It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!

Monday, December 26, 2011

Purgatory! Is it nearly over?

For so many, this past year has been a living hell!  Millions of people have lost their homes, their jobs and their life savings and yet somehow, they find the strength to push forward and to those people I say God bless you, may you continue to find that strength!  For myself and the Shit family, the year wasn't as God awful as the few years prior, but it was still a roller coaster ride, capable of causing little chunks of vomit to swell up in to your mouth and before they would come flying out, the coaster banked hard and then looped causing us to swallow it right back down and this is how I sum up the year!  Highs and lows, twists and turns, wild upside down loops that began with slow, deliberate seemingly endless climbs to incredible, high speed falls.  Even with those near vertical falls, we never hit the ground!  As the coaster slows down in to the station and now comes to a stop, the choice arises, do we get off, run towards the exit ramp with our hands covering our mouths, hoping your stomach stops rolling long enough to get your legs back under you again OR, do you look at the pimply faced 16 year old kid who just smoked a big fat blunt on his break and pull the restraint back down over your head and lock it good and tight against your chest and tell that little zit factory "WE ARE GOING AGAIN, HIT IT"?  I think the choice for us, the Shit family has to be to take the ride again!  We don't fit too well on the Tea Cup Ride anyhow!

What got me thinking about all of this?  Well as I sit here on the couch, I feel helpless!  I'm trying to keep the dogs from barking at every sound they hear.  I'm trying to keep the fan on high, the heat on low and the volume of the television down.  I'm sitting not 5 feet from Diane and she is completely laid out!  She awoke today and had so much pain that she could not even keep her eyes open.  Two hours later, she awoke again and it was worse.  The meds that usually help her, are doing nothing and only by the grace of God did her clients from Canada cancel the meeting until tomorrow!  There is nothing that I can do to help her, nothing that I can do to ease her pain but sit here and be ready to jump if she needs or wants anything.  As I went to bed last night, I could not help but think that things were really looking up and our luck was turning and the endless hard work we have done is finally paying off.  I felt so good that last night while at the gas station picking up a pack of smokes, I actually bought a lottery ticket!  I know there is not a pedophile in prisons chance of winning, but hey, for a little while, it was nice to feel hope again!  So now as I sit here and write this it got me thinking about that fucking roller coaster again!  If there is anyone on earth who deserves better or easier than this, it is certainly Diane!  I wonder what it is that keeps her going?  What is it that makes her not just curl up and give up the fight?  What is the force that drives her to carry on through the pain, the heartache, the loss, the sadness and sometimes the full on misery?  In her own words, "it's the good things, the good times"!  She can pull the strength from those and use them to carry her until the next "good times or the good thing" comes along!  She is amazing!

There were some great things this year as well.  Let me see if I can find a few to reflect on.  I got to ride on my first Big Mountain Run and it was stellar.  Mailman loaned me his bad ass ol' shovelhead and we rode and rode.  I got to ride some of the most beautiful roads in the country and spend some down time with some of the finest people that I know!

I got to host Arizona Bike Week at the one and only Dirty Dogg Saloon and made amazing memories for both us and a good friend, Million Miles Squire who is no longer with us!  I was visited by some of the baddest bitches that have ever put two wheels to the pavement, had friends from all over the country come down to hang out and support me, watch the filming of a television show right in my house and sharpen my hosting skills!  We opened up our home to friends who brought their friends and because of that, they are now our friends and that may have been the true highlight of AZ Bike Week for me!  Oh yeah, did I mention that I got to pour ice cold water on nearly naked girls?  No?  Okay, then maybe I won't mention it........ I'll just share a few shots!

 It's hard, really hard work but I do it for you guys!  I put myself in to dangerous situations where I could easily slip and fall on that wet bar just so I can make you sick maniacs smile!  I hope you appreciate the efforts that I put in!

Mother nature, who is apparently going through her changes, became an awful bitch one day and quite literally knocked my dick in to the dirt!  This was the day that everyone in Arizona and around the world became familiar with the term "HABOOBHaboob 2011 was like nothing I had ever before seen!  Very rarely does the word EPIC truly fit but in this case no other word comes even close.  I will never forget the day a 7 thousand foot high, 300 mile wide wall of dirt and debris overcame us in a matter of moments!

I got to be a hero and go and rescue a rock band who was being held hostage by a lunatic tour bus driver!  My buddy Wes, sound man extraordinaire caught his first tour manager gig and got on the biggest rock tour of the year, FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH and within days of their leg beginning, it all went to hell with a power hungry, washed up, has been, who had taken over driving duties of the tour.  Trapped in a truck stop, I raced out and loaded everyone in to the pick up truck, cab and bed and took them all back to the Shit Family Resort, Spa and Rock n Roll Rehab for some much needed R&R, home cooking and fresh laundry.  After a "safety meeting" was held, we got down to a night of drinking, shooting pool and chilling!  The tour continued and was a huge success, all thanks to my famous Rigatoni with Vodka Sauce!  Pasta can fix the world!  First chance you get, go and check out the band Rains, you won't regret it.  They are really blowing up!

I got to spend some much needed quality time with the lil woman and although we spend more time together than any other couple that I've ever known, quality time is so very different!  We needed it and we got it.  We didn't get as much as we deserved, but we did squeeze some in and the time we took was amazing! 

Early on in the year, I heard over the radio while working in the back yard that a friend that I had not seen in years was coming to town with his band.  When I say years, I don't mean like a few, I mean like a holy shit ton of years.  I gave him a call and brokered a deal.  One big tray of Rigatoni with Vodka Sauce and garlic bread for two all access passes!  The deal was on and we were to meet him at the bus at a predetermined time!  We got to see the show from the wing of the stage and it was unreal.  When I was young I thought this guy was the best bass player I had ever seen, now that I am old, I know it!

One of the highlights of my year if not my life was being brought back to the Broken Spoke Saloon to host the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally again.  Only this year it was a bit different than last, this year I hosted up at the County Line Campground and it was just stellar!  Although it had its rough spots, one big fat rough spot, the rest of the rally was a memory that will last a life time for me!
 I rode to Sturgis for the first time ever and it was a non stop battle to make it there!  I'd ridden in "weather" before, but this shit came straight from the devil!  The ride back was smooth sailing and gorgeous, I would not have changed this for anything.

 Taking a few moments toward the end of the rally with the one and only Brother Speed!  This man is a living legend, yes, I just used that phrase but in this case, it actually fits!
 If you have never stood in this position, you may not know how nerve wracking it can be!  Some say that this is the scariest place on earth!  The number one fear on earth is public speaking!  They say that you should just picture the audience naked.  This was Sturgis and quite often they were!
 I got to spend time with the WALL OF DEATH FAMILY and it and they were amazing!  These are the hardest working and playing family that I have ever seen!  I am truly proud and honored to call them each my friend now!  Where else is Sturgis can you get Spaghetti on a Saturday night?

 The highlight of any rally for me though is when your friends, the people that you love show up to support and party with you!  For this, I can never be grateful enough.  I'm surrounded by the most amazing people in the world of motorcycling!  Thank you all!
 One of the highlights of my life was tattooing my name from neck to shoulder across the back of the Broken Spoke's own tattoo artist!  Every now and again, when I feel a bit miserable, I look at this & laugh.
The one and only Shamildo!  I'll never forget walking up to the pool to see this beast floating there!

Our community lost so many special people like Kenny Lucas from Knockout Motorcycles, the one and only Million Miles Squire, Kenny Panda Roeher amongst countless others.  This has been a really tough year for losses!  Not to mention the family members that left us this year as well.

I picked up a few murder sickles this year to sit along with the Knuck in the garage and keep her company when we aren't riding.  Hey, no one wants to be alone right?  First was the FXRS that came to be known and earned the name the Pickle Sickle on a round trip to California.

Here you have brother Pinner doing all he can to get me to turn on the green neon lights!  Didn't happen!
The Pickle Sickle saw some changes before she became the beast she is today!  I've got to tell you, I always thought the FXR purists were bat shit crazy, but damn were they right!  This is the most perfect bike to have ever hit he street put out by Harley Davidson for sure!  A pleasure to ride and it cuts the switchbacks like nothing I've ever seen!  Then we came across this bad ass 1200 Sporty for the ol' lady with virtually no miles on it.  When I rode it home, I was mortified that I had no full face helmet on and people could see me riding it!  Within a few miles, I was smiles ear to ear!  This lil fucker is sick to ride!  Everyone should have one of these little 1200's in the stable!  Pure adrenaline rush!

The final scoot that came in to our lives this year was the Road Glide.  Every single person who I've ever spoken to about this bike loves it!  I mean everyone!  I'd never ridden one but it seemed to have become the natural progression of the FXRT.  I plan on doing a great deal of travel this upcoming rally season and what better way to do it than from the saddle?  I just had no idea where I'd find a worthy scoot for the dough that I had to spend and then came Craigslist!  I could not, NOT buy this lil honey!
 Two weeks ago, I took her out on her maiden voyage.  Just short of 1100 miles to and from California.  Sure she stuck out like an honest man in Congress at David Mann Chopperfest, but knowing that I would be riding it more than 500 miles home made it worth having there!  The devil's piss of a rain storm for the last 140 miles home really made it worth having there!
I got to go down to Daytona Beach for Biketoberfest and host the Broken Spoke Saloon again and what a rally it was!  The numbers were great, the weekend a total blast and the people incredible.  Once again, so many people came in to support me.  The best part was that it was my first rally on the east coast in a very long time.  I also got to meet a great many people in person for the very first time!  The people who you come to know from being on line,  you know so much about them but have never even looked in their eyes or shaken their hands.

Thanks to the support of friends, It's just over a year now that I got back to writing.  The very blog you are reading right now was the direct result of that inspiration.  I include it because I began it in December of 2010, so hell, that's close enough to 2011 as you can get.  The blog has been a massive success and is now read in more than 90 countries and has far exceeded the goals that I set out with.  This year I also became part of the team over at Cycle Source Magazine and got a few pieces in a few different issues.  If you have yet to pick up a copy of Cycle Source, you don't know what you are missing and you should check it out before the world ends next December!  I got to cover BMR, Born Free, Sturgis and I just wrote a piece about the International Motorcycle Show and David Mann Chopperfest, who knows, maybe that will be published next!  I have to tell you, the trips I've gotten to take and the stories that I have gotten to share have been a large part in helping to keep me sane this year! 

Over the year of 2011, I had the great pleasure officiating (that means marrying) the ceremonies of quite of a few friends.  Two of those stick out in my mind and will forever stick in my heart, each for their very own reasons.  First, I got to marry my friends in the one and only OK CORRAL in Tombstone, Az.  I don't care who you are or what you are in to, that is just plain bad ass!  Late in the year, I got to marry a few friends in what was simply one of the most beautiful weddings I've ever seen.  At the end, we re-released wild owls back to the wild.  They had been rescued and rehabilitated by other friends. 

More than anything though, what made this year so good was the time I got to spend around the people that I love, respect and admire!  Although that crazy roller coaster took us to career highs and epic lows with the loss of so many friends and fellow bike folks, we are still here to talk about life, right?  Like pilots always say, "any landing you can walk away from is a good landing"!  Looking back on the year, Diane agrees, one of the very best things was the single DAISY that popped up in to our garden!  We will just keep putting fertilizer on it and never ever pull it!  That ONE Daisy will stay!

Sometimes, the only answer to a problem is that there is no answer!  Life can be a real mother fucker and there is not a damn thing we can do about it but just flat out take it!  I guess you can say that life is a lot like prison rape!  Ain't nothing you are going to do but just take it, hope it don't hurt that much and pray that you live through it with only minimal scars!  No matter how much of yourself you give, there will always be low life's, liars, fakes and flat out scumbags that work their way in to your life!  No matter how hard you try to protect yourself and the people you love, try and try to be guarded, don't blame yourself, just remove that cancer and continue on.  So allow me to use the words of the one and only Hunter S. Thompson, "Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride"!  Get your ass on the roller coaster.  Imagine how boring riding on the Tea Cup Ride would be over and over again?

So roll up your sleeping bag, fill up your back pack, strap it on, get on your MURDER SICKLE and ride my friends!  It is the only advice that I can offer to you!  After all, those crazy deathtraps are what brought us all together, how bad can they be?

Oh yeah, Holy shit, how could I forget, in 2011 my dear friend, Ms. Pinky Pancake turned me in to Jackshitus Christ!

Until we see each other on the road again, this upcoming year, make the very best of each day, live hard and love even harder.  Don't give up your honor, your respect or your loyalty for anything, that and our word is all we have!  May this next year be the very best we have ever had, all of us!  Hell it better be, it's going to be our last here on earth!

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit


  1. that was awesome jack thanks for all you do and i hope you all have a better year much respect and prayers coming your way. Rhode island bob says all that piece out brother.

  2. What a stellar year. Diane will be fine and is's the good times Brother! "G"

  3. I want to thank you all for being such a huge part of this past year for us. I would especially like to say from the heart how touched I am at the love that you show Diane. She is in worse shape today than when I sat down to write this last night and it is breaking my heart! Let's pray for a better new year!

  4. Very well said! Every year makes us stronger and wiser (in our own way) ;)
    Even though you and Diane may go through the fire, gold is refined that way!
    Best wishes for the new year :)

  5. Jack, It has been a pleasure becoming friends with you and DIane.
    No-one knows the pain that life can dish out to you better than I... Keeping your head up and pulling thru is all we can do.. hopefully the "broken road" that were on will continue leading us to wonderful people. And if you stay positive as hard as it might be at'll see the flowers on that broken road are as beautiful as can be.