After I came home from the memorial for Kenny "Panda" Rhorer I was enlightened and exhausted at the same time and I posted a face book update of "have I got a story for you" or something like that. But I had too much to catch up on to be able to sit down and write about the evening and tell the story like it deserves to be told. Earlier I wrote about the memorial itself and it was honestly the best memorial service I have ever had the honor to witness much less be a part of. Again, I would like to thank Panda's family for having me there and I am so thankful for all the kind things you said to me. You lost somebody you loved dearly and went out of your way to make me feel welcomed there, first class is all I can say.
When the service was over one of Panda's friends got up and karaoke'd the hell out of a song that I am sure had some special meaning. If I am lucky enough to have done a good job and helped a family at their most horrible moments in their lives, people come up to me and always talk about the person that they've lost. More often than not, the person they have lost was someone that I have lost as well. After it's over, everyone who doesn't get up to speak comes up and says what they wanted to say but just couldn't. For those people I say, "Ya know what, ya can" and you should. There were quite a few people at the service and it was dark in the room so I couldn't really get a good look at every one's faces but for the ones that I could, everyone looked at peace. As I put on my jacket and after having said goodbye to all of Panda's kids, I was telling two of his boys that the only reason that their dad was so cool and loved by so many is because of the way he was raised. There must have been amazing respect and love in that family. Great people like Panda must come from great stock so to speak. That in order to honor their father they had to live up to the name that he has made and strive to achieve what he would be proud of you for. Shortly after beginning to have this talk with the boys an older, tough looking guy had walked over with his wife and just stood there and listened, I concentrated on the boys. As I finished he took my hand and said thank you so much. My son would have really loved this ceremony. Like the ass that I am I say oh, was he not able to make it tonight? He said no he was here all along, "I am Kenny's dad". Remove foot from mouth now! He said some incredibly nice things to me and we parted. PROOF IN MY GOOD STOCK THEORY!
I walked out the front door on to the patio to have a smoke before riding off on the old bike. As I walk through the door a woman stops me and she has this absolute blank stare on her face. "Can I speak to you please for a moment"? Sure, what's up are you okay I asked. She proceeds to lay some Wild Shit out on me that sent chills straight up my spine and as I sit here telling you this, I can't believe that I forgot all of this when I was writing about the service itself. CHECK THIS SHIT OUT! This is what started me writing about the memorial in the first place. Ya Ready? Okay now get this. I couldn't catch her name because she spoke very softly like a child not knowing what to say. After she told me her name she didn't say much and her eyes welled up. That was just incredible, what you said in there was incredible and I have never seen a person's life and memory celebrated in this way. I told her that I understood and that losing Panda was a great loss for everyone. Now here is where it gets weird. She wasn't there for Panda. She was on her way home when she saw Kiley's on the side of the road. Now she had never been there before and she was a single mom with a young daughter and she didn't go to bars much at all. She had moved here from Chicago and shortly after moving here with her mom and child, her mom dies! She now has only one other person that she knows in Arizona, she moved here with her and it's her best friend. She said that her mother was so hard and so tough that she would never let her cry. She said that even as a kid, her mom always told her to toughen up and to be tough. When her mother passed she never let herself cry so not to let her mom down. Two weeks ago, the only person she has left on earth, her best friend blows her brains out and kills herself. I am not sure but I thought she said with a shot gun if you can imagine but I couldn't make that out clearly.
She said that she was driving down the road and overwhelming forces made her cross the lanes and head towards the bar. She couldn't really stop it and didn't know why. All she could feel was an invisible force driving her into the parking lot. She parked and could not understand why she had to go inside. The feelings so strong she could not resist them. She said that she walked in just as I began to speak. Somehow, someway this woman who didn't even live near there, who knew not one single person there much less Panda, was sent some kind of message from someone to stop and stop right there. She didn't know what to do. When she realized what she had walked in on she said she almost freaked. So now I am standing there listening to all of this and I am thinking holy shit! What do you say to someone who was just sent where you are, by A SPIRIT? I said maybe this is your mom's way of letting you know that it's okay to cry and that you should go home and finally let it all out, get it all out and know that you should celebrate her life and not mourn her. SHE SAID NO THAT'S NOT IT and then didn't really say anything. I didn't know what to do. If I had to describe the look and color of her face under any other circumstances, I would say that it looked like she had seen a ghost. IN THIS CASE, SHE HAD ONE FOR A GPS! I talked to her for a few more moments but she just shook her head and said "I have to figure out why I was made to come here", "do you think I was meant to come here to meet you"? I don't think so, I think that you were sent here to hear for yourself that it was okay to live yourself. She said no, I'm pretty sure it's you. I wished her much luck, told her to be strong for her daughter, that they have to take care of each other now and I hugged her and walked briskly over to kick start my bike. It was cold out for the ride home and no amount of layering was going to take the chill that had settled down deep into my spine away. I sat down on the couch last night and thought about the evening and once again came to the conclusion that life is far too short, love everyone that deserves it, try to love the ones that may not and love yourself first and foremost because bad things happen in life and you need to be strong for yourself so that you may be strong for others...
Now that is some weird shit. I think not only did Panda come and watch over his own Memorial Service, but I think that he got up to heaven and found these two ladies up there sad about their daughter and Panda said c'mon, I'll drive you down there, let's go. ARE YA READY, YA READY? (joke from the service) I really believe that even in his very own loss, he was so amazing that he somehow made this all happen for this young girl just showing up, he had to have! I don't think me trying to explain how crazy this felt because I can't explain the look on her face, she was truly lost standing there. But, like all you women, no matter what I said she just wouldn't listen....
It was a Memorial service that I will never forget, for a friend that I never got to meet....
What comes next?
Until we finally do get to meet up there man, know that we got you covered down here!
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