It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I can't remember having a little bit of fun HURTING SO BAD!

I was fired up about hosting the Dirty Dogg Saloon and found myself having trouble getting to sleep.  No matter what gig it is that I am about to perform at, my insides shake, my nerves get frazzled and my head races.  What if this is the time that I bomb!  They say that you are not truly a performer until you bomb, well I guess that I am not truly a performer as it has yet to happen.  I am waiting for the executioners axe to fall, will it be this time?  It doesn't matter if I am performing a wedding ceremony for a couple in love, a funeral service for a ffamily in pain, Stand Up comedy for a packed house of drunken maniacs or hosting the greatest bar in the land at the largest motorcycle rally on earth, right up to the split second that my mic gets turned on and I shout "What's Up Mother Fuckers", does the pressure ease.  I channel all those nerves, all that fear and anxiety and it just explodes out of me.  Once I start, I can't be stopped!  It's addictive and I am hooked!  As it turns out, the night before Bike Week was about to begin, I had moved a bike or two and a shit ton of furniture to get the house ready for our "IRON DOLLS" to visit and play sleep over.  I must have done something stupid because about 5 am, I was awoken with pain that I haven't felt in years.  How does one go to bed fine and wake up 3 hours later and not be able to walk?  I don't know either, but sure as shit, IT DID.   I have learned one simple rule in life, if something bad is going to happen, IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME!  I wrapped it in a brace and headed off to Knockout.
We kicked off Bike Week early with a party over at Knockout Motorcycles in Mesa.  We hung out in their new shop, had a few drinks, checked out the bikes and took the tour.  Not only do they have a show room, a build and service shop but they also have a full Studio attached to the building for photo and video shoots.  Now with that you would think that this area would be kept spotless clean and there would be nothing in there.  Well that is far from accurate.  Parked in the middle of the photo studio is the newest Knockout project.  Sure, you would think obviously a new bike build right?  WRONG!  These maniacs purchased an armoured truck that had been literally shot to shit!  They are turning it into a limo to go and party in.  Imagine the cop that pulls this thing over and asks "can I search your vehicle" and the response is simply, "if you think you can get in, you can".  We took off from Knockout on a group ride up to the Dogg and it was a mad dash up the 101 in Snottsdale and it was tight, fast, mean and well organized.  Right up until we were going to pass the exit ramp and 40 of us had to get over 5 lanes of high speed bumper to bumper traffic..... then we looked sort of like the balls inside of a bingo machine!  We all made it!  From that point on, we partied like rock stars.  Sunday we followed it up with the Born2BWild Wildlife run and that was fantastic.  I wrote about that two posts back so go check it out when you get a chance.

Monday came and the locals had gone off to work and the pace of the bar slowed down greatly and I began to freak out!  I am standing in a bar that compared to the previous day now looks desolate.  Holy Shit, does the boss think they we are not pulling our weight?  Will he think that he screwed up hiring us?  How can it be this slow?  As it turns out, AZ Bike Week really don't begin until Wednesday and the boss knew damn well already that this was the case, I however did not and was freaking out.  Each night came and the bar got busy but not blockbuster.  That's when Brother Bean're decided that the World Shuffle Board Championship would begin!

...... and holy shit did he take this serious!  Bean're managed to crush the competition all night long.  I had no idea this was all going on until I was told about his facebook posts claiming to be the Champion of the World and daring any and all to come down and take him on!  The next day he was walking around like a proud rooster.  That is until he asked me to play!  I had not played this game in nearly 8 years but figured sure, what the hell, I'll try it.  Needless to say, it was a blow out, I beat his ass like a red headed step child!  I walked outside to smoke a victory cigarette and all the bouncers asked what happened, I informed them of my victory and they made me post up on my facebook status the same information!  This is when I learned of Bean's posts about being world champ!  I did not play again, I retired a champion!  The following day was Tattoo Tuesday and although it seemed a bit slow in the afternoon, 30 bikes would pull in and the same would pull out.  I have never seen a bar work like a toilet.  It was full, then flushed, emptied and immediately filled back up with fresh water or in this case, bikers!  That next day, before the madness ensued, we played a little Texas Holdem Poker, another game I have never played.  It was funny and strange all at the same time. 

I had started Tuesday off with a surprise visit at my house from none other than Kevin "Teach" Baas and his lovely wife Amy, along with a few other friends.  What a way to start the day.  When it came time to go, we left early and we all rode over together to TT's Roadhouse to see Skoog and help him kick off bike week there.  I was only able to hang out for 45 minutes before having to ride out to work but it was good to see friends.

I boogied out of TT's as fast as I could and my new friend Mike took the ride with me up to the Dogg, I didn't want to be late!  As I pulled in to the lot and rolled up to park right in front of the door, I was blown away.  I took one quick look and saw, Bean're, Long Jon, Pinky Pancake, Menace, KP Keith, the whole crew from New Mexico and countless others.  I was blown away!  I can't believe all these guys came out to hang out with me at work!  THEY DIDN'T!  They were just waiting for me to show up so that Bean're could leave and they all rode down to TT's party..... sons o bitches! I walked in the door thinking, "you bastards" and feeling ever so lonely, I was greeted by a few other friends and my pain was eased!  I hung for a bit and just thought, man I sure hope it gets a bit busier tonight!  Well be careful what you wish for!  I'm not sure exactly when it happened but all of my friends who rode away were back and they brought more folks with them and the place turned in to a zoo!

We had the band come off stage, the party continued on and we got ready for the Tattoo contest.  When I asked what the prizes were the boss said, I'm not sure, we have plaques and some cash.  Some cash I thought?  Oh boy.... congrats on your win, here is 6 bucks and a plaque!  I have never been more wrong!  We broke the contest in to two parts, men's and ladies so not to drag the party to a hault.  First up was men's and my boy Teach took 3rd place, got the plaque and the cash.  As it turns out, the bar put out $1200 in cash for this contest, wow, I was blown away!
The quality of the ink was pretty spectacular!  It was a good time.  I had never hosted a tattoo contest with so many great competitors and such great prizes, the competition was fierce!  The night went on, we brought up the ladies and the contest continued on.

 The night went on and on and on!  My fear of having an empty bar was never felt again!  My only fear in that bar from that point on was "if I have to go to the bathroom, how will I ever make it through the crowd"?
The following day, AZ Bike Week officially kicked off and the locals would show up after work but all the folks from out of town were coming in in droves.   By the next day, Biker Betsy, Masyn and Qian along with their tv crew in tow had made it to my house to party and ride with us.  Mike Lichter had come in to town, rented a car and drove straight on up to the Dirty Dogg to hang out and shoot some pics, ride some scoots and shake some hands.  On a side note, he has got to be one of the classiest guys I have ever met.  If there is anyone in the BIKE WORLD who deserves an ego, or to have an attitude, it's him and he is the furthest thing possible from it!  That day was Wednesday and that night was WILD AND WET WEDNESDAY at the one and only Dirty Dogg Saloon and my God to I have some shit to share with you about that.  I have just decided that the wet t contest deserves it's very own blog post, so I will share that one with you the very next chance I get to sit down and put my thoughts to words.  After that, I will tell you how I ruptured the disc in my back while hosting a bike event..... and people think it is easy doing what I do..... IT'S NOT!  So whatever you do, don't even try it...... okay, it's not so bad and I really just don't want the competition!  See you again tomorrow when I get at this again. 

Until we see each other on the road;

Keep the wind in your face
Tits in your back
and the Man off your Ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

1 comment:

  1. you are so awesome Jack !! I love you like a fat kid loves cake !! keep up the good work you rock !!!

    love Freebird :)
    la habra, ca