It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Last night I found some old pics from last year's Choppertown Camparound and it brought back a shit ton of memories.  What a weekend, what an event and what an amazing core group of friends I am lucky enough to have.  While taking a mental walk back in time and looking back on the event and what it took to get ready for it, I just could not help but to laugh out loud, yeah really, not just to type the letters LOL but to actually do it!  From the boxing match to see who would win the "secondary fuel cell" or as we simply put it, "the gas tank", to the mad dash at 80 mph up the left shoulder of HWY 10 in Phx with the insane George the Painter leading the way to the grand finale of the un-burnable plastic fiber optic Christmas tree that put out such horrid toxins into the air that I did the puke and walk for about 200 feet just from taking in a deep breath of it! 

Preparing for the trip began in GTP's studio in Tempe, Az.  We all had a bit of work to do to our bikes to be ready for the mad dash chopper ride north into the mountains. We had to switch out my ignition switch and change my oil, no big deal.  I hopped on GTP's wicked lil FXR to run to the auto parts store to grab some 50 weight and while I was gone, he would drain my oil to save time.
When I left the studio, George and Porn were putting the final twists of the screwdriver on my ignition.  I got on that FXR that was put together with duct tape, wood screws and a long prayer and hauled ass down to the store.  I don't think I was gone 15 minutes at the most.  I had the quarts of oil tucked into my lap and was thinking about how much time we had saved by them draining the old oil while I picked up the new.  Upon my return to the studio, here is what I saw as I crossed the threshold into anarchy.

........ and the oil was still in the bike!  So here is a word of advice to you, my friends; if George and Porn offer to drain your oil for you while you are gone, make sure that you say thank you, but NO THANK YOU!

To make a long story short, we got the bike BACK TOGETHER and got packed up for the trip.  We arrived at a bar restaurant that welcomed us and gave us their entire property to do with what we wanted and boy did we do whatever we wanted.  Immediately I made friends with the horse, the elephant and the giraffe.  Well here, I'll show ya.

The pics with the horse were a little bit too shocking even for me to post, so you will have to use your imagination.  This was an amazing party.  The real deal!  If you weren't going to show up on a bike then don't show up at all.  Those that showed up in cars or trucks were turned away and told to come back with a bike or don't come back.  Now that's what I am talking about.  A real deal bike event with nothing but chopper jockeys and whatever it is that they could strap to their bikes.  You might be surprised just how much you can actually strap onto a bike when it's all you got!  We set up camp on what I can only describe as THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON because of it's boulders and deep space night time temps.

Once we had camp set up, we immediately noticed that GTP was gone.  Where the hell did he go?  We soon had our answer.  George had gone ahead and claimed the only local woman who had more than two teeth in her mouth, that bastard!  Well a guy has to do what a guy has to do right? 

As the night wore on, there didn't seem to be enough clothes to put on to keep the biting cold from making Junior and the twins damn near disappear into the night or at least into the depths of my groin!  First we burned all the wood we found, then we tore down some wood fence and burned that too.  The bar had two life sized jenga games and they would be sacrificed to the Chopper Gods as well.  The problem that comes from hanging out with maniacs are many but one for example is that they will burn anything they find to stay even remotely warm.  For example, the aforementioned FIBER OPTIC CHRISTMAS TREE.
We awoke in the morning damn near blind and hardly able to breathe from inhaling the toxins from that damn tree.  We needed supplies so we hopped on the bikes to ride into town.  I stood up the knuck, opened the petcock and sure as hell, she fired up on the very first kick.  My girl was ready to go.  We rode a few miles off the mtn. and into town.  I loaded up on the things that I would need most to survive another night.  A pack of smokes, a bottle of Jack, a bottle of Coke and some keebler fudge shop cookies.  I walked out to the bike and kicked her over and the kicker pedal dropped straight down to the ground, the keyway on the transmission had broken off!  Ut oh!
Finally the Chopper Gods decided to stop mocking me and were at least kind enough to allow this to happen atop a hill.  So I rolled the bike to the top and on the way down put her in 2nd gear and popped the clutch, up and running, let's go!  In their ultimate act of kindness, said Gods were also kind enough to send us some women who had ALL OF THEIR TEETH, so the day was looking up!  When we returned, many more bad ass scoots had made their way up to the Bad Ass bbq and the party was in full swing.  An evening of boxing, music and burnouts was about to unfold and memories were about to be made that would last a lifetime!

The bikes were some of the sickest that you will ever see, the people could not have been more amazing and as predicted the event was an absolute success.  There were no chaps vendors, no assholes, no attitudes and with the exception of a bruised ego, virtually no injuries.  Choppertown Camparound is about to be upon us again and I can't wait.  I am so excited to go up and see my favorite Giraffe again and party with some of the finest people the Chopper Gods put on this planet.  So google that shit, see what you come up with, get your bikes ready and get your asses to the Camparound because you will have a time you won't soon forget and you will, as I did last year, make some friends both old and new.  See you there.  Until then,

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Ride Home

I am often asked if I miss being back in Jersey. Simply put, NO! This is what I see when I drove home for the last 5 years. I have never experienced anything like living on this mountain. From the Golden Eagles sitting on my wall and having their babies every year in a cactus up the street to the Bobcats that would jump up onto our roof. I've seen scorpions so big at my house that you could filet them and rattlesnakes that would scare the shit out of the toughest men I know. Here is a taste of my ride!


Monday, December 20, 2010

stuck in ass rape California

After Leaving the one and only Slab City Riot 2, we headed out through the sand dunes of Glamis and beyond to get our collective asses back to Arizona. We had a pretty good run going and then the proverbial shit hit the fan. We were making an average of 13 miles between breakdowns. Here are a few of those minutes in Palo Verde California.