It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!

Saturday, February 12, 2011


More often than not, life's not too bad for us all.  As many of you now are just getting to know Jack Shit and once you do, no one can ever again tell you that you DON'T KNOW JACK SHIT, may not know that I have been through some heavy shit in my life.  At times a brutal childhood, through the years, hard work and even harder living have left me living each and every day in agonizing pain.  Some days are so bad it's difficult to stand or walk, other days you would never know anything is wrong with me.  As you know by now my wife is battling Multiple Sclerosis and putting up one incredible fight!  Rather than sit on the couch side by side and cry woes me, woes me, we have one thought that we live by and gauge every single bad thing that happens to us in our lives.... it's simple..... SOMEONE HAS ALWAYS GOT IT WORSE THAN WE DO!  Knowing that no matter how bad a day we are having, it could be SO MUCH WORSE!  Armed with that knowledge it is hard to feel bad for yourself.  I want you to all think about this as we each face so much hardship these days.  Loss of jobs, hell, loss of careers! Pensions gone because some asshole on Wall Street was playing craps with all of our lives.  So many of us face losing our homes or are just barely getting through each month.  I have heard people say, well we had to get rid of our big house and now we live in this tiny shit hole.....TINY SHIT HOLE?  We have American Soldiers living in FUCKING CARDBOARD BOXES!  Compare that to your tiny shit hole, you at least have a place to call a shit hole!

Someone always has it worse than you do!  When I am at my lowest and believe me, I get low!  You folks I am sure have heard the phrase, Tears of a Clown?  That's what life is like inside my twisted brain.  I raise myself up by helping someone else.  It doesn't matter if I walk across the street and help the old guy pick up branches that broke off of his tree from the last storm, or diving into a bar fight to help protect someone who does not deserve what is happening to them.  I have foolishly done this on more than one occasion and the results are never really good no matter how the fight turns out!  The good that comes from helping someone for me is damn near immeasurable.  It honestly makes me feel high!  When you stop or don't do something that seems virtually insignificant to you, may be lifting the proverbial weight of that final straw that may just break that camel's back.  There is only so much a person can handle. 

We see these stories on the news or hear them from friends about folks who have taken their own lives.  You hear just a tiny bit of what they were going through and we tend to call them weak for doing it.  Yet we know not what demons they carry around, what past mis-deeds torture their very souls or what gives them such overwhelming sadness that they give up completely, they have the will to fight no more.   We all suffer or hurt from something and it sure feels good when a friend lends a hand but it is damn near mind blowing when a complete stranger does it.

As you guys have come to know, not only do I write, but I am a comedian, yes, a professional comedian (that means I get paid for it) and I too am an emcee.  I get compensated pretty damn well for coming to an event, taking over and making damn sure that every single person leaves there feeling like they just had the best time ever and can't wait to come back again and make it even better!  Tomorrow, I will be hosting an event that although we want people to feel like it was a great event but we need them to remember why they are there.  SOMEONE ALWAYS HAS IT WORSE.  Two weeks ago or so, I wrote a few blogs about a guy named Panda, who we lost in a terrible bike accident, as if there were any other kind.  Well this is someone who lived by this very credo, HELP SOMEONE IN NEED!  This amazing man left behind a devastated group of friends but more so, he left behind his boys.  Now not only have they lost their dad, but they also lost their provider, their role model, their hero and their best friend.  Tomorrow I will be able to forget how much it hurts when I first stand up in the morning.  Tomorrow I will forget how much my back hurts from standing for 12 hours, tomorrow I will forget all that is bad and wrong in my life because tomorrow I will help a family desperately in need of love, help and support. 

Yes, tomorrow I will volunteer my service, my skills and my heart.  I will not be paid but I will be compensated tremendously!  Take a moment from your hectic life and just do something good for someone else, you will be blown away at how it makes you feel.  I mean shit folks, stop and help someone with a flat, give someone thirsty a bottle of water, JUST DO SOMETHING!

I don't ever want to sound like I am preaching to anyone, ever!  I won't do it, it's not my style.  I am just sharing with you, my friends, what helps to get me through my bad days and I swear to you that it works, just give it a try.  SOMEONE ALWAYS HAS IT WORSE THAN YOU DO and that is a fact my friends.

Rise out of your own personal hell by doing something heavenly!  Pay this shit forward and this world that is racing out of control may just slow it's pace and once again, over time get back to the things that matter most, friendship, family, honor, trust and most importantly, RESPECT!

Please don't get me wrong, I AM IN NO WAY A SAINT.... I may do this all for purely selfish reasons.  They say what you put out in the Universe comes back on you.  That you keep positive Karma and it comes back on you.  You do good and it comes back 10 fold....  Well, WE ARE WAITING!  I am not greedy, I don't need 10 fold, I would however like to see some of this start coming back at EVEN MONEY, I am cool with that.  I love to do good things, but we are long overdue for some good to happen to us.  So we just keep pushing forward and staying positive, one day, we will be rewarded!  Hell, I should have died a few times over already, maybe I've already been paid and I'm just paying that back, who knows?


Jack Shit!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Shit Shirts are coming !

EVEN GARY COLEMAN LOVED HIS!  I just wanted to say thank you all so very much.  I can't begin to tell you how much it warms my heart to see someone wearing one of these shirts so proudly.  At the end of last week I announced on facebook that I have caved in and was placing a new order for shirts and that I was sorry that it took so very long to place a new order.  I was beginning to get threats like, "if I don't get a Jack Shit shirt soon, I am coming to Arizona and taking yours"!  Well, I only have one and I love mine, so out of pure fear, I am placing an order.  I had intended on placing the order on Monday but since I put up the post about ordering them, you guys have just blown up my mailbox with orders.  I just wanted to say THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!  Truly, from the bottom of my heart.

For the longest time, I just sold them, took a pic with each person for the album and went on my way.  I really never told anyone what I did with the money from the proceeds.  Well one night, exhausted on facebook, I let it slip and the cat was out of the bag.  Once people found out what I did with the cash the orders sky rocketed.  For those of you who don't know, I'll tell ya now. 

My angel of a wife is just coming into her 11th year fighting her battle with Multiple Sclerosis and it is a battle that I would not wish on my enemies.  It is a slowly progressing disease that just eats away at your body and leaves very little left in the end.  It is what is known as an Auto Immune Disease, which in simple terms means that the disease causes her own body to attack her own body.  Her immune system is constantly at war with the rest of her body.  It is fighting to the death an enemy that doesn't really exist.  As in any war, there are many scars left and that is in fact what Sclerosis means, SCARS, Multiple SCARS.... 

As you may imagine, the costs of the meds and other treatments are crushing.   Right around the nine year mark of her having MS, we were trying to figure out why we had no money left.  We had moved to Az. with a couple hundred grand in the bank, where the hell did it go?  So while sitting outside on the patio we began to add up all the money that we had spent since she was diagnosed.  Well that explained where the money went!  At the 9 year mark, we estimated that we were close to 400 thousand dollars into it!  Can you imagine?  The real kick in the balls is that we have health insurance!  Her one medicine co-pay was $1200 per month and that was her CO-PAY!  Two months per year, she had to pay in full for it.  It wasn't long after moving to Az, that her ruthless insurance company made her co-pay that began at 400 bucks a month go up to 2000 bucks per month!  It is a crime. They wanted to cut her loose but couldn't just cancel her, so they beat her down through attrition.  They would hit her for a grand a month to have insurance and then the 2000 dollar co-pay until she just gave up.  Once you have a disease like this you will never, ever get insured again.  I'm sure throughout the healthcare battle you guys heard about Pre existing conditions and such right?   Well don't be fooled!  They say that no one with one can be refused coverage.  Well of course, if you are willing to pay 2500 bucks a month, you can have insurance.  The way the system is now, is that once you go without insurance, you will never ever again be covered or even be able to purchase it!  It's twisted!  So no matter what happens in America with all this health care SHIT, it really won't help anyone who is actually sick!

So when I say thank you for buying these silly t-shirts and the patches and stickers and such, I mean it from the deepest depths of my soul.  I don't want you guys to take this as a PLEA to buy shit, but take it for what it is, genuine gratitude!  Okay, since we are being totally honest here, sometimes I take her to P.F. Chang's as well, good food means good living and she loves her some Chang's!

So this afternoon, the shirt order goes in with a final count.  If you haven't ordered one, then hurry up and order five!  Okay, just kidding, but really I'm not!  Again, thank you all and I wish you all, my friends, a very HEALTHY and HAPPY 2011 and beyond.  No matter what we all face, make sure you face it head on with dignity and perseverance, never give up the fight.  Anything worth having is worth fighting for!

So now in closing, remember the rules.... once you get your shirt, take your pic and send it to me for the album.  I have some friends that take their Shit Shirts every where they go.  They find some strange, wild or spectacular place and take pics wearing it and send them to me..... and that makes me really honored and touched and just plain happy.  So get out there with your Shit Shirt and take some damn pics!  I am truly blessed to have so many amazing friends and you all know how I cherish friendship!

Here is an example of a photo taken in a strange and magical place!  Can you top this one?  Well I guess we will see now won't we?

Sunday, February 6, 2011

The Event Invite Said Shitty Art Show

...... and it didn't lie!  This weekend I was able to sneak away down to Tombstone, Arizona to help support a dear friend when he opened the doors of his Shitty Studio to the world.  The hard packed dirt of 4th Street in Tombstone has seen more blood spilled on it than many entire cities have.  Now on that very street between Toughnut and Allen Streets a new senseless tragedy has occurred!  My friend George the Painter has moved in and opened shop!  For the very first time in his career he has managed to amass an entire wall's length of GTP originals and in all in one location at the same time, it may not happen again for all of eternity.  That is because come 2012 we're all dead anyway right?  The location so amazing only a town like Tombstone could host the dirt bags, street urchin's, whack jobs and misfits that passed through the door of the studio on Saturday. 
I pulled up to the building to immediately see all kinds of no good characters milling about and a smile crept across my mouth.  Fantastic, George is getting a good turnout.  Well why wouldn't he you may be thinking?  Well for the first time in a great many years, thanks to La Nina', a wicked Mexican bitch, WINTER HIT ARIZONA!  On the rare occasion that it does, it comes like a bitch slap from God!   Just a little reminder of who's in charge.  I had to park 5 blocks away from the studio as the town was packed.  A few of the hardcore knuckled up and rode the average distance of 200 miles to this Shitty Show.  You know who you are!  Some quite frankly rode the rubber off the tires to get there. 

