I blame it on the WEED!

This blog has been changed from its original posting.  A photo was added as well as an additional paragraph in red.  Thanks!

Hey everyone! I trust all is well for you fine folks that take the time from your lives to share in what is going on in mine.  I've been busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!  I was going to say busier than a One Legged Blonde (my friend Cat) but she is by far much more busy than I, so it really would not have worked there!  I don't know where the time goes and wish that I could grab some of it back and change history, but sadly, I can't, none of us can.  I've gotten all of your messages asking where the hell I was and if Diane and I were okay and just to let you know, we are well and I thank you for them.  It truly does humble me that we have grown in to part of your lives.  Again, thank you.  There were several reasons behind my most recent hiatus from the world wide web and my most recent disappearing act.  The biggest obstacle that I ran in to was that I let my property go to hell!  Those of you who have followed me or this blog for any length of time know that I love to garden and landscape.  It helps take me away from drama or trouble and I clear the cob webs from my mind.  Well I guess the cob webs really got thick because for the longest time, I ignored the property all together.  Whenever I would go outside or see it through the window, I would say to myself, "you better get right on that tomorrow"!  The next day would come and I would have done nothing and this went on for some time!  Finally, I had no choice but to get at it.  The front of my home began to look like a foreclosure and the weeds in the back yard had managed to become chest high!  I've been at them now for a few hours a day for the last 8 or 9 days, maybe even longer, I can't even remember now.

I've also been getting ready, working on Daytona Bike Week and I've been blessed once again to be part of the team over at Jay Allen's, World Famous, Broken Spoke Saloon and I am pumped about it!  It's been far too long since I've seen a great many of you and I think that is what I look forward to most with each of these rallies that I am lucky enough to be part of.  For those of you who are heading to Daytona Bike Week, I can't wait to see you, so make sure you stop on in at the Spoke to say hello.  We've got a Shit Ton planned for you and yes, a Shit Ton, is an actual measurement!  Here is a quick run down of what we have going on, there is so much more and with each day that gets closer to rally time, I will keep you posted and up to date, so then, I'll see you at the Spoke!

Not only do we have great live music and performances, bike shows and builders, actually building live on property as well as hosting a ride to benefit the Wounded Warriors,  but we have something really special planned for you all.  The Spoke will be hosting the one and only, Miss G String International Contest.  This as I understand is something that you don't want to miss and it is going to be an amazing night!

As I was getting my shit together and getting my fat ass ready and in to rally mode, I got a phone call from the one and only Chris Callen of Cycle Source Magazine and was given an amazing opportunity.  I was tasked with writing the "story of" the mag for the 15th anniversary issue!  This was not only to me a great honor but the biggest piece I've ever written in my life.  The real kicker was that this opportunity had been given to me on Wednesday or Thursday, looking back I can't even recall now and the story had to be written, proofed and to ready to be laid out for print by Monday!  The story of writing the story, took on its own life and became its own story.  Watch for that in and of itself on the Cycle Source Magazine's World Report!  I worked until 4 or 5 am each and every day on that story and I believe it is one of my favorite tales I've ever told.  I'm really proud of it!  That issue, the very special 15th anniversary, the biggest issue ever put out by The Source has just now hit the news stands so go on out and grab one while you can!  I look forward to hearing your feedback on it!  That right there ate up days upon days of my life.

 I found out after I posted this original blog last night that the Mag is at its last stop before making it to the news stands.  Those of you who have subscriptions already have their hot little hands on it, for those of you who don't, why not subscribe and you won't have to worry about waiting for it!  Just a thought?

Right after I return from Florida and the Daytona Rally, I catch a few days to rest up and repeat the entire scenario all over again at a different venue!  As you guys know, my home at AZ Bike Week is the one and only Dirty Dogg Saloon up in Scottsdale and I'm honored that they have chosen to have me back!  Thanks to all at the Dogg who never hesitate to make me feel like I am part of the Dogg Family!  When I finally did break "radio silence" and turn my damn computer back on, one of the very first things I saw was this ad for AZ Bike Week and I laughed my ass off!  Each time I see this, I just can't help but smile!

We've had a dear friend in town from Milwaukee to close on what can only be described as "A DREAM HOME" and that was in Diane's exact words, "the hardest deal I've ever been involved in"!  It seems that no matter how well you are positioned, how great your credit or how much you are putting down, banks these days will do anything that they can to NOT GIVE LOANS!  Diane has been in Real Estate now for 15 years which means that I too have been in Real Estate for 15 years by association and I have never seen anything like this!  Too bad for the bank, every hoop that we were asked to jump through, whether they be on fire or tiny lil hoops, we jumped through them!  The deal on this home so amazing, you would almost begin to think that they hoped it would fall through so that someone on that end could grab it up for themselves!  No matter what though, in the end, the home closed, our friend's trip was not a waste and every single day that she has been here, we've all worked our asses off to make happen and know that when she leaves, everything will be either done or ready to be done and the next time they fly in, they will have a spectacular, finished home to chill out in!  At 11pm last night, I stood on the roof top patio of this home and witnessed the most incredible city light views I've ever seen!  We are so happy for them!  I wish you all many happy years and glorious memories in this home!

So the T' Shirt order has been placed and will be in hand by Wednesday for both rallies.  If you have shirts ordered that were not in stock, they will ship before I leave for Florida.  The last two weeks or so have been a non stop run of hard work and persistence and it is all beginning to pay off.  The house looks a lot less like a foreclosure, we can have guests back again without being afraid that they would be bitten by a snake in the back yard, we've done a few good deeds, spent some time with friends old and new, took one afternoon off and rode the hell out of the bike, got an incredible review of the story that I wrote by the very person that I wrote it for and now I get to do what I love more than anything in the world and that is to entertain people and bring some Smiles Across The Miles!  I know a whole bunch of you have sent messages and I am slowly but surely working my way through them.  As I said in a face book post yesterday, if you sent me something of importance or that is time sensitive, please send it again.  I'll try to get them all opened and answered before I leave for Florida.  So now if you still have questions as to why and where I disappeared to for a week, I BLAME IT ON THE WEEDS!

Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

I guess the rule of 3X's is true!

You guys know how it goes right?  You ask a girl how many men she has slept with and she says "uhm I think maybe 8"?  Well right there you know for sure that it is at least 24!  The rule of three!  I learned this from one of the American Pie movies, so it has to be accurate and true!

Well I guessed I should have factored this in on renovating this last home.  We started this damn thing mid August and although it has come so far since we've gotten it, it is still no where near being done yet and it is making me NUTS!  My contractor explained how close we were just a few days ago to being finished!  I have to admit, I was pretty frickin excited.  Once we wrap up the construction, I hit it hard with landscape and walk backwards off the property as I pound the for sale sign in to the ground.  I've gotten a lot of messages from quite a few of you asking about progress of the house and have asked once again to see some updated pics.  So here you go.  I'll try to line em up, so you can see before and after shots.  Oh well, really before and STILL GOING ON shots, we haven't hit the AFTER part yet!

As you can see by the pics, the face of the house has changed drastically.  We got ride of the horrible rotting wood siding and blasted a hole in the front and put in a big double window.  We did stucco and and painted the face and did all the exterior trim in Chocolate Brown.  We pulled down that awful railing and had planned on replacing it with an oak rail, but decided not to put anything in its place.

We knocked the ever loving shit out of the existing kitchen.  We took out the pantry and and what I can only imagine was a split laundry room or I should say closet.  The water lines were there, but I could never figure out how you could put a washer or dryer in to it?  I guess that is why I found matching hot and cold water lines on the outside of the house on the other side of the wall.  We pulled up the god awful linoleum and ran 20" ceramic tile throughout the kitchen, hallway and great room.  The bathrooms were so nasty, I'm not sure I would shit in them if I was sick.  When we first looked at the house, I said the master bath reminded me of an Iraqi Truck Stop! 

We pulled out the shitter, the shower and the vanity.  We ran the same 20" tile on the bathroom floors and did 12" inch on the walls and ran glass tile through it!  I got to tell you, the glass tile, although expensive as hell, it really is worth it and shows that you took the time to go the extra mile on the renovation.  We just have to swap out the horrible mirrors and put the shower head and knobs back on.

The main bath was just as nasty.  I swore they were making bath tub crank in it.  Or it was one of the worst tub rings I've ever seen!  We did the same in this bath.  We ran the same flooring and tiled the the tub surround, replaced the vanity and shitter.

We still have to yank out the mirror in this bathroom as well.  Yes I know, it should have come off while doing the demo, don't ask me why it didn't.  Why are the tops of the toilet tanks off you ask?  Because there is no water turned on to the house.  So each time one of the guys has to shit, he gets a five gallon pail of water from the pool, pours it in the tank and flushes away!  We are nearly there with this room as well.  Same shit, different day or I should say same shit and still another fuckin day or week or month!  Hell we've crossed in to yet another SEASON!

For the most part, with the exception of touch up paint and such, the bedrooms are done.  Thank God something is close to being done.

That's the master bedroom and although it's not a huge master, it really came out pretty nice.  The 2nd and 3rd bedrooms came out just as well.

We wiped out the massive storage closet from the second family room and pulled the wood stove out.  We closed up one doorway and punched through another and now the room has a walk way in to the pantry / laundry room that we built, inside the house I may add.  We decided that the home will more than likely be purchased by a young family with kids, so we carpeted this huge room so that kids could play on the floor.

As you can see, the home has come a long, long way since we picked it up.  Like any job, it always takes longer than you expect, but this one is just killing me!  We are so very close to getting this one on the market that I can taste it.  So if you know anyone looking for a totally renovated 3 br home with every major part of it brand new!  Oh yeah and it has a built in pool with 180 degree mountain views!  If you know anyone, hit us up, this is a win win for everyone!  Next, I'll hit you with the landscape that gets done. 

So there you have it my friends, there is the latest update on the Phoenix property.  Thank you so much for your interest and your curiosity.  Someone asked me if it irritated me that they hit me up with real estate and renovation questions, of course I don't, not even in the least.

So until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit