Dreams Come True Only If You Chase Them

Sweet 5 lb 8 oz Baby Jesus, what a night in Vegas!  Last night I got to live out a dream.  For someone like me, who does what I do, this was a highlight of my career and really, one of the highlights of my life.  Let me fill you in on what happened.  A whole bunch of you already know because you were here for it, but even those of you who were here, may not know what led up to this or how it even came to be.

We got to Vegas on Wednesday night, got our shit together and ran on down to Hogs where apparently everyone we know was down there and busting our balls to get there as soon as possible.  On the walk over, we ran into Jack and Terry, the owners of the Dirty Dogg Saloon in AZ.  You guys know this place, it is where I host events during Bike Week and such.  They are great guys and nothing but class.  I told them where we were heading and they too were on their way down.  We stood on the corner of Freemont Street and talked about how long it had been since Diane and I had been to Vegas.  I mentioned that I had the chance of a lifetime to perform here in March during Nascar but I had to be in Daytona to work The Spoke.  I told them how bummed out I was that I never got the chance to play Vegas.  I also mentioned that the comic that I was going to work with was performing this weekend while we are here and that they should check her out.  With that, we headed down to the bar.  About an hour or so after being there, I'm walking back to my table and I see Bag Lady Sue and ask her how it's going?  What she had planned and who she was performing with?  No one, it's just me was her answer.  I said oh hell, you should let me at least announce you and bring you up on stage.  She said better yet, why don't you perform with me.  You can open the show.  I said well I don't know about that, I haven't done stand up in 15 months.  You can go up, bring me up and if you feel good, do a few minutes, if you feel great do 10 or fuck man, just do whatever you want.  Shows are Thursday, Friday and Saturday.  So I said "fuck it, I'm in" and from that moment on, I've been a nervous wreck.  Thursday came and I said that I will work Friday and see how it goes but there is no way I'm doing 3 nights.

I wake up at 10 am on Friday, nervous as hell and can't stop thinking about what I've gotten myself into?  Diane then informs me, it hasn't been 15 months, it's more like 25, nearly 26 months since I've done any stand up..... well that makes me feel much better.....  so I spent the entire day, sleeping, shitting, sleeping, shitting.  I got out of bed just about 8pm last night, went down to the Canyon Club in the casino, met up with Bags, drank two Jager Bombs, grabbed a sharpie and piece of paper and at 8:25 wrote a show that I was now going to perform in half an hour.  I got on that stage with my hands shaking like a crack head needing a hit.  I mustered up a big ol', trademark, "WHAT'S UP MOTHER FUCKERS" and it was on like donkey kong!  My intro, turned into a few minutes that turned to 5, 10, 20 and closer to a 30 minute show and the audience went nuts.  I've got to admit, it felt really great to be back on stage doing stand up, that I use to love to do so very much.  It has re-ignited a fire in me.

Last night, for the first time ever, I PLAYED THE STAGE IN LAS VEGAS, a comedian's dream and you know what?  I FUCKING KILLED IT!  I just want to say thank you to all that came out to support me and the show.  I was stunned when I saw you all coming in!  I hope you guys had a blast.  So tell your friends, looks like we will be doing it again tonight, but just typing that makes my stomach turn and now I've got to go shit again!  So tell your friends, come down to the 4 Queens on Freemont Street in Vegas and laugh your troubles away, if only for a little escape from reality.

Until we see each other again on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off Your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit

Vegas Bike Fest Bitches!

Well so far, Vegas has been an absolute blast.  We planned on leaving real early to beat the heat but Diane had to work all day and I could not even finish packing the bike until she got home.  First bump in the road.  Second bump, Phoenix rush hour traffic, 103 degrees going traffic light to traffic light.  The heat was frying us and all I could think about was the old drug ad, "this is your brain, this is your brain on a Harley in bumper to bumper traffic"!  Once we finally got moving, the stress of the day, the traffic and business peeled away with each passing mile and as the spectacular sun set behind the mountains, we were back to being ourselves.

I always keep my phone turned off when I take road trips to save the battery in case something happens.  With our original plan to arrive in Vegas by 1pm the latest, when I turned on the phone, it was filled with messages from fb, voice mail and texts from people who were worried about us and message after message about getting our asses down to Hogs!  It seemed that EVERYONE was at Hogs already.  It was like walking into a reunion as we got there.  It was nearly overwhelming, in each and every direction that we turned, there was someone that we hadn't seen in a real long time.  The fact that Diane was with me proved to many that she is not really a figment of my imagination.  It is so funny that people who have never met her, absolutely adore her because they have learned so much about her from my sharing so openly our lives with the world. 

 We finally decided to go inside the bar, get a drink and say hello to Ms. Michelle, el jeffe of Hogs!  The last thing Diane said as we left the hotel was, "grab my license, don't forget"....  well I forgot!  So as we stood at the door, exhausted from the trip, I handed the door man my i.d. and proceeded to tell him that I forgot Diane's.  I asked him, "hey man, I left hers in the room, can she still get in"?  I'm friends with Michelle, does that help?  He laughed and said, I only hear that 200 times a day.  So I told him that on the 201st, it was true.  Then I asked, does it help any that I work for Cycle Source and he said well hell yeah, that helps a lot!  With that, Michelle came screaming through the door, damn near knocking this wall of a man aside, wrapped her arms around me, then Diane and I looked at the door man and winked.... he laughed and said "201st times a charm"!  Since Wednesday, we've more or less spent all of our time that we've not been in bed, down at Hogs!  We did run down to Cashman Center to pick up our media passes and we were lucky enough to catch the Artistry In Iron show and the level of the bikes were incredible. 

I don't have any pics as I want to leave that as a surprise for you all in upcoming issues of EVERY major bike mag out there!  Stellar scoots, amazing people and an awesome spread of food for all left nothing to be desired, it was all TITS!  Then afterwards, you guessed it, straight back to Hogs!  I could go on and on, but I won't.  I just wanted to keep you guys up to date on our trip so far.

The big news that has come out of this trip is my return to STAND UP COMEDY.  It's been nearly 15 months since I've performed straight stand up and I have to say, I'm nervous as hell and wonder how I get myself into this shit?  So tonight, at the 4 Queens Casino on Freemont Street, the Real Vegas to me, Bag Lady Sue and I will take to the Stage at 9 pm.  If you are in town, c'mon down, if your friends are here, let them no.  I've not really had any time to let people know this was going on!  Wish me luck!

Until we see each other again on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man Off Your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit