Purgatory! Is it nearly over?

For so many, this past year has been a living hell!  Millions of people have lost their homes, their jobs and their life savings and yet somehow, they find the strength to push forward and to those people I say God bless you, may you continue to find that strength!  For myself and the Shit family, the year wasn't as God awful as the few years prior, but it was still a roller coaster ride, capable of causing little chunks of vomit to swell up in to your mouth and before they would come flying out, the coaster banked hard and then looped causing us to swallow it right back down and this is how I sum up the year!  Highs and lows, twists and turns, wild upside down loops that began with slow, deliberate seemingly endless climbs to incredible, high speed falls.  Even with those near vertical falls, we never hit the ground!  As the coaster slows down in to the station and now comes to a stop, the choice arises, do we get off, run towards the exit ramp with our hands covering our mouths, hoping your stomach stops rolling long enough to get your legs back under you again OR, do you look at the pimply faced 16 year old kid who just smoked a big fat blunt on his break and pull the restraint back down over your head and lock it good and tight against your chest and tell that little zit factory "WE ARE GOING AGAIN, HIT IT"?  I think the choice for us, the Shit family has to be to take the ride again!  We don't fit too well on the Tea Cup Ride anyhow!

What got me thinking about all of this?  Well as I sit here on the couch, I feel helpless!  I'm trying to keep the dogs from barking at every sound they hear.  I'm trying to keep the fan on high, the heat on low and the volume of the television down.  I'm sitting not 5 feet from Diane and she is completely laid out!  She awoke today and had so much pain that she could not even keep her eyes open.  Two hours later, she awoke again and it was worse.  The meds that usually help her, are doing nothing and only by the grace of God did her clients from Canada cancel the meeting until tomorrow!  There is nothing that I can do to help her, nothing that I can do to ease her pain but sit here and be ready to jump if she needs or wants anything.  As I went to bed last night, I could not help but think that things were really looking up and our luck was turning and the endless hard work we have done is finally paying off.  I felt so good that last night while at the gas station picking up a pack of smokes, I actually bought a lottery ticket!  I know there is not a pedophile in prisons chance of winning, but hey, for a little while, it was nice to feel hope again!  So now as I sit here and write this it got me thinking about that fucking roller coaster again!  If there is anyone on earth who deserves better or easier than this, it is certainly Diane!  I wonder what it is that keeps her going?  What is it that makes her not just curl up and give up the fight?  What is the force that drives her to carry on through the pain, the heartache, the loss, the sadness and sometimes the full on misery?  In her own words, "it's the good things, the good times"!  She can pull the strength from those and use them to carry her until the next "good times or the good thing" comes along!  She is amazing!

There were some great things this year as well.  Let me see if I can find a few to reflect on.  I got to ride on my first Big Mountain Run and it was stellar.  Mailman loaned me his bad ass ol' shovelhead and we rode and rode.  I got to ride some of the most beautiful roads in the country and spend some down time with some of the finest people that I know!

I got to host Arizona Bike Week at the one and only Dirty Dogg Saloon and made amazing memories for both us and a good friend, Million Miles Squire who is no longer with us!  I was visited by some of the baddest bitches that have ever put two wheels to the pavement, had friends from all over the country come down to hang out and support me, watch the filming of a television show right in my house and sharpen my hosting skills!  We opened up our home to friends who brought their friends and because of that, they are now our friends and that may have been the true highlight of AZ Bike Week for me!  Oh yeah, did I mention that I got to pour ice cold water on nearly naked girls?  No?  Okay, then maybe I won't mention it........ I'll just share a few shots!

 It's hard, really hard work but I do it for you guys!  I put myself in to dangerous situations where I could easily slip and fall on that wet bar just so I can make you sick maniacs smile!  I hope you appreciate the efforts that I put in!

Mother nature, who is apparently going through her changes, became an awful bitch one day and quite literally knocked my dick in to the dirt!  This was the day that everyone in Arizona and around the world became familiar with the term "HABOOBHaboob 2011 was like nothing I had ever before seen!  Very rarely does the word EPIC truly fit but in this case no other word comes even close.  I will never forget the day a 7 thousand foot high, 300 mile wide wall of dirt and debris overcame us in a matter of moments!

I got to be a hero and go and rescue a rock band who was being held hostage by a lunatic tour bus driver!  My buddy Wes, sound man extraordinaire caught his first tour manager gig and got on the biggest rock tour of the year, FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH and within days of their leg beginning, it all went to hell with a power hungry, washed up, has been, who had taken over driving duties of the tour.  Trapped in a truck stop, I raced out and loaded everyone in to the pick up truck, cab and bed and took them all back to the Shit Family Resort, Spa and Rock n Roll Rehab for some much needed R&R, home cooking and fresh laundry.  After a "safety meeting" was held, we got down to a night of drinking, shooting pool and chilling!  The tour continued and was a huge success, all thanks to my famous Rigatoni with Vodka Sauce!  Pasta can fix the world!  First chance you get, go and check out the band Rains, you won't regret it.  They are really blowing up!

I got to spend some much needed quality time with the lil woman and although we spend more time together than any other couple that I've ever known, quality time is so very different!  We needed it and we got it.  We didn't get as much as we deserved, but we did squeeze some in and the time we took was amazing! 

Early on in the year, I heard over the radio while working in the back yard that a friend that I had not seen in years was coming to town with his band.  When I say years, I don't mean like a few, I mean like a holy shit ton of years.  I gave him a call and brokered a deal.  One big tray of Rigatoni with Vodka Sauce and garlic bread for two all access passes!  The deal was on and we were to meet him at the bus at a predetermined time!  We got to see the show from the wing of the stage and it was unreal.  When I was young I thought this guy was the best bass player I had ever seen, now that I am old, I know it!

One of the highlights of my year if not my life was being brought back to the Broken Spoke Saloon to host the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally again.  Only this year it was a bit different than last, this year I hosted up at the County Line Campground and it was just stellar!  Although it had its rough spots, one big fat rough spot, the rest of the rally was a memory that will last a life time for me!

 I rode to Sturgis for the first time ever and it was a non stop battle to make it there!  I'd ridden in "weather" before, but this shit came straight from the devil!  The ride back was smooth sailing and gorgeous, I would not have changed this for anything.

 Taking a few moments toward the end of the rally with the one and only Brother Speed!  This man is a living legend, yes, I just used that phrase but in this case, it actually fits!

 If you have never stood in this position, you may not know how nerve wracking it can be!  Some say that this is the scariest place on earth!  The number one fear on earth is public speaking!  They say that you should just picture the audience naked.  This was Sturgis and quite often they were!

 I got to spend time with the WALL OF DEATH FAMILY and it and they were amazing!  These are the hardest working and playing family that I have ever seen!  I am truly proud and honored to call them each my friend now!  Where else is Sturgis can you get Spaghetti on a Saturday night?

 The highlight of any rally for me though is when your friends, the people that you love show up to support and party with you!  For this, I can never be grateful enough.  I'm surrounded by the most amazing people in the world of motorcycling!  Thank you all!

 One of the highlights of my life was tattooing my name from neck to shoulder across the back of the Broken Spoke's own tattoo artist!  Every now and again, when I feel a bit miserable, I look at this & laugh.

The one and only Shamildo!  I'll never forget walking up to the pool to see this beast floating there!

Our community lost so many special people like Kenny Lucas from Knockout Motorcycles, the one and only Million Miles Squire, Kenny Panda Roeher amongst countless others.  This has been a really tough year for losses!  Not to mention the family members that left us this year as well.

I picked up a few murder sickles this year to sit along with the Knuck in the garage and keep her company when we aren't riding.  Hey, no one wants to be alone right?  First was the FXRS that came to be known and earned the name the Pickle Sickle on a round trip to California.

Here you have brother Pinner doing all he can to get me to turn on the green neon lights!  Didn't happen!

The Pickle Sickle saw some changes before she became the beast she is today!  I've got to tell you, I always thought the FXR purists were bat shit crazy, but damn were they right!  This is the most perfect bike to have ever hit he street put out by Harley Davidson for sure!  A pleasure to ride and it cuts the switchbacks like nothing I've ever seen!  Then we came across this bad ass 1200 Sporty for the ol' lady with virtually no miles on it.  When I rode it home, I was mortified that I had no full face helmet on and people could see me riding it!  Within a few miles, I was smiles ear to ear!  This lil fucker is sick to ride!  Everyone should have one of these little 1200's in the stable!  Pure adrenaline rush!

The final scoot that came in to our lives this year was the Road Glide.  Every single person who I've ever spoken to about this bike loves it!  I mean everyone!  I'd never ridden one but it seemed to have become the natural progression of the FXRT.  I plan on doing a great deal of travel this upcoming rally season and what better way to do it than from the saddle?  I just had no idea where I'd find a worthy scoot for the dough that I had to spend and then came Craigslist!  I could not, NOT buy this lil honey!

 Two weeks ago, I took her out on her maiden voyage.  Just short of 1100 miles to and from California.  Sure she stuck out like an honest man in Congress at David Mann Chopperfest, but knowing that I would be riding it more than 500 miles home made it worth having there!  The devil's piss of a rain storm for the last 140 miles home really made it worth having there!

I got to go down to Daytona Beach for Biketoberfest and host the Broken Spoke Saloon again and what a rally it was!  The numbers were great, the weekend a total blast and the people incredible.  Once again, so many people came in to support me.  The best part was that it was my first rally on the east coast in a very long time.  I also got to meet a great many people in person for the very first time!  The people who you come to know from being on line,  you know so much about them but have never even looked in their eyes or shaken their hands.

Thanks to the support of friends, It's just over a year now that I got back to writing.  The very blog you are reading right now was the direct result of that inspiration.  I include it because I began it in December of 2010, so hell, that's close enough to 2011 as you can get.  The blog has been a massive success and is now read in more than 90 countries and has far exceeded the goals that I set out with.  This year I also became part of the team over at Cycle Source Magazine and got a few pieces in a few different issues.  If you have yet to pick up a copy of Cycle Source, you don't know what you are missing and you should check it out before the world ends next December!  I got to cover BMR, Born Free, Sturgis and I just wrote a piece about the International Motorcycle Show and David Mann Chopperfest, who knows, maybe that will be published next!  I have to tell you, the trips I've gotten to take and the stories that I have gotten to share have been a large part in helping to keep me sane this year! 

Over the year of 2011, I had the great pleasure officiating (that means marrying) the ceremonies of quite of a few friends.  Two of those stick out in my mind and will forever stick in my heart, each for their very own reasons.  First, I got to marry my friends in the one and only OK CORRAL in Tombstone, Az.  I don't care who you are or what you are in to, that is just plain bad ass!  Late in the year, I got to marry a few friends in what was simply one of the most beautiful weddings I've ever seen.  At the end, we re-released wild owls back to the wild.  They had been rescued and rehabilitated by other friends. 

More than anything though, what made this year so good was the time I got to spend around the people that I love, respect and admire!  Although that crazy roller coaster took us to career highs and epic lows with the loss of so many friends and fellow bike folks, we are still here to talk about life, right?  Like pilots always say, "any landing you can walk away from is a good landing"!  Looking back on the year, Diane agrees, one of the very best things was the single DAISY that popped up in to our garden!  We will just keep putting fertilizer on it and never ever pull it!  That ONE Daisy will stay!

Sometimes, the only answer to a problem is that there is no answer!  Life can be a real mother fucker and there is not a damn thing we can do about it but just flat out take it!  I guess you can say that life is a lot like prison rape!  Ain't nothing you are going to do but just take it, hope it don't hurt that much and pray that you live through it with only minimal scars!  No matter how much of yourself you give, there will always be low life's, liars, fakes and flat out scumbags that work their way in to your life!  No matter how hard you try to protect yourself and the people you love, try and try to be guarded, don't blame yourself, just remove that cancer and continue on.  So allow me to use the words of the one and only Hunter S. Thompson, "Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride"!  Get your ass on the roller coaster.  Imagine how boring riding on the Tea Cup Ride would be over and over again?

So roll up your sleeping bag, fill up your back pack, strap it on, get on your MURDER SICKLE and ride my friends!  It is the only advice that I can offer to you!  After all, those crazy deathtraps are what brought us all together, how bad can they be?

Oh yeah, Holy shit, how could I forget, in 2011 my dear friend, Ms. Pinky Pancake turned me in to Jackshitus Christ!

Until we see each other on the road again, this upcoming year, make the very best of each day, live hard and love even harder.  Don't give up your honor, your respect or your loyalty for anything, that and our word is all we have!  May this next year be the very best we have ever had, all of us!  Hell it better be, it's going to be our last here on earth!

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

How can things suck and be great at the same time?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I haven't posted or written in more than 10 days, what can I say other than sorry and I'll try not to let it happen again.  Things have been crazy around these parts these days!  A few weekends back I took an incredible trip with my boys out to California and hit up the International Motorcycle Show, The Street Chopper Release party and David Mann Chopperfest all in one long, amazing weekend!  I've yet to see if the story is going to run in Cycle Source or not, if it doesn't, it is a great tale and I'll share it with you here!  In one place I had to see 20 Knuckleheads!  This may not be a big deal to you, but if you are a Knuckle head maniac like me, it was truly heaven. 

The weeks leading up to the holidays began with great hopes and big dreams and those hopes and dreams dropped as fast as the temps have here in AZ.  Oh yeah, by the way, IT'S FUCKING COLD HERE!  For the last two weeks, we awaken to find the cars covered in a thin sheet of ice!  ICE!  The mountains covered in snow and even snow on the ground in Scottsdale!  Total madness.  I never realized how addicted I've become to sunshine!  I guess all sayings that stick around begin somewhere and this makes me think of the old saying, "you don't know what ya got till it's gone"!  Well I really miss the sun!  When you live in a place that has on average, 350 out of 365 days of nothing but sunshine, 5 days in a row of mid 40's for high temps and rain, rain and more rain, it truly sucks the life out of you!  I don't want to sound like a whiney lil complaining bitch, but if the shoe fits, then wear it right?  I'm full blown hooked on sunny days!

Diane had clients coming in from all over the USA and Canada for the last few weeks.  Originally, she was supposed to ride to California with me but she was unable to because of these clients.  There is nothing I hate more than a person who does not live up to or keep their word.  We've all done it, we've all made a plan and something has screwed it up.  The key is how you handle it.  Do you make a simple, courteous call to the people that you made plans with and explain or do you duck them for days and then when you are finally cornered lie?  Well that is what happened to Diane.  She had clients that were going to arrive on Friday and they were coming here to BUY A HOUSE!  They would arrive in PHX on Wednesday night, take Thursday to look around and go buy a house on Saturday and Sunday if needed!  Wednesday came, no call!  Thursday came, no call!  Friday came, no call!  Now Diane being the kind of person she is, she was not mad, she was scared!  These folks were not flying in, they were riding on bikes all the way from Canada or Alaska, I can't remember right now.  So she is calling, emailing and texting and having a huge heart and knowing the bike life, she thought the worst!  Who wouldn't?  Finally Saturday afternoon comes and she calls again and the guy answers the phone.  "Oh hey, how are you"?  Diane answered "I'm fine, how about you, is everything okay, I was scared to death"?  "Oh yeah, we are in California, we are having a great time"!  These sons o bitches didn't have the decency to even pick up the phone and call.  Diane cancelled a trip that she so desperately wanted to go on and needed to get away, just to be of service to her clients.  When she told them about how scared she was for them they made up some b.s. story and then told her they would be in on Monday and THEY WERE NOT LEAVING WITHOUT BUYING A HOME!  She bit her lip, said no more and awaited their arrival.  I made it home before they ever even arrived!

She took them out for a few days and each and every day they would change the plan with no notice while Diane would change her plans to accommodate them.... I MEAN JUST PLAIN RUDE!  So now she gets blown off and can't get them to answer any messages again!  Out of nowhere, the guy calls up, says we want to buy "house X" and would she please write it up?  Sure, okay!  Hey, a sale is a sale, we need the money to eat right?  So she writes up the contract and if you have ever purchased a home, you know how much paper work that is right?  Calls the guy back to tell him it is all done and not to worry about travelling, she will come to them to get it all signed.  Now that is service!  NO ANSWER AGAIN!  A day goes by before this jerkoff even picks up the phone and now he is making up all kinds of shit!  So in the end, we have countless amounts of wasted time, wasted days, wasted worry, wasted printer ink and a shit ton of stress all for nothing.  They snuck away from town without a call or a final lie for the road!  Diane passed up on other clients so that she could serve them.  She passed up on a bike trip to California to serve them.  She passed up on things she had to get done just to serve them and in the end, rather than make any money, WE FUCKING LOST MONEY  on the deal!  Business is business and sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, we know that.  The problem that I have is just plain being jerked around.  Diane deserves so much more than that.  She is devoted to her clients and virtually every client she has had through the years has become a friend!  So leading in to the holidays, deal after deal, buyer after buyer, dropped off, fell apart or just plain disappeared....  This did not do much for holiday spirit or holiday cash flow and it sucked!

In the end though, life is about being able to take care of your own, pay your bills and keep everyone healthy!  When you are damn near broke during the holidays it takes some of the joy out of them.  At least it took all the joy from me in the run up to Christmas.  Here is the thing though, for me, it has never been about getting gifts but giving them, so it bums me out when I can't shower the people I love with them.  The beauty is, the reason that I love these people is because they are each and every single one of them, amazing people who don't give a shit about getting gifts either!  So Christmas arrives and it was a great holiday!  I spent it with people that I care about and what could really matter more than that?  We had friends come in from out of town, we shared a meal, did some home shopping and I don't mean your average home, we went and looked at some truly "sick" homes!  I love big, fancy and crazy "pimp" houses!  I've seen too many homes that after foreclosure have looked like crack houses!  It was a real nice change of pace.  It was just a joy to hang out with them again and this trip we even got to meet their kids and they were an absolute pleasure!

So was Christmas spent unwrapping countless boxes of gifts?  NO!  Was it spent sharing what the holidays should be about?  YES!  I am truly lucky to have these people in my life and be able to share with them and make great memories!  I hope that each and everyone of you had or will have a holiday that warms their heart and makes them feel as good as I do today!  I wish you all nothing but the very best! 

May this upcoming new year, bring us all so much more than the last few have.  There is too much suffering going on in the world and it is time for it to end.  Let us each do our part to pay it forward and help others who need it!  May this new year bring you each great health, much happiness and may you be surrounded by love and joy!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit

You may defeat me, but I am willing to die if necessary!

Those are some pretty prolific words in that title! One year ago tonight, in Rio Rico, Arizona, not Rio Rico, Mexico, an American hero gave all that he could to do the job that he loved, protecting the American people and trying in vain to protect the American Border. This man was not only a Border Patrol Agent but he was a United States Marine as well. The words spoken in this video are his own words! I noticed at the very end that we shared the same birthday, only two years apart.

For those of you who are falling for the bullshit being served up to you that the border has never been more secure and the people in the border area have never been safer, please don't buy it! This American hero was killed by a Mexican Drug Cartel operating on U.S soil! A foreign para military force operating with impunity on this side of the border.

I don't want comments on here that I am a racist or that I hate the Mexican people or worst yet, that I am against people looking for a better life! I am none of those things. Some of my dearest friends on earth are Mexican! One of my favorite places to vacation was Mexico because of its beauty and because of THE PEOPLE! There is a big difference between a man coming over the border to pick beans because he has no work at home and a group of heavily armed soldiers escorting the transport of narcotics across the border! The true insult to the injury of the loss of this great American is that he was killed with guns that were provided to this cartel by OUR OWN GOVERNMENT and then they tried to cover it up and are still trying to cover up whatever part of it that they can to this day. Don't let this heroes life be lost in vain. Don't let him have given up everything for nothing! If nothing else, in this man's honor, ask questions, don't believe everything you are being told and damn it, let OUR elected officials know that this will not be tolerated!

God bless America and all who put their lives on the line each and every day to defend her and her freedoms!



Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and the Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Go West Young Man

...... and take your fat old friend Jack Shit with ya!  Well my bags are packed, I'm ready to go and I'm leeeeeeeaving on a jet plane....... don't know when I'll be back again..... well Road Glide didn't fit there.... But I am all good to go!  The bike is loaded, I have pulled out multiple layers of clothes, more  than I have had on in more than 7 years!  We will be crossing the desert at temps between 25 and 35 degrees.  Hopefully it will warm up quickly as we head west.  It's been a long time since your pal Jack has ridden this kind of distance in those kind of temps but I am so pumped. 

If you remember my article from Cycle Source Magazine, "May the Fours Be With You", then you will recognize all the typical players in the game.  Milwaukee Mike flew in from... go ahead, take a guess, yeup, you got it, Milwaukee and Keith Cole has got that mad ass crazy Twin Cam FXR set up like the sickest FXR "P" that you have ever laid your eyes on and I'm taking the first trip on the Road Glide.  I rode over to the Cole Chop Shop and drained the engine and trannie fluids and filled em up good and fresh!  I drained the anti freeze from the radiator so that the heat works well while I'm riding....  OH WAIT, it's not a JAP Bike, it don't have a radiator! 

It has been far too long since I got my knees in the breeze and it is long overdue.  Cold be damned, Mr. Shit is heading for the coast.  Got a fun filled weekend planned and although I won't be riding a chopper or my Knucklehead, I will be in spirit!  We are planning on picking up some friends once we roll in to town and heading on like the pied piper, hopefully building as we roll.  As I hear it, I will be sleeping on a beach somewhere near Malibu on Saturday night.... that should be nice and toasty warm.  Then on up to the sleepy lil fishing village of Ventura!  There we will meet up with Brother F Bomb, Charlie the Nomad and Ms. Jill amongst a great many others.  I'm still waiting to see what Crash's plans are.  They say you never see a biked parked outside of a shrink's office.... and I understand why.  I need some WIND THERAPY and I'm about to get some!

Now, down to business.  Since I will be out and about, living the dream this weekend, December 10th will pass without me being near a lap top.  December 10th will be one year to the day since I began this blog.  If you'll recall, at the beginning, I didn't even know what a blog was.   Then when I found out what one was, all I could think and ask was "why would anyone ever read mine"?  My friend Lisa Ballard had given me some real nice inspiration and my buddy Ron Kennedy busted my balls until I finally caved in and began Jack Shit's World and I am so glad that I did.  Thank you both for having the faith in me to support me. 

When I began, I promised myself that I would genuinely work at keeping it interesting, brutally honest, funny and at the very least interesting.  I swore that I would never lie to you and I've kept my word.  I hate to fail but love to try so I got the first couple posts up.  You guys were kind enough to say nice things to keep me inspired.  I had to set a goal and a time limit.  If I failed, I would know when to quit and move on.  The deal that I made with myself was simple.  In one years time, the blog must receive at least 1000 page views and it would have to have 20 followers.  If I achieved this goal then I would continue.

Well as I type this post now, I am humbled and stunned at the reception the blog has received.  To say that the blog reached those goals would be a massive understatement.  Right now, the blog is being read in I believe 96 countries, I think the counter as I'm typing this reads 55,555 page views and it has 186 followers.  I am straight up blown away!  This has only been achieved by you guys sharing the stories with your friends and re posting on other sites.  I can't thank you enough, the credit belongs to you all!

I give you my word that as Jack Shit's World begins its second year nothing will change.  I will give it to you straight from the hip and plan to keep the same promises and principals that it began with.  There are some amazing things lined up for 2012 already and I plan to share all of it with you. 

