Never give up the fight!

Well howdy ho folks!  Once again I find myself sitting alone on the couch at 1am thinking and once that starts, there is virtually no way to stop it.  This leaves me three options;

Option 1:  Rub one out!  Well with my lack of imagination, poor concentration and nothing but Titanic on cable, this is not an option.

Option 2:  Take to Face Book and get in to the topic that has ruined my day, pissed me off and left the most foul of tastes in my mouth, thus once again causing a wave of "un-friending".

Option 3:  Turn on the Blog, start typing and just let the shit fly, knowing full well that if you maniacs are reading this, the odds on me pissing you off are pretty slim.

Tonight, I really had to decide between Options 1 and 3 but as I unzipped my pants, MY HEART WILL GO ON began to play and a vision of Celine Dion popped in to my head and now I'm not sure how long it will be before I can even get another erection, so I'm going with Option 3, what choice do I have?

As it turns out, this post will run the course of everything from fuck the system to it's a miracle!  What do you say we start with fuck the system?  Good, that was my choice as well.  As many of  you will remember from previous posts, knowing me in real life or just some beauty parlor gossip, on my last trip to Daytona for Bike Week back in March, Diane became very ill.  For those of you who have only begun to follow this blog, my writing or are a new friend on Face Book recently, I'll say this; back in March while I was in Daytona, Diane got very ill.  Okay now we are all on the same page, so I can continue.  At first, I was concerned.  Shortly thereafter, concerned rolled into afraid and that was rapidly followed by the magical combination of terror and guilt.  I felt guilty because I was away and there was absolutely nothing that I could do for her.  With each phone call, Diane told me not to worry, that it was not that big of a deal and all she needed was some rest.  Early on, I believed it but with each call that passed, I could hear her sounding worse and worse.  One thing I've figured out is that when I am away, there is virtually nothing that can make Diane tell me that anything is wrong.  No matter if she hits a vein when she does her shot and ends up mainlining that poison straight into her heart or her eyes get so blurry that she can't see, I never find out about any of this until I arrive home.  She just never wants me to worry when I'm on the road and God love her for that!  I remember walking away from the main stage at The Spoke saying, "hang on baby, it's really loud, let me try and get somewhere that I can try to hear you".  "Are you okay baby", I asked and my jaw dropped when I heard her answer NO, NO I'M NOT!  She tried to explain what was going on, how bad the pain in her head and eyes were and that each time that she stood up, the room spun and she threw up.  "Is it a migraine" I asked and I'll never forget her answer, "I'm praying that it is" she said.  Who the hell prays for a migraine?

To make a very long story short, it was far worse than a migraine and eventually it got to the point where I could no longer get a hold of her.  The last thing she said was "I can't stand up", I'll call you back in a few.  That was the last time that I heard from her.  I called relentlessly all to no avail.  To say that I was panicked would be the understatement of a lifetime!  I was frazzled.  I didn't have to tell anyone at The Spoke that something was wrong because each and every single person saw it on my face.  I had to call a friend who lived 35 minutes away, give them the lock box code and the alarm code and beg them to get to the house to check on her and pray that the dogs didn't bite her as she came in.  Waiting for the call to let me know what was going on felt like an eternity.  When she arrived, Diane was in really bad shape and I can't remember now if she found her on the floor or on the bed.  My phone rang, I answered it and all I heard was "Jack, this is really bad and I don't know what to do"!  With that my heart sank and I wanted to puke instantly.  CALL A FUCKING AMBULANCE I shouted into the phone.  "Diane won't let me" was the response.  Eventually she made it to the hospital and was loaded up on all kinds of shit and an IV and a few shots of morphine had done nothing to help.  I think the combination of Demoral and the Morphine finally did the trick and she began to rest.  She was ordered to get to her Neurologist immediately!

Upon my return home from Florida that is exactly what we did.  The doctor ordered all kinds of tests to get to the bottom of this episode.  The most important of these tests was the MRI.  When we lived in Jersey, Diane had them every 6 months to monitor the progress of the MS.  Now we have to go to war with the insurance company for everything.  So now remember, this is in March right?  Well last week, yes, last fucking week, the insurance company finally approved the MRI.  Can you imagine that?  We pay $900 bucks per month for Diane's health insurance alone and it took more than 6 months for them to approve this!  I guess maybe they were banking on it being a brain tumor and her dying before approving it and therefore saving them some money.  As of right now, NO OTHER TEST HAS BEEN APPROVED YET!  $900 bucks per month and still no approvals.  We are not asking for any radical, experimental treatment or some far out test, these are all diagnostics that go along with her condition!  I now know why people snap and go off, just plain losing it and  going to these offices or the dmv and places just like those and go on sprees that become national tragedies.  I could never understand what drove someone to lose it so badly, I am beginning to understand it now!

If this is what paying nearly 12 grand a year for gets you with health insurance, what do you think it will be like when it is govt. mandated?  It is an absolute disgrace the way these companies act!  They take your money and refuse to give you service, hoping that with enough denial letters, you will give up the fight and just quit "bothering them".  NEVER GIVE UP THE FIGHT!

At the beginning of this post, I said that it would go from anger to miracle I believe, so where is the miracle part you ask?  Well here it is.  Although we have absolutely no answer to the questions that came from what the hell happened to Diane in March, Diane had the MRI's a few days ago and the results came back that her MS was stable!  She is still diagnosed with relapsing / remitting Multiple Sclerosis and it has not become Primary Progressive and that my friends after 12 years with this diagnosis is a miracle!  We will never know if the medicine that she takes, also another grand a month is actually doing anything for her, but since she has shown no further progression of the disease, how can we ever stop her taking it?  The doctors mostly attribute Diane's current condition to her Diet, staying in good shape and the fact that SHE NEVER GAVE UP THE FIGHT!  Every day is a battle, some are little skirmishes and others are full on trench and chemical warfare, whichever they are, she just keeps her head down and her rifle up and keeps on firing back!  So there you have it.  We have not one single, solitary answer after 6 long, painful months of what happened to Diane those two days in March and I guess we never will, but right now, she is doing well and that is all that we can ask for!

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you all for the messages that you send, the phone calls that you make and the posts that you guys put up checking on her.  Sometimes, Monday comes and I forget that it is Diane's shot night and all I have to do is turn on the lap top, open up Face Book and there are all the well wishes that her shot goes well.  People from all over the world know that Monday is shot night and that just blows my mind!  Even in the worst of times, the kindness and the generosity of some people is just incredible!  We are blessed to have so many people, kind, caring people in our corner pulling for her to be well or to get well.  I don't know that I will ever be able to share with you how much that means to us.

So remember now, if you find yourself facing the abyss, no matter what may lay ahead, NEVER GIVE UP THE FIGHT and we will be right there for  you as you have been for us!  Oh, I nearly forgot,
FUCK THE SYSTEM!  FUCK MS!  FUCK THE PAIN & FUCK THE INSURANCE COMPANIES!  

Live each and every single moment for the moment, give until it hurts, love with all of your heart, be kind when you don't want to be and above all else, be fucking honest!  Not one of us will ever know what tomorrow may bring or if there will even be a tomorrow so make the very best you can of every second you have and live it and live it as loud and as fast as you can!


Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit