It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!



Sunday, September 4, 2011

Who are these fucking people?



I did not take one single photo last night on my trip or even once I arrived.  I did however drink all but a mouthful of an entire bottle of Jack Daniels so I never even thought to take the camera out.  Before we all met up in Tonto Village for the party and camping, the rest of "our crew" was hanging out with Long Jon and Pinky over at Sacred Skin Tattoo up in Payson, Az.  For over a year, one tattoo in particular had been discussed at great length and you are looking at it above!  I call these commitment pieces!  Why you ask?  Because you should be committed for getting it done!  I have got to say beyond what it reads, the work is kick ass and the lines are so tight!  This photo doesn't do it any justice, it truly POPS when you see it!  I give you credit Brother Adam, you got balls of steel for doing this!  Now you don't have to ever worry about being shy, you just have to shake hands with each girl you meet from here on out!  After this, they shut down the shop, everyone else met up at their new house and rode on down to the event down the road.  I wanted to wait for Diane to get home before I left.  When she is out with clients, I stay at the house and pretty much run tech support from here.  So I wanted to make sure that she didn't need me for anything before I left to do the 95 mile ride.  Usually no matter what the weather here in the valley, it is insanely different up in the mountains.  Nearly every day in the summer an afternoon monster storm rolls through and cools it all down.  By the time you hit 4000 feet on the mountain it is usually cold, even when the valley is at 115 degrees.  Last night, the temps never dropped.  I rode all the way there in just a t shirt.  I never even put on a sweatshirt the entire night until I went to my tent to sleep around 4 am or later.  You could not have asked for a better group of people to hang with.  The event was already going on for two days by the time I arrived and it went until 11pm.  I did not even enter the event until ten minutes to 10pm.  We watched a great local band called Hard Ride tear the roof off the joint.  If you guys are local here in AZ, you really should check this band out, they are really making a name for themselves these days! 

I got to the forest, and followed the road to nowhere in to the event.  The only thing that could have made hanging out there more perfect would have been if my girl was there with us all.  Long Jon, Pinky Pancake, GTP, Chris, Jokey, Keith Cole, Brother Adam, Menace and the lil woman, Walrus, Suzy Ferrington and so many others were all there partying already long before I even arrived!  It was so great to just sit around a fire, drink and just laugh our asses off.  The best part of the night was when we told everyone that came up to meet me that Jokey was me!  He's a funny and good looking guy so he pulled it off pretty damn well.  Then around 3 am we told people the truth and nobody believed us so I went to sleep and he had to remain Jack Shit for the rest of the night!  Everything was perfect, right up until..........

So at about 3:30 in the morning, this morning, I find myself in the middle of the largest Pinion Pine forest on earth, sitting around a camp fire and hanging out with my dearest friends on earth and 2 new "friends".  The two new friends came out of the shadows, flashlights in one hand, the other resting on top of their holsters!  They really snuck up on us too!  "Hey guys, welcome, want a beer" I asked!  Then "is there something that we can help you with"?  We are going to have to ask you guys to quiet down a bit, we've gotten complaints about the noise!  We are in a forest, who complained, an elk?  Apparently there are houses nearby but as it turns out, that is not who called the police!  I can't believe I am even going to say this but I'm going to, the cops weren't bad!  There I said it!  They could have been complete dicks and read us the riot act or ran our plates or asked for ID from any number of us shit faced fools but instead they just walked back in to the shadows.  As they walked away, the people in the tent across from us said to the cops, now get this shit, "IS THAT ALL YOU ARE GOING TO DO"?  Can you believe that?  We are at a bike party in the middle of the woods, in the middle of nowhere and some son of a bitch, punk ass, no respect having piece of shit called the cops to complain about the noise!  This is a first for me and I have seen some shit!

As the cops walked away they answered the RATS with a  "yeah".  That was it.... well that is until the fuck stains that called the cops got out of their tent and broke down their camp and left!  I didn't know about any of the shit with these assholes until this morning when we were talking about the cops coming up last night.  I laughed because when the sun was up, you could see the houses right across the road.  That is when everyone told me about the people in the tent!  Who goes to a biker party that was going on for 3 days, sets up their tent in the middle of all the action and then wants peace and quiet?  Who are these fucking people?  I wonder where they went?  Did they go and set up their camp near the nice and quiet bikers?  Did they leave the national forest altogether?  I wish I had seen or heard any of this because if they think they were miserable before, they would have had no idea what I would have done to them for the rest of the overnight period!  Now the funny part was that this was not even your average, run of the mill "fashion show" type of bike event.  This was put on by the MMA here in AZ.  The MMA stands for Modified Motorcycle Association, you know, choppers pretty much!  There were no $12 cups of coffee for sale, no chaps vendors, just some drinking, eating, bands and camping....  Truly the perfect combination of ingredients to cook up a great event.  That is until you get jerk offs to show up.

Everyone who did not drink a bottle of Jack Daniels got up early as the temps rose and broke down camp.  They were all heading off to Menace's joint up the mountain in Heber and then back to Long Jon and Pinky's place for a bbq and all night party!  I sure hope they don't have the cops called on them again tonight.  There are some pretty nosy elk that come right up in to the backyard!  Rather than stay and ride and party and do one more over nighter, I waited for everyone to leave and then I took my time breaking down my camp and took off in the other direction.  Diane was working again today so I wanted to get home as fast as I could and take my rightful place back in "tech support".  I also missed the hell out of my girl.  So I race home only to find out that she is out all day showing property!  Go figure!  Hey, at least I'm home sitting in the Ice Cold Air Conditioning!  The last 60 miles or so on the way home were stifling and sucked the life right out of me!

So remember now, next time you go to a multi day bike event held in the middle of nowhere, please don't forget to be very quiet, God forbid you wake up any of your neighbors by HAVING A GOOD TIME!  So again, I have to ask, WHO ARE THESE FUCKING PEOPLE and why do the even exist?  I am so sick and tired of fakes, frauds and losers who put their own misery on to others or go to places that they don't belong!  They are so unhappy that they have to ruin the good time for every one else!  The really funny part is that not one of us ever even thought that we were loud at all!  We were not revving bikes up or doing burnouts and we didn't even have any music going...... and they called the cops....  Can you picture  that 911 call and imagine the description that they gave.  911 what's your emergency?  Yes, we are at a motorcycle event and we need your help.  Has someone been injured or shot?  Well no, but the large group of bikers in the tents across the dirt road from us in the woods are being loud.  Is this a prank call?  No, really, we need you to send some officers to quiet them down.  Okay ma'am, we are sending two cars out.  How do we find you?  We are in the red tent next to where the guys found the rattle snake earlier, under the big pine tree, you can't miss me, I'LL BE THE MISERABLE RAT BITCH STANDING IN THE ROAD COMPLAINING.  Who knows, by the time you arrive I may have a boot in my ass!

There are very few people in this world that I can't stand but it is people like this that make me sick!  Obviously they don't belong.  I truly believe, TO EACH HIS OWN and I have no problem with what people do or where they want to hang out but don't be a fake a fraud or a liar, I have zero tolerance for that.  Just be who and what you are and people will eventually either take to you or send you packing but at least you were honest!

Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass ---- and out of your campsite!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

5 comments:

  1. Yup...some folks have all the luck Jack. All the luck.

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  2. Like the time the nuns turned up at the hookers convention!!!!! UNFUCKINBELIEVABLE!!!!

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  3. I was at this event and never saw the cops. I was too busy in the woods calming down an elk complaining about the noise. Some people and animals are just stupid.

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  4. LOL! Someone should have dowsed their campsite with earplugs :)

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  5. Sorry you had to meet my ex like that....she has every cop in the south west on speed dail trust me I know

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