Keeping this a secret has been killing me!

Well folks, I mentioned a few weeks ago that we had some huge announcements to make this year for the Sturgis Rally at the Legendary Broken Spoke Saloon but I had to keep them under wraps for a bit.  That bit seemed to stretch on a "bit" longer than I thought and it's been eating me alive that I've not been able to share it with you all!  First we announced for our legion of country fans that the one and only Gary Allan to rave reviews, then we dropped the bomb on you fine folks that the one and only Black Crowes were heading back out on the road and dropping this shit down a gear and opening up their throttle with us at the Broken Spoke but that left two huge concert nights left open and I've been getting hammered with questions about who it was going to be.....  well I can't share everything with you right now, but I will share this....  ya ready?  The one and only QUEENS OF THE STONEAGE will be taking the main stage at the The Spoke and I'd say that they will be blowing the roof off the joint but I can't and the only reason for that is that they will be playing under the incredible star filled South Dakota sky!  If you haven't booked your camping you still have a shot, just go to the Broken Spoke Saloon website  CLICK RIGHT HERE DAMNIT.  Every single show is free for campers and we've kept the ticket prices for those of you who are not camping with us at a price that anyone can afford.  So spread the word, it's on like Donkey Kong for the 2013 Sturgis Rally and I give you my word that we are going to break our backs to show you the greatest time you've ever had and help you make some memories to last a lifetime!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Holy Shit!

THIS POST HAS CHANGED FROM ITS ORIGINAL FORMAT AS A PHOTO HAS BEEN ADDED.  NORMALLY ANY CHANGE FROM ITS ORIGINAL FORM WOULD BE IN RED BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF I KNOW HOW TO MAKE A PHOTO RED!

I can't believe that I've not written a single solitary word or posted once on this thing since the beginning of January.  Here we go again, another Jack Shit disappearing act!  It's funny, it's not like I have had nothing going on in my life to share with you all, I just haven't had the heart to sit down and actually write.  I find that I write from a position of passion and lately, quite frankly, I find myself less than passionate.  The injuries I sustained on my trip to Milwaukee for the Shed party turned out to be quite a bit more severe than I ever imagined they would be and I've been more or less laid up ever since.  With the exception of getting up and about for 3 or 4 hours max, I've spent all my time laying on the bed, the couch and luckily, even the beaches of Hawaii.  When I met with the surgeon he laughed when I asked if he thought I needed surgery.  I asked what was so funny and he said "son, it's not if you need surgery but how fast can we perform it!"  With that statement, the life seemed to be sucked clean out of my lungs and my heart!  Here we go again....  more surgeries more time laid up.... well it ain't happening right now!  I've got shit to do!  I have no choice but to knuckle up, face the pain and push forward.  Friday I begin my duties of hosting one of the greatest parties on earth, Daytona Bike Week at the Broken Spoke Saloon and I have mixed emotions on it.  I am psyched that I get back on the road and bring the smiles but I'm sort of horrified to find out if that once I get going will the ankle and knee hold up?  One way or another, within 48 hours I'm going to find out.

Over the last 3 years or so, I've been blessed with being able to entertain the masses that arrive at the Spoke looking to do one thing, make some memories and I'll forever be grateful for having been given the shot at pulling this off.  The Broken Spoke celebrates its 25th anniversary this year, that is an epic accomplishment and all I can say is that I'm honored to have had a small role in that.

When people ask me and believe me, they ask a lot, what is my favorite part of it all, or what the highlight of each rally is and the only answer that I can ever come up with is "the people."  Thanks to social media, I know so many of you from all over the world and the only place I really ever get to cross paths with you guys is at the big rallies!  I love what I do, although the most difficult question I ever have to answer is "what do you do Jack?"  That question sends a chill down my spine because to be quite honest, I'm not really at all sure what it is that I do......  I just know that it makes me happy to do it and it sure seems to bring big ol' smiles to others faces....  well those of them that I don't somehow piss off while I'm doing whatever it is that I do!  If you are heading for Daytona, please, stop in the Broken Spoke, say happy anniversary to guys like Brother Speed who have been around forever.  We've got one hell of a party planned, notice I didn't say event?  That is because you don't have an anniversary event, you have an anniversary party and that is what the Spoke has planned and not just for Daytona but for the entire year.  The best part is that rather than expect to receive gifts, we plan on giving them to you guys!  What's better than gifts?  Surprises and surprise gifts, that's what's better....  What kind of things will you be giving away, you may be asking yourself right now?  How about this for example.....

This is just one of three guitars being given away this rally in Daytona at the Broken Spoke!  The one and only Jasmine Cain will also be giving away an ESP Guitar and all you got to do to is be there to have your shot at riding out of the Spoke with a bad ass ax strapped on your back or maybe three if you are really lucky!  Speaking of Jasmine, she will as always be blowing up the stage at the Spoke along with our friend and editor of Cycle Source Magazine, the one and only Chris Callen comes out of self imposed exile from music and is performing on the world famous stage of the Spoke!  We look forward to welcoming Big House Pete as well as icons of the music industry and Florida's own, Molly Hatchet who never fails to blow the roof off the joint!  I know you guys who have followed my writing and my rants for some time will be asking yourself right about now, Jack always says that this is supposed to be a gathering of those who live for bikes, not music.......  you are right, that is ABSOLUTELY what this is all about, the bikes.... but fuck man, ain't it cool to have some sweet tunes playing the whole time?  Once again, so many people have come together to make all of this happen and none of it would be possible without the generosity and brotherhood shared and shown with gestures like these guitars among other amazing acts you will never know of!

Again, those of you who know me, know full well that I live and breathe all things two wheeled and hell folks, done right, I even dig some shit with three wheels....  Okay, who am I kidding, if it has tits or wheels, I'm a fan......  Rather than have a one day bike show, the Spoke has a bike show nearly each and every day of the rally!  From the Trikes only show that was a huge hit last go round to the Chop-In Block show, the Editors choice show which is a milestone and an epic achievement and it's all happening at the Broken Spoke and we are honored....  15 National magazine editors will represent their rags all in one place at one time and pick some of the baddest scoots on earth to feature in their mags.  If you have ever wondered how you get YOUR BIKE featured in a magazine, well this is how and now is your chance....

It's all fun and games..... well until someone loses an eye, then it's fun and games and hilarity!  The Spoke welcomes back the Motorcycle Cowboys to bring a little touch of their own mayhem to the party with rodeo games and good clean American Biker fun.......  did I say clean?  Who the hell am I kidding?  It was only 5 months ago when the police stormed the property in Daytona and threatened to shut us down if we didn't calm it down!  You know it ain't a party until the cops arrive anyway, right?  The Chop-In Block family is back with us again for the third time and I've got to tell you that these guys are the shit!  Builders, fabricators, tool makers, leather artisans, pinstripers, you name it, they are all represented at the Chop-In Block and I can tell you from personal experience, there is not a one of them that I would not want next to me in a fox hole!

