It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Lives are still being lost at the OK Corral!

The location of quite possibly the most famous gunfight in history was also the location for two dear friends to give their lives this past weekend as well.   Their single lives at least!  What seems like forever ago, perhaps it was on New Year's day, my dear friends Porn and Ilise asked if I would perform their wedding ceremony.  How could I not?  I have seen so many great couples that have thrown it all away by getting married but this was not the first for either of one of them so I figured they knew best!  Normally I at least try to talk a couple out of getting married.  I use every argument I can to do it too!  Now you are probably thinking, how does a guy who is with his girl for nearly 26 years bash marriage?  Why would you try to talk people out of what you are so happy with?  The answer to that is very simple.  I like to hear them defend the idea of why they are getting married.  The harder they fight, the better the chance that it will work out and the deeper the love.  Ya get it now?  IT'S A TRICK!

I've been going pretty hard since August and Sturgis and September was not much different.  I have events, weddings and rallies booked for each and every single weekend and I am bouncing from town to town and state to state.  Along with performing, writing and the other silly things I do with my life, I've also been, as you know, involved in the renovation work on yet another property.  Of all the things that I've been up to, you would think being involved in the bike world would be the most dangerous part of it all right?  Running helmetless at 100 mph would surely lead to disaster at worst or a few real good injuries at the least.  Walking in to the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people and there is always the chance you may not be walking out!  Hell, living in the city where I live now, there is the chance of getting hurt in a mugging or hit by a drunk driver.  None of that has happened to me yet but I did get hurt pretty bad.  I got hurt how most hardcore rigid chopper riders get hurt real bad............  moving boxes of tile!  I twisted the wrong way as I was picking up a box of 18" tile and literally heard my back pop like bubble wrap!  I was frozen in place, still bent over, still holding the box of tile and I could not move!  I had hoped that within a day or two it would ease up and I could make the ride down to Tombstone or as I call it, Doombstone!  Well that didn't happen and I only got worse and worse as the days led up to the wedding.  This was nearly the very first wedding that I ever cancelled out on but I could not, I gave my word!  I could not only NOT ride a bike, I could not sit on a toilet, I was a mess!  I was screwed and then our hero entered the picture, GTP and his PIMP BLIMP saved the day!
I never thought that I would hear myself say this, hell, much less ever hear anyone else ever say it, but here it is; THANK GOD FOR GEORGE THE PAINTER!  There, I said it.  Sure a little bit of bile shot up in the back of my mouth as I said it but the burning in the back of my throat was worth it!  GTP showed up early in the morning, helped me load my shit in to the Pimp Blimp and got it all set up to carry a crippled ass Minister the 200 miles down to Doombstone!  It's not often, as a matter of fact it is actually quite rare that if I am in a cage that I am not the one driving.  I like to be in control and being a passenger makes me tense to say the least.  This could very well be the first time that I've ever been in a vehicle with George driving so I had no idea of his skills.  Every ripple in the road, each bump and each time the brakes were applied it was like being tasered!  My knee was blown out and my sciatic nerve was electrocuting me!  I thought I was going to just plain pass out.  Pain killer and muscle relaxers, one after the other like M&M's were the only thing that helped me make it through the ride down.  All that I could think of was getting out of that car!  The pills kicked in, I found a comfy position with pillows, braces and ice packs and a little Kid Rock on the cd player and I was relaxing.  Being a passenger is kind of cool, you get to see things you normally wouldn't.  You get to capture those things on camera that otherwise you wouldn't be able to.  For example;
Since I had the camera out, I figured I may as well capture the trip for posterity so I turned it on George and myself.  So we are driving 90 mph in a 75 ft. long wagon and I start snapping away.  I couldn't turn my hips, I couldn't turn my head and I could barely lift my arms.  I snapped a pic to see how it would line up and was stunned when I realized this car had a very special feature!

The Pimp Blimp has a rear sun roof!  Who knew?  I guess this was meant to help keep the kids quiet long before dvd players and video games were in each of the head rests!  Had I not taken this picture, I would have never known it was there!  This luxury vehicle has now grown even more luxurious!  Since I was taking pics, I had to capture the driver passenger shot.  I didn't think I would be able to get us both in but sure as shit I could.  Because of the horrible spasms in my back, it took two or three shots to get just the right one.  Now picture me, shaking like a junkie who is 2 days without a fix and GTP looking at the camera and smiling, but we are on the 10 in Arizona, one of the most busy and dangerous roads in the country as you can witness by looking at the news from yesterday of the multiple, 20+ car wrecks.  So here we are flying down the highway, me snapping away and us laughing like fucktards when just as I hit the shutter we realize that the Jeep Cherokee in front of us has all but come to a stop.  You can all but see it in his face!

You are probably thinking "hey, wait, I thought you said George was driving"?  He was!  The phone has two cameras.  One is forward and the other rear.  I never realized that the rear camera shoots backwards until this day when I started getting all kinds of crazy messages. 

After a quick stop at Wendy's for lunch and the hardware store for dog food, yes, that is what I said, don't ask, it is just how it works down there I guess, we rolled on in to Doombstone!  I guess in the town that is too tough to die, somethings just never change.  I had not been there since Jan. 1st of this year and as we pulled in to the Circle K store, I am pretty sure that the very same people were waiting on line.  Not that they were the same customers, I mean they were still waiting on the very same line as they were 10 months ago.  Service at the Circle K is well, FUCKING SLOW to say the very least!  As we turned in to the Porn compound, we could see all of the folding chairs nicely lined up along the property for wedding guests to sit and relax on.  Of course as we drove in, George promptly crashed in to and drove over them at high speed.  It was really funny to everyone but me because he had to slam on the brakes to keep from crashing in to the building and the pain that it caused me was indescribable!  For the record though, it was funny as shit!
As you can see in the video, the home on the Porn Compound is bad ass to say the least.  Well that is if you are in to history!  I believe the home was built in the 1880's and the home that shares the property is even older.  We arrived just shy of two hours prior to ceremony start time.  I had been so busted up in the days leading up to it that I had not written any ceremony for them at all.  I had taken the time to put down some bullet points as they popped in to my head while working on other projects.  I had my usb storage device plugged in at the time and didn't realize that when I hit save to each of the projects that I was working on saved to that device.  Of course that storage device was sitting on my desk at home, 200 miles away.  So now it's a little more than an hour before scheduled start time and we have no wedding ceremony.  I hopped to it, wrote from the heart and managed to put together what I believed to be beautiful.  All we had to do was print it out and head over to the wedding.  NOT SO EASY!  The printer would not work with my computer.  The only way to make it work was to print wireless.  The problem with that was that we had to steal the ac adapter from the wireless router to power up the printer.  No wireless printing now either.  We are now 22 minutes from start time.  We burned it to disc and put it in Ilise's lap top, opened it up and files "unreadable".  18 minutes to go, no ceremony!  By the grace of God, we got it to print and saved the day.  I ran outside, took another pain killer, sucked down half a jack and coke and we raced over to the OK Corral!  Needless to say, the bride to be was running a bit late.  By now I was on my feet for a while and just plain thought I would drop, walking with a cane and all. Brother Porn and I waited and waited and then!

 Finally, I heard the crowd on the bleachers moving and then a collective, AHHHHH!  With that, the bridal party began to enter this sacred property!  The one and only GTP gave our bride away along with lil Brayden and they all looked great!

I've got to say that the entire bridal party looked great.  Now it was time to gather them all together and let the madness begin!  I've always called Porn my brother and Ilise my sister so about 3 minutes in to the ceremony it dawned on me.  I began to speak about how touched and honored I was to perform both my brother's and my sister's wedding.... I just never thought that I would be marrying my brother to my sister?  Oh well, after all, it is Tombstone!  I don't think anyone would care and more so, not even sure anyone would notice!

So if there is anyone here who has any reason whatsoever to object to this couple being married here today, SHUT YOUR MOUTH, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF, NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR FROM YOU!
The ceremony progressed and as I looked down on my friends, I could see the love in their eyes and the joy on their faces and it touched me.  I was honored and humbled to have been asked to be part of this incredible day and if but for a brief few minutes, my pain went away!  When you look down and see a friend with this kind of smile on her face, how can you feel anything but great?
I pulled a few fast ones on them during the ceremony and it just added to the joy and laughter that we all shared that afternoon in the OK Corral.  I mean really folks, I'm not sure how much of a history buff you are but this is inside the OK CORRAL!  Remember the Gunfight at the OK Corral?  Wyatt Earp?  Doc Holiday?  We were standing on sacred ground!  I've married couples in the most amazing places but I have to say that this is right up there on top of the list as the best ever!  I finally gave them the "all good", pronounced them man and wife and let them kiss!
I have very few rules when I perform a wedding but one is that I get to be in the first pics with the new married couple.  The minister isn't the norm, the ceremony isn't the norm, the location isn't the norm so why would our photo be normal?

The ceremony was done, friends and family gathered around to show the newlyweds how much they were loved and then we moved the party back to the Porn Compound!  The DJ put out the jams, the caterers put out the food, the drunks put out the booze and the guests put out the smiles!  It truly was a great reception.  Just a bunch of friends celebrating the love of our friends in the back of a 130 plus year old home!  The party went late in to the night and was like fluctuating crop circles.  All night the groups of people switched up.  Nobody was a stranger there, just friends that were just made!  The over all vibe was amazing!
Bouquets and garters were tossed and caught, drinks continued to flow and finally, the wedding cake was cut and was served in the traditional fashion of course.

after the cake was served and for the record, I don't know where it came from, it was just incredible!  From after this wonderful cake moment, let's just say that the party moved forward in a magical direction.  Every once in a while you would find yourself just about to ask the person walking towards you in the dark if they were okay and then realize that there was no one there!  Ghost?  I dunno?  Drunk? Perhaps!  But it was a good time.

Look how busted up and shot out I am in this pic.  I am bent like a 90 year old man.  You know things are bad when Jack Daniels, Jagerbombs and percocet don't help!

We ended the evening with signing the marriage license to make sure that we didn't forget all about it!  I would have hated that when they returned from the honey moon and realized they were not married!

Leading up to the wedding, I was honestly dreading it.  I was not sure how I was even going to make it down there.  Once there I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to make it through it.  Afterwards all I wanted to do was just crash out.  It all worked out great and as always, I was one of the very last people still up and partying!  Believe me the partying was done too.  My ability to bring smiles that day to so very many people carried me through all the pain.  Getting to spend time around people that I love didn't hurt either.  Sure I pushed it so hard that I have barely gotten up and out of bed since but I've got to rest up, I've got Daytona Biketoberfest to be in fighting shape for!  Here is an example of how hard the party raged, here is a shot of the DJ that I just love!
No he is not leaning down and reading the US Constitution or anything.  That is what you might call, "taking a break" from the festivities!

All I can say is that it was a beautiful day that many won't soon forget!  I am grateful for having been invited to take part in it.  I want to thank Annie Cooper and Juliana Salvante's Photo Pizzazz for allowing me to use their photos here to share this day with my friends around the world!

So next stop for me is now Daytona at the Broken Spoke Saloon, I'll see you there!

Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and the Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit