RANDOM ACTS OF BULLSHIT

Well we are sorry sir, it's just that you were picked randomly to receive this drug test.  Well sir, we are sorry but you have been randomly selected for the physical pat down from one of our obviously qualified TSA Agents, we regret to inform you sir, but you were randomly picked from this line of traffic for a routine motor vehicle inspection.  I've long believed that there was nothing truly "random" about any of these situations and more yet I always seem to find myself in them.  If you used the same equation, the same mathematical formula that I get selected for these other things then one would have to believe that I would also have the same odds of "randomly" winning a 50/50, a scratch off lottery ticket, a pull of the slot machine's arm or even so much as a God damned door prize at a charity event but I NEVER, EVER get randomly selected for those.  I have to admit, it is pissing me off!

This last month, I went to the doctor, the same doctor that I've been seeing for more than 8 years and I walk in the door and put a urine collection cup on the counter.  I knew the answer, but I had to ask, "what's that for"?  Well sir, you've been randomly selected by our computer for drug testing.  It is amazing how damn near every single month, I'm "randomly" selected.  You would think after 8 years of passing these fucking tests for them they would just realize that I'm not ON DRUGS!  Not only that, but I took a monster piss just prior to leaving my house and it would be hours before I'd ever have to go again, I was not going to wait hours in the doctor's office to take a piss and I flipped the hell out!  I let in to the girl, a girl I'd never seen before at this office and tore her a new asshole and it didn't phase her in one bit, she just handed me the cup!  Diane was laughing her ass off and at the same time begging me to quiet down.  I bitched in the lobby, at the desk, on the scale for the official weigh in (like I'm going in to a prize fight), while getting my blood pressure taken and even boiling mad, just so you guys don't worry about me, it was still good and finally when the person in charge walked in.  I just pissed and moaned, ranted and raved about screw this and enough of that and I didn't see the old lady get handed a "random" cup etc etc.

Today had to be the topper of it all though.  We had to run up to Peoria to show a friend a home that he and his wife were considering purchasing.  I noticed something stuck to the top of my robo garbage can.  I knew we were running late as we had to meet an appraiser as well, but I had to see what the hell was taped to my can.  THIS WAS TAPED TO MY CAN!

Just in case you find it difficult to read, I've taken another photo a bit closer so that you don't have to squint.  This was the part that just made me shake my head and all I could think was "are you fucking kidding me"?

If things aren't bad enough with every other thing that I'm "randomly" selected for, this has to be the very best of all of them.  Really?  You just happened to pick my garbage can to randomly inspect?  It's not because of the bikes constantly parked at the house or the scumbags I consider to be dear friends that lurk outside smoking the occasional cigarette that drew your attention?  Did they think that the by products from my meth lab were just placed on the top of my garbage can, above the old copies of Diane's People Magazine?  I assume that someone walking by on their way to school or walking their dog was drinking a can of coke and as they passed, lifted the lid and threw it in.  One would have thought that I was throwing away depleted uranium waste.  I was also informed that although I was "not in compliance" with the established regulations, this would only serve as a warning.  So now I guess MORE "random" garbage can inspections are heading my way to make sure "I'm in compliance"!  This is what we've become?  Peeking in our neighbors garbage cans?  Do I have to take my garbage to the curb and then before the truck picks it up, do a self inspection to make sure that no "non compliant" trash has found its way in to my friggin can? 

Soldiers are dying, kids go hungry, 43 million Americans are now on food stamps, the economy is in the toilet and we are still at around 9% nationally in unemployment but the GARBAGE CAN INSPECTORS are gainfully employed and don't worry folks, they are here to protect us from ourselves, whether we like it or not!  I can't begin to put in to words just how fucking sick and tired I am of all of this ridiculous bullshit!  I really have had about all one can take.  I am done, revolution is calling and next week, I WILL MAKE MY STAND and I will throw two Coke cans in!  As I type this, Forrest Gump is once again playing on tv in the background and all I can think is how much better off we'd all be with him holding the positions some of these other fools hold!  These are just magical times we are living in my friends.  Enjoy them before you are "randomly" selected for something you can't stand too!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ASS and out of your garbage cans!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit

You are only as good as your word!

They say that a man is only as good as his word and I guess that would be the same for a business or for that matter your favorite bar!  I mean hell, to find someone that lives up to their word these days is like going in to the woods to look for Big Foot, you are pretty sure that it is out there but will you ever find it, doubtfully.  I'm a firm believer in "if you say you are going to do something, then damn well do it"!

Last year, right about this same time, I made a big announcement and everyone was totally pumped about it!  I can't even begin to tell you about the amount of emails, facebook comments and messages that I got asking me about the announcement.  It was the most excited I had seen people over one simple announcement.  It seemed that within 24 -36 hours, I can't remember, I was too pissed off to be accurate any more, I had to rescind the announcement and tell everyone that it was not going to happen.  Then I got more messages and some of them included everything from "well that sucks", "well you suck", "were you just pulling our chains", "anything to boost hits to your page" and shit like that.  At least the "well that sucks" part was accurate.  You see we worked so hard to track down, put in a bid, make an offer, get a verbal YES and that made us feel confident enough to make the announcement.  Shortly after, we got kicked in the nuts, the show wasn't going to happen.  We tried to pull off something that we weren't sure we could even do.  You see, immediately after playing with us, for you guys, the band was to leave to head over to the Middle East and entertain the troops and as it turns out, there was just no way to squeeze the gig in.  To say we were upset would not even begin to come close to how we felt.  We had to make the announcement that the show was cancelled and luckily, since we do nearly every major concert for free at The Spoke, we didn't have to return any ticket money. 

So here we are, those announcements were as good as "GIVING OUR WORD" and then we broke it............   OR DID WE?  Well it has taken us a year to keep our word but this has been the first and only chance that we have been able to pull this off!  When I came to work at The Spoke I told you all that if we screw it up, we will own up and we will try to fix it.  If there is something you don't like, let us know and we will try to make it better and above all else, WE ARE GOING TO DO, WHAT WE SAY WE ARE GOING TO DO!  So in the spirit of being as good as our word, here ya go.

This is going to be one hell of a night at The Legendary Broken Spoke Saloon during Biketoberfest so make plans to get there early, party your asses off with us and get a good spot for the show!  If the reaction to last year's post is any hint of how good this night is going to be then we are all in for making some serious memories! 

We've got so much planned for you all for this rally but I'm not ready to spill the beans on all of it yet but believe me, it is coming soon!  So spread the word, share this post, let your friends know that on October 18th, there will only be one place to be during Biketoberfest and you guys know where that is!

I've just crossed that mystical line.  That line when you know you have an event coming up and you are in a laid back, chill pattern of working and getting things done because you seem to have all the time in the world, then you cross that "30 day line" and it suddenly becomes HOLY SHIT, we've got a party to throw in less than a month!

For all of you who have supported The Spoke for so many years and for those of you who have only come to know The Spoke in recent years, thank you and remember, we do this all for you! 

SO GET YOUR ASS TO DAYTONA AND GET YOUR ASS TO THE BROKEN SPOKE SALOON!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The man off your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

It's A WAR ZONE HERE!

AS I'VE SAID FROM THE VERY BEGINNING, IF A BLOG POST I HAVE WRITTEN AND SHARED EVER CHANGES, IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM FROM ITS ORIGINAL CONTENT, I WILL NOTIFY YOU IMMEDIATELY AND EXPLAIN WHAT THE CHANGE IS:  As this announcement is written in bright red, so will the change to the piece.  In this case, you will find the change at the very bottom of this post.  I ask that you please share this and if you can possibly help to please do.



As many of you know, I believe that I was put on earth to help people and to bring smiles to their faces.  Unless I am out of my mind pissed off, disgusted with the way things are with the world these days or sharing a video of another psychopath cop violating someones most simple of human rights, I try to keep things on this blog positive.  There are times though that topics that I must touch on fall between the cracks of shedding light on something or trying to make you laugh and these are the posts that I find to be the most difficult to write.  This my friends, sadly, is one of those posts that falls in to the deepest part of the abyss between these topics. 

I was on the phone today and I could hear the call waiting beeping and beeping but I could not see who was calling, it just wasn't coming up on the screen.  If I can't see who is calling, there is no way on earth that I am going to answer the phone!  I'm pretty sure this goes back to the time in our lives when we were losing everything and the bill collectors called at all hours of the day and night!  For two years each and every single time the door bell rang or the phone rang and it came up with "unknown caller" or an "800" number I would want to duck and cover.  Those days are gone, but they are not forgotten.  I was on the phone with a pretty important call and I was sitting on the patio when the back door opened and Diane came walking out with a panicked look on her face.  "Adam is on the phone and he sounds really upset, I think something is very wrong" Diane said.  So we switched phones and for my friend Adam to be this upset, I already knew what the call was going to be, what I didn't know was who was this call going to be about?  My gut and my fear were correct!  I've known Adam now for quite a few years and I've never heard him so shaken.  His voice was like I've never heard it and I was able to make out all the words he spoke but the name of the person that we lost.  I said that I was sorry to make him repeat it, but I couldn't understand what he said and when he repeated it, my heart sank.  Our friend Randy Pants was killed on his bike, not far from where I live.

Now I'm not sure of the details as I've already heard conflicting reports which are just so typical when something like this happens and I'm not even sure what bike he was on, but of his rides, seeing him roll up on this bike always brought a big smile to my face.

To say that Randy Pants had an attitude would be an understatement!  I loved this guy!  He always had a way to bring a smile to your face.  Over this last year, I've not gotten to see him as much as I use to, but that doesn't mean that I didn't often think of him.  Every now and again I'd be looking for a specific pic on the computer and come across some old shots of him and in each and every shot there was one of two things, either a big ass smile or him giving the finger!  If you can't read what the tank says in the pic above, take a look at the pic below.   I think this sort of put his whole attitude in one single statement out there for the whole world to see.

The day these photos were taken we were at a benefit for another friend who had been killed on his bike.  Riding here in AZ truly is  A WAR ZONE and unfortunately, you just never know how things are going to end up when you fire up that bike and simply go for a ride.  His big ass smile brought a light to an otherwise dark day.  I'll never forget laughing that he had just paid to have his bike washed to benefit the family that day, yet the bike had NO PAINT to mention and looked better dirty as hell, but he did it because it raised money for the children left behind and I hope that those of you who are reading this will help when the time comes for us to do the very same thing for his family!  I think one of his kids is just now a toddler and this child will never get to know his dad at all and that breaks my fucking heart!

Like I said, he either had a big ass smile or he was giving the finger.  What seems like an eternity now, we had a mutual friend that I had a falling out with and that mutual friend was one of his dearest friends.  Rather than say "hey fuck you Jack" I'm choosing sides, it was never mentioned, he never chose a side, he just stayed a friend to each of us and I have mad respect for him for that!  He never let what happened between two mutual friends affect his relationship with either one of us! 

It's when a tragedy like this transpires, that you look back and regret not going out more or making it to more events that your friends are attending.  It never enters your mind that you just may never see some of these people again until the stark realization that it is too late and you will never see that smile or stand side by side flipping the bird to the camera or to the passing police cars!  Once again, my heart bleeds, my heart aches and I am left confused and wondering why the best people are taken from us while the scum of the earth float along leaving nothing but damage, pain and bad karma in their wakes.  Perhaps we will never know the answer to this question and if history is any indicator, it doesn't seem like this will be something that will ever change.

 Randy Pants, you will always have a positive place in my heart, in my memory and to those who have been left behind by yet another tragic loss, know that this man left a positive mark on this world and all those he encountered while just living in it!

Between my brother Adam who called me with this horrific news and Randy Pants, they are each equally half responsible for one of the most memorable moments I've ever experienced at a bike run.  When you listen to fools, the MOB RULES and that is just what they did that night when after non stop peer pressure we made them box it out for a gas tank that they both equally wanted and at the very same time, equally wanted the other to have.  There was no one that night that did not laugh until they damn near cried!  It was the first time I ever got to "call" a live boxing match and even now as I sit here writing this, in my profound sadness, I can't get the smile off of my face!  The fact that neither one of the two really even wanted to hit the other, the fact that Randy, being the MUCH smaller of the two, still climbed in to the proverbial ring for our enjoyment and fought like THE MAN THAT HE WAS was a testament to the kind of guy he is, oh hell, to both of them!  I'll never forget that night as long as I live and Brother Randy Pants, I will never forget you as long as I live!  I know that the video of that night is floating around on you tube somewhere and if I can find it, I'll share it because I know that you will all enjoy it as much as we did that night we witnessed it!

Brother, friend, husband, father, veteran and BIKER!  Long may you run man, long may you run!  For those of you reading this, love with all you've got, be decent to every one around you and live each and every single day to the very best of your ability because you never know if it will be your very last!  For those of you in the cages driving out there, hang up the fucking phone, pay attention to your surroundings and STOP KILLING US, I beg you!

It has also been asked if it would be okay for people to meet up at my place here in Mesa so that we made ride in together.  I would be honored to welcome those who want to do this in to our home.  We are meeting at 1pm here at my house.  If you don't know where that is, message me here, by phone or on facebook or email and I will gladly give you an address or directions.  I think we should pull out no later than 1:20 so that we can ride and make an arrival at a respectable time.  Again, thank you!

Randy Pants, Randy Batty's services will be held this Sunday at 2pm at Bunker Family Funeral Home @ 3529 E University in Mesa. Jack, Randys dad has invited everyone back to his house after the service. Feel free to call me with any questions or if you need a ride. (480) 862-4014

Until we see each other on the road again;

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

My friends pain, is my pain!

So I was up against a really hard deadline for my next two pieces for Cycle Source Magazine and everything in the universe has been against me in trying to get them done.  Today I finally found the time to sit down on the couch, fire up the lap top and get on down to the business of "fire side story telling" that I enjoy so very much.  The pieces that I wrote about were the Sturgis Rally this past August and the Boot Ride out in LA a few weeks ago.  I just could not get going, pulling back the memories from an event that was more than a month ago, an event that I damn near crawled back to my camper from each night made it a bit difficult to recall the details enough to share them.  As I sat and began to write, the memories began to flood back.  The fact that I got to see Bart Mitchel's photos that he posted up on Bikerhotline.com just two days ago ignited those memories.  If you get a chance, take a look at them and if you were there, some things you may have forgotten from being black out drunk may come back to you and if you were not there with us, you will see the madness that was Sturgis at The Spoke this year and my story will help make sense even more when you pick up the Sturgis issue of the mag.  Virtually the same thing happened with the Boot Ride and photos from that event.  By the time that I was done writing these two stories, I was feeling great.  I mean I was really feeling warm and wonderful.  I had just more or less re-lived two great events from my recent life and was experiencing some of those incredible feelings all over again.  The combination of those great feelings and the fact that the stress from being up against the deadline was now over, I fell asleep with my laptop on where else but my lap.  I drifted off for a brief while and awoke from a terrible dream.  Not only was it terrible and totally fucking weird (let's just say it began by popping what I thought was a pimple next to my belly button and having bot flies crawl from my skin to squeezing and squeezing the area until baby birds were coming from the same hole) and that was only the beginning of the dream.  I felt like shit when I woke up, sent a text to the people who we were supposed to meet for dinner saying "yeah, ain't making it" and fell back asleep.

I awoke two hours or so later with a feeling of impending doom.  This is not normally how you wake up.  I don't normally wake up with a feeling of sadness especially after falling asleep feeling so good.  I noticed that the laptop never timed out and was still on so I picked it up to distract me and get my mind on something else and in that moment, the very first post I saw on face book was from a dear friend, someone who I can now call one of my oldest friends and a person for whom I have nothing but love and respect.  This friend is legendary for being generous, kind, talented and someone who would give you the shirt off of his back, something he actually did just a few months ago when I stopped in his shop in Jersey on my trip back home.  This dear friend that I speak of is the one and only Richie Pan or as many just call him PAN! 

The photo above was taken the day before I had to leave to fly back to Arizona and the previous night we had learned that Aidan Jack Seeger had finally lost his long, hard fought battle.  I jumped in my rental car, drove 45 minutes down to Dark Star Tattoo to spend 20 minutes with my friend and have a shot in Aidan's honor.  This brother is nothing but class, just like every member of his family.

This friend has gone through so much in these last few years with family, sickness, loss, joy and pain all one after another.  He and his wife Cindy, much like Diane and myself have been together forever and they are an amazing couple.  Having someone like Cindy by his side through this roller coaster over the last few years is probably what helped to keep him sane!  Rich is truly one of the kindest people and most incredible artists I've ever known, not to mention the builder and rider of two of my all time favorite bikes, his amazing panhead Viola and the Fifth Knuckle, one of the coolest bikes I'VE EVER SEEN!  They say that great people come from great people and I believe this to be the case here. 

Tonight, the very first post that  I saw stunned me!  I had to read it and re-read it again and again just to be sure that I was not mistaken.  My brother, Richie Pan had just lost his dad!  These two had the relationship that every father and son dream of!  Papa Pan was an incredibly friendly guy and I had to really try to think back to a time that he did not greet me with a big handshake and a I had to try even harder to remember if I had ever seen him without a smile on his face and the answer that I came up with was NO, I had not!  When you move so far away from the people you love it becomes hard to keep up on everything going on in their lives but thanks to social media we can stay involved without the other even knowing that you are keeping a watchful eye out on them!  Papa Pan if memory serves me correctly fought a long hard battle himself and came out the other side victorious!  Roughly around the same time, Brother Pan lost his mom.  Two earth shattering events to have to go through and yet he handled them with class, support and dignity.  I remember that each time I saw Rich's dad, I said two things to him because he was Portugese, "Bondia an Uncashastavazia".  The first meant good morning and the other meant the box was empty.  The third thing that I said as I would leave was Cay Cariyo, I'm sure I spelled that wrong but it means, WHAT THE FUCK?  He would just laugh at me like I was a lunatic and he had the kindest smile and warmest eyes.  He would sit around the tattoo shop and hang out with everyone there and at the parties and he rode his harley riding ass off!  Like I said, great people come from great people!  I'll never forget seeing him for the first time roll his bike in to the Burnout Pit at Richie's annual Pan Stock party and smoke the tire!

This shot above is of one of those times. I just stole this shot right from Pan's page.  I'm sure he won't mind.

I won't get in to the details of how he passed as it is not my place or right to say or discuss but I just want the entire world to know that we have suffered a great loss.  When my friends are in pain, I am in pain and tonight, my heart bleeds!  One of the kindest people I've ever known, lost the kindest person he has ever known and I am crushed for the entire Pannara Family tonight!  As of right now, I know of no details of anything that we can do to help ease this pain, or of any way to donate to a cause that he loved or even so much as a funeral or memorial for this great man and when I find out, I will certainly share this with you all.  If you know Brother Pan, drop him a line, post on his wall or send him a message and let him know just how much he is loved and respected!  I always say and I will stick with that here yet again, the greatest people on earth are snatched away from us far too early while the scum of the earth just float along the top leaving nothing but damage and heartache in their wake. 

LONG MAY YOU RUN PAPA PAN!

YET ANOTHER PHOTO PROVING THAT THE SMILE NEVER LEFT THIS MANS FACE!  It was an honor to know him, to have talked with him and to have shared time with him, as limited as it was, this will be a man that I will forever hold warm memories of.  The world is much worse off now that you are gone but Heaven will be a much better place just for having you there! 

Until we see each other on the road again, be good to each other, live each and every day as if it could be your very last because you know what, it just may be!  Love hard, love long and love well!

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit