The Saga of the Pickle Sickle

I try to remember that a lot of you have joined me here long after others and I try to keep that in mind when I write or tell a story to help you keep up to date and understand what in the hell I'm actually speaking of.  In this particular case here, I'm speaking of a bike that I bought a few years ago from a friend's ex husband.  The bike was a low mileage amazing deal and for what was possibly the first time in my life, I was in the right place at the right time and actually had a pocket full of money and just as a good friend had once predicted, "one day you will all own an FXR" came true, I was now the owner of an HD FXRS Lowrider Convertible.  It was a 92' and was done as so many bikes were back then, battered, dipped and deep fried in all things billet, shiny and pretty much everything that I am against at my core, but, it was a low mileage FXR and I had to have it.  The work done was all top notch, just not at all my taste.  Let me see if I can find a pic of it the day I brought it home so that you have a point of reference to see how much I ugly'd up this bike!

Looking back at this pic now I have to think to myself "what the hell did you do?"  I wanted a touring bike though that could travel with all the gear that I needed to head on down the road but still be able to carve up the canyons and make mince meat out of the super slab freeways and I knew that underneath all this crazy ass green paint was that very bike dying to get out.  As the months passed me with what seemed to be no more than a nod, I would grab up all the FXR parts that I needed to make this vision come to life.  The only problem was that I was not going to pay someone to do this and I sure as hell wasn't going to pay the over inflated prices that people were asking for these parts that for a great many years were pulled off of bikes and thrown in the corners of garages around the world, I was going to wait it out and make every part I got as much of a score as the bike itself.  It sure was a great plan for the first year and a half or so, but those deals are few and far between and with what now seems like the entire bike community got turned onto the amazing machine that so many hated with passion when it first came out, is making it more and more difficult to find either the parts or the deals, but I waited and waited.

The first thing that I did was score some sweet COP saddle bags and the rail system for mounting them.  With the first score comes the first problem, to fit these bags, I had to change both the struts and the shocks.... oh yeah, don't let me forget the rear fender and the tail light as well.  With those modifications made it was time to test out my asphalt eating theory so I did what anyone with virtually no common sense would do, I packed it up to the gills and rode it 1400 miles to Sturgis and back and you know what, it rode like a dream!  Here is a pic of the very first mods.

Luggage rack, seat and sissy bar added, handle bars and risers changed and saddle bags all ready to rock and roll for the trip to Sturgis and in the end, the final report, she rode like a dream but could have gone a bit faster for my taste but then again that is a bit questionable because I had no speedometer.  You see, the guy who did the work on the bike prior to my getting it mounted the tires on the rims in the wrong direction and knowing that I would certainly face rain on the trip, I had to pull the axle and flip the front rim backwards just to play it safe and good thing I did because the first 8 or 900 miles was in rain like I've never seen!  Oh yeah, we also added a foot of pipe to the rear exhaust to make them equal length and we installed baffles for back pressure, EVO's love their back pressure.  Also at this time I took a fender that fit a wide glide front end from my knuckle, I knew KOKO would never mind, she hates front fenders anyway, grabbed up some Krylon rattle can paint and painted both the front and rear fenders black.....  2/3's of the Green now gone!

Those of you who have become friends with me or began following my writing either here, facebook or in Cycle Source Magazine in the last year or so may not know about how this lovely Billet Barge got her name, "THE PICKLE SICKLE".......  I'm just wondering if I should tell that story again or find an old post on here and just add the link..... I'll get back to you on this when I figure it out.... in the mean time, I'm still working on accumulating parts and I've got everyone I know keeping their eyes peeled for me.

In the meantime, as I ponder on my decision of what to do about the aforementioned dilemma that I currently face, check out the all FXR issue of Cycle Source, people really seemed to love it and if you or a friend doesn't have one laying around, reach out to the mag itself and ask about how you get back issues, it's pretty easy.  If you haven't caught the FXR bug yet, this issue just may "infect you."

It was right about now that I was going to share all of the rest of the modifications I've made to the Pickle Sickle since my trip to Sturgis and as I began to type but had to stop...... it was right then, right now.... that I came to the realization that I'VE DONE NOTHING ELSE TO THIS BIKE!  My big plans to make this my road gobbling machine somehow got sidetracked.  Perhaps it was picking up the Road Glide at a pretty fair price or some divine intervention, either way, I really have no idea.  Not only did I stop at continuing my grand plan but I stopped totally.  When I got the bike the very first thing and I mean THE VERY FIRST THING that had to be done was tires!  Not only were they fairly worn down but they were dry rotted as hell.  Out here in AZ, if you leave something, anything out in the sun and don't move it or protect it, it will rot!  So as I sit here typing this now having come home only a few hours ago from actually replacing the tires I could not help but laugh and wonder how the hell I did not kill myself riding around on those damn things.  Notice that I didn't say from getting new tires there, I said "replacing" the tires?  That is because I wanted to get rid of those damn "cheese grater" wheels and throw on some FXR or Sportster wheels, hell, they are the same frigging thing either way......  I got those about a year or so ago and still didn't get new tires.  Lazy, YES I AM!

Part of the master plan was to get the wheels cleaned up and powder coated black, then I'd put the fresh rubber on and I'd be set to travel the world......  I still have not had the wheels powder coated and the bike is leaving for Las Vegas on Wednesday of next week.... yeup, waited till the last minute and sure as the devil shits fire, I've cut it way too close.  I called up my buddies down at Independent Motorcycles in Chandler and said "can you help an idiot out please, I'm in a jam" and without a moments thought the answer was yes.  Now not only were they willing to help me out but I was told to bring the bike down on Monday..... the funny thing is, the SHOP IS CLOSED ON MONDAYS!  I rode it on over and there they were waiting for me, what an amazing gesture!  As I got off the bike, Diane pulled up in the Flex and opened up the back door to a pile of parts that just left Bob speechless.  He looked at me and said "you want to do this, TODAY?"  Of course, is there a problem?  He promptly replied, "nope!"  I guess on all our parts we were thinking a wee bit too positive.....  We dove into the bike and started tearing it apart when Diane came in and said "we have to be at that appointment at 1pm.  It was now noon and I not only have to leave, but I'm leaving these guys to work on my bike, on their day off and I had to LEAVE, what a douche'bag!  I raced to Phoenix and right back and that was when we began to cross "to do" things off the list.  They didn't get crossed off because they were done, they were crossed off because they couldn't be done.