Here's to wishing you all, my friends, the greatest holidays you've ever had.  Love openly, love deeply and no matter what you face, stay true to yourself because you are the only one you have to see in the mirror each day!  Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart for the friendship you have shown me and the support that you have given Diane.  I'm grateful to have all you crazy fucktards in my life!

Until we see each other again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Never again, say Never Again!

Because you just never know!  You may swear on all that is holy that this or that will never happen again, you will never do something again, you will never buy something again, you will never own something again or in this case, NEVER RIDE SOMETHING AGAIN!  Because no matter how much you assure yourself, try to convince yourself or profess certainty to the world, you really just can't be sure.  Years ago, I was down in Tucson with a buddy from Jersey who was picking up his brand new Road King.  I was done with new bikes, I had no interest in them in any way shape or form.  I had my 47' Knuck, my pride and joy, the ultimate murdersickle!  I also had my 92' Evo shipped out from N.J. with the move and I had my rodeo bike in AZ now, what more could a man possibly need?  Then I saw the first year Street Glide and in an instant it caught my eye.  As much as I dug riding rigid and running the ridiculous apes on the rodeo bike, this fucker looked comfy!  I sat down and sure as shit, it was.  As you guys know by now, Diane has MS and although she never bitches or complains, I know that riding on a p pad on a rigid knuck has to be brutal and as many of you know, there is nothing soft about a Softail.  We were going to do some serious riding living out west and I wanted her to be really happy and really comfortable.  So in the spur of the moment, I bought me a brand damn new Street Glide.  I thought for sure I would be so happy with it.

I could not have been more wrong.  It was 100 miles from the dealer in Tucson to my house on the mountain.  I had a spectacular ride across the desert on the Pinal Pioneer Parkway to look forward to for my first ride.  Around the bend and through Falcon Valley and yes, there were Falcons flying over head!  What could be better?  A damn comfortable bike for one thing.  I wasn't 30 miles in to the ride and my low back was wrenched and the pain between my shoulder blades was mind numbing....  How the fuck could this be?  I thought that the reason you rode these fuckers was because of the comfort factor, I must have missed the boat on that one!  I don't think I put more than 14,000 miles on this bike before I got rid of it.  I said to myself and to anyone who would ever listen, NEVER AGAIN!  I would never own a big Harley Bagger again, NEVER!  I still had the rodeo bike for longer trips with my girl and for when people came in from out of town.  It wasn't the prettiest and there really wasn't much cool about it, but that ol' Softail never once let me down and only once did I ever place second in an event on her!  Well, here, I'll show ya what she looked like.

This shot was taken right before I sold her.  I had put the front fender back on and the sissy bar and put a bit lower apes on for the new owner.  I use to wear a big patch on my cut that read "proud to be white" and it was because of this bike.  Everyone told me I was nuts for painting it Alpine Snow White and they would never ride a white bike!  So the more I heard people telling me what THEY would never do, I went home, pulled all the sheet metal and got to it!  She was proud to be white!  Get it?  Here is a shot of the ol' girl in Rodeo action.

I love finding these old pics!  Look at the looks on the faces of the people on the side lines!  Diane never missed the Weenie!  She was a pro.  She always said that it was all me and I swear it was all her!  I miss competing in bike games!  Well times got tough and one thing after another had to be sold to help us survive once the bubble broke.  The medical bills were mounting fast.  We had been on a good run and had some pretty cool, fun shit. I sold off all the toys one after another. 

Arizona has so much to offer when it boils down to have reasons for toys.  We had the only legal four person wave runner ever made.  We would load the truck up with friends and family, fill up the front trunk with coolers, grab the big tube and hit the lakes.  Summer on the lakes in Arizona is always amazing.

Another great thing about Arizona is the TRULY SICK roads through the mountains.  The twisties and the switchbacks are mind blowing.  I searched for four and a half years to find the BMW 635 CSI that you see here in the photo below.  Till this day, this was my all time favorite car.  I bought this car from  Honolulu and picked it up in S. Jersey.  I loved driving this car.  The faster the car went, the better the car handled.  I never really look back on things that I have owned and gotten rid of and feel sad or feel a loss but in this instance, I do!  I truly loved that car!

Our whole lives, we see these commercials on television with trucks plowing through window high mud or Jeeps climbing up and over the top of a mountain.  We watch these commercials and dream of owning that vehicle and fantasize about doing the same thing.  As it turns out, most people who own 4x4's rarely ever even switch them in to four wheel drive.  Where I lived back in Jersey, it was damn near illegal to drive anywhere off road but at least we had snow to do "Jeep Things" in.  Don't get me wrong, I've always had fun with my Jeeps but nothing was like owning one here in AZ.  If you see a road, if you see a trail, oh hell, if you see a space between two Cacti, you can pull off the road and drive anywhere you want.  I found it!  The place where the commercials are actually made!  This was the last Jeep that we owned and this fucker ruled!  We have on average, 350 days of sunshine here and there is just something about driving without doors on that I will love till the day that I die!  I was sad to let this one go, but it took care of some old medical bills and we paid up a bunch of old bills and hell, it had served its purpose.

This photo of the Jeep was taken at the top of my street.  I do miss the views of that neighborhood.  What I didn't miss was all the bullshit, all the added expense of carrying so much insurance on every damn thing.  There were two things that I had left and they were the two things that mattered most in the world to me.  My wife and my mistress!  No matter what ever happens, I won't give up either.  That ol' Knuck of mine damn well better be buried right next to me!

Yeah boy, that's my baby right there!  With all that had happened with the economy crashing, selling off all that we had, Bank of America quite literally stealing our home and everything that comes with damn near losing everything, I was oddly happy! 

I said never again would I allow myself to get in to debt like that.  Never again would I have so much SHIT to tie me down.  Never again would I need the big house on the mountain or vacation properties in Mexico.  None of that shit really mattered in the end when you can have the ultimate 3 way any time you like.  I mean how awesome is it that my wife and my mistress get along so very well now?

Now we paid our dues like so many other families have in this horrible economy and we came out the other side of it a bit more trim.  We had less pulling us down and less to have to worry about "where we getting the money to pay for this shit" and it was feeling pretty good.   Never again will I carry the debt that I had in the past.  The only problem was that although I could get together with the lil woman and the mistress any time I want, it just didn't last as long as it use to.  It's hard enough to knock out a 400 + mile ride on a rigid knuck but damn near impossible with your girl on the back sitting on a small piece of foam.  In the business that I am in and with the life that I lead, bikes are everything to us!  I needed to have a bike that I could load up with enough shit to take me on the road and be comfortable for my girl to ride distance on and not be crippled from the MS when we stopped.  Just like that, our good Karma finally paid off and out of nowhere I got a call about an available bike.  You guys know about the Pickle Sickle and the story behind it but for those of you who may not, allow me to show you my pickle both as I got it and as it sits today.

The photo above is how she looked after her first bath when I picked her up.  Karma kicked in and cut us a bit of a break.  You know how you always hear about that deal on a bike but you either never have the money on hand to pick it up or you hear about it a day late?  Well in this case, I was neither a day late or a dollar short.  I loved this bike, but as you can see, it was not quite ready for two up long distance riding, not yet, but it would soon be.

As you see the bike above was ready to load up and ride solo to Sturgis with all my gear for a few weeks on the road but it wasn't quite ready for that two up travelling, the very reason that I picked it up in the first place.  This would require a few generous donations from friends and a few borrowed parts!

Here she is in her full blown glory.  Ready for its first two up 1000 mile ride.  I had full on fallen in love with all things FXR.  This was it.  The newest bike I own was a 92'!  The only other bike that I would ever consider owning was a Harley Road Glide because it was based on the FXR.  It really was the evolution of the FXR to full blown bad ass touring bike.  But I did say, NEVER AGAIN, NEVER EVER AGAIN, would I buy a full on Harley Bagger.  Not a fucking chance in the world! 

Well like the title of this post reads, Never again, say NEVER AGAIN!  Everyone that I spoke to who owned or has ever ridden a Road Glide has told me that they are the ultimate Harley.  Fixed fairing like the FXR T & P cop models.  They cut the wind like nothing else and handled like a dream and most importantly, they were comfortable as hell to ride.  Only one problem, every time that I looked on Ebay or Craigslist, they were so damn expensive that I knew it would be 10 years before I could afford to buy one at a reasonable price.  Not to mention, I'll never ever again own a Harley Bagger.

That is until you find one at a really unbelievable price, with low miles, close to where you live!  Oh shit, how was I ever going to live this down?  It was hard enough when I had to explain to Koko my Knucklehead that I had been out fucking around with the Pickle Sickle, now I was going to have to explain that she now had to share the garage with a FUCKING BAGGER!  For the first week that I owned it, I let it sit on the driveway.  I wouldn't even roll it in to the garage.  Then one day I opened up the garage door and parked it in the opening and let it sit there for the better part of the day so that they could get acclimated to each other.  Eventually, I rolled it in and parked it.  As of yet, there has been no problems between them but I can't say what the talk about when I'm not in the garage!

So for a guy who preached to the world, NEVER AGAIN, I must eat my words.  I now own a Harley Bagger again.  I plan to put insane miles on her and hope a great many of them have my ol' lady on the back with me, riding in comfort and style!  Today I rode her out and did a couple quick checks on her, I'm giving her a transfusion tomorrow of fresh Spectro fluids and on Friday morning, while it is in the low to mid 20's, I'm going to ride her to California.  If you read my Cycle Source Magazine piece entitled "May the Fours be with you" about four guys, on four fxr's, leaving at four am and riding four hundred miles this is damn near the identical trip with the identical guys only I have abandoned them and will be travelling on the bagger!  This bitch ain't even earned a nickname yet.  I'm leaning towards the Purple Nurple or the titty twister.  You know, that rosy color a nipple gets after you give it a good bite or twist?  But as you know, anyone who knows anything about this life that we live, nick names ARE EARNED, NEVER JUST GIVEN!  So let's see what happens.  I just hope her name don't turn out to be REGRET!

Here she is in all her glory, ready to take her first road trip to California.  Two things could make this trip better.  First off, I wish Diane was able to go and secondly, I wish it wasn't going to be so fucking cold!  We are heading to the International Motorcycle Show, A Biltwell party on the Beach in Malibu and the David Mann Chopperfest!  Should make for a much needed "motorcycle" infusion in to my system.  Believe me, I desperately need something motorcycle related happening in my life.  Money is tight again for a bit and I can't get that Chopper project off the ground.  I got totally fucked on the custom frame that was being made for me, but that is another story and one day, I just may write it.  If you guys will be in southern California this weekend and at any of these events, please come up and say hello, I love that shit.  I don't want to hear like I do so often afterwards that you saw me there and didn't want to bother me!  It's never a bother to meet great people!

Until we see each other on the road;

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and the Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Please take a moment and check this out!

Believe me, I know that times are really hard!  We as Americans have not seen times like this in our lifetimes!  We are the most generous nation and people on earth!  There is one thing that I know to be absolutely true and that is no matter how bad things are for you, it makes you feel good to help someone else.  It is at our lowest that we need to find the strength to reach for the highest!  This family has been fighting an epic battle with a sick child!  A truly sick child.  This man is one of our own, this family is one of our own!  If we don't help then who will?  My friend Dawn Santucci is going to take the plunge and I need each and every one of you to reach in your pocket and pull out some dollars or even pennies, it does not matter, just pull something out!  Those of you who have followed this blog for any length of time know full well that I don't post up things on here asking for money or for help often.  But I am now and we need you!  Please give all that you can.  Dawn has about -3% body fat and this plunge in to the arctic water is going to chill her to the bone for sure.  If this is not giving of one's self then I don't know what is.  Share this if you would, the more we spread the word, the more help that this child and his family will recv.!  Aidan has a Posse!  So click on the link and do something selfless this holiday season, the season of giving!

http://www.gofundme.com/Plunge4Aidan

Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back,
The Man off your ass
and help this family!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

This has gone viral!

We all get our start somewhere and thanks to a friend busting my balls, I took my first shot in Stand Up Comedy. Thanks to a chance meeting at a Christmas Party a few years back, I have become the performer that I am today. Because of that meeting, my life has gone from heading straight on down the highway to taking some pretty wild twisties and HEADLINING on stage! So far, since that first performance, it has become a wild ride and I will forever be grateful for the faith that he had in me to bring smiles to the faces of others.

This same person is about 50% responsible for this very blog that you are reading right this moment. Mrs. Lisa Ballard deserves the credit, or the blame, however you look at it for the other half. A bit more ball busting and I caved in and began Jack Shit's World. In 9 days, it will be one year to the day since I began this blog and it has grown wildly beyond my expectations and goals that I set at the get go! Thank you both very much, I would never have even begun this undertaking and now my crazy rants and shit are read in over 90 countries. I told you the ride has changed scenery. One day, I'm sure, I will tap in to something, write something or video something that will go absolutely VIRAL, I just know it in my heart. What has gone VIRAL is what you are about to see below! My buddy, Ron Kennedy, the man who gave me my start in comedy is the manager of the Scottsdale Gun Club here in Arizona. As you may or may not know, we tend to do things a bit different here in the WILD WEST!

I see no harm in any way shape or form with this, none whatsoever! To each his own! If you stand in judgement of others, look in the mirror at the one who needs to be judged! People either love this, or they are out of their minds angry over this! This was not "shot" in the mall folks! These photos were not taken at the God damned day care center, THEY WERE TAKEN AT THE GUN CLUB! HELLO? I've seen this story hosted on news shows now from Australia to Great Britain and you guys know, there is a lot of real estate between the two! I can't and won't tell you the level that the fanatics have gone to over this! Some people are just outright dangerous and such is the very reason we need our second amendment right to keep and bear arms.... Hell, I'm even for arming bears, whatever floats your boat! This is just one of the videos that I found, but for some reason, this one made me smile the most! In as many places that this story has run, it has been removed as well! It's madness..... so much for freedom of information! I love that one person or group can control what others see and read!




I hope that you guys enjoy this as much as I did! Ron, I want to thank you for the faith you had in me to give me that first shot on stage! I hate to say it or use the phrase but I'm going to, Ron, stick to your guns brother!

Until we see each other on the road, hold on to your rights while you still got em folks, you don't know what you got till it's gone!

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back,
the Man off your ass,
A machine gun in your hand and
Santa in your sights!

Have a great holiday all!

Your friend,
Jack Shit