It's been a good ride so far!

Since I was just a kid all I have ever wanted to do was to make people laugh or just smile. As a child, an educator sent a note home to my parents. It read; If your son thinks he is going to get through life making people laugh he is in for a RUDE AWAKENING! He is not living up to his potential. WELL, I'M STILL NOT! But at this site you will at least see me try. From the heart, thank you for even being interested, it means the world to me. I always say, I have not a single fan but many a friend!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I live in a Nursing Home Now

People always say that there is nothing in life that you can count on!  I completely and totally disagree with that statement.  Allow me to offer you an example; you can count on there being no justice in the justice system, you can count on lawyers being greedy, self serving bastards and you can absolutely count on the bank fucking you over when it comes to doing the right thing by you or the wrong thing that benefits them!  Just as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, I hold the above statements to be gospel truth.  Afford me a few minutes of your time to tell you how I ended up living in a nursing home!

They say that product knowledge is everything.  Well many of you know but some may not, my angel of a wife is a Realtor.  For a decade, back in New Jersey, she was a ten time agent of the year, top sales agent, top listing agent, top marketing agent and in her first year, rookie of the year.  In her office alone, there were 286 agents and she was number one, year after year after year and she made me very proud.  When we decided to move to AZ full time we were flush with cash, the market was booming and life was good with the exception of the pain I live with daily and her battle with MS.  We found the home that you see in the above photo and bought it right up.  To show you how good of a realtor my wife is, while sitting on our couch in New Jersey, we beat a guy who wanted to purchase the same home as we did in AZ and he lived across the street.  From 3 thousand miles away, she kicked the local realtor and neighbors ass!  That's my girl!  Not long after we moved in, the bubble burst and real estate imploded upon itself.  Who's to blame, who knows, who's not to blame, all these greedy sons o bitches had a part in it!  We had no idea that the market would get toe tagged and it was truly over, we like so many thought it would be a year or so, things would level off and everyone would be okay.  We all know that didn't happen.  Being so knowledgeable, when they started to offer home loan modifications we put in for one, why not right?  We weren't making the money we once were, we had huge medical expenses and we didn't want to lose our home, we wanted to keep it and just re vamp the loan.  No biggie right?  Hell the government gave our bank, Countrywide like 100 billion dollars to do just that!  So we filed our paper work and waited.  We were told that under no circumstances were we to make any payments until they decided if we would get the modification.  Really, how awesome!  Well after months and months of waiting, our file had just about got to the top of the pile and then Bank of America bought Countrywide (with the money they were supposed to use to help homeowners) and we went back to the bottom of the pile.  We called them and they said not to worry, just don't make any payments and we will let you know the status.  Really?  Okay! 

We called again, spoke to the woman in charge of our file and asked her, this has been going on a real long time, we don't want to come home and find out that while you are telling us not to make any payments that you go ahead and foreclose on us.  OH NO SIR, THAT CAN NEVER HAPPEN ALL IS GOOD!  Well thank God for that.  Within two months of that call, we get a package in the mail, it is our loan modification but there are some errors in the paperwork.  We tell them and they say no worries, we will re do the package and get it back to you, please continue to hold off on making any payments until we give you your new payment amount and it is processed.  Two more months go past and we are really getting nervous.  Now being in the business we know that when you are dealing with a bank, YOU WILL TAKE IT IN THE ASS, BONE DRY WITHOUT THE COURTESY OF EVEN GETTING A REACH AROUND!  We had family moving out to AZ so we began to look for houses that we could heaven forbid all live in just in case the bank stuck it to us.  We found a home in Mesa, AZ and bought it.  Worse case scenario, we would fix it up and flip it if need be.  We called and spoke to the same girl and asked her the same questions and she said sir, you have nothing to worry about.  First we set an auction date if a home is to be foreclosed on and I am looking at your file, there is no auction date.  Really?  Okay?  So each and every day, I went to the house in Mesa and began renovating it.  The home was an assisted living home, a nursing home!  It had 7 bedrooms, an apartment for staff and was nearly 4 thousand square feet of lingering old people stench.  I am sure the old folks living there were quite surprised when the bank tossed them out on the street too as we bought it as a foreclosure sale.  The following day, we get our new package from the bank, first payment do February 26th, I believe.  Well on February 9th I come home from working on the Mesa house and my garage door battery died.  I walked around to the front door to find a note stapled to the door.  Here is what the note said.

We have an approved loan modification and the first payment is not even do yet.  The reason the girl could not find an auction date or any other notes about the property is because the property, our home, had long since been sold to an investment company at auction.  No notice, no warning, no nothing but letters telling us that our loan modification is being considered, please hold off on making any payments until the decision is made.  We call the phone number on the note and they tell us to vacate the property within 48 hours!  At this point Diane and I have been together for 23 years + and we have accumulated a lot of stuff.  Move out in 48 hours or the Sheriff will put us out.  PUT US OUT OF OUR FUCKING HOME?  I could not believe it.  We spoke to the guy, told him of our situation and of course he didn't give a shit, but he was kind enough to give us 7 days.  So now in the middle of renovating the other home, I am now moving everything I own in to it.  So we went from living in our dream home atop the mountain, to living in a nursing home!  We called the bank and they said, "wow, we are really sorry, we are not sure how this mix up occurred".  "There is nothing we can do about it, you have lost your home"!  HOLY SHIT, had we not had the foresight to know that Bank of America would absolutely screw anyone over at the drop of a hat if there was a penny in it for them we would literally be homeless right now! 

So now I live in a nursing home that is about 80% fixed up.  I managed to get the smell of the old or dead people out thank God.  Every now and again, while I am working around the house, someone puts their hand on my shoulder as if to say, nice job Jack and when I turn around, there is no one there!  This has happened 5 times now and when it happens these days, I no longer even bother to turn around and look because I know that no one will be there!  We took the 7 bedrooms, turned it in to 4 and kept the apartment.  To add insult to injury, while I was doing the work, moving out of the old house and trying to figure the whole thing out, my in laws moved in from Florida along with my wife's crazy ass lunatic uncle!  You know what happened now?  That's right, I bought a nursing home, turned it back in to a regular home and within one month of living there, it turned right back in to a FUCKING NURSING HOME AGAIN!  Some days I just want to go in the garage, start the car and leave the garage door closed but I can no longer afford the Gasoline to do it!

In case you are in any way, shape or form interested, I am going to drop in a few before and after pics, don't mind the orbs in some of them, some of the Nursing home residents still don't want to leave and hey, I'm not going to kick anyone out of their home!
There was a tiny little Galley Kitchen that serviced the entire house.  Blew that out!
The great room and kitchen were divided by these built in oak cabinets, blew them out.

This is where the cabinets and the kitchen were before.

I am now standing where those oak cabinets and shelves were previously

Two shitty aluminum sliding doors and paper thin single pane glass, blew that out!

We put in three sets of french doors so that on really nice days, we can do this.......

..... and that is all for now, I don't want to waste your time with a bunch of home renovation pics, I just want you to know that there is always room for you at the Shit Family Nursing and Rehab center.  So whether you are hurt or not, old or young, human or animal and hell, alive or dead, c'mon over and stay with us, there is always room.  The best part is that when I get old, I won't even have to leave my own house to get put in to a nursing home!  I guess you can say, I got it made!

1 comment:

  1. hey nice job jack!! you are awesome keep on being you !! love ya