The Finish Line Is In Sight!

Well howdy ho folks!  I know, I know... it's been a while since I've posted.  I've been busting my ass!  There's been quite a bit going on in the Shit family's life!  Of all the things I write about and all the crazy ass shit that I post, it makes me laugh that the renovation of the investment property has garnered so very much interest.  I guess so many of us have projects going on at home or investment homes or maybe some people just love to see something so ugly, beat down broke and used up, get a fresh start at a new life.  I can see how even though this is a home, it is inspiring to think that even when something "or someone" is at it's worst, there is a chance to once again get a new beginning. 

So here is where we are at with the Phoenix house.  The kitchen is done!  The bathrooms are done!  The flooring is done!  The paint is done! 

We built an island and covered everything in granite.  It was a bit more in the cost but as you can see the payoff is there.  The kitchen is really shaping up at this point.  We did some hunting and found appliances that came in a new home and were used 3 or 4 times and swapped for stainless.  We got a great deal on those bad boys so we jumped at it. 

The focus has moved to the outside and giving this sexy ol' girl a fresh makeover!  Since the home was foreclosed, the bank turned off all the utilities, water included and that killed off all the grass and plants.  So we were left with a green pool and weeds out the ass and nothing but dead plants.  Luckily, two of the palm trees have been there so long that they survived.  I was all ready to get to work on the back yard and we finally had the last of the garbage removed from the patio.  We had knocked down all the walls on the four season room.  We had planned on painting or staining the concrete but there had been so many additions and patches there was no way on earth to make it look even half way decent so we went with the next best option, COVER THAT SHIT UP!  A little outdoor fake grass on the patio and wallah! 

It's coming in to our "rainy season" here in the Valley of the Sun and with the rain comes the weeds.  The last thing that I wanted to do was landscape and stone the entire property only to have big clumps of grass and weeds pop up every where.  Once that happens, it is a giant pain in the ass to maintain and get rid of that shit.  I bit the bullet and for the first time ever, shot for the extra cashola and went and bought weed fabric!  You never realize how desperately out of shape you are until you spend two days bent over hammering metal staples in to rock hard AZ ground!  The backs of my thighs feel like I've been caned!  Who would have thought that it would hurt to try and sit down.... then worse to try and get off the damn couch!  My knee is so busted up and after having a whole bunch of surgery on it, kneeling was not an option, so, I had to choose the "new inmate" position to get the work done! 

225 metal staples later and the fabric is down!  I got the best "napalm" that I could buy to try and nuke the weeds that have grown through the patio and hit from two fronts.  I went full on at them with the weed whacker, the shovel and even a damn screw driver in some places.  I rebuilt the irrigation system in the front of the house and turned it from lawn sprinklers in to a low water usage drip system.  What a giant pain in the ass to dig in this ground, but I got it done.  For me, there is not even the start of the feeling like we are getting to the end or that victory is in sight until I get the first plants in the ground.  I would not leave that house today until I got at least one plant in!  I ended up getting five installed but what a massive pain in the scrotum!  The ground was so hard in one spot that it actually bent my pick axe!  How the hell do you bend a pick axe? 

I know right now you are thinking, "damn, Jack Shit has one hell of a nice wheel barrow"!  You would be right.  Notice the aluminum rim and the "flat free" tire I'm running?  Hell to the yeah!  So now tomorrow will bring a whole bunch of hole diggin, lots of planting and most assuredly, lots and lots of cactus stuck in my fingers but it is the price one must pay for greatness! 

I love taking old "crack houses" that nobody would ever want to live in and turning them in to beautiful homes where people can raise a family and make memories that will last a life time!  I'll keep you posted when I'm done, we are finally in the home stretch now!  Again, thank you so much for even being interested in this shit.

Remember, like I've said before, if you are looking for a house in AZ either to live in or as an investment, my girl Diane is hands down, the greatest realtor that I have ever seen.  Please, don't hesitate to ask any questions no matter how silly you think they may be.  Like I said, you are not being a pain in the ass, we love real estate and we love to help people!

Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

I guess the rule of 3X's is true!

You guys know how it goes right?  You ask a girl how many men she has slept with and she says "uhm I think maybe 8"?  Well right there you know for sure that it is at least 24!  The rule of three!  I learned this from one of the American Pie movies, so it has to be accurate and true!

Well I guessed I should have factored this in on renovating this last home.  We started this damn thing mid August and although it has come so far since we've gotten it, it is still no where near being done yet and it is making me NUTS!  My contractor explained how close we were just a few days ago to being finished!  I have to admit, I was pretty frickin excited.  Once we wrap up the construction, I hit it hard with landscape and walk backwards off the property as I pound the for sale sign in to the ground.  I've gotten a lot of messages from quite a few of you asking about progress of the house and have asked once again to see some updated pics.  So here you go.  I'll try to line em up, so you can see before and after shots.  Oh well, really before and STILL GOING ON shots, we haven't hit the AFTER part yet!

As you can see by the pics, the face of the house has changed drastically.  We got ride of the horrible rotting wood siding and blasted a hole in the front and put in a big double window.  We did stucco and and painted the face and did all the exterior trim in Chocolate Brown.  We pulled down that awful railing and had planned on replacing it with an oak rail, but decided not to put anything in its place.

We knocked the ever loving shit out of the existing kitchen.  We took out the pantry and and what I can only imagine was a split laundry room or I should say closet.  The water lines were there, but I could never figure out how you could put a washer or dryer in to it?  I guess that is why I found matching hot and cold water lines on the outside of the house on the other side of the wall.  We pulled up the god awful linoleum and ran 20" ceramic tile throughout the kitchen, hallway and great room.  The bathrooms were so nasty, I'm not sure I would shit in them if I was sick.  When we first looked at the house, I said the master bath reminded me of an Iraqi Truck Stop! 

We pulled out the shitter, the shower and the vanity.  We ran the same 20" tile on the bathroom floors and did 12" inch on the walls and ran glass tile through it!  I got to tell you, the glass tile, although expensive as hell, it really is worth it and shows that you took the time to go the extra mile on the renovation.  We just have to swap out the horrible mirrors and put the shower head and knobs back on.

The main bath was just as nasty.  I swore they were making bath tub crank in it.  Or it was one of the worst tub rings I've ever seen!  We did the same in this bath.  We ran the same flooring and tiled the the tub surround, replaced the vanity and shitter.

We still have to yank out the mirror in this bathroom as well.  Yes I know, it should have come off while doing the demo, don't ask me why it didn't.  Why are the tops of the toilet tanks off you ask?  Because there is no water turned on to the house.  So each time one of the guys has to shit, he gets a five gallon pail of water from the pool, pours it in the tank and flushes away!  We are nearly there with this room as well.  Same shit, different day or I should say same shit and still another fuckin day or week or month!  Hell we've crossed in to yet another SEASON!

For the most part, with the exception of touch up paint and such, the bedrooms are done.  Thank God something is close to being done.

That's the master bedroom and although it's not a huge master, it really came out pretty nice.  The 2nd and 3rd bedrooms came out just as well.

We wiped out the massive storage closet from the second family room and pulled the wood stove out.  We closed up one doorway and punched through another and now the room has a walk way in to the pantry / laundry room that we built, inside the house I may add.  We decided that the home will more than likely be purchased by a young family with kids, so we carpeted this huge room so that kids could play on the floor.

As you can see, the home has come a long, long way since we picked it up.  Like any job, it always takes longer than you expect, but this one is just killing me!  We are so very close to getting this one on the market that I can taste it.  So if you know anyone looking for a totally renovated 3 br home with every major part of it brand new!  Oh yeah and it has a built in pool with 180 degree mountain views!  If you know anyone, hit us up, this is a win win for everyone!  Next, I'll hit you with the landscape that gets done. 

So there you have it my friends, there is the latest update on the Phoenix property.  Thank you so much for your interest and your curiosity.  Someone asked me if it irritated me that they hit me up with real estate and renovation questions, of course I don't, not even in the least.

So until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit