SIGNS, SIGNS, EVERYWHERE THERE'S SIGNS

On Sunday after the B A D Ride I took my first ride on down to Cook's Corner.  I had heard so much about this place over the years and I have never been there.  I had also heard so much about the famous Rock Store.  Back in January I had gone there while trying to score a television show with Bean're from the BBC.  As I turned through the twisties we rode right past the damn place.  To say that it was far LESS than I expected would be an understatement!  I pretty much had the same picture in my mind of what Cook's would be like.  Again, as I rolled through the canyon's twisties and came upon the bar, it was once again not what I expected.  HOLY SHIT!  To say it was FAR MORE than I expected would be an understatement!  The place was jam packed, there were bikes everywhere.  They were in front of the bar, on the side of the bar, across the street from the bar, parked on the roadway's shoulder and for about 500 feet along the road next to the bar and they were at least two deep.  Now this is what a biker bar should be.  I was told by a local that it was actually "a slow day" at Cook's.

I honestly could not get over the sheer size of the place!  Even though it was jam packed, I had not one bit of trouble getting a drink, my first of the day and let me tell you, it was one hell of a Jack and Coke.  I should really say it was one hell of a Jack with a splash of Coke!  I was feeling a bit wiped out from lack of sleep and riding so hard so I sucked back a Red Bull at the same time.  I walked around outside and realized I didn't know a single soul there.  As I walked I heard someone say Jack Shit so I turned around.  It was not that they recognized me, it was because I was wearing an I Know Jack Shit shirt!  That is the one major benefit to always having a hundred of them on hand, you always have a clean one!  So being the social butterfly that I am, I began to talk to these fine folks and they were truly "nice" people.  Things were going far too well for me, you guys know the luck that I have.  I've always said, if it were not for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.  that is just about the moment that I reached up to scratch my head and realized that my sunglasses were gone!  So much for good luck!  These were my only sun glasses and they are gone.  I excused myself from the conversation and began to back track.  Sure as shit, exactly where I was standing when I ordered my drink, under a bar stool that was just about to be put down on top of them, I found them!  Maybe I do have a small amount of luck after all?  The thing that was cool in my mind about this joint was the mixture.  You had your weekend warriors but you had your chopper jockeys as well.  There was such a mix of people that you would not nor could not imagine being in the same place without someone getting knocked out.  You had your endocrinologist and your 1%er standing damn near side by side.  The parking lot had 80 thousand dollar bikes parked next to rat bikes and in the mix you had your bone stock pans and knucks with an occasional flattie or BSA in the mix. 

The sun was getting the best of me and I had yet to eat.  The line to get my complimentary BBQ lunch at the BAD Ride never seemed to end so I refused to stand on it!  I went in and put my order in for what I was told was an infamously great cheeseburger and I sat to wait.  That is when my buddies Bart Mitchell and Richard from Biker Events Magazine Online showed up!  It was great to see them both, I never felt so alone in such a large group of people before.  I gobbled down my burger and fries and they were right, that shit was fantastic!  It was good to be out of the sun for a while.  I guess when you have one of the only booths and your two friends have big expensive cameras, people will come over to you!  For example this fine young lady came over to tell us about your company, I think it was Assgirl.com or something like that.  Well it seems that my friend Bart is like some sort of super detective and always gets to the BOTTOM of everything.  Well in this case he really got to the BOTTOM of what this girl was all about.  Well it would be easier to show you than tell you, so here you go.  What do you think she is trying to say?  Like the title of this blog states, signs, signs, everywhere there's signs;

IS THAT A BIG ASS CRAB STICKING OUT OF THE TOP OF HER PANTIES?  I'll have to ask Bart!

I could not stop laughing at how fast he got to the BOTTOM of this so I said good bye and went outside.  I was feeling full from eating and tired from the sun and the long day so I spotted me a sweet looking hay bail and thought "now that looks comfy".  I can go over there and just chill out!  It was off in a quiet corner of the property and I could not believe that nobody was sitting on it.  I felt as if I had discovered gold or something.  I kept thinking as I approached that some big ass sum bitch was going to cut right in front of me and sit down but it didn't happen.  There were people all standing 20 feet away yet no one took the hay bail?  So I sat down, made myself at home and began to relax.  I am notorious for taking "self portraits" so that is just what I did.  I wanted to document my "discovery" and my continuing streak of luck!  Once I take a pic, I always take a quick peek at it to see how it came out and to see if I need to re shoot it.  I took the photo and noticed that there was a prominently displayed sign behind me.  How did I miss this en route to my "happy place"?  Unfortunately, I accidentally erased the photo and did not take another, once I actually saw what the sign said. 

Well with my luck, I would fall asleep in this "happy place" and would awake being swept away by fast moving waters, while rattlesnakes bit me and poisonous plants grew around my legs and scorpions and tarantulas made their summer home in my asshole!  This was not going to happen to me, so I got up, counted my blessings and moved quickly away from the area!  No fucking wonder there was no one sitting on this damn hay bail from hell.  I could see the news paper, front page, FAMOUSLY STUPID AND KNOWN FOR HIS HORRIBLE LUCK, JACK SHIT WAS EATEN TODAY BY MOUNTAIN LION WHILE TAKING NAP! 

SIGNS, SIGNS, EVERYWHERE THERE'S SIGNS....... I guess it would help if I just took a moment to read the damn things!  All in all, it was a great day, kick ass ride with a good friend and I can now say that I have been to Cook's Corner.  I can't wait to go back and read the next sign proudly displayed on some one's ass!  Here is the last shot of the day that my buddy Richard captured of me right before we pulled out!  I look pretty happy don't I?  Well I should, look what I had just survived!

That's Bart in the back there getting his shit together.  That is the bike he was kind enough to loan me in Laughlin!  He's a hell of a nice guy, so if you see him at an event remember, if you have something written on your panties, he will find out!

Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit