It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

What the hell did I ever do to deserve this?

I love this photo!  This was taken quite a few years ago now but still makes me smile when I see it.  It's weird to be known as the weenie King and Queen....  It takes some time to get use to people pointing to your wife and saying "hey, that's the Weenie Queen"!  Even though we have not competed in any bike rodeo events in a long time now, SHE WILL FOREVER BE, My Weenie Queen!  Only one time ever, 4weeks  after I had major reconstructive surgery on my left wrist, the wrist that now 11 years later I still wear a wrist brace on daily, did we not WIN FIRST PLACE in the Weenie Bite!  Because of my injury and the fact that I was in a hard cast, sadly, we came in SECOND PLACE!  It was mortifying and I apologized to Diane profusely for letting her down.  She laughed at me and called me a retart.  She said with one arm, we came in second", I said "no, with one arm we came in first loser"!  I gave her my word and said we will never lose again, and we never did!  These days, there are few things that I look back on in that decade of RUNNIN AND GUNNIN that brings me much in the way of warm memories or joy but photos like these, when they pop up certainly do!

We would attend events and they would begin the bike rodeo games and the group holding the event would ask us to hang back a bit till people lined up for the games.  Really?  Why?  Because as soon as you guys pull up, half the people pull away.  So we would wait before going to get our bike, then we would ride up late, just as they had asked and you know what?  They still pulled away anyway!  I think what I love most about this and so many of the photos that we have like this and believe me we have them, hell, we have them poster size, are the looks on the faces of the people in the crowd when Diane would "BITE THAT WEENIE".  I would tell you the secret of how to win this event, but even though we are currently "in retirement", she still says maybe one day, we will return and does not want to give away our secrets!  I always said I'd be no good without her on the back and she always says that I keep stopped in one place under that weenie without putting my feet down that she could put a napkin around her neck, put condiments on it and toast the bun before she ever had to bite it!  I've got a great girl!  Wait, scratch that, I have the greatest girl!

It seems that no matter what I find myself involved in, no matter what trouble I get myself in to or no matter what stupid shit I pull, she is without a second thought right by my side.  Like here for example.  We were in Puerto Penasco, or Rocky Point, Mexico for the Rocky Point Rally.  Let me begin by saying two things, first and foremost, they make REALLY BIG AND REALLY INEXPENSIVE Margaritas there and second, it had gotten a bit chilly down by the water.  The wind was blowing hard that day and I found myself having a really cold left side of my cheek and because she was standing next to me, the opposite side of her cheek had gotten pretty cold too.  "Wait, I have an idea I said to get our faces warmed up", a look of shock came across her face because not only did she know that I had just spent 13 bucks on those drinks, those 6 drinks but she knew damn well how my brain works!  She could see me waving her over and signaling to bring the camera.  I had negotiated ear and face warmers with another person in the bar.  Needless to say, her face got warm and red, but she didn't let me down.  She got right in the pic, fully knowing that a great photo is a great photo and you never know when you will capture another!  So after a big long sip through the straw of her 2.5 gallon tequila fish bowl of a drink she joined on in.  I can tell you this, from this moment on, neither her ear or cheek, nor mine were ever cold again on this trip.  Well, in case this ever happens to you, allow me to show you the fail safe way to get yourself warm.  I hope it works as well for you as it did for us.

The only trouble that she did have was a crick in her neck from when that 11 pound boob fell to hard against her neck and shoulder!  Like I said, I pull her in to a great deal of shit that most others would just tell me to stop it, or drop dead or I'M LEAVING YOU, but not my girl, not my partner in crime!  My Weenie Queen is the Shit.... well, the Mrs. Shit actually!

Once while we were still pretty young, we were down in Daytona for Bike Week and a buddy had blown his tranny.  When I got that call, I immediately thought of his bike, but now that I know the guy better, I should have really asked, What kind of Tranny did you blow?  But since we are friends till the end, we rolled that bike down in to the underground garage and strapped the bike head on to concrete pillar and proceeded to rip the bike apart.  Instead of bailing on him and saying good luck, we all just hung out while three guys put this piece of shit back together.  After an hour or two, I felt terrible for my girl and I said let's go.  We can't leave them she said from her huge heart.  Leave them, we ain't going nowhere, get on the bike, you want to learn to ride?  REALLY?  HOW?  So I put her on the front of my bike and we rode around the underground parking garage.  We rode through parked cars and trailers (it was a bike event so of course it was filled with trailers) and each time it got to hard, too scary or too stupid, she would lean down on the tank and I would grab the bars.  She worked the back brake and shifted and when we got straightened out, she re took the controls.  Till this day, Diane is the only one I have ever heard of learning to ride, two up, on a bike that she could not touch the ground on, in an underground parking garage!  It wasn't long after that, I didn't get to ride on the back any longer and ladies, those of you who ride, you know what was coming next, yes you got it;
So this was her second bike in this pic.  It seems that living an unconventional life comes with a cost.  In our case I had gotten in a really bad crane accident and money was really tight!  So for the second time I sold her bike to help pay the bills.  Was she sad?  She sure was, but just said, "one day, I'll get another".  That was it.  That day is very close now and I will begin to write that story soon but for now, you will just have to wait. 

Like I said, there is usually not a thing that I will ask her to do that even though she may be disgusted by it, or think it to be really stupid, she puts a smile on and does it.  For example, I wanted her to send out notes back home to some friends we had lost touch with and I just wanted it to say, THINKING OF YOU or WE MISS THE SHIT OUT OF YOU and include this photo!
She put up about a ten second argument and then just hopped on the bowl.  She would not however take her pants down for the shot.  I said what's the big deal babe, you have a great body.  She said that is not the problem.  Well what is?  Did you see those scumbag workers who used this before they took it out of the house, well my ass ain't touching this thing!  Who was I to argue with that?  I had seen the workers and I didn't want to stand next to it and pee for fear of catching some God awful 3rd world disease!

I truly don't know what I did to ever deserve this angel being in my life, more of a question is I don't know what I ever did to keep her in my life but she is still by my side and she loves the hell out of me.  What got me writing this blog tonight was thinking of how bad she has it at times.  No matter what ever happens, she always says that if the day comes, we will always have our memories and we have made many!  Last night, as is every Monday night is "shot night".  Those of you who don't know, Diane has suffered from Multiple Sclerosis for just about 11 years now, give or take and no matter what or how she is feeling, she is always the one trying to keep my spirits up.  Can you imagine that, she tries to keep my spirits up?  What a saint.  She puts nearly everyone before herself and she is amazing.  For the last 5 weeks, she has had no bad reaction to her shot.  The medicine is so horrible that is causes a combination of the worst hangover you have ever had and at the very same time, the worst flu you have ever had and her legs feel like they are being burned and crushed at the same time.  Her body temps goes up around 103 or higher, it is just a terrible thing to go through and even harder to see some one you love go through it and all you can do is wrap your arms around her and hold on!  After 2+ years of this happening every Monday night, the reactions went away.  After the third week I was amazed, after 4 shocked and after 5 I thought they were gone forever!  Well last night I was proven way fucking wrong!  The reaction hit hard again and it was heart wrenching.  If I had one wish, I would wish that I could take the reaction away and suffer it myself but we all know that can't happen!  I got to thinking about what an inspiration she is to so many and how through my writing and sharing her experiences with the world, she has touched so many more that she has never even met. 

Every Tuesday, my mailbox, FB wall and email is full of people asking about how she is doing.  I get messages telling me how she has inspired them to look at the good in the world instead of the bad.  How she has inspired them while suffering with their own diseases to keep up the good fight no matter how hard.  She is truly the most amazing woman that I have ever met in my life and I thank God each day that I have her in my life.  I am still waiting though, after 25 years for her to say, baby, it's three way night, but hey, I can't have it all right?  Well just like she never gives up hope, neither will I!  What sucks is that she is so damn good looking that all the girls always hit on her and it just makes it torturous for me!  So I say this to you, if something hits your life like a ton of bricks, don't panic, stay strong and fight the good fight and use Diane as your inspiration, because I use her as mine!

Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

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