It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Battles have been won and the end of the war is near!

 When we started this shit I didn't quite no what to expect.  Like most companies in Arizona, we were given lots of promises and I just waited for them to be broken.  They didn't live up to the horror level set forth by nearly every contractor that we have met in the last 6 years but they did manage to piss us off a few times. 
When it came time to chop the pool up, the crew showed up and it seemed like they did it in no time at all.  These guys were working like animals chipping and chopping.  Once it was all done, they then formed the steel and oddly enough, took everything that they chopped up and dumped it back in to the pool!  Then they disappeared!  This was to be expected.
As it turns out, I guess we had to wait until they chopped up two more pools so that they could dump that shit in ours as well!  Seems that we had stuff dumped in our pool from all over the valley.  I guess it was cheaper than dirt and sure as hell cheaper than concrete.  After a few days, our crew showed back up and poured some concrete that I swear, if I were shitfaced drunk and had never done it before could do a nicer job!  I had a knot in my stomach thinking that we picked the wrong company for sure!  I got photos sent to me while I was on the Cali. trip and even on my droid it looked like shit!  I got home and Diane told me that they would be here at 6 in the morning to plaster.  I laughed and said that there is no way on earth they would show up on time.  I was right, they showed up early!

I was blown away at how well this pool was coming out and with the quality of the craftsmanship that this company was bringing to the table.  I was also dumbfounded that something was going our way, I'm not used to that at all!  Everything that was outside our house was covered in an 1/8 inch of concrete dust and it was time to start cleaning up.  What is the sense of having a nice pool if you can't even sit down next to it without being covered in shit?  This should be our last MAJOR project at the house.  We've been here a year and a half now and it has taken twice as long to do the work and 3 times the projected budget, but if you've ever done any renovations, you already know how that works out!  I was now motivated as I had not been to get back to work on the yard.  The weeds near the orange tree were damn near head height or higher, there are piles of construction material all over the yard and debris from doing the new roof was every where.  It was time to roll up my sleeves and dig in.  In typical Jack Shit fashion, I never get motivated to work outside until it is over 105 degrees and this was no different.

It made no sense to start the clean up, only to make a bigger mess so I ran down to Charlie the Nomad's house and grabbed up his sawzall and did what we had discussed doing from the first time we ever even looked at the house.  I began to cut down the iron fencing around the pool and once I was at it, there was no turning back.  I cut away the iron but I have left the brick, FOR NOW!  Once I had gotten the iron down I was relieved that I had made the right choice!  Knowing that I didn't screw up for once, fueled my fire to keep going and try to make the back yard as happening as possible!  Each day, or rather after each long ass day out in the sun, I had a little more to show for my labor and was happy that it was paying off.

You can see off in the back just how bad the weeds were.  If you look closely, you can see something sticking up through the top, it's a high backed lawn chair, yeah I know, they were bad.  I set out to kick this yard ass!  Things were going so well with the pool I had to make the rest of the property look as nice.  So each day, I break my ass in the yard and Diane lays out on the chairs that I lovingly placed around and swims or floats in the pool.

In Diane's defense though, she does every now and again yell from her raft, "honey, why don't you come in the pool too"?  Because someone has to clean this place up, that's why!  By the third day, I had won a few of the battles and it was looking like the back yard war was going to be won by the Shit family!  The pool area started to really shape up as well as the surrounding area.

Now on to the battle of the weeds!  I got my weed whacker out, put on my sun glasses and actually put on work boots.  I have had a few close calls while weed whacking in flip flops!  I fired it up and headed on in to the valley of the weeds.  For about 3 minutes and all it did was keep breaking the cutting line!  These are some tough weeds!  Perhaps I should have cut them down before the stalks got so damn thick...  I was going to have to break out the heavy weaponry and go with the lawn mower.  The only problem was that some weeds were 6 feet high and as soon as you pushed the mower in to them, the mower wanted to stall out.  I must have been some sight to see.  I would bend all the way over with the handle of the mower virtually on the ground and the spinning blades spinning and hacking away like a drug crazed Samurai!  It was a huge pain in the ass and hurt like hell, but I was making progress!
I had won the weed beatdown and was feeling pretty damn good.  Then I remembered the other half of the yard was not only filled with weeds but all kinds of other shit!  Furniture, concrete fountains, pipes and a massive bar b que and bar were all still in my way.  With what little energy I had left and with my legs bleeding a slow death of a thousand cuts, I mustered up the balls to attempt the other side.  What was I going to do with all of this shit?

That bar from hell right there took 7 of us to lift up on to a lift gate of a big ass truck and the damn thing nearly snapped it off!  Brother Adam and I moved it about 45 feet across the yard at the Mountain house by ourselves but we snapped a steel hand trucks base plate clean in half and at that point we gave up and the following day I hired 5 more guys to help us!  The above photo does not do it justice, each piece is 11 feet long and nearly 7 feet wide.  At the last house we had to build a 15 foot circular concrete pad to place them and then realized that was just for the island, the bar stools didn't fit!  This thing has been the albatross of my life and the bane of my existence since we moved to AZ.  I would have thrown it out if it wasn't 15 grand!  Now half of it sits in my garage and the rest sits where the 7 of us were able to get it.  It has not moved in 18 months and won't move anytime soon.  Unless I throw a pool party and invite YOU GUYS over.  If I do, beware and bring a bathing suit and your work boots and gloves!  I got the whole yard cleaned up as darkness fell.  I was so shot out that the very last thing on earth I wanted to do was go near the pool or yard.  I had to go out and scrub the side of the pool so that the plaster continues to cure or some shit, who knows, I just do as instructed.  While doing that I could not help but to look around at what I had accomplished in 4 days and it felt pretty good.  I put down my pool brush and grabbed the camera and took these last shots.  Now, I can't wait to come back from a long ride in the blazing AZ sun and have this to come home to and yes, you my friends are always welcome at the Shit Family Resort and Spa!

So now, all we have to do is find a place to move the bar, hook it up and fill that fucker with liquor and it is party time at the SHIT FAMILY RESORT AND SPA.  I will keep you fine folks posted when the date is set for a party.  It seems that with each pic I post, I am asked repeatedly, when should we come over?  Believe me folks, once I know, you will know as well!  I will tell you this in advance so that there is never a mistake, I have only one rule when it comes to the pool.  IF YOU THROW SOME ONE IN, I THROW YOUR ASS OUT!  I don't fuck around by pools, I have seen far too many people hurt because of this stupid shit and it don't fly at the Shit House!

Until we see each other on the road or at the Shit Family Resort,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit


  1. Then here's to a job VERY well done, my friend.

  2. The Shit family resort is looking mighty fine!
    Props, my friend!