Are you ready for this?
Are you sure?
Okay, well then, here goes. Now don't hold this against me, this has nothing to do with hatred, dislike, cruelty or any other bad thing you can call me or accuse me of being, this is just something that I have witnessed over the years and began to mentally document these facts many years ago. I never told anyone this theory until about 2 years or so ago. Okay, don't hate me but here is my theory. I firmly believe that there is some hidden, unknown driving force, or unwritten law that when you have a child and that child is either mentally retarded or born with down syndrome, that child must be named Matt! I know this sounds crazy but stop and think about anyone with one of these conditions that you have met in your life? You are smirking right now thinking, wait, how can that be? But it's true right? Really, stop and think about it, I bet you that at the very least 8 out of 10 of that you have met, known or have been related to are named Matt, Matty or Matthew..... nearly without fail this theory of mine holds true.
It's almost like you have the baby and the doctor comes in and says folks, I've got some bad news, your child was born and there is a problem so here are the list of names you are allowed by law to name your son. Matt, Matty or Matthew, take a moment and the nurse will be in to fill in the blanks on the birth certificate! Okay, so you think I am a monster right now for pointing this out but facts are facts. Take some time and think about this theory and the more you think about it, the more you will see it, clearer and clearer. For the rest of your life, every single time you see a 10 year old boy, pick up his father and throw him across the aisle in the toys r us like a rag doll and the mother yells at him, "Matthew, stop it"! "Now go and pick your father up off the floor and say you are sorry", you will forever think of me. Just to add more credence to my theory, while on the BMR we stopped at Wheels Through Time Museum and I had to throw away my empty Red Bull can, so I walked over to the picnic table area where I saw a group of people gathered. I asked if there was a garbage bag or can around and they said "sure, it's right over there by Matt". "Matty, raise your hand so this nice man knows where you are". I turned and all that I could think of was "of course"! Here is a photo of me and my new friend Matty!
Okay, let the hate mail flow but after, keep an open mind and a note pad and start tracking this theory on your own. You will see that your friend Jack Shit is really on to something here!
Until we see each other on the road,
Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!
Jack Shit and my three cousins Matt, Matthew and Matty