Beautiful night for a romantic Harley ride!

So you guys know that I picked up that bad ass 1200 Sporty for Diane. The night I brought it home she took off on it for a short while. She did a few laps around the neighborhood but that was it. Since that night, she has been working like crazy and coming home late and exhausted. She has not had the chance to take one single ride. I know that it has been killing her. So we did all our running around today, waited for the blazing heat to die down and got ready to go for a ride. I pulled out my pickle.... wait, does that sound right? Well anyway, I pulled out my pickle and took out the sporty and got them all ready to go. She had some last minute shit to do before we left so I sat on the couch and fired up the ol' lap top. I just happened to catch a post from a friend about the "HOLY HAIL SHIT" that was happening out there way. She was about 15 miles or so east of us. I reached out and she said it had already passed on by but it was serious. I punched up the local radar and it looked ominous! SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WARNING, TORNADO WARNING AND QUARTER SIZED HAIL along with 70MPH winds. The storm was east of us and heading north east! Perfect! I watched the radar for another 25 minutes and sure as shit, it was going the other way. I watched the "animated" radar map and it was confirmed. I watched the forecast for the next 6 hours, CLEAR! We went out to the driveway and there were some clouds over head and they looked kind of dark, but I was armed with Doppler radar info, how could that be wrong? It was a beautiful night for a romantic Harley ride!




Until we see each other again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Tomorrow is the 10th anniversary of the tragedy that was 9/11. Never forgive - Never forget! Pray for the survivors and the families of the victims and don't forget the soldiers that are fighting to this day to protect and defend America. God bless the American soldier.

Your friend,
Jack Shit

We all need to laugh this weekend!

As this, the 10th anniversary of 9/11 arrives tomorrow, I've been overwhelmed with sadness. When I feel down, I like to look through old photos of good times and it helps raise my spirits. While going through old files I found this video. I had either forgotten that I even had it or never even knew that I had it.

I was invited to compete in a comedy contest and the winner would open for the winner of Last Comic Standing. I had never before performed a 10 minute set. I am use to doing anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour on stage. I was terrified that I would fuck it all up or god forbid, not make anyone laugh. I had set a plan of attack, all new material and I went for it. As you will see, that plan went straight to hell. I hope on this very sad day that this helps to bring a smile to your face. God bless America and please, never forget the 3000 Americans we lost on September 11th and the soldiers who have been fighting ever since!

Born Free 3 after party

If you guys read my recent piece in Cycle Source magazine titled "MAY THE FOURS BE WITH YOU", this was the culmination of that trip, well sort of! It was the culmination of Born Free 3 and it was amazing. I will tell you briefly in case you didn't read the article or in case you have not picked up this months mag yet and I don't want to ruin it for you. What we did was set a plan and then try like hell to follow and we nearly did. The plan was, 4 guys, 4 FXR's, travelling 400 miles and leaving promptly at 4am.... supposedly. Here was the kicker, we ran late and pulled out at 4:44, you can't make this shit up! Not enough fours for you, then here is one more, the temp 114 degrees! That is the reason that we had to leave at 4am to get across most of the desert before the temps rose and killed us! As many of you have read recently, I have fallen in love with the FXR from Harley, I don't know how I've gone so long in my life without one and now I know, I will never go without one again! What you also know is that I AM A CHOPPER GUY at heart and to my very core so it was difficult for me to be at Born Free 3 on a bike with suspension. What wasn't difficult was riding that fucker across the desert and not stopping every 80 miles for gas. Born free was truly an amazing event and I don't know how it can possibly remain a one day event. There was far too much to take in with only a few hours. I have been reading about plans for Born Free 4 and I am pumped. I had heard rumor that the event had grown in just three years from an alley party to a massive event and may have gotten too big! Thank God they are not true.

After we packed up camp at Irvine Lake Campground we decided to make a run up the Pacific Coast Hwy for a few hours and then work our way back down to Seal Beach. Brother Teach and his crew of iron assed maniacs had ridden 2500 miles at the minimum to be there on antique iron, some even further and as a knucklehead owner, I sort of felt redeemed when Elvis, his 47' knuck made the journey with a single issue! Well Teach and his crew were staying down in Seal Beach with Chicago Will another proud knucklehead rider at his place and that is where the after party was held. Will and his lovely wife and crew put out one hell of a bbq spread for all of us and no bullshit, the greatest mac and cheese that I have ever tasted in my life! We hung out until around 7 pm before we had to make our mad dash back across the desert. When I shot the video below of attendees at the bbq, only about 1/3 of them had arrived. I should have taken out the camera and caught more video but I was so blown away by these bikes and then the ones that rolled in afterwards, it never entered my mind to start shooting again. I want to thank Chicago Will for inviting us in to his home, Keith Cole, Milwaukee Mike and Skoog for being the 3 other FXR's in the four story, Kevin Teach Baas and Scotty, Mario the Dirty Sanchez and so many others for making this an amazing trip! There is so much more to tell but one, I don't want to bore you with it, there is a video of some sick ass choppers to look at and just in case you haven't picked up this month's Cycle Source mag yet, I don't want to ruin the story! I do however want you, my fellow chopper lovers to take a look at this video and enjoy these bikes as much as I did. Don't miss out on next years Born Free 4!



Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
tits in your back and
the Man off your Ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

IMITATION IS THE GREATEST FORM OF FLATTERY

At least that is what I've been told! For the last 15 years that I have been an ordained minister, I have done a great deal of weddings. I have written each and every single ceremony for every single couple and they are all different than any other. There is one part of the ceremony however that I have used on many occasions for the couples and the ceremonies that have meant the most to me. Like I said, I've been doing this during weddings now for 15 years. There are a few of you that read this very blog whose weddings I have performed and you will recognize this. Watch the video and start to pay special attention at 3:00 on the clock.

Like the video below, many of these weddings that I have performed have been video taped and shared around the world on places like you tube. It is no secret that I perform a great deal of biker weddings and have done quite a few "outlaw" weddings. You can imagine my surprise while watching Sons Of Anarchy tonight and heard my blessing used in Opie's wedding ceremony! I damn near shit! So if you guys watched the show tonight this will ring a bell to you. If you recorded it, go back and watch again. Should I assume that a check is in the mail? Yeah, probably not! This was a great wedding and one of my all time favorites. The links to the rest of the ceremony are also here on this YouTube page but it was part 4 that I really wanted to share with you guys. The funny thing is, if you go back through my old posts, there are two from 12-24-10 that I posted of this very ceremony.

Like they say, "IMITATION IS THE GREATEST FORM OF FLATTERY"! I hope you enjoy!



Until we see each other on the road or until someone uses another part of my life on yet another tv show,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend, "The Sinister Minister"
Jack Shit

Who are these fucking people?

I did not take one single photo last night on my trip or even once I arrived.  I did however drink all but a mouthful of an entire bottle of Jack Daniels so I never even thought to take the camera out.  Before we all met up in Tonto Village for the party and camping, the rest of "our crew" was hanging out with Long Jon and Pinky over at Sacred Skin Tattoo up in Payson, Az.  For over a year, one tattoo in particular had been discussed at great length and you are looking at it above!  I call these commitment pieces!  Why you ask?  Because you should be committed for getting it done!  I have got to say beyond what it reads, the work is kick ass and the lines are so tight!  This photo doesn't do it any justice, it truly POPS when you see it!  I give you credit Brother Adam, you got balls of steel for doing this!  Now you don't have to ever worry about being shy, you just have to shake hands with each girl you meet from here on out!  After this, they shut down the shop, everyone else met up at their new house and rode on down to the event down the road.  I wanted to wait for Diane to get home before I left.  When she is out with clients, I stay at the house and pretty much run tech support from here.  So I wanted to make sure that she didn't need me for anything before I left to do the 95 mile ride.  Usually no matter what the weather here in the valley, it is insanely different up in the mountains.  Nearly every day in the summer an afternoon monster storm rolls through and cools it all down.  By the time you hit 4000 feet on the mountain it is usually cold, even when the valley is at 115 degrees.  Last night, the temps never dropped.  I rode all the way there in just a t shirt.  I never even put on a sweatshirt the entire night until I went to my tent to sleep around 4 am or later.  You could not have asked for a better group of people to hang with.  The event was already going on for two days by the time I arrived and it went until 11pm.  I did not even enter the event until ten minutes to 10pm.  We watched a great local band called Hard Ride tear the roof off the joint.  If you guys are local here in AZ, you really should check this band out, they are really making a name for themselves these days! 

I got to the forest, and followed the road to nowhere in to the event.  The only thing that could have made hanging out there more perfect would have been if my girl was there with us all.  Long Jon, Pinky Pancake, GTP, Chris, Jokey, Keith Cole, Brother Adam, Menace and the lil woman, Walrus, Suzy Ferrington and so many others were all there partying already long before I even arrived!  It was so great to just sit around a fire, drink and just laugh our asses off.  The best part of the night was when we told everyone that came up to meet me that Jokey was me!  He's a funny and good looking guy so he pulled it off pretty damn well.  Then around 3 am we told people the truth and nobody believed us so I went to sleep and he had to remain Jack Shit for the rest of the night!  Everything was perfect, right up until..........

So at about 3:30 in the morning, this morning, I find myself in the middle of the largest Pinion Pine forest on earth, sitting around a camp fire and hanging out with my dearest friends on earth and 2 new "friends".  The two new friends came out of the shadows, flashlights in one hand, the other resting on top of their holsters!  They really snuck up on us too!  "Hey guys, welcome, want a beer" I asked!  Then "is there something that we can help you with"?  We are going to have to ask you guys to quiet down a bit, we've gotten complaints about the noise!  We are in a forest, who complained, an elk?  Apparently there are houses nearby but as it turns out, that is not who called the police!  I can't believe I am even going to say this but I'm going to, the cops weren't bad!  There I said it!  They could have been complete dicks and read us the riot act or ran our plates or asked for ID from any number of us shit faced fools but instead they just walked back in to the shadows.  As they walked away, the people in the tent across from us said to the cops, now get this shit, "IS THAT ALL YOU ARE GOING TO DO"?  Can you believe that?  We are at a bike party in the middle of the woods, in the middle of nowhere and some son of a bitch, punk ass, no respect having piece of shit called the cops to complain about the noise!  This is a first for me and I have seen some shit!

As the cops walked away they answered the RATS with a  "yeah".  That was it.... well that is until the fuck stains that called the cops got out of their tent and broke down their camp and left!  I didn't know about any of the shit with these assholes until this morning when we were talking about the cops coming up last night.  I laughed because when the sun was up, you could see the houses right across the road.  That is when everyone told me about the people in the tent!  Who goes to a biker party that was going on for 3 days, sets up their tent in the middle of all the action and then wants peace and quiet?  Who are these fucking people?  I wonder where they went?  Did they go and set up their camp near the nice and quiet bikers?  Did they leave the national forest altogether?  I wish I had seen or heard any of this because if they think they were miserable before, they would have had no idea what I would have done to them for the rest of the overnight period!  Now the funny part was that this was not even your average, run of the mill "fashion show" type of bike event.  This was put on by the MMA here in AZ.  The MMA stands for Modified Motorcycle Association, you know, choppers pretty much!  There were no $12 cups of coffee for sale, no chaps vendors, just some drinking, eating, bands and camping....  Truly the perfect combination of ingredients to cook up a great event.  That is until you get jerk offs to show up.

Everyone who did not drink a bottle of Jack Daniels got up early as the temps rose and broke down camp.  They were all heading off to Menace's joint up the mountain in Heber and then back to Long Jon and Pinky's place for a bbq and all night party!  I sure hope they don't have the cops called on them again tonight.  There are some pretty nosy elk that come right up in to the backyard!  Rather than stay and ride and party and do one more over nighter, I waited for everyone to leave and then I took my time breaking down my camp and took off in the other direction.  Diane was working again today so I wanted to get home as fast as I could and take my rightful place back in "tech support".  I also missed the hell out of my girl.  So I race home only to find out that she is out all day showing property!  Go figure!  Hey, at least I'm home sitting in the Ice Cold Air Conditioning!  The last 60 miles or so on the way home were stifling and sucked the life right out of me!

So remember now, next time you go to a multi day bike event held in the middle of nowhere, please don't forget to be very quiet, God forbid you wake up any of your neighbors by HAVING A GOOD TIME!  So again, I have to ask, WHO ARE THESE FUCKING PEOPLE and why do the even exist?  I am so sick and tired of fakes, frauds and losers who put their own misery on to others or go to places that they don't belong!  They are so unhappy that they have to ruin the good time for every one else!  The really funny part is that not one of us ever even thought that we were loud at all!  We were not revving bikes up or doing burnouts and we didn't even have any music going...... and they called the cops....  Can you picture  that 911 call and imagine the description that they gave.  911 what's your emergency?  Yes, we are at a motorcycle event and we need your help.  Has someone been injured or shot?  Well no, but the large group of bikers in the tents across the dirt road from us in the woods are being loud.  Is this a prank call?  No, really, we need you to send some officers to quiet them down.  Okay ma'am, we are sending two cars out.  How do we find you?  We are in the red tent next to where the guys found the rattle snake earlier, under the big pine tree, you can't miss me, I'LL BE THE MISERABLE RAT BITCH STANDING IN THE ROAD COMPLAINING.  Who knows, by the time you arrive I may have a boot in my ass!

There are very few people in this world that I can't stand but it is people like this that make me sick!  Obviously they don't belong.  I truly believe, TO EACH HIS OWN and I have no problem with what people do or where they want to hang out but don't be a fake a fraud or a liar, I have zero tolerance for that.  Just be who and what you are and people will eventually either take to you or send you packing but at least you were honest!

Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass ---- and out of your campsite!

Your friend,
Jack Shit