It's been a good ride so far!
Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Bikers get all the chicks, here is the proof!
For all of you ladies who think your man is screwing around while he is out on the road on his bike because he can't talk long or has trouble with his phone or doesn't want to sound like a pansy on the phone in front of all the boys, I made this video for you. I was traveling on the Long Road last year from New Mexico to Rockingham, North Carolina and it was an amazing trip with some exceptional people! There were a few things that I would change if I had the ability to. For example; being pulled over at well over 110mph in Texas by the Gray Co. Sheriff. Not a Sheriffs officer, but the ACTUAL GRAY COUNTY SHERIFF! He was not amused as I nearly hit him from behind in his beautiful new Cadillac Escalade. I guess it pays to be the Sheriff! Needless to say, our senses of humor were not even remotely compatible. All I can say is thank God it was Fathers Day or things would have been much different. The other thing I would have changed was the weather. Not for even a moment on the road was it less than 100 degrees with 100% humidity. Not only did that raise holy hell on the body but on electronics, for example my droid phone and the bikes. We ran them as hard as we could for as long as we could and at the end of each 350-400 mile day, they needed a bit of love. Each night I was only able to speak to the lil woman briefly if at all with my own phone. Humidity and vibration are not the best combination for those shitty ass phones! Luckily for me, I was surrounded much like I am today by amazing people. Someone always offered me a phone to call home and check on my girl. There were two shot nights that I missed while being on that trip and I was worried. One night while in Arkansas at the campground that hosts the largest nude camp out and games in the USA or so I was told (Roadside Marty is the only one I saw naked for the record) and what kind of games do you think they played. I know some of my readers know the answers to that, so understand, it was a hypothetical question. It was so damn hot that there was no way possible to sleep so I just wandered around. I could hear a lot of noise, yelling and screaming coming from the men's bathroom and showers. Now normally I would go on over to see what was going on but remember, we were in Arkansas, I HAD A TERRIBLE FEELING I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON!!!! Insert song from Deliverance right now in your head, I'll wait till you cue it up! Okay, ready, press play in your head now. I knew I had to check it out and like the Blair Witch Project, I wanted some type of record left for the people who found my freshly raped body so I grabbed my camera and my Freshly Chromed Ball Pean Hammer (thanks brother F Bomb) and I walked slowly in to the men's shower. The closer I got the louder the sounds got! For it being 100/100 I suddenly found myself having the Chills! I knuckled up any way and walked on in! Thank God all the thoughts in my head were wrong. Men were not raping men but instead stripping down and raping a Triumph. For the record she was quite sexy and she was asking for it! It only took a few moments of being in the probably 112 degree bath room to realize just how wrong all the stereotypes are. How wrong you women can be when you think your men are out whoring around at night on these bike runs. So I turned on my camera and I captured this very footage below just as proof to show the lil woman exactly what goes on at these "wild, crazy and insane" bike runs. I only hope that as you watch this, you are not too shocked or disappointed. I guess if we wanted to pick up chicks, we would ride new bikes that don't need to be worked on and I would probably install some of them FINE NEON LIGHTS under my gas tank, just so I could set the mood around the campsite! So ladies, next time your man says his phone has a bad connection, it probably has a bad connection. The next time your man says "nothing, I'm doing nothing, just hangin out working on bikes", he is more than likely up to nothing and is hangin with his boys working on bikes! Here is the proof in the pudding of what happens to us old bastards with old bikes. NOTICE ALL THE CHICKS WE GET? Any way, I had been poking around some old pics and came across this video. A friend, Pat Payne had reminded me of it the other night. I believe he said something like, MY HOSTING BIKE EVENTS HAS COME ALONG WAY SINCE HE SAW ME PERFORM FIRST IN THE MEN'S ROOM! I may be paraphrasing there but it's close. Have a great night all. Till we see each other on the road, Keep the wind in your face, Tits in your back and The Man off your ass! Your friend, Jack Shit