It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Gonna Put My Dick In A Hornet's Nest!

At least then I would know what is coming rather than deal with what I've been dealing with!  I am to the point where I think putting my dick in the nest might actually be a more pleasant experience!  In my life so far, I've seen some shit, that's a fact.  I've seen some shit that has made grown men cry, puke or piss and I've become a better person for it.  I've become a stronger person for it.  There is rarely a situation that I walk in to at this point in my life that I feel any fear.  I feel anxious, I feel nervous and I'm well aware of my surroundings, but after all of these years, TRUE FEAR has long since passed!  I get myself all worked up when I know I'm getting in the "shit" but that is only because in my mind I am looking at each and every single possibility of which way it can go, how many different outcomes can there be and is there a holy shit handle to pull if it all goes bad!  There is one thing though for sure that no matter how many times I face it, I am horrified at the thought of even approaching the situation.  Some men fear fire, some it's the barrel of a gun, for others it is the thought of their teen daughter getting driven away by the 17 year old with the perpetual erection, but for me, my one true phobia is without a doubt, STEPPING FOOT ON TO A CAR DEALERSHIP'S LOT!  Nearly every single experience of my life with one has ended badly.  For the record, there was a period of about 6 months where I actually sold used cars and I hated even stepping on that lot!  I would literally come home at night sick!  I could not bring myself to rob people of their hard earned money!  I could not bring myself to follow the very precise training that I received about how to cheat them out of their hard earned money!
So after studying long and hard the vehicles on the market that will suit our needs as best as possible, we had narrowed it down to between a Cadillac CTS or the Ford Flex.  After more research and such, we decided that the Flex was what we need and what we want!  Now the trick is to find the right one at the right price with all the right shit.  There are not a ton of things that we HAVE TO HAVE, we are pretty reasonable.  But there are some!  The Flex has an option called the Vista Roof.  What that is simply is a sliding moon roof in the front, a tilting sun roof in the middle and two fixed glass panels over the third row of seating.  For my girl, this was really important.  So after searching and searching for the right vehicle, we found it.  It was at a dealership 116 miles from our home.  Now I know the car business, because sadly, I had been in it briefly and I know that a great deal of these guys are quite simply, NO GOOD MOTHER FUCKERS!  So now, not to waste our time or theirs and not to waste a tank of gas and not to waste an entire day, we called the dealer with the questions we had.  Does this vehicle have this and that and so on?  We look at the pictures the dealer has posted on line and this is the very vehicle we want.  We watch the video tour of the inside of the vehicle that was posted online.  When asked about the equipment he replied I don't know.  So Diane says as nicely as possible, "we are over 100 miles away, would you go look".  The guy gets back on the phone and says yes ma'am, it has those very options!  We gave them all the info they could possibly need to get the deal done, long before we ever get there and I don't mean by hours, I mean by days!

We send them photos of our trade, detailed photos.  Their response, "looks great"!  Financing, done and in place.  They drop the price of the vehicle by 2500 bucks to be more competitive on it and it worked.  It was a great vehicle at a great price!  The deal is done and we never even had to leave the house.  Now we drive down to the small little piece of shit car dealer, Oracle Ford down near Tucson.  For me, I like to do business with the smaller stores, they are a bit more home town feeling, ya know?  So we get there and the vehicle that we bought is not on the lot?  We are confused?  Now fresh from having a car that we purchased, sold out from under us just last weekend while we went 20 minutes home to get a form they needed, we were expecting this to have happened again.  Well that was not the case.  What was the case you ask then?  Well the vehicle we were buying, from their own ad was not only not the vehicle in the photo that they advertised, but the vehicle that had all the equipment that we checked in advance on and the salesman confirmed personally, didn't have the items that he told us it did!  I believe his exact words were, "yeah its got it all, come on down"!  Right then and there, I knew we were fucked!  I was so boiling mad about this.  I knew that they were going to pull some scum bag move, but never in a million years did I think they would pull the ole Bait and Switch!  I asked them, "this is how you guys do business" Oh no sirThis was just obviously a typo, or well, severalHow about the wrong photo, was that a typo tooWe don't know how that happenedHow about the fact that you said you went and checked the car and it had all of the things we asked about?  His reply, "well I don't recall you asking me about those things".  I could feel the anger boiling up inside me like I hadn't had in a very long time.  The stress levels were through the roof and anxiety over wanting to choke these fuckers blue was heading to a point of no return!  I had to stay calm and cool because stress is the worst thing for Multiple Sclerosis and I didn't want Diane to be upset.  SHE WAS MORE ANGRY THAN ME!

Although the vehicle didn't have the options that we wanted, you know, the ones we called and checked to make sure it had, it was still beautiful.  I want you to understand this as well.  This is not a massive car dealership, you know, the ones that we have become use to.  THE SUPER STORES of car sales.  This place was tiny!  At any given time, there is no car on the lot that could be more than maybe 150 feet away and this lazy prick didn't even go and look.  So we take it for a drive and it drove like a dream.  It truly was a pleasure and comfortable and roomy and all the things that we picked it for, of course without the very shit that we picked it for!  We talked about it and agreed that the price they were asking was great.  It was 2500 bucks under blue book value, it was a good deal.  We come back and find the OWNER of the dealership doing the check on our trade and I'm sure you know what happens next right?  You got it!  Suddenly there are problems with the trade and they have to offer us a bit less than they quoted us.  Can you guess how much less they had to offer us?  Go on, take a moment.  If you guessed 2500 bucks you are a winner.  What are the odds?  The exact amount that they discounted the car to bring in a buyer was the exact amount that they were now pulling off of the value of our trade.  I know from experience that everyone thinks there car is worth so much more than it really is but we have been given a trade in value from 5 dealers, hell, maybe more and each and every single one of them gave us the exact same number and each of those saw the truck in person!  We informed the salesman of this before ever making the trip down.  It just so happens that it was the exact same number this dealer gave us over the phone after seeing the photos!

As we returned from our test drive, I said to Diane as I held the door open for her, "this is too good to be true".  "Watch this, he's going to come back and say, I got some bad news, your truck is worth 2500 less than we had previously thought".  She said "don't even say that"!  I said okay, but mark my words!  They left us sit there for another hour or more while the salesman was trying to hustle a few other suckers and finally after we asked, "excuse me, but what the fuck is going on", did he come back with nearly the very words I had told to Diane as I held the door!  What are the odds? 

So now here is the final tally!  250 miles of driving, about 75 bucks in fuel, 6 hours out of our lives, we missed our friends wedding and were in such a wicked mood blew off the party that we were to attend tonight.  There is nothing on earth that I hate more than a fucking liar, nothing!  Second to that, with immense hatred, people who waste your time, knowingly!  These scumbags thought they would bend us over the barrel and straight stick it up our asses, dry I might add!  They thought that since we have travelled so damn far to buy this vehicle that we would just lay down and fall prey to such unscrupulous tactics.  I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO!  I said and I quote, "you are really a bunch of scum bags", "I knew the minute we pulled in you would pull this shit", "give me my fucking truck keys now"!  As I walked out, I made sure to tell the people sitting in the "lounge" to run, run away as fast as you can!  If any single one of the things that I mentioned above had happened, I might say well, it happens.  When two things happen you have got to say, well maybe they are just fuck ups!  When all of these things happen, you have fraud, there are no two ways about it!  I think what truly sucks the most is the way the credit rating system is set up.  Each time one of these dealers, or stores or mortgage reps. runs your credit, your credit score goes down.  By the time you finally make a good deal, you pay a higher interest rate because your score is lower!  The entire system is madness!

Oracle Ford's ad should read;  We are scumbags, liars, con artists and the masters of the old bait and switch but you have to drive really far to get to us so you will just take it!  Nicely done folks! 

If after hearing this story, you are fool enough to purchase anything from this company you deserve what you get.  If you live in AZ, you need to share this with the people you care about so that they don't get defrauded out of their hard earned money!  Tell your friends and family to tell their friends and family.  The world has changed now.  Doing business like this does not just get swept under the rug and forgotten.  With the web and social networking, we have a way to fight back against businesses that run these kinds of scams.  You don't just go home and tell the neighbor and go to work on Monday and tell the guy who works next to you.  Now you can tell the world and that is just what I am doing here!  People in 90 countries now know, Oracle Ford is a dishonest business!  I would say that I hope that they catch a shit ton of heat over this and change the way they do business, but you and I know that won't happen.  These are the same plays being pulled from the Car Dealer Playbook that has been in use since they began selling cars!  At least I can say this time we didn't make it as far as THE PLANNED RE-SIGN!


Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

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