Like I said you see all kinds of folks walking the streets of Tombstone and nearly all of them still alive.  As I approached the studio I walked straight into Curly Bill Brocious, one of the most well known Bad Asses to ever raise holy hell here in town.  He was known for being insane fast on the draw but a notoriously bad shot so I had no choice but to grab that Smoke Wagon before he had a chance to skin it.  That's a Tombstone the Movie Reference!  Much to my surprise though, I was not the only one impressed with this fine cowboy.  One of the lovely ladies of Tombstone just could not resist, you know what they say, LADIES LOVE OUTLAWS right?

This Shitty art show wasn't looking so Shitty after all and I hadn't even made it off of the sidewalk yet.  I couldn't wait to get inside.  Once I crossed the threashold from reality to insanity I knew that George meant business and nothing but business when I saw what was hands down, the Shittiest Buffet that I have ever had the pleasure to dig into.  Maybe it wasn't Shitty enough for you, but it was certainly Shitty enough for me and it fit right into the "Theme" of the show.  Maybe I'm not being fair, you judge for yourself.

Ritz Crackers, squeeze Cheeeeze and some type of lips and assholes packaged in skin, matched wonderfully with both Pink and Blue Boone's Farm Wine.....  I told you it was Shitty!  It was perfect!

 I have had the pleasure of getting to not only see more GTP paintings than any human should but I have seen them through the process and it is an amazing sight.  But to see them all lined up against a 140 year old wall was totally surreal.  What a sight, what an accomplishment.  Although there were several portraits there, which I believe capture people like I've never seen before there were two originals, total originals and they were spectacular.  I won't post full up shots of the paintings here as that is not really for me to do, but I did manage to still capture fantastic shots for you to see.  The first original was a tribute to every American Soldier who has given the ultimate sacrifice, his life, on the battlefield and it is moving.

The next original which was not complete but a twisted masterpiece in progress was a piece aptly named
"when the Monkey shines".  I must tell you that although there is absolutely nothing graphic in the painting whatsoever, this painting is so disturbing to look at.  Comment after comment were the same, you didn't want to look at it, you consciously tried not to, but you had to look back in the corner just to make sure she hadn't jumped from the canvas and was coming to sleep over at your place for the night, truly horrifying.  There is no question that he captured the sheer lunacy of his subject.

To say that an eclectic mix attended the event would be like saying Illegal Drug Dealers are just amateur pharmacists.  It was just not entirely accurate.  He had cowboys, he had drunk pretend cowboys, he had tweakers, he had French Canadians which I personally dragged off of the street and inside and an entire gaggle of Fine Art for White Trash lovers.  The event scheduled from noon to six p.m. ended for the last of us around 4:30 a.m..  Here are just a few shots that I captured as the evening progressed and madness ensued.  I wish that I could post them all but I can't.  I have already been banned in the Middle East, don't want to get banned in the USA too.

Below is a shot of Curly Bill or as we call him Brother Porn checking out the Arizona Hwys mag that he was quoted in.  It was a special edition of 50 great weekend getaways in Arizona, I believe he is in trip number 30.  Check it out while on line at the grocery store next time.


OR.... until the girls start kissing.  Then you know that you have achieved something.

Nearing the first attempt at ending the night you could see the look of accomplishment on our faces.  We survived George the Painters first Shitty Art Show!

and of course you know it was a good time when someone finally has to pee in a garbage can.

I will say this to you my friends.  If you have never had the opportunity to check out the work in oil of this great artist and bike community treasure then make the time to do it, find a way to do it and if you have the means order a portrait while he is still considering painting them.  The weekend was fantastic, the show kick ass and the people just what you would expect from the Town Too Tough To Die!  Get on your bikes and ride on down to Tombstone.  GTP also assured me that his deal is still on for bikers.  If you ride your bike down to his studio he will give you a discount on your painting, now how can you beat that shit?  Basically getting paid to ride your bike.  When you get there, go in the door quietly or you will get screamed at, but by all means, go through that door and you make sure that you tell George that your friend JACK SHIT sent you and you read about his work at Jack Shit's World.  He will probably give you an extra hard kick in the ass!  Hey, I never claimed him to be a great humanitarian, just a great artist! 

I want to thank George the Painter for having us all down to his sacred studio and for being an exceptional friend.  You have surprised me much Grasshopper!  They say that life is art, so go live it large and create great works.  Till I see you on the road again, I am Jack Shit and I remind you to KEEP THE WIND IN YOUR FACE, TITS IN YOUR BACK AND THE MAN OFF YOUR ASS!  Live each day BIG, it may be your last!