a zombie to live with and I have absolutely no interest in a God Damned thing and I mean nothing.  Even for myself, having survived a lifetime of madness, traumas and injuries and almost always looking at life with the glass half full this was becoming too much to handle, I didn't even want to hang out with me.  I NEEDED A CHANGE AND I NEEDED IT FAST.......  but what do you change when nearly everything in your life is good and should bring you nothing but joy?  I wasn't sure, but I sure needed to find it and find it before I snapped and end up living in a refrigerator box talking to my only friend, ME and lately, I'm not that sure we are such good friends!

I turned off the computer, stopped answering emails and answered important calls only.  We had some family come out and stay with us for a week or so and I got up, still took that morning dump, got dressed and I left the house.  Like I said, I live in paradise and it had been far too long since I enjoyed some of it.  I was off to find my smile again, the one I have learned not to take for granted any longer.  First stop, get out into the desert and remind of myself why I fell in love with it in the first place.  I took off and headed east in the truck with my brother, my possible nephew in law to be and  a cooler full of water and rockstars.  This is what I found on day one;

The relief that I felt at the end of the day was in-fact measurable.  There was definitely a feeling of less pressure in my temples and my neck didn't hurt as bad, perhaps I was onto something here?  The following day, most of the family set out to go of all places, FUCKING SHOPPING, this I know will not make me happy, it will for sure make me quite unhappy.  I decided that I needed some more nature and some more sunshine.  I loaded up the truck this time with my niece and her boyfriend and we headed out into the desert in another direction, this time I wanted to see some water and some snow covered mountains.  Well thanks to Global Warming here in Az., I didn't have to go but 30 minutes away to see either, here is some of day two;

Yeup!  It was working for sure, a little bit at a time.  What I began to realize was not that it was the beauty that I was seeing that made me feel better but it was the incredible smiles that these excursions were bringing to my family.  There was no way to gauge the awe that I could see in their eyes or how blown away they had been because they had never seen anything like this in person, much less been taken right up to it face to face.  All that I know was that I was once again feeling joy by bringing joy to others and that's what it is supposed to be about right?  I was beginning to get a real taste for this being happy again shit and I was going to make the most of it.  I have so far gone in two of the four points on the compass, on the next day out, I was going to hit the third, here's a taste of it;

So we hit some lakes, visited a ghost town, saw some snow covered mountains, watched a few mind blowing sunsets from atop a mountain and brought a long separated family back together, I was starting to feel pretty good.  But for all the sunshine, a bit of rain must fall and it did.  Now not enough to knock me back in my progress to find my smile but there were a few little things that just made me want to bang my head against the wall.  Here is an example; we are in Scottsdale, the weather is gorgeous and we hear about this place called Sprinkles and they sell cupcakes and that's all!  Who doesn't love a cupcake, I mean hello?  Well there are 6 of us, so we order 12 cupcakes, this way everyone can have 2!  What a great plan!  A good cupcake can bring a smile to even the meanest son of a bitch's face right?  That is until the woman from hell behind the counter says how would you like to pay for that?  Well, debit I guess, it's easier that way.  She rings it up and I enter my code and then I look at my receipt....... DUMBFOUNDED is the only way I guess to describe how I must have looked.  Excuse me ma'am, there must be some sort of mistake here, DID I BREAK A WINDOW OR SOMETHING?  It seems that my receipt here says $43.66, did I buy cupcakes for the state?  She looked at me like I was shit stuck on her shoe.....  yes, the bill was correct, that is how much a dozen cupcakes cost!  I wasn't going to let this piss me off, it was just that I felt raped!  Well I know how to make everyone smile!  I have always wanted to go to the PHX Zoo, it's rated in the top 5 so let's go.  I check the website to see the hours of operation.  It states open till 5 pm and it takes 2-2.5 hours to tour the zoo, perfect timing!  We drive to the zoo, find a place to park, gather all of the shit that we can't bring into the zoo and it was a long list, lock it up in the back of the truck and gather the pack and head to the gate.  Wow, great news, it is the very last night of ZOO LIGHTS, the award winning holiday display!  We get up to the window, say 6 people please for the zoo and the lights.....  The lady behind the bullet proof glass says, that will be $181.44 please and the zoo will be closing in one hour.  I'm sorry, I thought you said $180?  Yes, that's what I said thank you...... now I am not a cheap bastard by any means at all.... but we are now at around $230 for 12 cupcakes and an hour at the zoo.... I can feel Mr. Unhappy about to rear his ugly ass head!  I swallowed it down because I didn't want to ruin any one's day!  Needless to say though, we didn't go to the zoo.

The following morning we awoke to the news of the shootings down in Tucson and we watched live on tv as the carnage added up and horror unfolded.  If this incident or others like it don't make you realize that no matter what is happening in your life, no matter how "blue" you feel, no matter what your finances are, we must be eternally grateful that it is not one of my family or myself laying there on the ground fighting for our lives.  It all comes into perspective.  None of this matters at all.  Life is too short!  It doesn't matter what is going on.  It doesn't matter that someone you thought was your friend turns out to be a self serving, self absorbed piece of shit.  It doesn't matter that no matter what you do to help people the odds of it ever being repaid are often slim to none.... it doesn't matter that life can be full of disappointment, that the economy sucks, that people we love are fighting to hang onto their homes, all of this shit is minimal when you look at the big picture.....  Live your life for others.  Live it with gusto.  Love with all you can give and learn to expect nothing back so that when it does come back, you won't be expecting it and it will be twice as nice.  Get outside and let the sun shine warm upon your face, take in something that makes you smile and above all else live by four letters, L,L,H & R.... LOVE, LOYALTY, HONOR AND RESPECT!  What we put out into the world comes back on us, so put out good things and let the proverbial shit that falls from those pieces of shit that somehow slip past our best defenses and into our lives just slide right down your back.  Worry less and live more.  For the rest of this winter, I WILL NOW BE ONCE AGAIN, HAPPY JACK!  If I have to kill some sons o bitches to make it happen damn it!  Oh yeah, having a bad ass knucklehead helps a great deal too!

Don't worry, be happy....... don't piss in any one's Cheerios and don't take anything for granted!

Yes, I'm back bitches!  Just look how happy I look here in this pic..... okay it's a year old and it was springtime.