It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Our Plot To Take Over The World Foiled By Explosion

So I am sitting on my couch disgussing what type of outfit Bean're should wear tonight for his Arizona Debut.  This is only a brief discussion though as we were really planning on how we would conquer the world.  He offered suggestions and I did as well.  Apparently he didn't like one of mine and he said Jack, that shit will blow up in your face.  I said oh really, ya think?  With that, a massive explosion is heard and a brilliant flash of light appeared and engulfed my completely dark home in a big blue flash.  HOLY SHIT, HE WAS RIGHT!

My wife was with us and we all three ran towards the rear of the property where the explosion came from.  Upon inspection you could see smoke and watch all of the electrical wires shaking violently and all the power in the house was gone.  Now we are in total darkness!  I make the call to the Authorities, against my better judgment of course.  Those of you who know me, know damn well, I am no fan of authority!  Thank God my wife is Sicilian and Bean're is a former United States Marine so I knew that we were safe going into the yard to check the situation not to mention, they were armed to the teeth.  Well we found the cause

Apparently, this God Damned Woodpecker laid himself across two of the terminals and caused a massive explosion.  If anyone is hungry, just for the record, it is fully cooked now.  How do I know it is fully cooked you ask?  I'll show you the insides.
See, I told you it was cooked, look I am going to eat it.....  FRIED WOODPECKER IS DELIGHTFUL!

Yes, those are it's intestines.  The guys from the electric company told me to just start shooting them so they don't have to come back!  So who is coming over for dinner?


  1. why is it I am hearing the theme song from the Woody Woodpecker show.....

  2. trust me, what they have done to my house and my 300 year old cactus outside, they are lucky I don't run out with a machine gun!

  3. He said, "Wood". Then he said, "Pecker". Heh. Heh. Heh...'scuse me.

  4. Mmm looks tasty Jack ya put it on a stick & you could have a winner!