Can't get the powder coating done......  Okay..... Bob says "take my wire wheels and when we get your wheels back, we'll put tires on and swap them out"..... Okay....  another amazing gesture... in the time being, we'll pull off the wide glide front end, put on the FXR narrow glide and run a 19" instead of the 21"....  Okay....  Then I hear, "Jack, where is the headlight for this front end?" Uhm, I don't know, I don't have one."  Now it was their turn to say "OKAY"....  then we realized that my wide glide wasn't stock HD, it was a custom build so the dual disc brakes would not line up with either the 10 or 11.5 inch rotors.  So now I have no powder coated FXR wheels, I can't change the front end because I'd now have to cut all the wires and didn't have the time to dick with it, I had one laced wheel in the back and the cheese grater wheel on the front with what can only be described as a throw away tire on it which for the record is far better than the tire we took off.  I wanted to paint and swap out the gas tank and front fender but because the front end is a wide glide and is lowered, I can't put the cop fender on the front, but I now have one on the back......  I never measured the cable lengths so I can't change the risers or bars and I can't pull it apart because I have to ride this bitch home in a short time.  I didn't change the seat to two up either.  Oh hell, I should have been out of there a few hours before already and we were still dicking with this thing.  So let me show you some photos of WHAT this thing ended up looking like tonight.....  notice that I did not say HOW this thing looked because to use the word how, one would have to use words to describe it and at this point, that would be difficult.

I think what was formerly known as the Legendary Pickle Sickle should now just be called either the Rainbow Bright bike or simply Skittles but to do that, I have to put something orange or more red on. I may fix it all, or actually ride this bitch proudly into Sin City!  Only time will decide.....  Did I mention that I have not even painted the gas tank that I was about to put on, no, well I haven't....

You may have noticed that not one of the parts is painted to match yet....  This photo was taken for the all FXR issue of Cycle Source months ago and you know how much I got finished and painted?  NONE!  Here is another fun little fact about your pal Jack Shit;  I didn't let it stop me from putting any of it on!

So as you see here above, the saddle bags are off, the new fender and light are installed and there is now a wire wheel in the rear instead of a mag, neither the original cheese grater nor FXR mag.

Saddle bag back in place, rails on, Joey Chop's long ago borrowed luggage rack temporarily installed and the front wheel pulled off the bike.  I think about now any photo from any angle will show many different sizes of wheels, styles of wheels and tires all over the place with the exception of on the bike!

Now after a great many hours of work by guys who were on their day off, we decided that we had no choice but to put the original wheel back on, pull a tire out of the garbage pile more or less and install that, leave the front end, the headlight, the brakes, the seat, the tank, the exhaust alone for now just to get this damn Pickle off the lift so that tomorrow they can get back to customer's bikes who need their bikes to get back on the road.  I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of the plethora of colors now on this bike and I remembered that I have the original FXRT Samsonite tour pack back at the house and it is Maroon and Orange of all things and I actually found myself laughing out loud as I pulled off the freeway racing home to dig out the tour pack just so I could see what it looks like added to what has now become a "modern art piece"......  I walked in the door, right past Diane and she said "where the hell are you going in such a rush?"  I'm going to dig out my tour pack to put on the bike!  "Oh my God, is it done" she asked with enthusiasm and all I could do was smile and say "it is for now".....  Well luck would have it and I found the tour pack, wait till you see this!  It is the candle on the fucked up cake, it is the pi est de resistance, the final kick in the nuts.... and so much more..... check it out!

C'mon now, seriously, after seeing this, don't you want to have an exact replica for yourself?  Don't lie... you know you do!  Heads up Vegas, the circus is coming to town!  I think I am going to pull off the side covers and rattle can paint them terracotta, I think that will be the perfect final touch! It is no wonder that Orange County Choppers has not been calling me to join the design team!  I pulled off this one of a kind bike for about 100,000 bucks less than their average bike!  Now on the serious side, I really wanted to black this ol' girl out all the way.  The engine, the wheels, the front end, nearly everything with a few subtle shiny touches but honestly now that I see it with the cop paint on it, I really have to admit that for someone who absolutely hates cops now, I really like the look of it!  So the work will stop until I figure it out...............  nah, only kidding, I've got a 7 dollar credit at the hardware store so tomorrow I'll go buy a can of spray paint and do something.... what exactly I'm not sure, but I'll do something!  I'll keep you posted!  Okay, I know you are dying to see one more pic of the bike from the "show side".... ha ha ha ha ha.... that makes me laugh even typing it, but here you go.

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back and
The MAN OFF YOUR ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit

A long time coming

Yeah, yeah, yeah.... so I did it once again, I dropped off the face of the earth with regard to this blog and pretty much most social media for a while now.  The social media wasn't really my fault, FB in it's "big brother" capacity changed a setting on my page that everything I posted could only seen by me... that makes a whole hell of a lot of sense doesn't it?  This happened all the way back in the beginning of June and I only found out about it two weeks or so ago.  Now, with regard to the blog there is no excuse that I can make, I just flat out stopped writing.  I had a complete and total loss of inspiration, motivation and quite frankly, copulation!  If it weren't for the "where the fuck are you" and "is everything okay" messages I would have forgotten about the blog entirely.  I thank you all for caring enough to actually miss me.

So you must be thinking "but you are on here now, your are posting this", so what gives?  Today I found inspiration again and I found it under the worst possible circumstances.  I found it today in the Healing Fields of Tempe, Arizona.  The Healing Fields are located at Tempe Town Lake and it is a beautiful and serene setting just a hop, skip and jump from Arizona State University at the end of a long strip of bars and restaurants exactly like most college towns have.  Only for a few days a year, this property turns into a massive and I do mean massive memorial so that we never forget the events of 9/11 and those who lost their lives that day and the friends and families that they left behind, the survivors of the attack on our nation, on our way of life....  Today was the second time that I attended this event as I only found out about it last year for the first time.

I think what opened up my mind and my heart more than ever this year was that I was exhausted and I never went to sleep last night.  I had the alarm set for four am so that I could get the bike up and ready and waiting on the driveway so that I could hop on and ride away when my friends arrived.  At twenty minutes to four I rolled over and turned the alarm clock off, sleeping was not an option on this night.  My friends arrived promptly and we took off for the meet.  To say that I was disappointed with the turn out would be an understatement for sure.  As we pulled out to ride to the Healing Fields, we had only 50 bikes or so.  Here is a shot of the now legendary Pickle Sickle at 5 am waiting to take off on the ride.  When we finally did take off it was a mad dash right from the get go.  Blocking traffic, running lights and all the other mayhem that happens when you put a bunch of bikers together with a destination to get to.  We only made it to the second or third traffic light and had already pissed off the police!  When they put on their lights and sirens to stop us and no one stopped, they just gave in and gave us an escort to the lake!

and here is a shot of the Pickle at dawn, a short time before the sun came up.  There is something so beautiful about dawn in the desert that you could just sit in the saddle and stare up at the sky.  There is a combination of beautiful blue light but yet you can still make out the stars.  If you ever have the chance to experience this, I highly recommend that you do.

As mother nature was making a show of things and the night was becoming day I turned to make out a rather large group of people on the grassy knoll 200 feet away.  With each passing second the light was getting brighter and the group becoming more visible and as I finally made out just who the group was, I knew that I was in the right place at the right time!  Here is a shot of the fine folks on that grassy knoll this morning, 9/11.

 As I said, with each passing moment, night was leaving and the anniversary of the attacks on America was rapidly approaching and with it came the light.  As I made the walk towards the group I shot photo after photo and by the time I finally made it to them, dawn had let all of Az know that it had arrived and what a sight it was.

 Much to my bloodshot eyes pleasant surprise was a shit ton of America's finest men and women standing proudly on that knoll!  On the other side of the tree to the left was the mirror image of what you see here!  God bless The American Soldier!

We all slowly and at our own pace made our way towards the stage where the ceremony was to take place.  Oddly enough, it seems as if there is an unwritten rule that you "don't walk in the field between the flags until after the ceremony ends" and no one did!  When you first see the flags placed perfectly in laser straight lines the exact distance from each other in every direction it hits you straight in the heart.  The time, effort and caring that went in to making this dead on balls accurate was quite visible in an instant.  The sorrow that you feel begins to give way to pride again and it feels good. Below is the very first sight you see as you walk into the park and because of the natural light, you can't see the end in any direction, nothing but OLD GLORY.  What was particularly solemn this morning was that not one single flag moved, as if they too were waiting for the ceremony to begin and the healing to once again commence.  The place is now mostly attended by bikers, cops, firemen, volunteers and every television and radio station in the valley but what was missing was the regular folks..... where the hell were they?  The average mom and pop were not to be seen and this left me with an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

I get it that it is a week day and people have to work or that the kids have to go to school but come on folks, make some arrangements this one time a year, plan ahead..... we have to make a sacrifice however small or large to keep these victims and these events fresh in our hearts and minds or like so many other things, they will slowly disappear and become distant memories of some awful thing that happened a long, long time ago...... when we arrived the crowd attendance was horrible.  Last year, in the pouring rain it was difficult to even find a chair to sit on, these year with incredible weather, you could have taken eight chairs for yourself and laid down across them and there would still be plenty of chairs.

As I was getting a good look at the old restored Plymouth Fury, Scottsdale Police car and the incredible Van Pelt Fire Engine behind the stage I could hear the bag pipes begin to play and let me tell you, as a proud Irishman and cops kid, I've heard these far too many times in my life.

Shortly after the bagpipers ended a friend said "hey Jack, I want to introduce you to someone" and I turned around and started laughing....  Nice to meet you I said and the reply was "it sure is Jack".... What a pleasant surprise, standing in front of me was a man I had the great honor to meet up in Laconia a few rallies back and who I now call my friend, the one and only Saluting Marine of viral internet fame, Staff Sgt. Tim Chambers.  Tim always seems to appear at exactly the right places with impeccable timing and I thought this was the case today as well but I was wrong.  As it turns out, this memorial would not be the only event of the day.  At seven pm on this solemn day a candle light vigil would take place and Tim would be the guest of honor and the man to address the crowd and I knew that they brought in the right man for the job.  A few minutes later as we paused in silence for the exact moment that the plane hit the tower I captured two photos taken only moments apart from each other and they are my hands down favorite photos of the entire day and night and I'd like to share them with you now.

Today I rode a roller coaster of feelings and emotions and I welcomed them all.  I was reminded of the pain, the epic sadness, the horror, the loss, the devastation and the overwhelming fear that I felt on this day 12 years prior but I was also reminded of how this nation pulled together, how we put aside our differences and we were one people, how neighbor helped neighbor, how stranger helped stranger.  I was reminded of honor and the selflessness that wave after wave of our first responder's exhibited as they gave their own lives to try and save others.  I was reminded of the patriotism this tragedy had pulled back out of our beat down post Viet Nam souls and as I looked at the total and utter respect that these young men and women pictured above showed on this day for people that most never knew of other than for a name on a list or attached to a flag in a field and I knew that we as a people still had hope for our future.  That we as a nation could rise above the attacks of 9/11 and more than a decade of war that has followed.  We are a tired people but on this day we were uplifted because of the compassion shown and shared and it was a beautiful thing to witness.

When the ceremony was over and the people had nearly all gone, I stayed on for an hour or so and just walked the field.  I learned that not only was each flag marked with a number and a name, but what the age of that person was and what they were doing on that day and the biggest surprise of all was that on each tag was a little blurb about each person and it gave some humanity to the strangers whose names appeared on each of these 2,996 flags in the Healing Fields on this day and it touched me deeply.  During the ceremony I once again had the honor and privilege to read the names of some of the victims and I will forever hold that memory close to my heart.  The property was now mostly volunteers, a few friends, all the tv stations doing live shots and one lone fireman!  That lone fireman stood watch over this field on this day as if to say "WE STILL GOT YOUR BACKS" and I just couldn't help but watch him from behind for a bit as he stood there keeping an eye on the fields much like our friend Tim Chambers does as he salutes all who ride on Rolling Thunder, the similarity did not escape me.

 Today helped restore some much needed faith in me and seeing the thousands who attended the candle light vigil tonight took away some of my anger over the morning attendance.  I witnessed people once again come together out of nothing but good and compassion and a passion was once again reignited in me.  So in as much as I went to this memorial today to support those who have lost and to hold true to "NEVER FORGIVE, NEVER FORGET" as my tattoo reads, it was this memorial that in-fact helped me and I didn't even know I needed it!

Until we see each other on the road again;

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back and
The man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Healing Field 9/11 Memorial / NEVER FORGET

I know that it has been a tremendous amount of time since I last posted up on this blog and I've gotten your messages and I'll try harder to add content on here, sorry!  I wanted to share this with you all today as we remember those lost on this tragic day in American history.  I hope everyone continues to heal from this and life gets a little bit easier to live with each passing day.


I

and The Super Douche` award goes to

I'm sure you are dying to know who won this prestigious award in a town filled with so many Douchebags, don't worry, you will find out shortly.  My only regret is that I was too slow in moving from the table during dinner to catch this self important asshole as he proudly rode by the windows at a snails pace, proud as a peacock and smirking ear to ear.  He must have been attending a monthly Douche` meeting because as he came outside to get on his mean machine, the parking lot that was filled to capacity with smart cars, prius' and other hybrids all began to pull out together in a parade of fucktards with this "super douche`" leading the pack!  I wanted to stop him, interview him and thank him, yes, thank him for all he has done to make the world a better place and for dressing in such a snappy manner.  I just hope that his "super douche` cape" does not get caught in his back wheel while riding away!  He was just too quick for me.  I even had my list of questions all ready to go for when he straddled his machine!

Until we see each other on the road again,
Keep the wind in your face,
tits in your back and
The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Everything can change in the blink of an eye!

Sometimes in the blink of an eye, a good day can turn to total shit but on the flip side of that coin, a good day can turn into a great day just as quickly and that is just what happened to mine today.... You are probably saying, wait, which way did it go?  Did it go to Shit or did it become Great?  You are going to have to watch the short video below to find out...... and....

Until we see each other on the road again,
Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back and
The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Choppertown Camparound 2013 In The Books

I'm just sitting here on the couch trying to be as much like a ghost as I possibly can so that Diane can rest quietly, it's Tuesday and she is suffering from the after effects of her weekly shot.  She's had a pretty good run lately with very little in the way of side effects but today she is paying for that good run.  As I always say, no good deed ever goes unpunished.... and one must always be prepared to pay the price for good fortune... right now, the latter of the two is what's happening.  As I'm sitting here I began to reflect on the weekend and just how much I enjoyed myself.

This past weekend was if my memory does not fail me, the fourth Choppertown Camparound and for the first time it was held in a new location up in Wilhoit, Arizona.  I had been looking forward to this event for some time now but had been worried that after taking that fall back in Milwaukee, was I going to be able to make it up there, much less even ride my bike up there.  As it turns out, I was able to do both and by the time the day came to actually get my shit together and go, I was ready for it.  Just in case though, I brought with me an ankle brace, two knee braces, a different wrist brace and my cane, I was going to be ready for anything that hit and any injury that acted up!  The day before I left I was feeling pretty bummed that I would not be riding my knucklehead up to the party as I had the first annual event and I had come to grips with the fact that I would be riding up on the bagger when I realized hey, I got my fxr, that shits got room to pack camping gear on it, I'll ride the Pickle Sickle up there.  By the time I arrived, I could not get the smile off of my face!  I forgot just how great that bike is to ride and it was the first time I ever got to take that bike and use it for what it was designed for, going fast around the twisties.... but I'm getting ahead of myself here.

Normally when I'm getting ready to go to an event I get stressed to the limit and I'm in a panic about getting on the road and how long will the ride take to get there and how long we stop at each gas station.  There is nothing worse than going for a ride somewhere and having to be there at a specific time, it takes a whole lot of the joy of those trips from them.  The pressure builds even more when I'm riding my bike to an event that I'm working, where the only real joy comes from the ride home.  On this Saturday, I took my time like never before, getting my shit together, packing it all up right so that I could grab anything that I needed without having to unpack on the side of the road.  I had planned on being up early, loading up and riding out by 11 then 12 and that quickly became 1 and finally I fired up the bike to go at 3pm and not one part of me gave a shit!  I don't have a working speedometer on the Pickle but I do know that it could not tach any higer and I ended up making great time on the 120 mile ride so you do the math there.  Part of my mind always has a little paranoid part that is always one step ahead of me and does all the worrying for me so that I don't have to.  One of the thoughts I had on the ride up was "I sure hope when I get there the whole front of the bar is not packed with bikes", I didn't want the local PD seeing a billboard for what was taking place there and wondering why even after the bar closed were all these bikes still there.  As I pulled up in front of the Burro Inn there was not a bike to be seen and my smile grew a bit wider.  I pulled in, made a left and rode up the dirt hill to the glory of a post apocalyptic refugee camp of choppers, stock bikes and tents!  THIS PLACE WAS PERFECT!

I said hello to a few friends upon arriving and then shot over to set up camp which shockingly was done in only a few minutes thanks to help from a few friends and with that, cracked open the ol' mason jar and passed around the jar of Palmetto Moonshine.  A little white lightning after a hot ride across the desert was the perfect reward and it was still semi cold from when I pulled it out from the fridge a few hours earlier.  As I settled into the event it dawned on me that I wasn't there to work, not in the least and it was time for the first time in a very long time to do nothing but kick back, share some booze with friends and just celebrate this thing we do!  As the sun set I looked up to the mountain to see a sight that I had not planned on.  Met from New Mexico was standing on top of the hill, striking a pose like a Greek God and then my eyes refocused and I quickly came to the realization that he was pantless and taking the piss of a lifetime!  It will be a while before I get this pic out of my head and to be honest, I had no idea he had so much ink....  Nice ass tats Met!  With the sun down and the fire roaring, people all looked genuinely happy!  Not that I'm at a run and I'll be as happy as I can while I walk through the rows of chaps vendors but the pure happiness that comes from walking around looking at bad ass bikes and talking to people that you hardly ever get to see.

One of the highlights for me that I take away from this event was the people.  Many who were there I had not seen in some time and when I do get to see them, or talk to them, I only get to hang for a few minutes or in most cases, for a few moments before I run off to do something else or be somewhere else.  It was amazing not being on a schedule, not worrying about what band was coming on next and at what time, not worrying if I had taken care of the vendors well enough, did I remember to announce that the bartenders work only for tips.... etc etc etc.... it was so good to just walk around and bullshit with people.  Some people I've only met a few times in my life and at best for only a few seconds while working and I was finally able to hang out and get to know them, while there were others who, although we have been social media friends for some time, we've never even met in person until this party and it was great to put a face and a voice to a single profile pic!  If you are reading this and you were one of these people, it was great to finally meet you!  In one of those moments, I had just finished talking with someone and there was a quiet that came over the crowd in the campground and suddenly I could hear the band and all I could think of was "who the hell is that on stage", they are insane good!  I quickly made my way up to the back of the bar to see a band on stage that I had heard friends talk about over and over and now got to witness for the first time why they loved these guys so much!  If you guys, anywhere who are reading this, if you see the name HogJaw appear on an event invite or a flyer somewhere playing near you, believe me, go and see them.  The playing is so tight that it appears effortless!  They have a new album out and they take off for Europe in September so check them out, you will end up a lifelong fan as I have just become!

Next up was my friend Shadrach Heartattach and his band Bottom Shelf Bourbon.  I'd heard great shit about these guys as well but I've not seen them perform either.  We were hanging out at the back of the stage when Shadrach Heartattach came up to me and asked if I would go up on stage and bring the band on....  I told him no, that it was my day off and I wasn't working with a smirk and he just gave me one of his sly little smiles and he had me right then and there!  I've got to tell you guys and gals reading this here in AZ, if you get a chance to see this band, check them out, fantastic.....  I was captivated the moment they came on and the sound that came from that electric guitar was out of this world!  After having just finished my contract negotiations with my friend Shadrach, Long Jon, the host of this kick ass event pulled me aside and said "hey man, I ain't much of a talker but.... we want to do something for Randy Pants, we want to do a burnout in his memory, would you go up and announce it"..... sure thing man, I'd be honored to and for the record, what a burnout it was.  I've never seen anyone pop a tire so fast and I do believe Ken from FTF is and has remained the burnout king of Choppertown!  I'll have to double check as I only made the last event for an hour and missed the one prior to that altogether!  The band went on and played until late and we filled the rest of the hours with drinking, laughing and setting some things straight between friends.....  all in all, I'd say this was one hell of a party and one hell of a good time!

For Long Jon and the lovely Ms. Pinky Pancake, I just want to say thank you once again for taking the time to put this lil shindig together for all of us to enjoy and get away from work for a little while.  You made one hell of a choice in picking this year's location and I would seriously recommend that you stick with this joint!  The people who ran it were friendly and I really got the feel that they were genuinely grateful that we all came to hang out at their place!  So to those of you from the Burro Inn, I say thank you as well!  As great as the party was, the ride to the party is not to be beat!  There are only two ways in or out of this joint and each equally spectacular in their views and twists, turns and switchbacks.....  so that's it, what more could you want from a bike event?  We ended the night in the most fitting of ways, we drank and laughed ourselves to sleep around the camp fire....  well GTP was already asleep until I unzipped his tent and knelt down right on his forehead thinking it was my own tent....  oh hell, they were both blue and it was dark and the shit was right next to mine, it was an honest mistake!  For the record, I was nearly as surprised as you were George.  Now this is where I would traditionally load up all the photos from the party but I took only one pic and it was the next day......  hey, what do you want from me, I was off the clock!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Never know what you'll find on the memory card on your phone

So I got a new phone a short while back and I've really yet to figure out how the damn thing works.  I shot some video over the last few days that I wanted to share but could not even figure out how to get it off of the damn phone.  So after an hour of going back and forth from the phone to the laptop to the phone I had to open up each single thumbnail and there are like a thousand of them.  There were no previews to show what each file was, this was a huge undertaking and a massive pain in the ass!  So I would copy, then paste and then open before I even had an hint at what it was going to be.  I was pretty happy when I found this one.  Hell I didn't even know I still had this and for that matter I didn't even remember I shot this.

The quick back story is this;  I was working out in the back yard with the radio on and I heard the local station run an ad saying what was going on that night.  An old friend that I grew up with was coming to town and I had not seen him in what felt like forever.  I checked my phone and still had his number but it was his home phone (the same number since we were kids).  I sent him a message online and sure as hell he answered.  My old friend is Italian and had been on the road for some time so I asked when was the last time he had some good, home cooked, real Italian food and his answer was "fucking forever ago", so I threw on a pot of water, grabbed up some pasta, opened up some cans of tomato and began cooking.  The plan was to meet him at the buses behind the venue, catch up, eat some dinner and see the show.  I had no idea that we'd be seeing the show sitting on road cases on the wing of the stage!  When we were just kids this guy was one of the best bass players that I had ever seen and I knew without question that if he kept his shit straight he would be huge and sure as hell he is!  I've been around music, bands and live performances my whole life but I've never really seen such joy in playing as I witnessed on this night of my old friend playing the bass!  As it turns out it had to be maybe 15 years since we'd seen each other, maybe even longer.  I don't know how that happens but it was like no time was lost.  He was exactly the same guy he's always been, he's just got a much better beard now!  So here you go, check out this hidden little gem from my old memory card!

Click on this fucker right here and check it out!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

I'M LIKE THE FRIGGIN HORSE WHISPERER

ROBERT REDFORD LOOK OUT MAN, JACK SHIT IS COMING FOR YOUR TITLE!  Or your name or whatever the hell that role was that you played in the movie was I'm not sure but apparently it looks like I got me some mad skills when it comes to communicating with the horses!  In this particular case I was saying no so kind things about this lovely rescued horse named Chica!  When my friend Chopper Doll found this horse she was starving and 3/4's on her way to certain death!  Well I should have said our friend Chopper Doll because I'm sure she is probably your friend too!  Anyway, to make a long story short, it had been a long time since we were out her way in Cali and I had yet to see the ranch where she keeps both of her RESCUED horses!  The other horse, Memo, was in even worse shape and to add insult to the starvation issue, this horse had been beaten and abused as well.  When I first saw the photos of these horses I could not wrap my head around how anyone could do this to such amazing creatures.  Well after starving and literally having to fight for food, these two are fattened up and living like rock stars but old habits are hard to break and this beautiful blonde here, Chica, has not forgotten about having to fight for food and she still wants to eat anything that is put in front of her..... and anything that is put in front of any other horse or goat or chicken or..... well you get my drift!  The work our dear friend has put into this property is incredible and I give her kudos and two thumbs up for the near unbelievable job she did in saving these two horses from their horrible lives or really, what was left of them.

While there I was so amazed at how beautiful the property was coming along and even more amazed at how great the horses looked, I took out my phone and began to record video and of course, I was commenting on it.  Those of you who don't know me allow me to fill you in on this tidbit of info;  I'm known for my ridiculous commentary when the camera is on, it's as if I forget that I'm holding the damn thing and no one, including myself ever knows what is going to come out of my mouth so for years any time something needed to be recorded, everyone just handed me the camera hoping for another moment of me putting my foot in my mouth or my head up my ass!  Today, the only one to take exception to my commentary was Chica the horse.  She was not at all impressed with me or the thoughts that I was conveying!  So take a look at the video, it really is pretty damn funny and I would bet my ass on the fact that if I had every horse treat known to man, I could not have gotten this horse to do this with such impeccable timing!  It's short, only about a minute and a half so I hope you enjoy it.  I'll drop the link in below so all you have to do is click on it.

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Jack Shit the horse pisser off!

Been A Long Time Coming

Since I have not posted shit in forever, I thought since I broke out of my massive inspirational coma today, I'd share some cool shit that's gone on over the last little while since I dropped off the face of the earth!  I believe my last post before today was just prior to Daytona Bike Week down at the Broken Spoke letting you all know what we had going on down there.  As it turns out, the event was a huge success and the feedback that I've gotten from those who came to work and party with us has been stellar.  It is very rare indeed that I ever leave the property when I'm working a bike rally but I could not resist taking off on the Chop In Block / Cycle Source ride around what I believe is called the Wildlife Loop out in Ormond.  A friend was kind enough to loan me another friend's bike and I jumped in to the pack and we took off.  The ride was amazing, the people along for it could not have been better and for about an hour and a half, we all got to forget that we were there to work.  Here is a shot that our friend Uli captured while on the ride.  I'm not sure what it is, but there is something that just strikes me about this shot.  I'm not sure if it is the way the sun shines off that amazing paint job or the blur of the trees making it look like we are rolling 100 mph or what but I just love the hell out of it so I thought I'd share it with you lunatics.

Once again I had the great honor of hosting some of the finer happenings at Arizona Bike Week this year and there were quite a few moments that really stood out and a few memories that will stay with me for as long as I live.  I got to once again do a gig with the incredible folks over at HD of Scottsdale and they clean, clear knocked it out of the park again.  It was the kick off party for AZ Bike Week and the crowd was pumped up.  In true Jack Shit fashion we hooked them up with all kinds of Free Shit and the crowd was so massive that we had to use a cannon to reach from 1/3 of the crowd back.  The concert  portion of the event was held at their new training facility which by the way is totally state of the art and enormous.  I've yet to think of anything that could not be pulled off with this amazing facility that they have there.  The shot below was taken from the lighting console which was about halfway back in the crowd from the stage.  I love seeing the crowd here but what I really love is the shot of that flag on the stage.  There is a great story here to go along with that flag as well.

Another great shot that was captured that day was of me screwing around when I didn't know anyone was looking.  Shortly before the shot was taken, I had introduced and watched the performance of one of the best bike stunt teams that I had ever seen.  It was a warm day and I had a shit ton of property to work that day and from the jump I decided that I would ride my bike around the property rather than walk back and forth endlessly.  On one of my trips back to the main stage I was informed that there was a delay in getting Steppenwolf off the stage from their sound check and our rehearsal would have to wait.  I was riding around the training facility when I realized that I had never surfed the bagger since I got it and what better time and place to do just that, after all, it is a "training facility", so I couldn't pass it up.  As I came around the lighting / sound tower I had just began going up on the bike when out of the corner of my eye I saw someone standing there.  He never got a shot of me all the way up but he did catch me getting there.  Who knew that you could surf a road glide?  Getting that loose neck fixed after 2 years sure paid off!  Thanks Bob from Independent for the hook up!

What makes working for this group of people so great is just that, "the group of people" and the head of that group is the one and only Dr. Bob Parsons and this man is nothing but class!  He spent top dollar to throw this party and here is the kicker, if you have a mc endorsement on your drivers lic., then entry to the event is totally free!  How classy of a move is that shit?  Dr. Bob went way out of his way to fill the entertainment roster that day.  When you bring in a big national act, it's easy to just hire a local band or two to open up for them and save yourself a fortune but he sure as hell didn't do that.  He took the expense to bring in a band from Nashville that was really great but the point of this is the band that he brought in all the way from NYC.  The band is called Madison Rising and they were extremely talented.  More than talented, they are truly patriots and it really shows in their performance.  Just like Dr. Bob, the lead singer is a Marine and as you see there I didn't say former Marine because as I've learned, there is no such thing!  The band played a set earlier and was just incredible but it was the job that they did later that evening that flat out blew everyone's minds.  The original video the band made is stellar but I thought that here, now, I would share the video from that evening.  So check it out right click me now.  As much as the performance live was incredible what moved me the most was when a moment of silence was asked for by the lead singer and in a split second, nearly six thousand guests fell instantly silent, it was incredibly powerful!  This is a band that because of the fact that they are patriotic, find it very difficult to find a welcoming audience because as you know, you are damn near shunned now for being proud to be an American!  If you see these guys anywhere, make sure you go and support them.  The original video made by the band on youtube has nearly 4 million hits and that's pretty damn impressive to me!  

Dr. Bob is the founder of Go Daddy and although he is a MASSIVE success, he takes care of his people and his customers at a level I've yet to see any place else.  About 20 minutes before we brought Bob up on stage we were hanging out backstage, we had gone over what was going to happen when he came on and we were talking with the band and that is when I saw and heard something that I'd never imagined was possible in the entertainment industry.  Dr. Bob was speaking with these guys and asked how they are supported and how it is going for them.  The reply was the same that nearly every band gives, "we do it all on our own" until we make it big enough to get some support but as I mentioned above, in this nation, is these times, being a patriot is perhaps the ultimate curse in the entertainment industry.  Dr. Bob turned to one of his top guys and said "bonus these guys $ _______, write them a check right now" and the look on the faces of the band had to match the look on mine.  That look was shock, awe and total surprise!  I won't mention the amount of the bonus that was given because that really isn't my right to do, but I can say this, HOLY SHIT!  Dr. Bob, you my friend are nothing but class!  I'm proud to be part of your team!  As I mentioned earlier, there was a story behind that flag that we used on the stage.  A soldier's dad carries that flag around with him and is such a massive fan of Madison Rising that he attends many of their shows.  We knew that we needed a flag on stage for this special moment and we asked if we could use his and he was humbled and honored.  I never had a chance to hear the entire story behind the flag but I can say that it was very moving to say the least!  Here is one of my favorite shots captured that evening!

 Below is a shot captured that night right before we all went on stage.  Dr. and Mrs. Parsons, Madison Rising and your pal Jack Shit!  This was a night that I will never forget.  The only thing that could have made this better would have been if the owner of the flag could have been in there with us.

I could go on and on in this post but I won't because it seems to be getting long and since I've not really posted in five months, I don't want to kidnap you and hold you for ransom on this page.  Next time I get back on here, I'll share some of the other great shit, sad shit and cool shit that has been going on in our lives over this past half year!

I do have to say that it feels good to write about what's going on again and let you fuckers back into our lives.  It's not always easy to just spill out for the whole world everything that is going on and I feel that if I can't lay it all out on the line then why share anything.... ya know what I mean?

So then, until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Keeping this a secret has been killing me!

Well folks, I mentioned a few weeks ago that we had some huge announcements to make this year for the Sturgis Rally at the Legendary Broken Spoke Saloon but I had to keep them under wraps for a bit.  That bit seemed to stretch on a "bit" longer than I thought and it's been eating me alive that I've not been able to share it with you all!  First we announced for our legion of country fans that the one and only Gary Allan to rave reviews, then we dropped the bomb on you fine folks that the one and only Black Crowes were heading back out on the road and dropping this shit down a gear and opening up their throttle with us at the Broken Spoke but that left two huge concert nights left open and I've been getting hammered with questions about who it was going to be.....  well I can't share everything with you right now, but I will share this....  ya ready?  The one and only QUEENS OF THE STONEAGE will be taking the main stage at the The Spoke and I'd say that they will be blowing the roof off the joint but I can't and the only reason for that is that they will be playing under the incredible star filled South Dakota sky!  If you haven't booked your camping you still have a shot, just go to the Broken Spoke Saloon website  CLICK RIGHT HERE DAMNIT.  Every single show is free for campers and we've kept the ticket prices for those of you who are not camping with us at a price that anyone can afford.  So spread the word, it's on like Donkey Kong for the 2013 Sturgis Rally and I give you my word that we are going to break our backs to show you the greatest time you've ever had and help you make some memories to last a lifetime!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Holy Shit!

THIS POST HAS CHANGED FROM ITS ORIGINAL FORMAT AS A PHOTO HAS BEEN ADDED.  NORMALLY ANY CHANGE FROM ITS ORIGINAL FORM WOULD BE IN RED BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF I KNOW HOW TO MAKE A PHOTO RED!

I can't believe that I've not written a single solitary word or posted once on this thing since the beginning of January.  Here we go again, another Jack Shit disappearing act!  It's funny, it's not like I have had nothing going on in my life to share with you all, I just haven't had the heart to sit down and actually write.  I find that I write from a position of passion and lately, quite frankly, I find myself less than passionate.  The injuries I sustained on my trip to Milwaukee for the Shed party turned out to be quite a bit more severe than I ever imagined they would be and I've been more or less laid up ever since.  With the exception of getting up and about for 3 or 4 hours max, I've spent all my time laying on the bed, the couch and luckily, even the beaches of Hawaii.  When I met with the surgeon he laughed when I asked if he thought I needed surgery.  I asked what was so funny and he said "son, it's not if you need surgery but how fast can we perform it!"  With that statement, the life seemed to be sucked clean out of my lungs and my heart!  Here we go again....  more surgeries more time laid up.... well it ain't happening right now!  I've got shit to do!  I have no choice but to knuckle up, face the pain and push forward.  Friday I begin my duties of hosting one of the greatest parties on earth, Daytona Bike Week at the Broken Spoke Saloon and I have mixed emotions on it.  I am psyched that I get back on the road and bring the smiles but I'm sort of horrified to find out if that once I get going will the ankle and knee hold up?  One way or another, within 48 hours I'm going to find out.

Over the last 3 years or so, I've been blessed with being able to entertain the masses that arrive at the Spoke looking to do one thing, make some memories and I'll forever be grateful for having been given the shot at pulling this off.  The Broken Spoke celebrates its 25th anniversary this year, that is an epic accomplishment and all I can say is that I'm honored to have had a small role in that.

When people ask me and believe me, they ask a lot, what is my favorite part of it all, or what the highlight of each rally is and the only answer that I can ever come up with is "the people."  Thanks to social media, I know so many of you from all over the world and the only place I really ever get to cross paths with you guys is at the big rallies!  I love what I do, although the most difficult question I ever have to answer is "what do you do Jack?"  That question sends a chill down my spine because to be quite honest, I'm not really at all sure what it is that I do......  I just know that it makes me happy to do it and it sure seems to bring big ol' smiles to others faces....  well those of them that I don't somehow piss off while I'm doing whatever it is that I do!  If you are heading for Daytona, please, stop in the Broken Spoke, say happy anniversary to guys like Brother Speed who have been around forever.  We've got one hell of a party planned, notice I didn't say event?  That is because you don't have an anniversary event, you have an anniversary party and that is what the Spoke has planned and not just for Daytona but for the entire year.  The best part is that rather than expect to receive gifts, we plan on giving them to you guys!  What's better than gifts?  Surprises and surprise gifts, that's what's better....  What kind of things will you be giving away, you may be asking yourself right now?  How about this for example.....

This is just one of three guitars being given away this rally in Daytona at the Broken Spoke!  The one and only Jasmine Cain will also be giving away an ESP Guitar and all you got to do to is be there to have your shot at riding out of the Spoke with a bad ass ax strapped on your back or maybe three if you are really lucky!  Speaking of Jasmine, she will as always be blowing up the stage at the Spoke along with our friend and editor of Cycle Source Magazine, the one and only Chris Callen comes out of self imposed exile from music and is performing on the world famous stage of the Spoke!  We look forward to welcoming Big House Pete as well as icons of the music industry and Florida's own, Molly Hatchet who never fails to blow the roof off the joint!  I know you guys who have followed my writing and my rants for some time will be asking yourself right about now, Jack always says that this is supposed to be a gathering of those who live for bikes, not music.......  you are right, that is ABSOLUTELY what this is all about, the bikes.... but fuck man, ain't it cool to have some sweet tunes playing the whole time?  Once again, so many people have come together to make all of this happen and none of it would be possible without the generosity and brotherhood shared and shown with gestures like these guitars among other amazing acts you will never know of!

Again, those of you who know me, know full well that I live and breathe all things two wheeled and hell folks, done right, I even dig some shit with three wheels....  Okay, who am I kidding, if it has tits or wheels, I'm a fan......  Rather than have a one day bike show, the Spoke has a bike show nearly each and every day of the rally!  From the Trikes only show that was a huge hit last go round to the Chop-In Block show, the Editors choice show which is a milestone and an epic achievement and it's all happening at the Broken Spoke and we are honored....  15 National magazine editors will represent their rags all in one place at one time and pick some of the baddest scoots on earth to feature in their mags.  If you have ever wondered how you get YOUR BIKE featured in a magazine, well this is how and now is your chance....

It's all fun and games..... well until someone loses an eye, then it's fun and games and hilarity!  The Spoke welcomes back the Motorcycle Cowboys to bring a little touch of their own mayhem to the party with rodeo games and good clean American Biker fun.......  did I say clean?  Who the hell am I kidding?  It was only 5 months ago when the police stormed the property in Daytona and threatened to shut us down if we didn't calm it down!  You know it ain't a party until the cops arrive anyway, right?  The Chop-In Block family is back with us again for the third time and I've got to tell you that these guys are the shit!  Builders, fabricators, tool makers, leather artisans, pinstripers, you name it, they are all represented at the Chop-In Block and I can tell you from personal experience, there is not a one of them that I would not want next to me in a fox hole!

The party goes late in to the night as usual and each night ends with all the ladies in the audience up on the bar for one last blast of decadence.....  I could go on and on and on with what we've got planned for you all this bike week in Daytona but why ruin the surprise?  If you are not a big fan of surprises, then go to the Spoke's facebook page, the website at www.brokenspoke.com and visit the pages of those you know who will be there.  This is a party you won't want to miss and will forever regret it if you do!  Oh yeah, don't be bashful, roll that bike right up in front of the stage because just as you've come to know the Spoke, the BURNOUTS WILL BE A PLENTY!  Go ahead, get famous and burn that fucker down to the rim.....

So for now, that's what I've got going on, this is where I will be and if the messages on line, the phone calls and texts are any sign of what's to come, I'm going to be seeing a shit ton of you maniacs there and I can't wait!  Everyone, please be safe in your travels down to Daytona, watch out for assholes in cages and watch your six!  I'll keep you posted as shit goes down and as we break news on "special" happenings at the party so keep an eye out!  Oh yeah, shit, I nearly forgot, where's my head?  MISS BROKEN SPOKE CONTEST.......

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the Wind In Your Face,
Tits in Your Back
and THE MAN OFF YOUR ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Never Say Never, yet again!

About a year and a half ago, I performed the most beautiful wedding ceremony that I've ever done at the most spectacular place that I've ever performed the ceremony of marriage!  At the time that I had taken the booking for the wedding I was so happy to have been asked to do it my answer was an instant YES!  I had also done the same thing for a friend back in January two years ago, I was asked and said YES!  Never for a moment did I think to look at a calender, check the dates, see what else might be going on during that time, I just said sure!  As it turned out, during both of those wedding dates, I missed two major bike events that I had been scheduled to attend.  As the time drew nearer I realized that I screwed up and big but I am a man of my word and come hell or high water I try to never, ever break that word. I've lost business, I've lost friends, I've lost incredible opportunities because I won't break my word.  Oh well, such is life and if a friend can't realize this, then I guess they were never really a friend in the first place, right?  Fuck them anyway, they can suck the gnats of a dead rats scrotum while having a cactus jammed straight up their pee hole, but, I digress!  The point of this stupid ass post is simple, as of that last ceremony, I said that I would never again perform the ceremony of marriage!  It was one hell of a way to go out on top, my greatest wedding ever and it would be my last!  Never, ever again will I do another wedding........... or so I thought!

A few days ago an old friend called up that I had not really seen nor heard from in some time.  It was a nice surprise to hear from him.  Every now and again a quick face book comment or something would pop up, but other than that, not much in the way of contact.  He is an east coast guy like me so the second I answered the phone and heard "HEY!!! HOW YOU DOOOOON!!!"  Notice that there was no question mark at the end of that sentence?  Why?  Because it was not a question, it was a statement!  This guy is your typical, Brooklyn, Italian, bike riding, gun toting lunatic and it sure was nice to hear someone speak with that accent and for a brief moment, I was back home in Joisey!!!  I knew why I had not heard much from him over the last few years and it was because when he moved to AZ, his mom had gotten old and sick.  Here is a single guy who moved to paradise and gave up partying, chasing ass and living his life to move into a trailer in a senior development to take care of his mom and make the last time she had here on earth as happy and comfortable as possible!  I've got mad respect for him for doing this!  As we spoke we bullshitted back and forth, asked each other the typical question and then he hit me with the bomb question!  "Hey man, what are you doing on Valentine's Day?"  My first thought was "oh no, all that time away from chicks taking care of mom and he realized that he was gay and now he is asking me out", for a brief moment, I admit, I was flattered but I had to remind him that I was still married.  Then he responded to me with "no you fucking jerkoff, I am not asking you out, I'm asking you to marry me!"  Now I was REALLY flattered but still as equally married.  Then came, "NO you stupid prick, I'm getting married and I want you and only you to do the ceremony!"  I had to ask, "so then you wouldn't want to marry me?"  "What the fuck is wrong with me that I'm not good enough for you?"  Funny how easily our feelings can be hurt!

I informed him that I don't do these things any longer, that I was going out on top and I didn't have my schedule set in stone for the year yet and I could not commit in advance to any date etc, etc, etc....  He was not taking no for an answer.  I informed him that the odds were really good that I was going to be away on that day and if I was not away, I'd just be arriving home in the middle of the night or rather, early that morning and he still didn't care, he was not taking no for an answer.  This poor bastard was in love, he was getting married and nothing was going to stop him, NOTHING or no one, myself included.  He asked me to meet him on Friday at noon at the location for the ceremony and we'd talk about it there.  It's only a 40 minute drive so I said what the hell, it's cold as hell but still a beautiful day, I'll go meet him.  I had already decided in my heart that after all this guy had gone through recently, the things that he gave up to do what he did, I WAS COMING OUT OF RETIREMENT!  Check out where we are going to do this ceremony!

I've done ceremonies in some of the coolest places ever!  I've performed them in beach houses after a hurricane by candle light because there was no power, I've done them on the beach with dolphins jumping out of the water behind us, I've done them on the side of a cliff overlooking a spectacular lake, inside MC clubhouses, at bike rallies in front of thousands of people, in the center of circled wagons, at the World Famous Broken Spoke Saloon, I've been flown all over the country by couples who would have no one else marry them, hell, I've even performed the ceremony of marriage inside the OK Corral, yeup, the OK Corral!  But how in hell am I supposed to turn down performing the marriage ceremony of a friend inside the Elvis Presley Memorial Chapel?  Just can't do it, no way, no how, this shit was on like Donkey Kong!  As I stood there staring at the altar, I thought to myself, "you said you were never going to do this again man, how pissed are the people going to be that you have turned down recently?" Someone is going to take that personal, I just know that no matter how much I try to explain, someone is going to think that I just didn't want to marry them, this is going to back fire on me, maybe I shouldn't do it!  The confusion and the inner turmoil was building in me and having this damn Chantix running around my body and twisting up my brain was not helping.  My friend and his fiance had not arrived yet to meet me and now I didn't know what I was going to say to them.  Right then and there while looking at Elvis' face, I decided that unless I had some devine intervention, a proverbial kick in the nuts from the universe or a sign from God, I was going to bail out on this ceremony while they still had time to book someone else.  That was it, I WAS OUT!  I turned to walk out the door and as I looked up, a dove was hovering, flapping his wings like a mad man right in front of this window that was above the door! All I could think of was the scene from Orgasmo when he asks God for a sign that he should not make porn movies anymore and the apartment began to shake, an earthquake hit, all the dishes came out of the cabinets and fell to the ground and smashed and after all the damage was done and the earth stopped shaking violently, he said and I quote, "any sign at all God, anything, any sign at all!"  So there it was, a dove flying in front of a stained glass crucifix window..... are you kidding me?  Guess I'm back in the wedding business!

 I began to think, this will be pretty cool.  A small, intimate ceremony with only a handful of guests in this tiny, historic chapel that was made famous in so many movies, yeah, this will be alright!  My friend arrives and I meet him outside as I'm taking a few pics around the grounds of the Superstition Museum. I use to live right on the mountain but we never really spent any time here.  We'd walked around parts of it once or twice.  I filmed a little bit out there, for what I can't seem to remember.  I think it was when we were trying to get that tv show on BBC, who can remember this shit, I certainly can't!  I told him how perfect I thought the chapel was for an intimate ceremony.  That is when he says to me "well it may not be so intimate now, it appears to be growing."  So now the small, quiet, "intimate" ceremony for only a few friends has grown and it's far too big for the tiny Elvis chapel and did I mention that I opened up meeting up with my friend with the phrase, "yeah man, I'm in" and now I'm not even doing it the damn chapel!  Thanks for the sign!!!!  The grounds of the museum are really cool with a few buildings saved from the fire at Apacheland Studios that suffered one final horrific fire a few years ago.  Here are a few shots of that shit.

Along with the old stamp mill, jail, blacksmith shop and such, the property also has an area they call the coliseum or what they can "loosely" call the amphitheater and that is where we will be holding the ceremony.  Since this day really has nothing to do with me and is in fact of course about the couple, I'm going to do whatever they want to do.  We took a walk and he pointed out the area to me.  I asked, "you mean that area over there with the construction barricades laying on their sides?"  Yeah, that's it he responded....  Luckily as we got closer we realized that these weren't actually barricades but big ol' stones and in the front and center, a stacked stone altar with the ultimate back drop of the Superstition Mountains!  It was actually pretty sweet and since I hadn't ever performed a wedding at a museum, I will still pulling off something that I had not done yet!  Check it out.

So it doesn't look like we will be doing shit in the Elvis Chapel but I gotta tell you, this don't suck either!  It's going to be a good day no matter where we do it.  Oh yeah, since the word got out, I'm now booked for a wedding on the Beach in San Diego too!  Here we go again!

Until we see each other on the road again;

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back an
The Man Off Your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit