It's What I Do!

I have so many friends from all over the world now and a great many of you have never had the chance to see me do stand up! Now that I have MY VERY OWN software, I can finally get some of this footage out. For years people pleaded with me to try Stand up comedy and the thought of it just freaked me out. I have had a mic in my hand since I was a kid and I was always lucky enough to make people laugh when I wrote something funny. The thought of getting up on stage with the sole purpose of making people laugh non stop for any length of time sent chills down my spine and I wouldn't do it.

With enough pressure applied to me in just the right way I was seriously considering it. I have never cancelled a gig and I have never not showed up for a gig and for the first time in my life I was seriously considering it. The show that I thought I was going to do, maybe 5 or 10 minutes which is a LONG ASS TIME on stage turned into being 2 - 30 minute sets and I could barely breathe. 2 sets like that, shit, that's an HBO special and this would be the first time that I ever tried it. Like I said, I wanted to back out, I was damn near sick over the whole thing. Then I got the call, you will be opening up for Tommy Lee, oh boy! Well that won't look so bad on a resume' right? So I agreed and that's when I found out about the number of sets and their length. I was in Hawaii, I had no material and I had 5 days to write it and sell tickets. But who the hell would want to see me? Not to mention that the show was on Valentines Day. As it turns out, a great many people wanted to see me do this and for a long time. You guys were so supportive of me, I ended up playing to a sold out room and looking back, this was one of the highlights of my life and forever altered the path I was on. Here is a clip from my first ever attempt at Stand up! It's just a quick one and I hope you all enjoy it. In time, I will bust out more of these clips and I truly hope it brings a warm smile to your face on an incredibly cold winter day. Enjoy my friends.

In Case I Am Found Dead ! ! !

Remember when you were number one, the single most important thing in some one's life, when you were it, you were, The Shit?  Sometimes being Jack Shit is far different from just being THE SHIT!  When you are in a relationship for a long time you tend to take things for granted.  You may tend to take each other for granted but in your heart, you know one thing, that thing is above all else, no matter what the case, you are loved.  No thing, or no one ranks higher than you do in the eyes of the one you love.  Sure sometimes you fight but what couple doesn't?  Sometimes life becomes a bit melancholy for you both, highs and lows, right?  Regardless of what is going on in your life, your career or your family, deep down inside you know that above all else you are still the top dog, the big cheese, the whole enchilada, the icing on the cake, the cherry atop your significant others sundae and that gets you through those rough times.  I don't know about you, but I know that love conquers all and this knowledge gives me strength!  Well, at least that is what I thought!

I am beginning to wonder if I am still all that I believe that I am in the eyes and the heart of the one that I love?  Now those of you who know me and better yet those of you who know both my wife and myself together are more than likely thinking right now, Jack, you are out of your mind!  Your girl loves you very much, probably more than ever, don't be a fool!  But you may or may not know that I am a deep thinker, a guy who watches for signs, a guy who watches for small changes in speech patterns or "looks" that I receive.

Let me tell you a little story and then you tell me if you think I am nuts!  A few days ago, my wife and myself were standing outside the back door of our home.  Well I should say the door that leads from our master bedroom to the back yard.  We are standing on the concrete walkway that weaves it's way through our property and we are just talking, mostly about nothing all that important, just talking.  So we finish our conversation with my announcement of "I'm going in the shower".  I take a step back and turn to walk back into the house and I trip and fall backwards.  I have no control over the fall, I am twisted up, there is nothing to grab to slow my fall.  I can feel the knee that I had 5 surgeries on popping as it gets twisted under me.  My home is all brick and I fall into it!  I whack my forehead against the brick, bend my wrist that was surgically reconstructed straight back and I fall hard to the ground.  What I hadn't noticed was that while we were talking, one of the dogs had laid down right behind me at my feet.  As I turned around to walk away and felt myself trip I could see him there.  I did all that I could not to step on him.  So I am laying on the ground, knee twisted under me, skin scraped from my forehead and my wrist feeling as if it was being crushed in a vise!  For a moment all I heard was ringing!  More than likely from hitting my head.  As the ringing subsides I can hear my wife excitedly saying Oh my God, Oh my God, oh baby are you okay?  I turn my head back to look at her and signal that "yes, I am okay" and to my amazement, SHE WAS ASKING THE DOG!  That's right, she wasn't asking if I was okay, she was checking to make sure that I didn't hurt the God damned Dog!  Once she saw that the dog wasn't injured in any way or wasn't startled too badly by my inconsiderate use of the concrete walkway to my bedroom and she stopped laughing long enough, she then asked me if I was okay?  YES, FIRST THE DOG, THEN THE HUSBAND!  Am I nuts or should I be concerned?  Later on that evening when I brought this up she just started laughing and said "I didn't do that"!  Oh yes you fucking did!  Really?  YES REALLY!  Oh.... well I wanted to make sure you didn't step on him..... NO SHIT, that I figured out as I lay in the gravel and cactus!  I was waiting for her to offer the dog a percocet and an ice pack! 

If any of you women who are reading this right now are wondering, which I am sure you are..... NO, I didn't hurt the damn dog.  As a matter of fact, I believe that they were working as a team.  Remember when you were a kid and you would kneel down behind your friend and another friend would push them backwards and they would fall and you would all laugh?  I think that they had this little practical joke planned but I have no proof, neither the dog nor the wife are talking!  The other dog, my Whiskey Boy was standing at a distance, I could tell he wanted no part of any of it.  Then again, it was his barking that brought us out of the house in the first place, so he is still a suspect in this investigation as well!

I like to think that it was a practical joke but I have some doubts.  I'll explain why too.  The dogs are Blue Heelers or Queensland Heelers or Australian Cattle Dogs, no matter what you call them they are all one and the same and they are said to be the smartest dogs in the world.  I can't tell you how many times I have come home late to find this lil prick sleeping on my side of the bed with his head on my pillow!  MY PILLOW!  I will investigate further and let you know what I come up with.  Until then I want you all to know that there may be a plot to take me out.  If you guys find out that I died, question it...  If I am found to have choked on dog biscuits, I want you to know this now, I don't eat dog biscuits!  Look for signs like that please, don't let these two dogs murder me and try and make it look like an accident. 

In case something happens and they go on the lamb, here is a current photo of them. 

It was just after I took this toy away from them that I believe in my heart is when the plotting began.  To be completely honest, I think that the parrot is the ring leader of the entire conspiracy, but this I have no proof of either..... NOT YET!

Sunny California -- MY ASS!

Don't believe all you read or see on television!  They try and sell us this bill of goods that it's always sunny in Southern California.  Well, it's not!  It may always be sunny in Philadelphia but it's not in Malibu.  As many of you fine folks know by now that Bean're and I took a trip out to California.  Bean left on Friday but I could not, I had to wait until Saturday to go.  Now some of you know Bean're in real life, many of you know him from TV or ALL the biker magazines and some of you may just know him because you had mutual friends on Face Book, but to know him is to love him.  I am not normally in any way shape or form a jealous type of guy but if I had to be, I would be jealous a little bit of him.  I'll explain why.  This guy lives the life that we all dream of.  He is like Outback Steakhouse, NO RULES, JUST RIGHT!  He gets on that Purple Pimp bike of his and just points it in a direction and takes off.  He may not be back at home for 6 months to a year.  When you live your life like this you meet so many people along the way.  When you are charming like he is, you make many friends along the way and they all want to hang out with THE MAYOR OF FUN! 

Now, being good friends and knowing that he left for California with no plan or place to stay, you can understand  why I was worried about him.  It takes some time for you to realize that the one person you never have to worry about is Bean.  Turns out that Big Ben put him up down in Long Beach for the night, not too shabby and in the morning, the one sunny day we had, he rode his bike up to the Canyons of Malibu and went horseback riding!  That son of a bitch!  While I am worried that he froze his ass off sleeping in a storm drain, he is riding a beautiful horse with a couple of women through some of the most beautiful landscape on earth.  That bastard even rode that horse down to the set of MASH, remember that show?   WHAT A LIFE this guy lives!

As I drove out from Arizona, visions of the beach danced in my head.  It's been sometime since I dipped a toe in the Pacific Ocean and I couldn't wait.  I had read a post that the Rock Store had put up about taking a ride there. I believe it was something like "the weather was gorgeous and was expected to be in the high 70's to low 80's all week".  Oh man, I couldn't wait.  As I got near the end of Arizona and crossed the border of California I noticed something off in the distance.  It looked a bit cloudy!  Okay well it is the mountains, clouds happen right?

Hey wait a minute damn it!  Those are not clouds!  That's SNOW!  Is there supposed to be snow in California, in Southern California?   Well not that I have ever heard of?  Oh well, maybe it's a good thing that I threw the knuck up on the trailer to race out there.  It sure got a bit chilly coming through the pass but it warmed up as I came out of the mountains.  I was making amazing time and rocking out to some good tunes and occasionally dipping into my bag of nacho cheese Doritos that somehow made it through the entire weekend and helped me survive the drive home with a few hand fulls still in the bag.  As I drove late in to the day on Saturday I couldn't help but notice that there was virtually no traffic at all.  As I drove into Riverside, the traffic going the other direction was dead stopped but I was still flying.  It was like it was written in the stars, nothing was going to stop me getting to Malibu, ah hell, nothing was even going to slow me down.  Those of you who live there or travel to California know damn well that there" not being traffic" at any given time was really more of a freak occurrence, not the norm.  As I hit the 101 North off of the 60, the traffic hit.  I have only 33 miles to go till I get to my destination and the sun was still shining.  I was way ahead of schedule!  It took me an hour and forty five minutes to go that 33 miles!  I was losing my mind!  It seems that if someone stops on the shoulder, the entire freeway stops to see what they are doing.  Then they race back up to 80 mph only to jam on the brakes again to look at a tree frog off to the side of the road.  That was my trip up the 101.  0 - 80 mph back to 0 again and repeat.

See all the damn break lights?  This was about mile 3 of the 33 that I had to travel.  As I got closer to my destination the sun was setting but seemed to be setting a bit early and everything was turning grey and getting harder to make out.  I thought I was having a stroke or something.  It wasn't a stroke after all, it was FOG rolling in through the canyon and the temps dropped immediately!  77 degrees rapidly became 57 and then 47.  I got there, rolled the bike off the trailer because I could not wait to go for a ride.  I took my bags up to my suite and with that, the phone rang.  It was my favorite equestrian!  I told him where I was and that he was more than welcome to come sleep in the suite with me, after all, it was ridiculous to have it to myself.  He said he was right down the road and would be there soon.  I told him to just call when he got there and to just pull his bike right up next to mine, I saved him a spot.  Bean're arrived, made the call and I went down stairs to meet him.  Imagine my shock when I opened the hotel door to find out that it was now about 40 degrees and I could barely see the other side of the parking lot.  Well so much for my ride up to Santa Barbara to visit Keith and Tiff and so much for a ride to Ventura to see my friend Greg who is an amazing artist who creates his work with nothing but scrap metal!  At this rate, begging my way on to a fishing boat seemed out as well.  Okay, no big deal. That is when I noticed as Bean got off of his bike that the inside of each thigh was completely covered with white hair.  Oh my God, he finally did it, Bean're screwed a sheep!  He said that he was having fun but my God!  Turns out that he actually rode the horse bareback and the horse was white, much to my relief.  The last 33 miles of my trip had beat me down as a man.  I was so frustrated with the drive that the last thing I wanted to do was ride my bike through canyons that I have never ridden before with virtually no visibility.  Warm bed and television it was going to be for Mr. Shit! 

I can tell you this much.  If you get the chance to stay in Homewood Suites by Hilton, don't hesitate.  Every night there is a free cocktail hour.  Of course the night that they don't have it is the night that I am staying there, oh well.  Each morning there is a "real" free breakfast, not a muffin and coffee.  The plan was to get up early, ride the canyons and to hit the Rock Store around 1 or 2 PM and introduce ourselves in person to the Producers from the BBC who were hosting the casting call for the show that we want to be part of.   To say that I didn't need an alarm clock to wake up is an understatement.  The pounding of the driving rain against my window was enough to take care of that task for me.  Houston, we have a problem!  Those of you who know me, know damn well that there is nothing that I won't hesitate to ride in.  I won't be happy about it, but I'll do it.  I have ridden in snow, on black ice, during a nor- easter and worse yet, I have ridden across the desert at 121 degrees.  The problem as I see it though is that this is about television and television is about appearance.  We were now going to look like two drowned rats by the time we got there.  The idea of riding my old knucklehead through the twisties of the canyons and to do it in torrential downpours with no front brake, mehcanical rear brakes that have been my albatross since I got the knuck and to suicide clutch and jockey shift through it all while my oiler for the chain is turned way up and the bike is spraying oil on to my back wheel just wasn't feeling all that appealing to me.  We took our time to get ready, spent some time on facebook and watched a bit of world news.  To be honest, since living back east and living through the 9/11 aftermath I was really trying to see what was going on in the world, I am a bit of a news junkie.  Sorry to burst any bubbles but I am well versed in world affairs.    As luck would have it, each time that I looked out the window the weather seemed to be a bit less horrible.  I went outside and took the chain off of our bikes that I had put on the night before to help assure that they would be there in the morning when we awoke.  I couldn't believe it, the clouds had parted and although there was nasty looking clouds in every direction, above my head and towards the ocean the sun was shining and it had warmed up drastically!  Oh yeah, it's on like donkey kong.  I damn near ran back to the room to tell Bean the good news!  Within 20 minutes we were rolling the bikes out of the parking spot.  Now my bike isn't use to sitting out in monsoon rains all night and every part of it was soaked to the bone.  I figured that it would be hell to start.  I took a minute to explain to KOKO how very important this ride was to me and that she had to perform to the best of her ability and I swore up and down that upon our return to AZ, I would give her a fresh oil change and even a bath.  The moment of truth came, my glasses were already fogging over and it was time to kick her to life.  SHE STARTED WITH THE VERY FIRST KICK!  Oh yeah, she wanted to go, she knew what she was there to do and she was doing it!  We pulled out of the parking lot, got off of the service road, pulled out to Kanan Road and crossed over that damn 101 which of course was near empty.  As we crossed the 101 the sky opened and dumped on us with all the vengeance it could muster.  We knew that it was only between 4 and 6 miles to the Rock Store so we had nothing on to fight the elements and since we were so close we didn't bother to stop and put the right riding gear on.  BIG MISTAKE!  Bean're said he didn't trust those fucking GPS things so he got directions from a tow truck driver who had stopped on the side of the road to help someone who had just gotten a blow out from hitting some jagged pieces of boulder that had come down on the road from the ROCK SLIDE!  He told us we passed it and had to turn around.  With that, Bean took off in the opposite direction of traffic, yes, the wrong way down the lane and I had to go through a tunnel and up a mountain to make my u turn.  A few miles down the road I found Bean waiting for me and pointing.  We rode a few more miles and once again found ourselves making another u turn.  Bean called someone to ask them about where this place was.  One more u turn and we were off.  At the next stop sign we made yet another wrong turn and rode a few more miles in the deluge and dodged a few more ROCK SLIDES only to find out that another u turn was in order.  A short time later, we eventually found our way into the parking lot of the near empty Rock Store.  We were soaked to the bone!  As we pulled in, the door opened and I heard someone saying hey, it's Jack Shit and Bean're!  Since we had already sent in a video people were curious to know why we were even there?  How could we not be is what I asked?  To see short clips of us is in NO WAY like meeting us in person and I wanted them to meet us!  As we got off of the bikes another guy comes out and it turns out he knew Bean too.  He was another producer that had nothing to do with the BBC or their show, he was just there to see Bean're.  I told ya he was a star!  We were so cold and so wet when we got inside we weren't so worried about meeting people as much as we were about sitting down someplace warm and getting a bit of food in us.  There were a few other guys there that we had met on our travels around America on Harleys they too had come to try and get the show for themselves.   Luckily the weather was terrible and the "fair weather Chicken Shits" didn't show up!  The ones who did, I was actually really happy to see!  We ate some lunch, talked about bikes and spent some time with the fine folks from the BBC.  That was it.  We took a few pics, well Bean broke out his camera, I was too wet and cold to even take mine out and we said our mutual goodbyes and we rode off into the proverbial sunset, THERE WAS NO SUN.  Luckily for us, the last hour that we were there, the weather had broken and stopped raining so we hung out in the lot for a bit before we rolled out.

 Bean're was the first to pull out and take off, I'll see ya back in AZ bro!  I put on my leather overalls and got all bundled up and it was time to kick start my girl to life!  Ut oh!  What I hadn't thought of was that my clothes were so wet that they were stuck to me.  Now add the weight of the overalls and the fact that I was buttoned up and now water proof like a submarine I could barely lift my leg to kick.  As I tried to kick the first time and came to this realization I said oh shit.  Two friends were waiting for me to leave so that they could show me the "ACTUAL" way back to the freeway and I thought for sure they would be waiting an hour.  The first kick sent out a huge fireball out of the back of the carb and nothing.  The second series of kicks and the bike started and instantly died.  It was like running in quicksand.  By the grace of God she fired up on the third attempt. 

I had plans to race back to the hotel, put on dry clothes and ride on up to Santa Barbara.  Like I said, that was the plan.  As we rode out and got 1/4 mile from the Rock Store, God had one more practical joke to play.  He threw everything at us.  Rain, oil slicked roads and yet again, MORE ROCK SLIDES!  I got back to the hotel, found a safe place to park and secure the bike and went inside.  Once in my room I had to PEEL my clothes off of me.  I was freezing cold and soaking wet, this ain't Arizona!  I jumped in the bed and got under the covers and started watching the X games.  I was asleep within 30 minutes and out cold for four hours.  The weather was miserable.  I got up and showered again just to warm up and took a drive, yes, I said drive up to Ventura and even in the dark I must say, what a gorgeous city.

Since moving to Arizona with the exception of PF Chang's, I have not had decent Chinese food.  I know that California has a tremendous Chinese population and San Fransisco is known for it's great food, I hoped that this area would as well.. had to take this chance while I had it and go out and find some, to make a long story short, I did not! 

With that, I gave up.  I never got to see any of the friends that I had intended on seeing that night.  I damn near moped  back to the hotel and went to sleep and hoped for better weather before I left to go home. 
The next morning I got up to see that the storm had passed and that the sun was shining, although by Southern California standards it was still cold as shit!  There was no way that I was leaving and going home without taking a ride through the canyons and down to Malibu Beach, no way, so that's what I did.  It was so worth it.  If you ever get the chance to do this I highly recommend this trip.  As you come through the canyon and through a series of tunnels, you crest the mountain and the valley opens up and all you can see is rolling green hills, mansions and the Pacific Ocean, it was so amazing.  I have been to many spectacular places in my life and I have seen some views that will stick in my memory forever but I can surely see why this is some of the most valuable property on earth and why people work their entire lives to live there or even so much as visit there, it was truly awe inspiring!  Here are a few shots that I managed to capture.  I actually shot more video clips than I did stills and I will probably just post those up on Face Book, it's much easier that way.  So check out a few more pics, I hope you enjoy them as much as I did taking them.

I went up the Pacific Coast Highway until I could find a great place to stop albeit illegal.



Well it was about time to get my shit together and get the hell out of Dodge!  I decided to go back up the canyon and over the mountain instead of going all the way down the PCH.  I knew that there would be too many distractions and I would never get back home.  This time I knew what the roads had in store for me and it was a much more relaxed trip back to the freeway.  On the way back I saw this street sign that reminded me of someone special, so Roadside Marty, this next pic is for you brother!

 ...it was all good now.  All I had to do was make the 440 mile trip back home and give the little woman her shot, yes, it's Monday and it's shot night and you guys no how much I love that right?  I got back on the 101 and I couldn't believe it, smooth sailing.  Well with the exception that my GPS could not find a satellite to connect with and I didn't remember where the hell I was supposed to turn.  Who knows, my next stop if I miss my turn off may just be Tijuana!  So I am driving down the freeway, not a care in the world and I see this car in the lane to my right just ahead of me.  The car was beautiful and had a temp plate on it, it was brand new.  I guess the woman driving hadn't heard about the bad economy.  She was so excited about driving her new car that she was on the phone and then finally texting, I could clearly see her reflection in the mirror.  As you know, texting and driving really don't go well together and she crosses the line and nearly takes me out by pushing me over in front of a semi.  I might add, the semi should not have been in the left lane anyway so I almost got taken out because of two assholes.  I was able to capture a photo of the car just seconds before she crossed the line.  Some folks said that I should have man'd up and taken the hit so that I could have retired with the settlement.  I said "oh yeah, as I am steering my wheelchair with a straw for the rest of my life everyone will be enjoying my settlement".  Here is the shot I took, nice car huh?

Yes, the woman in the brand spanking new Ferrari almost took me out while she was texting!  What a world we live in and sometimes nearly die in!  I don't typically cry wolf.  You know that person who "was nearly killed" 5 times today, that's not me, but I know in my heart this was going to be bad!  My exceptional driving skills got me through this one!   The trip was event free from there on out.  I travelled fast enough to catch up with and pass the storm.  It will be here in Phx. tonight.  FREEZE WARNING for central Arizona, thanks California!

So in the end, I made it home safe and sound and as a bonus, Diane's shot was actually a good one.  Virtually no reaction whatsoever!  Anyway you slice it or dice it, the trip was a great one that I got to share with a great friend and we all made it home safe and sound.  I got to meet some new people that I wouldn't have gotten to meet had I not made the trip.  I am a better person for each new friend that I make while living this amazing life that I lead.  Not to mention that Pam Anderson couldn't take her eyes off of me in Trader Joe's!  I swear she looked at me like she was on a no meat diet and I was made out of steak AND SHE WAS HUNGRY!  Luckily she was there with a cute blond and she was able to distract Pam while I got away.  Although I have no photos to document this part of the story, with a court order I am sure we could pull  Trader Joe's surveilance tapes.

So that's it, that was my weekend in California.  Road trips rock but it's always nice to come home, especially when you got a sexy woman waiting there for you with dinner hitting the table as you walk through the door.  I promise to keep you posted on my next adventure if you promise to keep on reading about them.  Thanks again for keeping up to date on what's happening in Jack Shit's World!

Been Dying To Show You Guys This

But I always forget. 

Since I moved to Arizona I damn near stepped away from the bar scene altogether.  It always seems that you find a perfect watering hole to call your very own and something or someone flat out ruins it.  I have only found a few great bars here in the Valley of the Sun that I absolutely love.  I am a details sort of guy and I can't help it.  After growing up in New Jersey next to the town with the most bars in the world yes, South Amboy, N.J., I fell in love with hole in the wall kind of joints.  I'm not sure if it's because things that were stuck on the wall 40 years ago are still stuck on those walls.   For whatever reason these bars rule for me, there is always something that stands out.  It seems each bar, like a woman, has it's own attitude.  Some attitudes you love and some you hate.  It's the little special things that help you overlook things like the toilet being held down with only one bolt.  

One of those bars for me is TT's Roadhouse in Scottsdale, Arizona.  I know immediately you are saying oh God, not Scottsdale.  This isn't anything that comes to mind believe me.  On the bars print and radio advertising,  TT's proudly claims to be a DOUCHE' BAG FREE ESTABLISHMENT!  It's a great little park and punch!  You feel so at home here it's like being in your uncle's basement bar.  Years and years of memories and trophies and it has the best "BANNED" list I have ever seen behind the register, if you ever get a chance take the stool in front of the register and take some time to read it. 

I know you are thinking, Jack, we don't read your blog so that we can hear commercials for your buddies bars!  That's not it.  Like I said, I am a details man and the devil is in the details.  In this case, the devil is in the men's room.  Check out the pics below of the Condom Machine.



Oh yeah, Jack Shit has lost his mind right?  It's not the condom machine that I love so much.  It is the fact that the condom machine states the return policy clearly on the front panel.  At least you know before you purchase.

TAKE A CLOSER LOOK

I LIKE ME AN HONEST BAR OWNER!  I can't tell you how many times I have used this bathroom.  The bar was a converted home, an old home!  The men's room is just a bit larger than a phone booth.  Imagine a small bathroom with a tiny vanity and where the toilet was, a urinal was installed and where the shower was, or I should say is, a toilet was installed.  If you get lucky enough that it's your turn to use the toilet, look to the right and you can still see the shower controls.  I always said that Skoog, the owner, should make T shirts,
I PISSED IN THE SHOWER at TT's Roadhouse..... 

If your in town, go check it out and tell em Jack Shit sent ya!  I am exhausted from my trip to California and I only got home a few hours ago.  So all you get tonight is this bit of JACKSHITLOSOPHY! 

I'll write to you all tomorrow!

and now for the Really Wild Part

After I came home from the memorial for Kenny "Panda" Rhorer I was enlightened and exhausted at the same time and I posted a face book update of  "have I got a story for you" or something like that.  But I had too much to catch up on to be able to sit down and write about the evening and tell the story like it deserves to be told.  Earlier I wrote about the memorial itself and it was honestly the best memorial service I have ever had the honor to witness much less be a part of.  Again, I would like to thank Panda's family for having me there and I am so thankful for all the kind things you said to me.  You  lost somebody you loved dearly and went out of your way to make me feel welcomed there, first class is all I can say.

When the service was over one of Panda's friends got up and karaoke'd the hell out of a song that I am sure had some special meaning.  If I am lucky enough to have done a good job and helped a family at their most horrible moments in their lives, people come up to me and always talk about the person that they've lost.  More often than not, the person they have lost was someone that I have lost as well.  After it's over, everyone who doesn't get up to speak comes up and says what they wanted to say but just couldn't.  For those people I say, "Ya know what, ya can" and you should.  There were quite a few people at the service and it was dark in the room so I couldn't really get a good look at every one's faces but for the ones that I could, everyone looked at peace.  As I put on my jacket and after having said goodbye to all of Panda's kids, I was telling  two of his boys that the only reason that their dad was so cool and loved by so many is because of the way he was raised.  There must have been amazing respect and love in that family.  Great people like Panda must come from great stock so to speak.  That in order to honor their father they had to live up to the name that he has made and strive to achieve what he would be proud of you for.  Shortly after beginning to have this talk with the boys an older, tough looking guy had walked over with his wife and just stood there and listened, I concentrated on the boys.  As I finished he took my hand and said thank you so much.  My son would have really loved this ceremony.  Like the  ass that I am I say oh, was he not able to make it tonight?  He said no he was here all along, "I am Kenny's dad".  Remove foot from mouth now!  He said some incredibly nice things to me and we parted.  PROOF IN MY GOOD STOCK THEORY!

I walked out the front door on to the patio to have a smoke before riding off on the old bike.  As I walk through the door a woman stops me and she has this absolute blank stare on her face.  "Can I speak to you please for a moment"?  Sure, what's up are you okay I asked.  She proceeds to lay some Wild Shit out on me that sent chills straight up my spine and as I sit here telling you this, I can't believe that I forgot all of this when I was writing about the service itself.  CHECK THIS SHIT OUT!  This is what started me writing about the memorial in the first place. Ya Ready?  Okay now get this.  I couldn't catch her name because she spoke very softly like a child not knowing what to say.  After she told me her name she didn't say much and her eyes welled up.  That was just incredible, what you said in there was incredible and I have never seen a person's life and memory celebrated in this way.  I told her that I understood and that losing Panda was a great loss for everyone.  Now here is where it gets weird.  She wasn't there for Panda.  She was on her way home when she saw Kiley's on the side of the road.  Now she had never been there before and she was a single mom with a young daughter and she didn't go to bars much at all.  She had moved here from Chicago  and  shortly after moving here with her mom and child, her mom dies!  She now has only one other person that she knows in Arizona, she moved here with her and it's her best friend.  She said that her mother was so hard and so tough that she would never let her cry.  She said that even as a kid, her mom always told her to toughen up and to be tough.  When her mother passed she never let herself cry so not to let her mom down.  Two weeks ago, the only person she has left on earth, her best friend blows her brains out and kills herself.  I am not sure but I thought she said with a shot gun if you can imagine but I couldn't make that out clearly. 

She said that she was driving down the road and overwhelming forces made her cross the lanes and head towards the bar.  She couldn't really stop it and didn't know why.  All she could feel was an invisible force driving her into the parking lot.  She parked and could not understand why she had to go inside.  The feelings so strong she could not resist them.  She said that she walked in just as I began to speak.  Somehow, someway this woman who didn't even live near there, who knew not one single person there much less Panda, was sent some kind of message from someone to stop and stop right there.  She didn't know what to do.  When she realized what she had walked in on she said she almost freaked.  So now I am standing there listening to all of this and I am thinking holy shit!  What do you say to someone who was just sent where you are, by A SPIRIT?  I said maybe this is your mom's way of letting you know that it's okay to cry and that you should go home and finally let it all out, get it all out and know that you should celebrate her life and not mourn her.  SHE SAID NO THAT'S NOT IT and then didn't really say anything.  I didn't know what to do.  If I had to describe the look and color of her face under any other circumstances, I would say that it looked like she had seen a ghost.  IN THIS CASE, SHE HAD ONE FOR A GPS!  I talked to her for a few more moments but she just shook her head and said "I have to figure out why I was made to come here", "do you think I was meant to come here to meet you"?  I don't think so, I think that you were sent here to hear for yourself that it was okay to live yourself.  She said no, I'm pretty sure it's you.  I wished her much luck, told her to be strong for her daughter, that they have to take care of each other now and I hugged her and walked briskly over to kick start my bike.  It was cold out for the ride home and no amount of layering was going to take the chill that had settled down deep into my spine away.  I sat down on the couch last night and thought about the evening and once again came to the conclusion that life is far too short, love everyone that deserves it, try to love the ones that may not and love yourself first and foremost because bad things happen in life and you need to be strong for yourself so that you may be strong for others...

Now that is some weird shit.  I think not only did Panda come and watch over his own Memorial Service, but I think that he got up to heaven and found these two ladies up there sad about their daughter and Panda said c'mon, I'll drive you down there, let's go.  ARE YA READY, YA READY?   (joke from the service)  I really believe that even in his very own loss, he was so amazing that he somehow made this all happen for this young girl just showing up, he had to have! I don't think me trying to explain how crazy this felt because I can't explain the look on her face, she was truly lost standing there.  But, like all you women, no matter what I said she just wouldn't listen.... 

It was a Memorial service that I will never forget, for a friend that I never got to meet.... 

What comes next?

Until we finally do get to meet up there man, know that we got you covered down here!

Best Friend I Never Had

I am not writing this in memory of this man as I have never met him.  I am writing this blog in his honor.

My friends, I want to introduce you to Kenny "Kung Fu Panda" Rohrer.

A few days ago I got a phone call from a dear friend, she was crying so hard that had in not been for caller ID, I would have never known who was on the phone, right up until we hung up.  We had left Barrett Jackson Car Auction on Sunday afternoon and headed home.  We took the 101 back home.  As it turns out, so did Panda, but he never made it home.  Details of the accident are sketchy at best, but we know that he ended up smacking someone hard from behind and as I understand it, he passed from this world to the next damn near instantly, at least I pray he did.  The call was to ask if I were willing to come perform the memorial service and to try and help this family begin healing.  How could I ever say no?

I am sure you are wondering why Jack Shit, the guy who lives to put smiles on people's faces would choose such a sad topic to write about going into the weekend right?  Please, allow me to explain my thoughts here.  You see, I live by very simple rules.  There is really no way to put every single person you meet through the ringer to see if they are truly worthy of all you have to give.  The people who come to me from other friends, already know that person and they immediately get the benefit of the doubt.  I always say, A friend to my friend is now a friend to me.  Does that make sense for you all?  As it turns out, Panda was not only a friend to my friend, but a friend to a great many friends of mine and those that he was friends with are stellar people, yet I never once had the opportunity to meet him or worse yet, I never got to ride with him and that saddens me.  As you may or may not know by now, I am an ordained minister.  I have performed a great many weddings and sadly nearly as many funerals.  To hear the pain in the voice of my friend is very hard for me to handle, when I care about someone all I want to do is take their pain away. 

Last night was the memorial service.  When I arrived, people were already drinking like it was an Irish Wake.  If you don't know what I am describing you are lucky.  We Irish have been known to mourn for months and never put the bottle down the entire time.  Last night when I arrived, I was a man with a plan!  I refused to mourn and I refused to allow anyone else to do it either.  This was the only rule of the service.  If tears are shed, they best be from laughing and remembering something hysterical that this maniac shared with them.  Pretty simple right?  Not so fast though.  If you have never gotten up at a funeral and eulogized someone, you have no idea how hard it is to keep your composure.  Now when it's someone you loved and they were not sick and passed on slowly, but rather ripped from your life it really ups the pressure something fierce.  I met with both of his wives, at least I think they were both wives, this guy was living large!  Hell, I left there and I am still not sure who was who?  For all I know, he was still married to both of them?  Anyway, as I began to explain to the family what I do, I asked who and how many people would be coming up to speak?  There was one for sure and maybe one of the boys.  Ut oh!  Now what?  Normally when I perform one of these I know the person well and I myself can go on and on but I didn't know Panda.  I made them a deal.  If I can make this about celebrating Panda instead of mourning him will you guys come up?  The answer was an overwhelming, probably not!  So I had a poem that I had written that was perfect for this and I did some banter with the crowd but at this point we were heading towards a two minute memorial and that was unacceptable.  How can you have 100 people there and no one has anything to say?  Well I opened up with what I had learned about this man and got the crowd worked up.  Then I explained my plan to all in attendance.  THERE WILL BE NO MOURNING HERE TONIGHT ---  TONIGHT WE CELEBRATE LIFE, NOT MOURN DEATH!  With that, the crowd went nuts and I could feel the tension in the room ease.  I said my piece and asked if anyone wanted to speak.  Panda's wife, one of them, got up and opened the "show" so to speak with the story of the night he got his nipples pierced and how he blacked out from the pain so bad that he was snoring and pissing himself at the same time.  Laughter and tears filled the hall and that was good.  As each person finished their story I of course had some smart ass comment for the audience each and every single time and kept them laughing.  The stories that we heard were just incredible!  As the service went on, I began to feel overwhelmingly jealous and a bit mad.  I was jealous that all of these people, many friends included got to spend so much time with this great man.  I was mad that my life had become so damn busy that I didn't see many of these friends much at all anymore.  Had I been available, I would have met this great man and he would have certainly been a big part of my life.  He was a huge part in every person whose life he entered. 

Well my fear of the 2 minute service soon went out the window and as we approached the 45 minute mark, I knew in my heart that we had done this great man, great honor and respect!  So many people got up to talk, nearly all of the 6 kids.  Imagine that strength?  We laughed HARD for nearly an hour.  Although so many knew him, very few knew him truly well.  Nobody really knew that every year during Christmas, he would find families that had nothing and he didn't even know them, he had only heard and out of his own pocket and his valuable time, go load that house up with gifts so that no matter what, those kids still had Christmas.  This was a great man.  I closed the service with a poem that I had written and thanked all for allowing me the privilege and honor of HONORING PANDA.  Today was his funeral and I was unable to make it but I understand that there were many hundreds in attendance. 

The world is a little bit less wonderful and beautiful without Kenny being here, but I bet my ass that Heaven is all that much better now for his arrival.  I hope God has a strong bladder, because this guy could make you laugh so hard people would piss themselves.

So why did I write this?  I wrote this to remind each of us, myself included, to love the ever loving shit out of the ones you care about.  Never let anyone leave your side angry.  Hold the ones you love and let them know that you love them every time you can.  Live each and every single day on this earth like it was your last because you never know, it may very well be.  Anyway, these were my thoughts on the whole tragedy.

LONG MAY YOU RUN KUNG FU PANDA!!!

Your attention please

Hey folks, I just want to welcome one of my oldest friends and most talented people I have ever had the honor to call my friend here with us to keep an eye on what's going on over here in Jack Shit's World.  I want you to look over to the right side of this post and see his link over there.  If I had a one legged man's chance in an ass kicking contest to make that link over there, go right here, I would, but I can't, sorry.  Click on that and then hit follow.  Richie has got his thumb straight up the ass of all things Cool and I mean that from the heart and as a compliment.  Every time something catches on and is suddenly really cool, Brother Pan has two for parts and one running!  Richie Pannera owns Dark Star Tattoo in Toms River, New Jersey.  Not only is he an absolutely Stellar Artist but he is truly a historian.  He has managed through his own collection of memories and scars and with the help of other east coast maniacs to damn near recreate Jersey Biker History through decades of life in Jersey on a bike.  It's all on his blog and it is fantastic.  You want to know where Jack Shit comes from, well this will give you a pretty good idea, I may pop up in some of those pics now and again.  His blog is Bikers, Hippies and Tattooed Freaks and it is a must follow.

Take a close look at this pic.  We also captured this moment on video and it has literally been viewed thousands of times.  The guy against the wall is another great guy and good friend, everyone calls him FAT BOB.  After a long hard day of chopper riding and partying up in Cottonwood at Smoke Out West, we went back to our hotel and had a few minutes to chill before the inevitable after party starts and for some reason always ends in our room.  Well Fat Bob was pretty buzzed and all he wanted to do was put his shorts on.  It sounds like a simple task but not drunk and not at this size.  If you look closely, he is leaning against the wall so as not to collapse and holding his chest because he can't breathe, Brother Pan is on the bed if you notice holding his chest as well.  There were another 4 people in the room and they were SCREAMING laughing.  This was a moment in my life that I will never ever forget.  I learned that day conclusively that laughter is absolutely contagious!

Richie's shop has one of the best logos I have ever seen, it's just simple and bad ass and looks killer plastered all over the world.  If you are somewhere worth being you will probably look around and see some stickers, you are damn near assured to see a DST sticker up there and of course the BAAS Metalcraft sticker too, Teach gets around!   I like to take one of his Dark Star shirts with me everywhere I go and get a photo while wearing it doing something great or someplace spectacular.  On my facebook, I have an entire album of those photos, I call it my dark star t shirt tour of the world.

I've known Pan for a great many years now and have never heard a bad word spoken of the man and that speaks volumes to me!  Go check out his blog, his website, his tattoo shop, his artwork for the Horse Back Street Choppers, his sick sick sick panheads and knuckleheads, well his shovels too and look at some old pics of Richie's infamous Pan Stock, held every year in Jersey as a celebration of all things cool.  I would never steer you guys, my friends, wrong so go check this guy out and tell him I sent ya.

 Oh yeah, if you want to get a rare and mythical Pan Stock annual T shirt, well you better roll your bike up into the burnout pit at his party and let it rip because it's the only way you will ever get one!

..... and oh yeah, he is the only other person who I have ever let ride my KNUCK and he rode the shit out of her!

Chester the Molester Sings

A few months ago Brother F Bomb and myself rode up to Flagstaff, Az., to catch up with the riders on The Cannonball. We left Phoenix and it was 112 degrees. We arrived in Flagstaff and it was 28 degrees. We arrived around midnight or so. Upon pulling up in front of the hotel door we immediately ran into Chicky from Vagabond and Pat Simmons from the Doobie Brothers, both exceptional people. We hung out till around 3 or 4 am and then crashed for a bit. In the morning after watching all the bikes leave the temps made it up to around 50 or so and we pulled out as well. By the time we reached Kingman, the temps had risen back up 99. As I pulled off of the highway I could feel it more and more difficult to keep the old knuck running and she was smoking like mad.

I got into the parking lot at the Harley Dealer, it was a designated stop for the racers and a great place to tighten nuts and check fluids. I rolled in, took my hand off of the throttle and my bike died right there. I got off her and went to kick her back over and the kicker felt like it was damn near welded in place. Oh no! I had gotten jammed up running low on oil and I could not get straight 50 weight and this "old bike" mechanic (allegedly) explained to me in no uncertain terms that the new W50's were just fine and they would mix with the straight already in the bike. I found this hard to believe but after a long debate and not having any other choice, I ran the oil. Well the result was damn near boiling the motor. The oils didn't "blend" together and I may as well ran it with no oil at all. We snuck our way into the service dept. and rolled her up onto a lift. Sadly the "mechanics" at the dealer didn't realize that I was not in the race on my 1947 knuckle because the race was 1915 and older bikes, they didn't know the difference. To make a long story short, we drained all the oil, replaced it with fresh straight 50, tightened down all we could and the bike fired right up. I jumped on her and tore down the road but she really didn't want to stay running. I had two choices to choose from and a decision needed to be made on the spot. Take off on her through grueling 115 degree temps on rt. 66 into Oatman and Laughlin and decimate a running knuck and be stuck in the desert or leave her in the service dept. until the following day and come back for her. Brother Bomb said why ruin a great party? We will go on to Laughlin, party our asses off and in the morning he would go all the way back to Phoenix, get his truck and come back for me and the bike. Really? Wow! What a gesture of true friendship! That is what we did. I hitched a ride with a Cannonball support vehicle and we partied our asses off and stuck to the plan. My bike had ridden through a temp. change of nearly 160 degrees in 16 hours, Arizona is insane!

By 11am, I had no choice but to leave our hotel. I was out on the streets of Laughlin and it was insane hot and I am now carrying on my back everything that I had packed on the bike. Yes, I looked homeless and the local homeless population noticed too. I started getting some real hard looks like I was invading their territory and no matter where I walked I would find one or more "locals" following me. I am not much of a gambler, at least when it comes to games of chance, with my life yes, with my money not so much. I ate lunch but realized that it would be at the very least another 4 to 5 hours before I was rescued. I could not sit in the sun any longer. I went into the Pioneer Hotel and had some lunch. Oh great only 4.5 hours left to wait. I reached out to F Bomb on the phone and he told me that the one and only road to get there was closed because of a horrific head on collision and he may not make it at all. Not such good news, worse yet, the entire town of nothing but hotel rooms was sold out.... DOOMED!

The night before while hanging in the Aquarius Casino, Bean're, Bomb and myself met this nice Country girl, her boyfriend and her mom. They were very friendly as most country folk are. I asked what they were doing in such an evil place as Laughlin and they told us that they were here for like 8 days and they were competing in the Western United States Karaoke Championship or some shit.... Wow, these fuckers are serious about Karaoke, who would have thought it? Well now I can sit at a slot machine for the next 24 hours, I can go and try and find a nice cardboard box to sleep in, I could go blow Asian men for a few extra bucks or I could pay 15 bucks and go into the Karaoke contest up stairs in the ballroom? Well the ballroom it was! Dark, cool and comfortable, it had my name written all over it. With the exception of course that I looked and felt like homeless guy. At least I had showered before being evicted. I was now a man with a plan! I had a full belly and a comfy place to hang until my rescue truck arrived. To say that the people in this show were freaks would be an understatement of all understatements, sweet 5lb 4oz baby Jesus were these people serious about Karaoke. I know this was a long story to get you to a very short video but you have got to check out this guy singing. What I thought would be a great way to spend an otherwise screwed up day quickly became torture. This pedophile looking son of a bitch was probably the more "normal" of the crowd. Well you judge for yourself and understand before you even watch it, I was hot, tired, cranky, abandoned and trapped. I just call it like I see it is all. Like it reads before you enter this page, brutal honesty is all you will ever get from me.... it's only a minute and a half video but you can hear by my tone of voice that I am not the happiest of campers...... Hope you enjoy it.

Traffic Jam, Arizona Style!

While taking some family out into the Sonoran Desert we drove up out of a dry creek bed to come across the traffic jam, Arizona style. It is hard to believe that rattlesnakes survive out here but cattle? How the hell can they survive in these conditions?

Up close at Barrett Jackson 2010

Quite of few friends asked about how close I got to the auction stage. It's hard to explain how cool it is and it is certainly hard make you really feel it by writing about it in a blog. Here is a short video to give you an actual taste of being right in it! I hope you enjoy and have a great week.

ALL THINGS COOL !

So by now you guys know me well enough or I hope you have been following along closely enough to know that Jack Shit loves ALL THINGS MOTORCYCLE!  I especially lean to the all things chopper side of life.  I don't just mean the bikes themselves as much as I mean the grittier side of it all.  I admire most the fact that man can even forge steel and then shape it into something amazing.  Then again, each time I flick my bic I am still amazed that fire comes out, oh well.  I believe that it's just the personalization of it all, the ART that I find in things still made by hand.  There are still somethings that have been made over the years that not one single item, one nut, one bolt has ever needed to be altered for it to be COOL.  Being an open minded human being, I don't reserve judgement for anything or anyone because in the end, the COOL tends to stand out far in front of the others!  I am a simple guy who just simply loves, ALL THINGS COOL! 

I was invited by a dear friend with some passes to join him and a few other close friends at the Barrett Jackson Collector Cars Auction.  If you don't know what this is you can either google it or watch for when it airs on the Speed Channel.  For those of you who know what it is or watch it and Gamble on how much a car is going to sell for know how cool it is.

It was my first time there so I'll lay out the event for you.  You pull off the highway and the dirtiest crackhead / tweaker combos that you have ever seen greet you in the street wearing a reflective vest and waiving a little orange flag.  Some you could see on their face that if they didn't get high soon, someone was getting smacked and others who must have only recently gotten high walked up to your window to talk at each "security check point" and direct your vehicle in a manner conducive to controlling flow of traffic.  Mind you this was halfway through the very last day.  We valet parked the truck for $20 so that we didn't have to walk 2 miles from the dirt parking lot and go back through tweaker alley on foot!  As you approach the main gate and entry doors the quality of degenerates working there goes up 10 fold.  You could see that these were your average alcoholic, coke fiends.  The best of the best of sleaze bags gets to work inside the event and clean the porta jons and such.  It's always nice to have some cleaned up street person standing there watching you pee.  Anyway, once you have survived the freak show to enter you walk in and Ford has the corner of the tent with the new Boss Mustangs and they are pretty sick.  These come with two sets of keys, one for normal driving and the other key, when put into the ignition the car then becomes a race car, wild!

Once you get past the Fords and your grandfather's Oldsmobile the tent crosses into another area that I have to admit made me cringe and vomit a little in my mouth.  It was those stupid little coffins that people are driving around in, Smart Car or some shit.  Now these guys must have had a study group done that says if you are cool now you must have FLAT BLACK for the counter culture.  So they have these little jelly beans all scattered around and the one FLAT BLACK BAD BOY!

I was nearly about to turn around and run!  I walked into the auto show and was surrounded by sales people.  Where is the Cool stuff?  As disappointment in the event started to well up in my brain I began thinking well at least it only goes for a few more hours.  Then out of the corner of my eye I see it, not only Cool but Super Cool!  Super Cars in-fact!  A brand new Lamborghini, a Ferrari that I have never even seen before and 6 more Super Cars all lined up side by side.  BAD ASS!  Every now and again you see one on the freeway out here.  Here more often than most places because after all, it is Snottsdale! 

Things were looking up now for sure.  Well they were for a few seconds.  This place must be organized by the Devil himself along with his minions.  Once you get through the Super Cars you are suddenly dropped into a God Damned flea market of people selling any and everything.  I didn't come to Barrett Jackson to buy hand crafted tree limb porch swings.  Nor did I come there to buy faux leather sneakers or have my complimentary one piece of jewelry cleaned.  What the hell is going on here?  I want to see the Auction damnit, I want to smell the blood in the air!  Now here is the biggest problem of the day.  Along with the boys today, the ladies joined us.  Ya know what that means?  You guessed it right I'm sure.  It meant that anything that we DID NOT want to look at, was so interesting to the ladies that they needed to stand there and check each and every aspect of it.  How the Mongolian etched grain of rice captures the sun if held this way and that-a-way.... I thought my head was going to explode.  As I make my way towards the Live Auction that you can hear over the loud speakers I have to keep doubling and tripling back to fetch these wayward shoppers.  I believe that I have them convinced to pick up the pace and come along with us when the worse possible thing could happen.  At the same time, Diane and Jill see the MASSAGE CHAIRS, we are now DOOMED!  I give up, I must carry on alone without the girls, I just cannot look at another USELESS PIECE OF CRAP item for sale and I am not standing there while they get a 20 minute massage from a chair.  I learn after I walk away that a fine upstanding gentleman was standing there after I left and was kind enough to offer each of the ladies their very own FOOT RUB.... yuck!  Dirty Prick!  On the flip side of me complaining here, I must admit that across from the 9 thousand dollar mattress they had for sale there I did find Gold!  Childhood memories raced back into my mind, check out this shit!

They also had one hell of a neon sign selection there.  From 1930's original signs to some incredible re-pops and let's face it folks, neon is on my list of ALL THINGS COOL!  I just love neon signs.

We made our way without the ladies into the next tent but first stopped for a quick 7 dollar Lemonade.  I would have bought a hot dog too as I was starving but on principal alone, I could not see myself spending $12.50 for a tiny hot dog and a drink, I just couldn't do it.  We made our way towards the Live Auction and came across this display.  This is the bike Paul Yaffe made for Arizona's 100th anniversary as a state.  It's all done in and out of copper, apparently it's abundant here.

You guys can make your own decisions here on Cool or not with this..... I'll take Long Jon's Copper Chopper Panhead anytime.  With that, we enter the final gate, you can see the cars being staged to come across the stage, we made it finally into the Auction, my God it was a magical place.  The building is so big that they have huge video screens on each side of the stage so that people can see what is currently being bid on.  You would think this would have helped someone not buy and win a bid on the wrong vehicle but it did not!  Television does this event no justice whatsoever.  To stand only feet away from the stage was wild.  The air was electric with energy.  The money was flowing like mad.  I guess for some either the "economic downturn" took another turn or they just weren't giving a slight shit about it this day!  I think pics will be better at showing you how very close we were to the action.

At one point, I was so close to the stage that I thought they were going to hand me rags to start wiping down the cars as they got pushed up.  It was definitely something cool to experience.  The sad side of the coin was that they say on the Sunday, the final day of the Auction, the deals are just insane and they were.  It killed me to not have throw away income any longer and to see what some of these hot rods were going for was like getting kicked in the nut sack over and over again.......  the deals were unreal!

After you leave the Auction tent you enter into the tents of the sold vehicles and my God did they sell some cars.  There was in one tent alone an entire lane of nothing but original corvettes of every great year.  There were muscle cars that look as though they just came off the show room floor.  Cars you have only heard of and maybe seen on a tv show sometime.  It was some sight.  Here are some of my favorite cars sold.

Here's the world's largest bike, cool? NO?  But it sold!

The hotly contested Ambulance that supposedly carried JFK's body

I think this was Bret Michaels' Camaro, he's not, but the car was way Cool

Just a sick old nomad!

One of my favorite Chevelles of all time

All in all, it turned out to be a great day hanging out with great friends, the auction and the experience were well worth going to at least once in your lifetime.  I am not a car guy by any stretch of the imagination but even if you aren't, COOL IS COOL...... and these cars and the entire atmosphere were way cool.  Could I have stayed home and watched it on tv?  I sure could have, but it wouldn't be half the fun of living it! 

There was however a very sad note to the event.  You could feel it the moment you walked up to the front gate of Westworld.  The women were lined up everywhere.  At first my friend says " wow, there are a great deal more women into cars then I thought"... I just started laughing.  They were not there to find a car or to find a great deal on a new oil painting of fruit, because they had them for sale there, they were there shopping alright.  Perhaps shopping may not be the best way to describe it, HUNTING and GATHERING was much more like it.  These ladies may have driven up in an old Toyota Camry but they were planning on leaving on a Jet or a private helicopter, at the least a limo, hell even a decent clean taxi would do this late in the game.  You could see these older ladies completely covered with "bling" and mid sized heels being closely followed by the younger ladies with heels so high I didn't know how they could walk much less run.  You could feel the desperation to find a "catch" at the auction.  You would see guys getting the long hard looks up and down as they walked by the ladies.  The ladies must have some type of scanner hidden that was running credit reports as each potential sugar daddy walked on past.  Each time that the girls would walk away to use the Homeless guy maintained bathroom or to shop, we would immediately have a gaggle of women around us, then the girls would return and the ladies would just step away.  Imagine how bad it had to be for them to be hanging around the likes of us?  My God, ladies, the ones of you alone out there in this economy shopping for your billionaire, ( millionaire's don't really count anymore) I feel for you, pickings are slim and competition is ferocious..... all I can say is hang in there and keep on fighting the good fight. 

See ya down the road!