The Saga of the Pickle Sickle

I try to remember that a lot of you have joined me here long after others and I try to keep that in mind when I write or tell a story to help you keep up to date and understand what in the hell I'm actually speaking of.  In this particular case here, I'm speaking of a bike that I bought a few years ago from a friend's ex husband.  The bike was a low mileage amazing deal and for what was possibly the first time in my life, I was in the right place at the right time and actually had a pocket full of money and just as a good friend had once predicted, "one day you will all own an FXR" came true, I was now the owner of an HD FXRS Lowrider Convertible.  It was a 92' and was done as so many bikes were back then, battered, dipped and deep fried in all things billet, shiny and pretty much everything that I am against at my core, but, it was a low mileage FXR and I had to have it.  The work done was all top notch, just not at all my taste.  Let me see if I can find a pic of it the day I brought it home so that you have a point of reference to see how much I ugly'd up this bike!

Looking back at this pic now I have to think to myself "what the hell did you do?"  I wanted a touring bike though that could travel with all the gear that I needed to head on down the road but still be able to carve up the canyons and make mince meat out of the super slab freeways and I knew that underneath all this crazy ass green paint was that very bike dying to get out.  As the months passed me with what seemed to be no more than a nod, I would grab up all the FXR parts that I needed to make this vision come to life.  The only problem was that I was not going to pay someone to do this and I sure as hell wasn't going to pay the over inflated prices that people were asking for these parts that for a great many years were pulled off of bikes and thrown in the corners of garages around the world, I was going to wait it out and make every part I got as much of a score as the bike itself.  It sure was a great plan for the first year and a half or so, but those deals are few and far between and with what now seems like the entire bike community got turned onto the amazing machine that so many hated with passion when it first came out, is making it more and more difficult to find either the parts or the deals, but I waited and waited.

The first thing that I did was score some sweet COP saddle bags and the rail system for mounting them.  With the first score comes the first problem, to fit these bags, I had to change both the struts and the shocks.... oh yeah, don't let me forget the rear fender and the tail light as well.  With those modifications made it was time to test out my asphalt eating theory so I did what anyone with virtually no common sense would do, I packed it up to the gills and rode it 1400 miles to Sturgis and back and you know what, it rode like a dream!  Here is a pic of the very first mods.

Luggage rack, seat and sissy bar added, handle bars and risers changed and saddle bags all ready to rock and roll for the trip to Sturgis and in the end, the final report, she rode like a dream but could have gone a bit faster for my taste but then again that is a bit questionable because I had no speedometer.  You see, the guy who did the work on the bike prior to my getting it mounted the tires on the rims in the wrong direction and knowing that I would certainly face rain on the trip, I had to pull the axle and flip the front rim backwards just to play it safe and good thing I did because the first 8 or 900 miles was in rain like I've never seen!  Oh yeah, we also added a foot of pipe to the rear exhaust to make them equal length and we installed baffles for back pressure, EVO's love their back pressure.  Also at this time I took a fender that fit a wide glide front end from my knuckle, I knew KOKO would never mind, she hates front fenders anyway, grabbed up some Krylon rattle can paint and painted both the front and rear fenders black.....  2/3's of the Green now gone!

Those of you who have become friends with me or began following my writing either here, facebook or in Cycle Source Magazine in the last year or so may not know about how this lovely Billet Barge got her name, "THE PICKLE SICKLE".......  I'm just wondering if I should tell that story again or find an old post on here and just add the link..... I'll get back to you on this when I figure it out.... in the mean time, I'm still working on accumulating parts and I've got everyone I know keeping their eyes peeled for me.

In the meantime, as I ponder on my decision of what to do about the aforementioned dilemma that I currently face, check out the all FXR issue of Cycle Source, people really seemed to love it and if you or a friend doesn't have one laying around, reach out to the mag itself and ask about how you get back issues, it's pretty easy.  If you haven't caught the FXR bug yet, this issue just may "infect you."

It was right about now that I was going to share all of the rest of the modifications I've made to the Pickle Sickle since my trip to Sturgis and as I began to type but had to stop...... it was right then, right now.... that I came to the realization that I'VE DONE NOTHING ELSE TO THIS BIKE!  My big plans to make this my road gobbling machine somehow got sidetracked.  Perhaps it was picking up the Road Glide at a pretty fair price or some divine intervention, either way, I really have no idea.  Not only did I stop at continuing my grand plan but I stopped totally.  When I got the bike the very first thing and I mean THE VERY FIRST THING that had to be done was tires!  Not only were they fairly worn down but they were dry rotted as hell.  Out here in AZ, if you leave something, anything out in the sun and don't move it or protect it, it will rot!  So as I sit here typing this now having come home only a few hours ago from actually replacing the tires I could not help but laugh and wonder how the hell I did not kill myself riding around on those damn things.  Notice that I didn't say from getting new tires there, I said "replacing" the tires?  That is because I wanted to get rid of those damn "cheese grater" wheels and throw on some FXR or Sportster wheels, hell, they are the same frigging thing either way......  I got those about a year or so ago and still didn't get new tires.  Lazy, YES I AM!

Part of the master plan was to get the wheels cleaned up and powder coated black, then I'd put the fresh rubber on and I'd be set to travel the world......  I still have not had the wheels powder coated and the bike is leaving for Las Vegas on Wednesday of next week.... yeup, waited till the last minute and sure as the devil shits fire, I've cut it way too close.  I called up my buddies down at Independent Motorcycles in Chandler and said "can you help an idiot out please, I'm in a jam" and without a moments thought the answer was yes.  Now not only were they willing to help me out but I was told to bring the bike down on Monday..... the funny thing is, the SHOP IS CLOSED ON MONDAYS!  I rode it on over and there they were waiting for me, what an amazing gesture!  As I got off the bike, Diane pulled up in the Flex and opened up the back door to a pile of parts that just left Bob speechless.  He looked at me and said "you want to do this, TODAY?"  Of course, is there a problem?  He promptly replied, "nope!"  I guess on all our parts we were thinking a wee bit too positive.....  We dove into the bike and started tearing it apart when Diane came in and said "we have to be at that appointment at 1pm.  It was now noon and I not only have to leave, but I'm leaving these guys to work on my bike, on their day off and I had to LEAVE, what a douche'bag!  I raced to Phoenix and right back and that was when we began to cross "to do" things off the list.  They didn't get crossed off because they were done, they were crossed off because they couldn't be done.

Can't get the powder coating done......  Okay..... Bob says "take my wire wheels and when we get your wheels back, we'll put tires on and swap them out"..... Okay....  another amazing gesture... in the time being, we'll pull off the wide glide front end, put on the FXR narrow glide and run a 19" instead of the 21"....  Okay....  Then I hear, "Jack, where is the headlight for this front end?" Uhm, I don't know, I don't have one."  Now it was their turn to say "OKAY"....  then we realized that my wide glide wasn't stock HD, it was a custom build so the dual disc brakes would not line up with either the 10 or 11.5 inch rotors.  So now I have no powder coated FXR wheels, I can't change the front end because I'd now have to cut all the wires and didn't have the time to dick with it, I had one laced wheel in the back and the cheese grater wheel on the front with what can only be described as a throw away tire on it which for the record is far better than the tire we took off.  I wanted to paint and swap out the gas tank and front fender but because the front end is a wide glide and is lowered, I can't put the cop fender on the front, but I now have one on the back......  I never measured the cable lengths so I can't change the risers or bars and I can't pull it apart because I have to ride this bitch home in a short time.  I didn't change the seat to two up either.  Oh hell, I should have been out of there a few hours before already and we were still dicking with this thing.  So let me show you some photos of WHAT this thing ended up looking like tonight.....  notice that I did not say HOW this thing looked because to use the word how, one would have to use words to describe it and at this point, that would be difficult.

I think what was formerly known as the Legendary Pickle Sickle should now just be called either the Rainbow Bright bike or simply Skittles but to do that, I have to put something orange or more red on. I may fix it all, or actually ride this bitch proudly into Sin City!  Only time will decide.....  Did I mention that I have not even painted the gas tank that I was about to put on, no, well I haven't....

You may have noticed that not one of the parts is painted to match yet....  This photo was taken for the all FXR issue of Cycle Source months ago and you know how much I got finished and painted?  NONE!  Here is another fun little fact about your pal Jack Shit;  I didn't let it stop me from putting any of it on!

So as you see here above, the saddle bags are off, the new fender and light are installed and there is now a wire wheel in the rear instead of a mag, neither the original cheese grater nor FXR mag.

Saddle bag back in place, rails on, Joey Chop's long ago borrowed luggage rack temporarily installed and the front wheel pulled off the bike.  I think about now any photo from any angle will show many different sizes of wheels, styles of wheels and tires all over the place with the exception of on the bike!

Now after a great many hours of work by guys who were on their day off, we decided that we had no choice but to put the original wheel back on, pull a tire out of the garbage pile more or less and install that, leave the front end, the headlight, the brakes, the seat, the tank, the exhaust alone for now just to get this damn Pickle off the lift so that tomorrow they can get back to customer's bikes who need their bikes to get back on the road.  I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of the plethora of colors now on this bike and I remembered that I have the original FXRT Samsonite tour pack back at the house and it is Maroon and Orange of all things and I actually found myself laughing out loud as I pulled off the freeway racing home to dig out the tour pack just so I could see what it looks like added to what has now become a "modern art piece"......  I walked in the door, right past Diane and she said "where the hell are you going in such a rush?"  I'm going to dig out my tour pack to put on the bike!  "Oh my God, is it done" she asked with enthusiasm and all I could do was smile and say "it is for now".....  Well luck would have it and I found the tour pack, wait till you see this!  It is the candle on the fucked up cake, it is the pi est de resistance, the final kick in the nuts.... and so much more..... check it out!

C'mon now, seriously, after seeing this, don't you want to have an exact replica for yourself?  Don't lie... you know you do!  Heads up Vegas, the circus is coming to town!  I think I am going to pull off the side covers and rattle can paint them terracotta, I think that will be the perfect final touch! It is no wonder that Orange County Choppers has not been calling me to join the design team!  I pulled off this one of a kind bike for about 100,000 bucks less than their average bike!  Now on the serious side, I really wanted to black this ol' girl out all the way.  The engine, the wheels, the front end, nearly everything with a few subtle shiny touches but honestly now that I see it with the cop paint on it, I really have to admit that for someone who absolutely hates cops now, I really like the look of it!  So the work will stop until I figure it out...............  nah, only kidding, I've got a 7 dollar credit at the hardware store so tomorrow I'll go buy a can of spray paint and do something.... what exactly I'm not sure, but I'll do something!  I'll keep you posted!  Okay, I know you are dying to see one more pic of the bike from the "show side".... ha ha ha ha ha.... that makes me laugh even typing it, but here you go.

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back and
The MAN OFF YOUR ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit

A long time coming

Yeah, yeah, yeah.... so I did it once again, I dropped off the face of the earth with regard to this blog and pretty much most social media for a while now.  The social media wasn't really my fault, FB in it's "big brother" capacity changed a setting on my page that everything I posted could only seen by me... that makes a whole hell of a lot of sense doesn't it?  This happened all the way back in the beginning of June and I only found out about it two weeks or so ago.  Now, with regard to the blog there is no excuse that I can make, I just flat out stopped writing.  I had a complete and total loss of inspiration, motivation and quite frankly, copulation!  If it weren't for the "where the fuck are you" and "is everything okay" messages I would have forgotten about the blog entirely.  I thank you all for caring enough to actually miss me.

So you must be thinking "but you are on here now, your are posting this", so what gives?  Today I found inspiration again and I found it under the worst possible circumstances.  I found it today in the Healing Fields of Tempe, Arizona.  The Healing Fields are located at Tempe Town Lake and it is a beautiful and serene setting just a hop, skip and jump from Arizona State University at the end of a long strip of bars and restaurants exactly like most college towns have.  Only for a few days a year, this property turns into a massive and I do mean massive memorial so that we never forget the events of 9/11 and those who lost their lives that day and the friends and families that they left behind, the survivors of the attack on our nation, on our way of life....  Today was the second time that I attended this event as I only found out about it last year for the first time.

I think what opened up my mind and my heart more than ever this year was that I was exhausted and I never went to sleep last night.  I had the alarm set for four am so that I could get the bike up and ready and waiting on the driveway so that I could hop on and ride away when my friends arrived.  At twenty minutes to four I rolled over and turned the alarm clock off, sleeping was not an option on this night.  My friends arrived promptly and we took off for the meet.  To say that I was disappointed with the turn out would be an understatement for sure.  As we pulled out to ride to the Healing Fields, we had only 50 bikes or so.  Here is a shot of the now legendary Pickle Sickle at 5 am waiting to take off on the ride.  When we finally did take off it was a mad dash right from the get go.  Blocking traffic, running lights and all the other mayhem that happens when you put a bunch of bikers together with a destination to get to.  We only made it to the second or third traffic light and had already pissed off the police!  When they put on their lights and sirens to stop us and no one stopped, they just gave in and gave us an escort to the lake!

and here is a shot of the Pickle at dawn, a short time before the sun came up.  There is something so beautiful about dawn in the desert that you could just sit in the saddle and stare up at the sky.  There is a combination of beautiful blue light but yet you can still make out the stars.  If you ever have the chance to experience this, I highly recommend that you do.

As mother nature was making a show of things and the night was becoming day I turned to make out a rather large group of people on the grassy knoll 200 feet away.  With each passing second the light was getting brighter and the group becoming more visible and as I finally made out just who the group was, I knew that I was in the right place at the right time!  Here is a shot of the fine folks on that grassy knoll this morning, 9/11.

 As I said, with each passing moment, night was leaving and the anniversary of the attacks on America was rapidly approaching and with it came the light.  As I made the walk towards the group I shot photo after photo and by the time I finally made it to them, dawn had let all of Az know that it had arrived and what a sight it was.

 Much to my bloodshot eyes pleasant surprise was a shit ton of America's finest men and women standing proudly on that knoll!  On the other side of the tree to the left was the mirror image of what you see here!  God bless The American Soldier!

We all slowly and at our own pace made our way towards the stage where the ceremony was to take place.  Oddly enough, it seems as if there is an unwritten rule that you "don't walk in the field between the flags until after the ceremony ends" and no one did!  When you first see the flags placed perfectly in laser straight lines the exact distance from each other in every direction it hits you straight in the heart.  The time, effort and caring that went in to making this dead on balls accurate was quite visible in an instant.  The sorrow that you feel begins to give way to pride again and it feels good. Below is the very first sight you see as you walk into the park and because of the natural light, you can't see the end in any direction, nothing but OLD GLORY.  What was particularly solemn this morning was that not one single flag moved, as if they too were waiting for the ceremony to begin and the healing to once again commence.  The place is now mostly attended by bikers, cops, firemen, volunteers and every television and radio station in the valley but what was missing was the regular folks..... where the hell were they?  The average mom and pop were not to be seen and this left me with an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

I get it that it is a week day and people have to work or that the kids have to go to school but come on folks, make some arrangements this one time a year, plan ahead..... we have to make a sacrifice however small or large to keep these victims and these events fresh in our hearts and minds or like so many other things, they will slowly disappear and become distant memories of some awful thing that happened a long, long time ago...... when we arrived the crowd attendance was horrible.  Last year, in the pouring rain it was difficult to even find a chair to sit on, these year with incredible weather, you could have taken eight chairs for yourself and laid down across them and there would still be plenty of chairs.

As I was getting a good look at the old restored Plymouth Fury, Scottsdale Police car and the incredible Van Pelt Fire Engine behind the stage I could hear the bag pipes begin to play and let me tell you, as a proud Irishman and cops kid, I've heard these far too many times in my life.

Shortly after the bagpipers ended a friend said "hey Jack, I want to introduce you to someone" and I turned around and started laughing....  Nice to meet you I said and the reply was "it sure is Jack".... What a pleasant surprise, standing in front of me was a man I had the great honor to meet up in Laconia a few rallies back and who I now call my friend, the one and only Saluting Marine of viral internet fame, Staff Sgt. Tim Chambers.  Tim always seems to appear at exactly the right places with impeccable timing and I thought this was the case today as well but I was wrong.  As it turns out, this memorial would not be the only event of the day.  At seven pm on this solemn day a candle light vigil would take place and Tim would be the guest of honor and the man to address the crowd and I knew that they brought in the right man for the job.  A few minutes later as we paused in silence for the exact moment that the plane hit the tower I captured two photos taken only moments apart from each other and they are my hands down favorite photos of the entire day and night and I'd like to share them with you now.

Today I rode a roller coaster of feelings and emotions and I welcomed them all.  I was reminded of the pain, the epic sadness, the horror, the loss, the devastation and the overwhelming fear that I felt on this day 12 years prior but I was also reminded of how this nation pulled together, how we put aside our differences and we were one people, how neighbor helped neighbor, how stranger helped stranger.  I was reminded of honor and the selflessness that wave after wave of our first responder's exhibited as they gave their own lives to try and save others.  I was reminded of the patriotism this tragedy had pulled back out of our beat down post Viet Nam souls and as I looked at the total and utter respect that these young men and women pictured above showed on this day for people that most never knew of other than for a name on a list or attached to a flag in a field and I knew that we as a people still had hope for our future.  That we as a nation could rise above the attacks of 9/11 and more than a decade of war that has followed.  We are a tired people but on this day we were uplifted because of the compassion shown and shared and it was a beautiful thing to witness.

When the ceremony was over and the people had nearly all gone, I stayed on for an hour or so and just walked the field.  I learned that not only was each flag marked with a number and a name, but what the age of that person was and what they were doing on that day and the biggest surprise of all was that on each tag was a little blurb about each person and it gave some humanity to the strangers whose names appeared on each of these 2,996 flags in the Healing Fields on this day and it touched me deeply.  During the ceremony I once again had the honor and privilege to read the names of some of the victims and I will forever hold that memory close to my heart.  The property was now mostly volunteers, a few friends, all the tv stations doing live shots and one lone fireman!  That lone fireman stood watch over this field on this day as if to say "WE STILL GOT YOUR BACKS" and I just couldn't help but watch him from behind for a bit as he stood there keeping an eye on the fields much like our friend Tim Chambers does as he salutes all who ride on Rolling Thunder, the similarity did not escape me.

 Today helped restore some much needed faith in me and seeing the thousands who attended the candle light vigil tonight took away some of my anger over the morning attendance.  I witnessed people once again come together out of nothing but good and compassion and a passion was once again reignited in me.  So in as much as I went to this memorial today to support those who have lost and to hold true to "NEVER FORGIVE, NEVER FORGET" as my tattoo reads, it was this memorial that in-fact helped me and I didn't even know I needed it!

Until we see each other on the road again;

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back and
The man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Never know what you'll find on the memory card on your phone

So I got a new phone a short while back and I've really yet to figure out how the damn thing works.  I shot some video over the last few days that I wanted to share but could not even figure out how to get it off of the damn phone.  So after an hour of going back and forth from the phone to the laptop to the phone I had to open up each single thumbnail and there are like a thousand of them.  There were no previews to show what each file was, this was a huge undertaking and a massive pain in the ass!  So I would copy, then paste and then open before I even had an hint at what it was going to be.  I was pretty happy when I found this one.  Hell I didn't even know I still had this and for that matter I didn't even remember I shot this.

The quick back story is this;  I was working out in the back yard with the radio on and I heard the local station run an ad saying what was going on that night.  An old friend that I grew up with was coming to town and I had not seen him in what felt like forever.  I checked my phone and still had his number but it was his home phone (the same number since we were kids).  I sent him a message online and sure as hell he answered.  My old friend is Italian and had been on the road for some time so I asked when was the last time he had some good, home cooked, real Italian food and his answer was "fucking forever ago", so I threw on a pot of water, grabbed up some pasta, opened up some cans of tomato and began cooking.  The plan was to meet him at the buses behind the venue, catch up, eat some dinner and see the show.  I had no idea that we'd be seeing the show sitting on road cases on the wing of the stage!  When we were just kids this guy was one of the best bass players that I had ever seen and I knew without question that if he kept his shit straight he would be huge and sure as hell he is!  I've been around music, bands and live performances my whole life but I've never really seen such joy in playing as I witnessed on this night of my old friend playing the bass!  As it turns out it had to be maybe 15 years since we'd seen each other, maybe even longer.  I don't know how that happens but it was like no time was lost.  He was exactly the same guy he's always been, he's just got a much better beard now!  So here you go, check out this hidden little gem from my old memory card!

Click on this fucker right here and check it out!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

I'M LIKE THE FRIGGIN HORSE WHISPERER

ROBERT REDFORD LOOK OUT MAN, JACK SHIT IS COMING FOR YOUR TITLE!  Or your name or whatever the hell that role was that you played in the movie was I'm not sure but apparently it looks like I got me some mad skills when it comes to communicating with the horses!  In this particular case I was saying no so kind things about this lovely rescued horse named Chica!  When my friend Chopper Doll found this horse she was starving and 3/4's on her way to certain death!  Well I should have said our friend Chopper Doll because I'm sure she is probably your friend too!  Anyway, to make a long story short, it had been a long time since we were out her way in Cali and I had yet to see the ranch where she keeps both of her RESCUED horses!  The other horse, Memo, was in even worse shape and to add insult to the starvation issue, this horse had been beaten and abused as well.  When I first saw the photos of these horses I could not wrap my head around how anyone could do this to such amazing creatures.  Well after starving and literally having to fight for food, these two are fattened up and living like rock stars but old habits are hard to break and this beautiful blonde here, Chica, has not forgotten about having to fight for food and she still wants to eat anything that is put in front of her..... and anything that is put in front of any other horse or goat or chicken or..... well you get my drift!  The work our dear friend has put into this property is incredible and I give her kudos and two thumbs up for the near unbelievable job she did in saving these two horses from their horrible lives or really, what was left of them.

While there I was so amazed at how beautiful the property was coming along and even more amazed at how great the horses looked, I took out my phone and began to record video and of course, I was commenting on it.  Those of you who don't know me allow me to fill you in on this tidbit of info;  I'm known for my ridiculous commentary when the camera is on, it's as if I forget that I'm holding the damn thing and no one, including myself ever knows what is going to come out of my mouth so for years any time something needed to be recorded, everyone just handed me the camera hoping for another moment of me putting my foot in my mouth or my head up my ass!  Today, the only one to take exception to my commentary was Chica the horse.  She was not at all impressed with me or the thoughts that I was conveying!  So take a look at the video, it really is pretty damn funny and I would bet my ass on the fact that if I had every horse treat known to man, I could not have gotten this horse to do this with such impeccable timing!  It's short, only about a minute and a half so I hope you enjoy it.  I'll drop the link in below so all you have to do is click on it.

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Jack Shit the horse pisser off!