Missing In Action

Well not completely in action, sometimes missing in complete in-action.  Sometimes in life, we need to take a step back, re-evaluate the path we're on, set new goals to strive for, take stock in the people that you are surrounding yourself with and then strike while the iron is hot.  Then, sometimes in life, a great day is one where ya get up in the morning, wander around your backyard aimlessly in your robe or underwear (usually I do this wearing nothing but Bean're won't stop staring at me), smoke a few cigs, take a marvelous dump and then sit on the couch and watch reruns of Saved by the Bell until it's time to go to sleep again and repeat the following day.  For some crazy ass reason, winter always gets me down.  Now not down low enough to shed a tear or enough for me to stop laughing at the people who keep tripping and falling over the broken sidewalk in front of my house, but still down none the less.  Back in the day, I thought that it was because of the short hours of daylight that comes with winter or the inability to just hop on the bike and take off because the road was covered with black ice.  I don't know, maybe it is the annual 20lbs I gain during the winter because I inherently grow incredibly lazy during this time of year.  One way or another something had to give!

For a person like myself who's sole purpose in life is to bring laughter and smiles to everyone around me, feeling like total shit truly sucks the life out of me.  No matter how I feel, since I was a kid, I hide it inside and work harder to bring those smiles because when I get them I feel just a tiny bit better, Tears of a clown I guess you could say.  Don't get me wrong here, I am not sitting here practicing noose tying I just got those winter blues.  In years past I was able to kick those blues with a trip someplace warm and tropical or head on down to Daytona for bike week, get in some riding and some sun and it carried me through the back end of the winter.  Now here is the problem, yes it's winter but now I live in paradise, it's damn near always somewhat warm, the sun is nearly always out and there is virtually never a reason that you can't just hop on the bike and go for a ride.  So what's my problem you ask?  I'LL BE DAMNED IF I KNOW?  I have more or less been damn near a zombie to live with and I have absolutely no interest in a God Damned thing and I mean nothing.  Even for myself, having survived a lifetime of madness, traumas and injuries and almost always looking at life with the glass half full this was becoming too much to handle, I didn't even want to hang out with me.  I NEEDED A CHANGE AND I NEEDED IT FAST.......  but what do you change when nearly everything in your life is good and should bring you nothing but joy?  I wasn't sure, but I sure needed to find it and find it before I snapped and end up living in a refrigerator box talking to my only friend, ME and lately, I'm not that sure we are such good friends!

I turned off the computer, stopped answering emails and answered important calls only.  We had some family come out and stay with us for a week or so and I got up, still took that morning dump, got dressed and I left the house.  Like I said, I live in paradise and it had been far too long since I enjoyed some of it.  I was off to find my smile again, the one I have learned not to take for granted any longer.  First stop, get out into the desert and remind of myself why I fell in love with it in the first place.  I took off and headed east in the truck with my brother, my possible nephew in law to be and  a cooler full of water and rockstars.  This is what I found on day one;

The relief that I felt at the end of the day was in-fact measurable.  There was definitely a feeling of less pressure in my temples and my neck didn't hurt as bad, perhaps I was onto something here?  The following day, most of the family set out to go of all places, FUCKING SHOPPING, this I know will not make me happy, it will for sure make me quite unhappy.  I decided that I needed some more nature and some more sunshine.  I loaded up the truck this time with my niece and her boyfriend and we headed out into the desert in another direction, this time I wanted to see some water and some snow covered mountains.  Well thanks to Global Warming here in Az., I didn't have to go but 30 minutes away to see either, here is some of day two;

Yeup!  It was working for sure, a little bit at a time.  What I began to realize was not that it was the beauty that I was seeing that made me feel better but it was the incredible smiles that these excursions were bringing to my family.  There was no way to gauge the awe that I could see in their eyes or how blown away they had been because they had never seen anything like this in person, much less been taken right up to it face to face.  All that I know was that I was once again feeling joy by bringing joy to others and that's what it is supposed to be about right?  I was beginning to get a real taste for this being happy again shit and I was going to make the most of it.  I have so far gone in two of the four points on the compass, on the next day out, I was going to hit the third, here's a taste of it;

So we hit some lakes, visited a ghost town, saw some snow covered mountains, watched a few mind blowing sunsets from atop a mountain and brought a long separated family back together, I was starting to feel pretty good.  But for all the sunshine, a bit of rain must fall and it did.  Now not enough to knock me back in my progress to find my smile but there were a few little things that just made me want to bang my head against the wall.  Here is an example; we are in Scottsdale, the weather is gorgeous and we hear about this place called Sprinkles and they sell cupcakes and that's all!  Who doesn't love a cupcake, I mean hello?  Well there are 6 of us, so we order 12 cupcakes, this way everyone can have 2!  What a great plan!  A good cupcake can bring a smile to even the meanest son of a bitch's face right?  That is until the woman from hell behind the counter says how would you like to pay for that?  Well, debit I guess, it's easier that way.  She rings it up and I enter my code and then I look at my receipt....... DUMBFOUNDED is the only way I guess to describe how I must have looked.  Excuse me ma'am, there must be some sort of mistake here, DID I BREAK A WINDOW OR SOMETHING?  It seems that my receipt here says $43.66, did I buy cupcakes for the state?  She looked at me like I was shit stuck on her shoe.....  yes, the bill was correct, that is how much a dozen cupcakes cost!  I wasn't going to let this piss me off, it was just that I felt raped!  Well I know how to make everyone smile!  I have always wanted to go to the PHX Zoo, it's rated in the top 5 so let's go.  I check the website to see the hours of operation.  It states open till 5 pm and it takes 2-2.5 hours to tour the zoo, perfect timing!  We drive to the zoo, find a place to park, gather all of the shit that we can't bring into the zoo and it was a long list, lock it up in the back of the truck and gather the pack and head to the gate.  Wow, great news, it is the very last night of ZOO LIGHTS, the award winning holiday display!  We get up to the window, say 6 people please for the zoo and the lights.....  The lady behind the bullet proof glass says, that will be $181.44 please and the zoo will be closing in one hour.  I'm sorry, I thought you said $180?  Yes, that's what I said thank you...... now I am not a cheap bastard by any means at all.... but we are now at around $230 for 12 cupcakes and an hour at the zoo.... I can feel Mr. Unhappy about to rear his ugly ass head!  I swallowed it down because I didn't want to ruin any one's day!  Needless to say though, we didn't go to the zoo.

The following morning we awoke to the news of the shootings down in Tucson and we watched live on tv as the carnage added up and horror unfolded.  If this incident or others like it don't make you realize that no matter what is happening in your life, no matter how "blue" you feel, no matter what your finances are, we must be eternally grateful that it is not one of my family or myself laying there on the ground fighting for our lives.  It all comes into perspective.  None of this matters at all.  Life is too short!  It doesn't matter what is going on.  It doesn't matter that someone you thought was your friend turns out to be a self serving, self absorbed piece of shit.  It doesn't matter that no matter what you do to help people the odds of it ever being repaid are often slim to none.... it doesn't matter that life can be full of disappointment, that the economy sucks, that people we love are fighting to hang onto their homes, all of this shit is minimal when you look at the big picture.....  Live your life for others.  Live it with gusto.  Love with all you can give and learn to expect nothing back so that when it does come back, you won't be expecting it and it will be twice as nice.  Get outside and let the sun shine warm upon your face, take in something that makes you smile and above all else live by four letters, L,L,H & R.... LOVE, LOYALTY, HONOR AND RESPECT!  What we put out into the world comes back on us, so put out good things and let the proverbial shit that falls from those pieces of shit that somehow slip past our best defenses and into our lives just slide right down your back.  Worry less and live more.  For the rest of this winter, I WILL NOW BE ONCE AGAIN, HAPPY JACK!  If I have to kill some sons o bitches to make it happen damn it!  Oh yeah, having a bad ass knucklehead helps a great deal too!

Don't worry, be happy....... don't piss in any one's Cheerios and don't take anything for granted!

Yes, I'm back bitches!  Just look how happy I look here in this pic..... okay it's a year old and it was springtime.