For a person like myself who's sole purpose in life is to bring laughter and smiles to everyone around me, feeling like total shit truly sucks the life out of me. No matter how I feel, since I was a kid, I hide it inside and work harder to bring those smiles because when I get them I feel just a tiny bit better, Tears of a clown I guess you could say. Don't get me wrong here, I am not sitting here practicing noose tying I just got those winter blues. In years past I was able to kick those blues with a trip someplace warm and tropical or head on down to Daytona for bike week, get in some riding and some sun and it carried me through the back end of the winter. Now here is the problem, yes it's winter but now I live in paradise, it's damn near always somewhat warm, the sun is nearly always out and there is virtually never a reason that you can't just hop on the bike and go for a ride. So what's my problem you ask? I'LL BE DAMNED IF I KNOW? I have more or less been damn near a zombie to live with and I have absolutely no interest in a God Damned thing and I mean nothing. Even for myself, having survived a lifetime of madness, traumas and injuries and almost always looking at life with the glass half full this was becoming too much to handle, I didn't even want to hang out with me. I NEEDED A CHANGE AND I NEEDED IT FAST....... but what do you change when nearly everything in your life is good and should bring you nothing but joy? I wasn't sure, but I sure needed to find it and find it before I snapped and end up living in a refrigerator box talking to my only friend, ME and lately, I'm not that sure we are such good friends!
I turned off the computer, stopped answering emails and answered important calls only. We had some family come out and stay with us for a week or so and I got up, still took that morning dump, got dressed and I left the house. Like I said, I live in paradise and it had been far too long since I enjoyed some of it. I was off to find my smile again, the one I have learned not to take for granted any longer. First stop, get out into the desert and remind of myself why I fell in love with it in the first place. I took off and headed east in the truck with my brother, my possible nephew in law to be and a cooler full of water and rockstars. This is what I found on day one;
The following morning we awoke to the news of the shootings down in Tucson and we watched live on tv as the carnage added up and horror unfolded. If this incident or others like it don't make you realize that no matter what is happening in your life, no matter how "blue" you feel, no matter what your finances are, we must be eternally grateful that it is not one of my family or myself laying there on the ground fighting for our lives. It all comes into perspective. None of this matters at all. Life is too short! It doesn't matter what is going on. It doesn't matter that someone you thought was your friend turns out to be a self serving, self absorbed piece of shit. It doesn't matter that no matter what you do to help people the odds of it ever being repaid are often slim to none.... it doesn't matter that life can be full of disappointment, that the economy sucks, that people we love are fighting to hang onto their homes, all of this shit is minimal when you look at the big picture..... Live your life for others. Live it with gusto. Love with all you can give and learn to expect nothing back so that when it does come back, you won't be expecting it and it will be twice as nice. Get outside and let the sun shine warm upon your face, take in something that makes you smile and above all else live by four letters, L,L,H & R.... LOVE, LOYALTY, HONOR AND RESPECT! What we put out into the world comes back on us, so put out good things and let the proverbial shit that falls from those pieces of shit that somehow slip past our best defenses and into our lives just slide right down your back. Worry less and live more. For the rest of this winter, I WILL NOW BE ONCE AGAIN, HAPPY JACK! If I have to kill some sons o bitches to make it happen damn it! Oh yeah, having a bad ass knucklehead helps a great deal too!