The party goes late in to the night as usual and each night ends with all the ladies in the audience up on the bar for one last blast of decadence.....  I could go on and on and on with what we've got planned for you all this bike week in Daytona but why ruin the surprise?  If you are not a big fan of surprises, then go to the Spoke's facebook page, the website at www.brokenspoke.com and visit the pages of those you know who will be there.  This is a party you won't want to miss and will forever regret it if you do!  Oh yeah, don't be bashful, roll that bike right up in front of the stage because just as you've come to know the Spoke, the BURNOUTS WILL BE A PLENTY!  Go ahead, get famous and burn that fucker down to the rim.....

So for now, that's what I've got going on, this is where I will be and if the messages on line, the phone calls and texts are any sign of what's to come, I'm going to be seeing a shit ton of you maniacs there and I can't wait!  Everyone, please be safe in your travels down to Daytona, watch out for assholes in cages and watch your six!  I'll keep you posted as shit goes down and as we break news on "special" happenings at the party so keep an eye out!  Oh yeah, shit, I nearly forgot, where's my head?  MISS BROKEN SPOKE CONTEST.......

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the Wind In Your Face,
Tits in Your Back
and THE MAN OFF YOUR ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Never Say Never, yet again!

About a year and a half ago, I performed the most beautiful wedding ceremony that I've ever done at the most spectacular place that I've ever performed the ceremony of marriage!  At the time that I had taken the booking for the wedding I was so happy to have been asked to do it my answer was an instant YES!  I had also done the same thing for a friend back in January two years ago, I was asked and said YES!  Never for a moment did I think to look at a calender, check the dates, see what else might be going on during that time, I just said sure!  As it turned out, during both of those wedding dates, I missed two major bike events that I had been scheduled to attend.  As the time drew nearer I realized that I screwed up and big but I am a man of my word and come hell or high water I try to never, ever break that word. I've lost business, I've lost friends, I've lost incredible opportunities because I won't break my word.  Oh well, such is life and if a friend can't realize this, then I guess they were never really a friend in the first place, right?  Fuck them anyway, they can suck the gnats of a dead rats scrotum while having a cactus jammed straight up their pee hole, but, I digress!  The point of this stupid ass post is simple, as of that last ceremony, I said that I would never again perform the ceremony of marriage!  It was one hell of a way to go out on top, my greatest wedding ever and it would be my last!  Never, ever again will I do another wedding........... or so I thought!

A few days ago an old friend called up that I had not really seen nor heard from in some time.  It was a nice surprise to hear from him.  Every now and again a quick face book comment or something would pop up, but other than that, not much in the way of contact.  He is an east coast guy like me so the second I answered the phone and heard "HEY!!! HOW YOU DOOOOON!!!"  Notice that there was no question mark at the end of that sentence?  Why?  Because it was not a question, it was a statement!  This guy is your typical, Brooklyn, Italian, bike riding, gun toting lunatic and it sure was nice to hear someone speak with that accent and for a brief moment, I was back home in Joisey!!!  I knew why I had not heard much from him over the last few years and it was because when he moved to AZ, his mom had gotten old and sick.  Here is a single guy who moved to paradise and gave up partying, chasing ass and living his life to move into a trailer in a senior development to take care of his mom and make the last time she had here on earth as happy and comfortable as possible!  I've got mad respect for him for doing this!  As we spoke we bullshitted back and forth, asked each other the typical question and then he hit me with the bomb question!  "Hey man, what are you doing on Valentine's Day?"  My first thought was "oh no, all that time away from chicks taking care of mom and he realized that he was gay and now he is asking me out", for a brief moment, I admit, I was flattered but I had to remind him that I was still married.  Then he responded to me with "no you fucking jerkoff, I am not asking you out, I'm asking you to marry me!"  Now I was REALLY flattered but still as equally married.  Then came, "NO you stupid prick, I'm getting married and I want you and only you to do the ceremony!"  I had to ask, "so then you wouldn't want to marry me?"  "What the fuck is wrong with me that I'm not good enough for you?"  Funny how easily our feelings can be hurt!

I informed him that I don't do these things any longer, that I was going out on top and I didn't have my schedule set in stone for the year yet and I could not commit in advance to any date etc, etc, etc....  He was not taking no for an answer.  I informed him that the odds were really good that I was going to be away on that day and if I was not away, I'd just be arriving home in the middle of the night or rather, early that morning and he still didn't care, he was not taking no for an answer.  This poor bastard was in love, he was getting married and nothing was going to stop him, NOTHING or no one, myself included.  He asked me to meet him on Friday at noon at the location for the ceremony and we'd talk about it there.  It's only a 40 minute drive so I said what the hell, it's cold as hell but still a beautiful day, I'll go meet him.  I had already decided in my heart that after all this guy had gone through recently, the things that he gave up to do what he did, I WAS COMING OUT OF RETIREMENT!  Check out where we are going to do this ceremony!

I've done ceremonies in some of the coolest places ever!  I've performed them in beach houses after a hurricane by candle light because there was no power, I've done them on the beach with dolphins jumping out of the water behind us, I've done them on the side of a cliff overlooking a spectacular lake, inside MC clubhouses, at bike rallies in front of thousands of people, in the center of circled wagons, at the World Famous Broken Spoke Saloon, I've been flown all over the country by couples who would have no one else marry them, hell, I've even performed the ceremony of marriage inside the OK Corral, yeup, the OK Corral!  But how in hell am I supposed to turn down performing the marriage ceremony of a friend inside the Elvis Presley Memorial Chapel?  Just can't do it, no way, no how, this shit was on like Donkey Kong!  As I stood there staring at the altar, I thought to myself, "you said you were never going to do this again man, how pissed are the people going to be that you have turned down recently?" Someone is going to take that personal, I just know that no matter how much I try to explain, someone is going to think that I just didn't want to marry them, this is going to back fire on me, maybe I shouldn't do it!  The confusion and the inner turmoil was building in me and having this damn Chantix running around my body and twisting up my brain was not helping.  My friend and his fiance had not arrived yet to meet me and now I didn't know what I was going to say to them.  Right then and there while looking at Elvis' face, I decided that unless I had some devine intervention, a proverbial kick in the nuts from the universe or a sign from God, I was going to bail out on this ceremony while they still had time to book someone else.  That was it, I WAS OUT!  I turned to walk out the door and as I looked up, a dove was hovering, flapping his wings like a mad man right in front of this window that was above the door! All I could think of was the scene from Orgasmo when he asks God for a sign that he should not make porn movies anymore and the apartment began to shake, an earthquake hit, all the dishes came out of the cabinets and fell to the ground and smashed and after all the damage was done and the earth stopped shaking violently, he said and I quote, "any sign at all God, anything, any sign at all!"  So there it was, a dove flying in front of a stained glass crucifix window..... are you kidding me?  Guess I'm back in the wedding business!

 I began to think, this will be pretty cool.  A small, intimate ceremony with only a handful of guests in this tiny, historic chapel that was made famous in so many movies, yeah, this will be alright!  My friend arrives and I meet him outside as I'm taking a few pics around the grounds of the Superstition Museum. I use to live right on the mountain but we never really spent any time here.  We'd walked around parts of it once or twice.  I filmed a little bit out there, for what I can't seem to remember.  I think it was when we were trying to get that tv show on BBC, who can remember this shit, I certainly can't!  I told him how perfect I thought the chapel was for an intimate ceremony.  That is when he says to me "well it may not be so intimate now, it appears to be growing."  So now the small, quiet, "intimate" ceremony for only a few friends has grown and it's far too big for the tiny Elvis chapel and did I mention that I opened up meeting up with my friend with the phrase, "yeah man, I'm in" and now I'm not even doing it the damn chapel!  Thanks for the sign!!!!  The grounds of the museum are really cool with a few buildings saved from the fire at Apacheland Studios that suffered one final horrific fire a few years ago.  Here are a few shots of that shit.

Along with the old stamp mill, jail, blacksmith shop and such, the property also has an area they call the coliseum or what they can "loosely" call the amphitheater and that is where we will be holding the ceremony.  Since this day really has nothing to do with me and is in fact of course about the couple, I'm going to do whatever they want to do.  We took a walk and he pointed out the area to me.  I asked, "you mean that area over there with the construction barricades laying on their sides?"  Yeah, that's it he responded....  Luckily as we got closer we realized that these weren't actually barricades but big ol' stones and in the front and center, a stacked stone altar with the ultimate back drop of the Superstition Mountains!  It was actually pretty sweet and since I hadn't ever performed a wedding at a museum, I will still pulling off something that I had not done yet!  Check it out.

So it doesn't look like we will be doing shit in the Elvis Chapel but I gotta tell you, this don't suck either!  It's going to be a good day no matter where we do it.  Oh yeah, since the word got out, I'm now booked for a wedding on the Beach in San Diego too!  Here we go again!

Until we see each other on the road again;

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back an
The Man Off Your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit

Yet they won't tell anyone this!

It is a mad, mad world that we are living in these days.  People are so passionate in their own position that nothing on earth can or will sway them regardless of whether they are right or wrong.  There are times in my life when I pause and think, " I wonder if we should have had children", or "sure would have been nice to have kids to put me into a diaper as I did them." Then I see what is happening around the world and the other side of my heart and brain say "thank God we didn't!"  Beyond the fact that most kids these days are ingrate, arrogant little assholes who think they deserve everything and should have it all without working in any way, shape or form to get it, they just simply want it now, the end.  I'm also sure that because Diane and I are not your stereotypical parent types that after the first time that we stood up for our child or attended a little league game our kid would be brought into an office for an evaluation and I would bet my ass in this day and age that the kid would be put on some type of psychotropic medicine that will twist their little still forming brain!  If the school psychiatrist or the principal says that the kid needs to be on one of these meds good luck getting that back in school without it happening.  I read about judges handing down sentences that include children being court ordered to go on some type of behavior modification drug, what the fuck is that?

We see only what people want us to see unless we go and search out the information ourselves.  With opinion constantly mistaken for fact these days and believe me, I've fallen for this as well, what are people to do?  There is so much information out there and at the very same time an equal amount of disinformation.  Tactics that were devised to use against our enemies during war are being used against us, We The People and all to confuse us and keep us off our game and most importantly, to keep us ALL VERY, VERY SCARED!  I find it amazing that we are once again in this great nation discussing taking away a right so important it was second only to freedom of speech by our forefathers!  Fear, fear, more fear, that will get people in line.  People believe what they are told.  Even if those people don't believe it when they first hear it, they "learn" to believe it after they have heard it repeated often enough and loud enough!

I've never been much of a "conspiracy theory" kind of guy but the people presenting these theories can be so persuasive in the presentation of "their facts" that I find myself thinking at the end, this is probably not plausible but I have an open mind enough to think "but what if?"  I have always been willing to listen to anyone offer up a debate on any facts or position as long as it was a fairly intelligent debate.  You can not have a battle of the wits with an unarmed person as the old saying goes.  Good people find it hard to believe the evil that man is capable of.  Good people find it even more difficult to believe that entire companies or governments can be evil.  I hear so often, "not in this day and age, it's just not possible!"  Really?  It's been possible since the beginning of time, why is now any different?  Having been born in a major city, growing up in a family of "super cops" and having spent a great deal of time in NYC, I became street smart.  When you spend time in places like these, you learn all the hustles, the street games, the street thugs, the street scammers and the beggars, it is all one big hustle and just as in seeing a great magician or illusionist perform, it's all about deception and distraction.  Don't pay any attention to what this hand is doing, watch this one!  I firmly believe that the United States Of America has been tricked into the most expensive, most dangerous and most deadly game of three card montie ever played in history!

People are screaming guns, guns, guns, get the guns when in fact it is just a "now watch this hand not the other" ploy to hide what is really wrong.  Why don't we read about adult lunatics committing these mass shootings all over the place?  Why do these horrible tragedies always seem to happen in schools?  Why, because that is where the children are, this is the place the kids know better than any other place with the exception of course of their own home and since we are on that subject this is where most of these other tragedies occur!  Why is it that these kids are losing their minds and killing so many?  Is it that cartoons are violent?  I don't think so.  I watched cartoon characters splatter the heads of each other and watch those heads pop right back into shape my whole life and I've not gone on a killing spree.  I've watched violent movies, I've watched violent television and I've played violent video games and yet still, I've gone on know spree!  As a matter of fact, hundreds of millions of people around the world have witnessed these same things yet they have not gone on killing sprees so what gives?  What is out of the norm, what has changed in the past decade or two?  ANTI DEPRESSANTS, MIND ALTERING, MOOD ALTERING, drugs designed to control kids thoughts and actions.

A huge supporter of the 2nd amendment was a man named John Noveske and he was also known as the manufacturer of some of the world's finest rifles.  This man was no fool and he knew that his industry, his sport, his passion and more importantly, his RIGHT to keep and bear arms would once again come under attack and rather than just take it, or listen to it and worse yet, accept it, he did the research.  His research revealed shocking information and that information seems to be getting absolutely no press and one has to wonder why?  If this was the opposite and the evidence showed that each and every one of these kids who killed people were taking "bath salts" or had a copy of Grand Theft Auto in their pocket when they were caught, captured or killed at the scene the coverage would be non stop, yet this man's findings are virtually being ignored.  So he went on to his facebook page and he posted the information that I'm going to share with you in just a moment and it would be his last post ever!  Only days later he was dead, a victim of a horrible "one care accident" on a desolate "dirt road", what are the odds?  Oddly enough, this death came only days after a man named Keith Ratliff, the creator of a super-popular YouTube channel featuring videos of exotic weapons, which I believe to be the third or fourth most popular channel on all of you tube, was also recently found dead.  The crazy part was that this man, who seemed to be at all times armed was found on the side of the road after having been shot in the back of the head as well as having been tied to a chair or some other object.  Fire up those conspiracy theories, starting right now!  HERE IS THE VERY LAST POST MR. NOVESKE EVER MADE!

Eric Harris age 17 (first on Zoloft then Luvox) and Dylan Klebold aged 18 (Columbine school shooting in Littleton, Colorado), killed 12 students and 1 teacher, and wounded 23 others, before killing themselves. Klebold’s medical records have never been made available to the public.

Jeff Weise, age 16, had been prescribed 60 mg/day of Prozac (three times the average starting dose for adults!) when he shot his grandfather, his grandfather’s girlfriend and many fellow students at Red Lake, Minnesota. He then shot himself. 10 dead, 12 wounded.

Cory Baadsgaard, age 16, Wahluke (Washington state) High School, was on Paxil (which caused him to have hallucinations) when he took a rifle to his high school and held 23 classmates hostage. He has no memory of the event.

Chris Fetters, age 13, killed his favorite aunt while taking Prozac.

Christopher Pittman, age 12, murdered both his grandparents while taking Zoloft.

Mathew Miller, age 13, hung himself in his bedroom closet after taking Zoloft for 6 days.

Kip Kinkel, age 15, (on Prozac and Ritalin) shot his parents while they slept then went to school and opened fire killing 2 classmates and injuring 22 shortly after beginning Prozac treatment.

Luke Woodham, age 16 (Prozac) killed his mother and then killed two students, wounding six others.

A boy in Pocatello, ID (Zoloft) in 1998 had a Zoloft-induced seizure that caused an armed stand off at his school.

Michael Carneal (Ritalin), age 14, opened fire on students at a high school prayer meeting in West Paducah, Kentucky. Three teenagers were killed, five others were wounded..

A young man in Huntsville, Alabama (Ritalin) went psychotic chopping up his parents with an ax and also killing one sibling and almost murdering another.

Andrew Golden, age 11, (Ritalin) and Mitchell Johnson, aged 14, (Ritalin) shot 15 people, killing four students, one teacher, and wounding 10 others.

TJ Solomon, age 15, (Ritalin) high school student in Conyers, Georgia opened fire on and wounded six of his class mates.

Rod Mathews, age 14, (Ritalin) beat a classmate to death with a bat.

James Wilson, age 19, (various psychiatric drugs) from Breenwood, South Carolina, took a .22 caliber revolver into an elementary school killing two young girls, and wounding seven other children and two teachers.

Elizabeth Bush, age 13, (Paxil) was responsible for a school shooting in Pennsylvania

Jason Hoffman (Effexor and Celexa) – school shooting in El Cajon, California

Jarred Viktor, age 15, (Paxil), after five days on Paxil he stabbed his grandmother 61 times.

Chris Shanahan, age 15 (Paxil) in Rigby, ID who out of the blue killed a woman.

Jeff Franklin (Prozac and Ritalin), Huntsville, AL, killed his parents as they came home from work using a sledge hammer, hatchet, butcher knife and mechanic’s file, then attacked his younger brothers and sister.

Neal Furrow (Prozac) in LA Jewish school shooting reported to have been court-ordered to be on Prozac along with several other medications.

Kevin Rider, age 14, was withdrawing from Prozac when he died from a gunshot wound to his head. Initially it was ruled a suicide, but two years later, the investigation into his death was opened as a possible homicide. The prime suspect, also age 14, had been taking Zoloft and other SSRI antidepressants.

Alex Kim, age 13, hung himself shortly after his Lexapro prescription had been doubled.

Diane Routhier was prescribed Welbutrin for gallstone problems. Six days later, after suffering many adverse effects of the drug, she shot herself.

Billy Willkomm, an accomplished wrestler and a University of Florida student, was prescribed Prozac at the age of 17. His family found him dead of suicide – hanging from a tall ladder at the family’s Gulf Shore Boulevard home in July 2002.

Kara Jaye Anne Fuller-Otter, age 12, was on Paxil when she hung herself from a hook in her closet. Kara’s parents said “…. the damn doctor wouldn’t take her off it and I asked him to when we went in on the second visit. I told him I thought she was having some sort of reaction to Paxil…”)

Gareth Christian, Vancouver, age 18, was on Paxil when he committed suicide in 2002,

(Gareth’s father could not accept his son’s death and killed himself.)

Julie Woodward, age 17, was on Zoloft when she hung herself in her family’s detached garage.

Matthew Miller was 13 when he saw a psychiatrist because he was having difficulty at school. The psychiatrist gave him samples of Zoloft. Seven days later his mother found him dead, hanging by a belt from a laundry hook in his closet.

Kurt Danysh, age 18, and on Prozac, killed his father with a shotgun. He is now behind prison bars, and writes letters, trying to warn the world that SSRI drugs can kill.

Woody ____, age 37, committed suicide while in his 5th week of taking Zoloft. Shortly before his death his physician suggested doubling the dose of the drug. He had seen his physician only for insomnia. He had never been depressed, nor did he have any history of any mental illness symptoms.

A boy from Houston, age 10, shot and killed his father after his Prozac dosage was increased.

Hammad Memon, age 15, shot and killed a fellow middle school student. He had been diagnosed with ADHD and depression and was taking Zoloft and “other drugs for the conditions.”

Matti Saari, a 22-year-old culinary student, shot and killed 9 students and a teacher, and wounded another student, before killing himself. Saari was taking an SSRI and a benzodiazapine.

Steven Kazmierczak, age 27, shot and killed five people and wounded 21 others before killing himself in a Northern Illinois University auditorium. According to his girlfriend, he had recently been taking Prozac, Xanax and Ambien. Toxicology results showed that he still had trace amounts of Xanax in his system.

Finnish gunman Pekka-Eric Auvinen, age 18, had been taking antidepressants before he killed eight people and wounded a dozen more at Jokela High School – then he committed suicide.

Asa Coon from Cleveland, age 14, shot and wounded four before taking his own life. Court records show Coon was on Trazodone.

Jon Romano, age 16, on medication for depression, fired a shotgun at a teacher in his

New York high school.

Missing from list… 3 of 4 known to have taken these same meds….

What drugs was Jared Lee Loughner on, age 21…… killed 6 people and injuring 14 others in Tuscon, Az

What drugs was James Eagan Holmes on, age 24….. killed 12 people and injuring 59 others in Aurora Colorado

What drugs was Jacob Tyler Roberts on, age 22, killed 2 injured 1, Clackamas Or

What drugs was Adam Peter Lanza on, age 20, Killed 26 and wounded 2 in Newtown Ct

Roberts is the only one that I haven’t heard about being on drugs of some kind.

SO I ASK YOU NOW, DO WE NEED TO WORRY ABOUT OUR GRANDFATHER OWNING A SEMI AUTOMATIC HAND GUN OR RIFLE OR DO WE NEED TO STOP DOPING UP OUR CHILDREN?  How can this information be ignored?  Why won't the main stream media report on this?  They have been known to build up massive stories on rumor alone and then have to apologize for getting it totally wrong yet they say nothing about this shit.  How does that not raise a flag?  How does that not ignite a fire inside you enough to make you ask why?

It is time to become parents again and raise these children with dignity and respect and teach them values.  It is not the school's, the village nor other kids responsibility to raise up a decent human being, it is the parents and the parents alone.  Perhaps if we paid more attention to our kids instead of just giving them a pill, or in many cases, a shit ton of pills we would not be breeding a record number of killers, lunatics and potential suicide victims!  If you pay attention to your kids and you still see that they are a mess or dangerous then at least someone will know rather than standing on your front lawn talking to a reporter saying "we had no idea, we never saw any sign of violence from lil Johnny"...........  no you didn't see shit because you don't pay attention to them.....  Modern conveniences like the computer, the internet, television, gaming and such were made to make our lives more enjoyable, to make them better, they were not designed to replace parenting, wake the fuck up people!

I found this all too much to ignore and since no one else will ever share this with you I felt like it was my duty to do just that, share it!  I can't wait to see the generation of children born to mothers taking these kind of meds while pregnant breed, maybe, just maybe all those zombie movies were on to something?  Well it's just some food for thought but I do believe that maybe two things in common, perhaps three can be coincidence, not this, no way!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,

Tits in your back and 

The Man Off Your ASS!

Your Friend,

Jack Shit

If you give up one right you may as well give up all of them!

What is the difference?  We each have rights that we deem more valuable to us than others.  You may never write about the government, you may never stand on a street corner on a stage made from milk crates to voice your opinion, you may never go to a tea party event or an anti war protest but YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO, WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO and no one shall ever take them away!  It makes me insane when people are willing to give up our bill of rights or surgically remove sections that just don't "matter" to them!  Well who are you to give up my rights?  I have many friends from every walk of life and I have readers here on this blog in more than 110 countries around the world, many who have very few rights and I want you to understand where I am coming from.  I am not a gun nut, I DON'T EVEN OWN A GUN but does that give me the right to take away another's gun?  No it does not, just as the gun owner doesn't have the right to give up my right to free speech.  This is in fact, the only debate regarding anything in the Bill Of Rights that liberals or proud democrats are willing to just give away.  I have a great many dear friends who are liberal, who are proud democrats and I have debated with them on many topics over many years and they always put forth a great argument but when it comes to the 2nd amendment, they straight up lose their minds.

I wanted to share this link with you and it was posted the last time that the govt. began the mad dash to seize the guns of American citizens and the argument holds just as true today.  Also, I might add that this is published and posted on one of the most liberal / democratic sites in the world so don't just dismiss this as right wing propaganda......  please take the time to read this and you will understand that in fact this is not about the gun at all, it is about our rights, plain and simple!  This is the very best argument I've heard and barely a statistic was quoted!  For my friends from all over the world, understand that we are not a wild society of lawless men shooting everything upon sight or at whim as you have been led to believe.  AMERICA HAS ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT FREEDOM AND THAT IS WHY SO MANY PEOPLE FROM AROUND THE WORLD HAVE GIVEN UP THEIR LIVES TRYING TO MAKE IT HERE!

Read this right now, click on this link and understand.  Just in case you wanted to copy and paste it, I also added the link below, it is from the dailykos.
http://m.dailykos.com/story/2010/07/04/881431/-Why-liberals-should-love-the-Second-Amendment

I hope this opens up your mind, opens up your heart and you use common sense on this one folks.

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

They are BACK! / The Chantix Diaries

Be careful what you wish for!

Before I began taking the Chantix, I was concerned about the side effects that would come with the medicine.  If you've read any of the other Chantix Diary posts, then you know what I've gone through so far.  My last post was about the fact that everything has leveled out and I was more or less feeling nothing.  The vivid dreams had gone away and within seconds of waking up, I could not for the life of me remember what I had even dreamed of only moments before.  When I first began taking the Chantix, the dreams were so vivid that I can remember virtually every detail now, nearly two weeks later.  Over the last few days had it not been for the vomiting and the stomach pain, I would swear that the package of medicine was filled with placebos.  I was on the phone with George the Painter last night as he calls me each and every day to see if I've snapped yet or if I am planning on jumping off a bridge.  I think he just wants to know so that he can come down and photograph it for his next book!  Hey, content is content and those things are hard to fill 200 pages.  Anyway, while on the phone with him, I told him that I in-fact actually missed the dreams and that I had come to enjoy them even though some of them were truly insane.  The last week or so, I've been kind of moping around right before bed time.  I was bummed out because I knew that the dreams were gone and I knew that it was going to be just another boring night of my usual, natural pattern of sleep for an hour, wake up for 30 minutes, sleep for an hour, wake up for 30 minutes all night long.

Well last night I must have gotten back to the pills in the package that actually have the medicine in them.  Not only am I still sick to my stomach and fighting puking but THE DREAMS ARE BACK!!!!  Not only are they back, but they are so vivid that as I sit here, hours later, I can remember them as if I just woke up.  As I sit here and think about them, more and more detail pours in and I'm not filling in the blanks, I'm remembering as if they had only recently happened, IN REAL LIFE.....  I'm debating on getting into any of the dreams now and sharing them with you fine folks.  But I hesitate because telling the story, sharing the dream with you in print may not have the impact of sharing it any other way.  Like I said, if I had one wish these days, I would wish that there was some sort of USB type cord that you could jam into your ear and hook that shit up to some type of memory and record these dreams.  Later, I'd be able to upload the video and share with the world just how twisted it is to exist in Jack Shit's World!

Let's just say for now that if you go on Craigslist and buy an antique fire engine for $732, I know, don't ask me where this shit comes from, you can have all kinds of fun with it and you would be surprised all the things you can drive it on, through and over and you'd be even more shocked at how many of your friends can hang off the back and sides of those things!  Also, while I'm sharing little bits and pieces from these dreams, let me share a little wisdom that I picked up last night;  don't drive a 1988 Chevy Corsica through the mountains in the winter if the head lights are not functioning correctly and if the elk is standing in front of you, hit the fucking elk and don't cut the wheel to the left or you will drive off the cliff and roll over and over and over again down the side of the mountain while your wife bitches at you that you are such a huge fuck up!  You'd be really surprised though how well you can walk after being thrown out of that vehicle as it performs its death roll down.  When I got to the bottom, Diane was shouting that she was trapped and I had to go for help.  I could here people down along the river so I walked towards them.  When I got there, a bunch of kids were jumping in and out of the river with a bunch of adults standing on the shore, drinking beer and grilling burgers.  As I approached, the guy manning the grill, beer in hand was the President of the Black Widows Motorcycle Club from the Clint Eastwood, Clyde the orangutan movies and he was pissed that I interrupted their party!  We sleep with the tv on so maybe that movie was on last night while we slept, otherwise, I have no earthy clue as to why this guy was bbq'n in my dreams.

Here is the kicker to this all and just so you will understand how real and "vivid" these dreams are.  Everything that I hurt in this massive rollover crash, which of course began to hurt more and more as I led the Black Widows back to the crash site, with the park ranger of course.....  anyway, all of these injuries began to hurt more and more as we worked our way up to pull Diane from the car and call for help.  When I woke up this morning, all the parts of me that I hurt in the "accident" hurt in real life this morning!  I'm sort of surprised that I was not covered in mud, still ringing the bell on the fire truck  and patting the head of that damn dalmatian that bit me every time I reached across the cab to shift!

Anyway, that's that!  So the wild dreams are back and as crazy as they are and as sore as I was when I woke up this morning, I really do enjoy them.  Now if I could just stop feeling sick and throwing up, I could get down to the business of quitting smoking!  Oh yeah, did I mention that for some reason, some ingredient in this medicine makes turds form inside your body that are hard as a rock, look like they are made from stone boulders and are about three times the diameter of your assholes ability to stretch!  This makes for some agonizing moments on the bowl and with each time that I push with all my might the vision of Elvis dying on the toilet comes to mind!  So now that you know more about me then my mom does and probably more than you ever wanted to.........  where do we go from here?

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back and
The Man Off Your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit

It's all leveled out / The Chantix Diaries

The Chantix Diaries

Day number:  I've lost track, have no idea
Night number:  It's a mystery to me

So at this point I'm not really sure what to say?  When I began writing the Chantix Diaries I had planned to document each day what I experienced the day and night before and I was off to a pretty good start.  Well I stayed on schedule for one whole day and that's not too bad for me as I'm pretty much a screw up in general.  After my second post and rave reviews from the two prior posts, the wild ride of the medicine began to wane.  The dreams the first few nights were wild as hell and the detailed memories of them can only be described like if you closed your eyes and someone hit the play arrow and you watched it again like a movie.  I'm not experiencing that any longer.  Now I awake and find my first thoughts are of me desperately trying to remember what I dreamed of at all.

I was told by the doctor to do half the dose for a while and let it build up in my system so as not to hit me like a 2 x 4 to the side of the head.  I was warned that if I were to begin the medicine the way it is prescribed, the side effects could be so rough that I, like a great many people, would immediately stop taking it and just continue to smoke.  Smoking for me is not an option any longer so I followed his directions.  With each dose that I took, I found myself nervous.  I would swallow it and think to myself, "is this when the lunacy begins?"  Now I'm up to taking the medicine as prescribed because I am not getting any benefit from it that I notice.  The only thing that I am experiencing is the stomach pain and a fart here and there.  I never thought that I would say this but, I miss the "SUPER FARTS" and I can't believe it.  Yesterday was the first time that I started taking the medicine twice a day and hardly a fart is to be found!  Diane on the other hand is extraordinarily happy about this!

So now I've leveled out on the effects of this shit and I can't believe that in a way, I'm disappointed about it.  Who knows, I'm still only at half of the full dose so maybe I'm jumping the gun here and in 3 days when I start the full dose I'll be on here bitching again.  I'm still nervous about what this shit will do to my mind and how it may twist it, but for the most part and with all that I've read about how it affects the mind with depression and suicidal thoughts all I can say is that I feel as if I'm having the opposite reaction to it, go figure!  I do still find myself to be irritated at times rather quickly but that goes away pretty quick as well.

So this post really isn't that funny, what can I say, they can't all be side splitters but it is in the spirit of the blog, brutally honest.  I was told once by a long time stand up comic that you don't always have to be funny, you just have to be interesting and informative and that is what I try to do here with Jack Shit's World.

Until we see each other on the road again;

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back and
The Man Off Your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit

The end of decent literature!

If the event that has just taken place had happened a few thousand years ago, one might surmise that this is what wiped the Mayan people off of planet earth.  Fast forward a few thousand years and one could reasonably draw the conclusion that this is the cause for "global climate change" if in fact it really even exists.  This release had to be timed to come after the holidays so that they would not be ruined for children and adults alike for all time.  What was this event?  What was released upon the world to create such chaos and fear?

Probably not what you were thinking right?  Many of you know George for different reasons like, his world famous motorcycle, the Leaky Latowski, his mind blowing original oil paintings, his warm and fuzzy personality perhaps or for most it is George's writing that sets him galaxies apart from the relatively normal folks in society.  Hell, it distances him from the lunatics of the world who read his writing and say "that fucker is nuts"!  Many, like myself actually got to meet and know George having never read a single word that he has written, only finding out later that he was even a writer with a huge loyal following.  Once you find out that George is a writer and you get your first taste of his personal brand of ______________,  you can't seem to get enough.  You've got to be asking why there is a blank space there?  I don't know what to call what he does and I would hate to even attempt to label it, so I leave it up to you to do that.  The thing I have heard from people once they have found his writing is how much they would have loved to have been able to read his earlier work.  Here is that chance.  George always said that his writing, his monthly column in The Horse Back Street Choppers was at best, good for taking a dump and at the very best, two dumps.  There is something special that comes from being the person who is responsible for giving the world great bowel movements and she should be very proud of that!

If you go to this fucking page right here, you can order your book now!  The name of the page is AMERICAN MOTHERFUCKER . COM and I could not imagine a more accurate name for a website for George.  If you order now, not only will you get the first run, first edition of this book but you will get your book signed by the man himself.  Who knows, knowing GTP, you never know what he will sign his name in?  Will it be 50 wt motor oil?  Will it be feces?  Maybe he will sign your book in blood?  The odds are that it will be plain ol' ink but hey, you just never know!  If you've never had the chance to enjoy the ramblings of this great American artist now is your shot!  Get them while the getting is good!  Tell him when ya order that your pal Jack Shit sent ya and you will get absolutely nothing extra for doing it!!!!  While you are on the site, check out his amazing work on canvas in oil and hell, buy some of that shit too!  There is only so much Dinty Moore beef stew that one man can eat before he snaps!  This book is yet another lifestyle book from the great folks at Wolfgang Publications, make sure to check them out and see the other titles they have offered to our community!

Until we see each other on the road again;

keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back and
The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

MY KINGDOM FOR A FART / the Chantix Diaries

THIS POST HAS BEEN CHANGED FROM ITS ORIGINAL FORMAT!  ANY CHANGE FROM THE ORIGINAL POST WILL APPEAR IN RED SO THAT YOU MAY FIND THE ADDITIONS OR CORRECTIONS.  IN THE SPIRIT OF BRUTAL HONESTY, YOU WILL SEE THIS ATOP ANY POST THAT HAS BEEN PUBLISHED AND CHANGED.  THANKS

The Chantix Diaries

Day: Unknown
Night: Can't remember

I've gone from questionable pressure in my stomach and high volume, turbo farting to crushing, doubled over stomach pain and haven't had an honest fart in nearly two days!  Who would have ever imagined that I would desperately miss asshole tearing, violent farts?  Not me, I can assure you of this!  Certainly not Diane either.  If I were a conspiracy theorist, I would be leaning towards the belief that Diane put crazy glue or something in my last few meals of P.F. Changs, because immediately upon finishing a meal that usually creates a biblical bowel movement, the farting stopped, the thought of taking a good dump has become a New Year's wish and each time I stand or lift something, it feels like I'm getting a prison shank in the left side of my gut and rib cage!  The truly worrisome part of all this is that I've for the most part only been taking at best, half the dosage.

For now, I've come to grips with the wild dreams.  Normally, I have insane dreams anyway.  I don't know if it is because of things I've gone through in my life, the abuse as a child or the fact that I fall asleep with the television on that drives the madness that has happened damn near every night of my life for the last 30 years.  What I have noticed is that the type of dreams that I've had for these last 30 years have for the most part gone away and believe me when I tell you that is a welcome gift.  I no longer find myself sitting straight up in the middle of the night soaked in sweat, breathing heavy and freaking out.  Now I just have high definition, 3D dreams that feature people I've not seen or thought of in years, joining me on my wild ride so I guess in a way it's nice to see them again.  Another blessing has been that since the very first night on Chantix, I've not had to battle any more lions!  The first two nights the dreams were really intense and for the very first time in my life, I could remember every single detail of the dream, no matter how small they are or were.  Typically, within moments if not minutes, it was like I never dreamed at all.  I remember NOTHING!  Those first two nights, now what seems like months ago are long gone but I can still remember virtually every detail.  Over these past few nights, the dreams are just as interesting and often wild and when I awake, I remember what was happening prior to waking up but I have to try in the morning to remember what I was dreaming last night.  If I try hard enough, I can remember some of the details.  For the most part, I sort of miss the detailed memory of the dreams.  I am however still on only a partial dose so maybe as I up the meds, this will come back.

Since leaving the doctor with the prescription in hand and a poor outlook, I've tried cutting down on smoking so that I might have an edge going into trying the Chantix.  I'm not going to lie, after having posted up the question on FaceBook asking for people's personal experience with this medicine, I was pretty fucking scared to ever even try it and for that matter, I am still genuinely concerned about what will happen to me as I increase the dosage!  It is time for me to quit smoking one way or another and I am not a fan of failing at anything, it is not an option for me.  I've been riding out the cravings as best I can and since you can still smoke on the medicine until it builds up in your system, I still am.  The good news that I do have to report is that for nearly 30 years, I've smoked a pack a day.  Sure when I was partying or working 18 hour days I would smoke more, but there were days that I would smoke less so really I can say that I'm a pack a day smoker.  Over the last 5 days, I've smoked 2 packs of cigarettes and I seem to be smoking less and less and I'm pretty sure that the Chantix has not taken hold deeply enough in my brain to effect the smoking but it has grabbed on enough to twist my mind and stomp my guts.  So there is both good and bad going on here.  I have no choice but to accept whatever side effects come with taking this process, I'm going to beat these fucking things if I have to bash someone's skull in to do it!

They say that you need to watch for unbalanced temper, stomach pain, irritability, depression and thoughts of suicide or increased level of and or violent thoughts or actions......  I've felt myself becoming a bit more easily annoyed but it doesn't seem to last and I'll take that over the other possibility for damn sure!  Diane may beg to differ and you will have to ask her if I've been any more of a prick than usual, she is probably too afraid to answer me honestly.....  AND SHE DAMN WELL BETTER BE!  What I have noticed is that within a short time of taking the medicine, I get the most hollow feeling in my stomach as if I were starving.  They say to take the medicine with food but I really only eat once a day.  Since starting this shit, I'm insatiable hungry.  It's like I'll eat anything that comes my way.  So now I'm trying to balance the breaking of the habit of smoking and the virtual vacuum my fat ass is rapidly becoming.

I do have some reservations though and a few fears as well.  I worry most about the poor bastard who raises their voice at me, I worry about hurting the people that I love but mostly, I worry about the poor jerkoff who points a finger at me, especially if that fool points it anywhere near my face and more accurately towards my mouth as I will either try to light that shit and smoke it or bite that thing off and eat it!  Since we are on this topic of devouring things, I'm so desperate to begin farting again to relieve some of this insane pressure building inside me that I made the command decision and a very dangerous, risky one at that!  I decided to take a chance, go for broke, let the shit fall where it may, you see what I'm going for here right?  I ATE A BIG BOWL OF CHILI WITH CHEESE AND TORTILLA CHIPS!  As of the time of updating this blog, the results are not yet in.  I may pay for this decision dearly but only time will tell on that.....  all I know is that if I don't get a reasonably effective fart soon the pain will grow more intense and I could quite possibly explode!!!  Keep your fingers crossed!

At this point, it's all becoming a blur!  I want to wish you all, my friends, the happiest new year ever.  I hope and pray for much needed relief for many of us who have suffered so terribly over this past year.  I pray that ALL OF OUR TROOPS soon return home to the people who love them safe and sound and get to begin their new year with a fresh start and awake in their own home wrapped around them the arms of their loved ones.  I hope and pray that those of you, well us, that are sick get well and that those who are healthy right now won't get sick.  May the economy grow, jobs begin to flow and prosperity come to all that we know.....  yeah yeah yeah, okay, I was just throwing a little Jack Shit poetry at you right there, hope you liked it!  My biggest wish is that the long missing KARMA makes an appearance soon and delves out some much needed justice for so many!  They say Karma is a mother fucker and I surely hope it is true.

Until we see each other on the road again;

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back and
The Man Off Your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit

Ass of FIRE! The Chantix Diaries

THE CHANTIX DIARIES

DAY 4
NIGHT 3

Well I've not died yet, I've not killed anyone yet and I have not felt like killing myself yet so I guess one would or rather could say, I'm off to a hell of a start!  The dreams have not been as wildly vivid and seemingly as long as the first night but they've still been a pretty wild ride.  If you did not catch the first post in this series, just below the photo on top of the blog page there are two tabs, one reads "home" the other "The Chantix Diaries", there you can read in pretty great detail the dream I had and what happened within hours of taking the first dose.  So now if you haven't read it yet, I would suggest hopping over there, checking it out and then clicking back over to this post to continue on.  If you are up to date on the first post, then by all means read away.

I was warned by the doctor that it would be a smart move to break the dose in half and begin that way so up until yesterday I was on the equivalent of 1/4 dose.  Since nothing in the opening line of this post had occured, I thought, "why listen to that silly doctor, nothing bad has happened, I must be immune to this shit"!  So I doubled up!

Chantix lesson number one that I've learned in this process is what I believe will be an important one to remember!  DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT if you ever decide to go on this medicine, eat MEXICAN FOOD at 11pm!  As one might imagine what Mexican food does to the insides of us GRINGOS, but now imagine what it does to us GRINGOS whose bodies are just getting use to a medicine that the most reported side effect is stomach pain or upset stomach?  Each night since I began this, I lay in bed hoping to fall asleep while trying to stay awake over an uneasy feeling of the "unknown".  Last night was the first time that all I wanted to do was fall asleep and I didn't care what the dreams brought!  As I lay down I could feel my stomach pain coming on.  You know when you are absolutely famished and your belly feels so empty that you think it's going to cave in?  That is what it feels like to me at least.  I sat around a campfire last night with a pharmacist and ran down what I've experienced so far and he just laughed at me.  Nice bedside manner right?  I also ran down some side effects that he had yet to ever hear about, so I've got that going for me!  Anyway, back to laying in bed and the pressure building up in my gut and the gale force winds blowing straight out of my ass!  I was sort of rolling around and pulling my knees up into fetal position and then pushing them straight and then rolling to the other side.  I had the added bonus having my mouth fill with acid virtually simultaneously with the anus RATTLING farts, so that was super cool!  I've been experiencing what one could only consider a 60 hour long fart!

Oh my my, I nearly forget to mention the true gift that comes from all this farting.  I've got so much room on my side of the king size bed now!  I need it for all the rolling around I do throughout the night but mostly I have that extra room because Diane is laying as far away as possible from me with her extra pillow over her head and the down comforter pushed so tightly around her that no air can pass through it.  I believe that it may work and no air passes through but apparently GOD AWFUL SMELL OF DEATH is not considered air because she just can't seem to get away from that.  Have you ever seen your dog right after it farts and it looks back at its own ass like "wow, did that come out of me"?  Almost immediately, the dog gets up and just walks out of the room leaving that dead goat smell for you     to savor.  Well I'm not the dog so I don't get out of bed and go foul another room, but I am very much like the dog when I actually look down at my ass and think "that could not have just come out of me" and before I even have a moment to ponder that question it is answered by the next rolling wave of stomach pain and chemical warfare emitting from my already sore from the violent vibrating sphincter! My asshole is shaking so hard that there is no way that it's not burning calories from the workout, so hey, got that going for me too!

I won't even get into the most recent dreams because they were not as amazing as my evening fighting lions on the back patio of TT's Roadhouse here in Arizona with nothing more than a bar stool.  I will say that I had no idea that when you are up in Payson and it is freezing cold and snowing like a son of a bitch out front of the house, if you want to go for a ride on the bikes, all you have to do is walk out the back door of the house where the bikes are lined up and sitting out in the bright Az sunshine!  Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't ask, it gets insane from here on out!  I will add however that the most amazing idea that I've ever had for a television show came to me that night courtesy of my hosting friends I love and one epic piece of shit in my dreams!  I'll let you know how that goes!

So tomorrow I begin taking the medicine twice a day, the only thing that I look to the heavens and pray for is that my ass can handle all of this.  Okay, not the only thing I can ask for.  I'm also gonna ask that Diane does not become so completely and totally disgusted by me that our new sleeping arrangements last any longer than they have to!

Until we see each other on the road again;  Have a happy, healthy and safe new year's eve everyone!  I've cancelled all plans, I'm just not up to hosting a party and for that matter, I'm not even up for going to one so it looks like it will be just Diane and your pal Jack just burning a hole in the couch from his epic ass of fire!

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

All Great Runs Must End!

Every day in life we are forced to make decisions, some simple and some truly epic, many of which we don't even realize we are making, they just become second nature for your mind to make them on its own.  Other decisions can be monumental and the choice you make will have tremendous effect on the lives of all those around you.  Just as they say that dropping a pebble in the ocean in Australia can cause a tsunami in Hawaii, I believe this theory.  Every thing we do, whether we like it or not has a direct effect on those that surround us.  In my 44 years I've made some of the best decisions that a human being could possibly have made and on the flip side of that coin I've made some of the worst as well.  I won't get into listing all the good and I'm sure as hell not going to list ANY of the bad!  If you know me, then you probably have a good idea of what these were and if you know me well enough, you probably had a hand in helping me to make those bad decisions!  A single choice we make 10 - 20- 30 years ago that seemed so insignificant at the time can lead to catastrophic results later on down the line.  This is why now, as I grow fatter with each passing day and not giving a great flying fuck about the next for so very long, I choose to make a decision that will hopefully bring me many "next days" for a long, long time.  I've lived my life at throttle wide open, scraping a knee in turns, balls to the wall and one foot in the grave for the better part of my life.  It seemed the more dangerous the activity, the stronger my attraction was to it.  The sole fact that there was really no way to determine exactly what the outcome of a decision would be pushed me faster towards making that decision with a devil may care attitude.  The problem with running with one foot in the grave is that eventually you slow down a bit and realize that you no longer have one foot in the grave but you've sank all the way to the knee or even mid thigh and the thrill of it all begins to take a back seat to the reality of it all and better yet, THE GRAVITY of it all.

A month or so ago, those of you who are friends with me on face book or those of you who subscribe may remember me making a post asking about Chantix and asking people to offer up their first hand experiences with it.  That post quite possibly may be the most commented on post that I've ever put up and the response was an overwhelmingly bad one at that!  The stories that I read and the comments that were posted were enough to scare the living shit out of me and I don't scare off often nor easy!  I realized that if I wanted to quit smoking I was going to have to do it on my own and I would begin by cutting down and then walking away from it all once and for all!  Well I have cut down but you know what?  That insignificant decision that I made 30 years ago when that friend said try this and I did may be coming back to haunt me.  I also realized that nicotine patches are not only expensive but a total crock of shit.....   I could have stuck them to my eyeballs and not felt a damn thing.  I also realized that I don't have the willpower that I once had and that 30 year habit was quite a bit stronger than I had ever imagined.  The funny thing is that it is not for me as much about the smoke as it is the smoking.  Does that make sense to anyone?  Get in the car, light a smoke.  Finish eating, light a smoke.  Wrap up some sweet, sweet love making, light a smoke.  Wrap up some awful love making ( my fault of course) and you guessed it, light up a smoke!!!!  The time has come and I realized that I could not do it on my own and I don't have ten years of trying to quit, quitting and then starting right back up again and repeating this shit over and over.  I HAVE TO GET A HOLD OF THIS NOW AND DO IT RIGHT and pay the price and hopefully, I won't have all the awful reactions and side effects that everyone told me about.  I filled my prescription for Chantix and today, I took my first dose!

What I decided to do was document this process and hope that it gives me strength to push through and stay clean if you will.  If I don't cut these fucking things out of my life, I may not have a life anyway!  I'm not ready to go anywhere so my decision has been made.  I just hope Diane doesn't kill me in the process.  So what I'm going to do is right here and right now create "THE CHANTIX DIARIES" and keep track of what happens to me while taking it and share it with you all and hope that maybe if it goes well for me, then it may help one of you to quit.  If it goes bad for me, I'll know just when it happened and if it goes really, really bad for me, perhaps I can at the very least use the Diaries as part of my defense!  So look forward to the one thing that you will always get from me without fail, brutal honesty!  No matter what happens, good, bad, success or failure, you will know it and you will share that shit with me!

So let's begin;

Dear Chantix Diary, someone told me that when you take YOU, there is a chance that it will upset the stomach.  Today with my first dose, which I cut in half by the way hoping to build up slowly in my system before going full on into Chantix insanity, I began to experience a bit of pressure in my belly.  As I sat on the couch, lap top open and on, I could feel a less than comfortable sensation and it would rise and fall like a roller coaster.  I had to go with Diane to our nieces town home to drop off some material for her construction that is going on that Diane could not carry herself.  While carrying in the box of tile I felt that roller coaster climbing to the top again.  Once I carried in the vanity top, I began to feel that coaster racing down hill and into its first loop!  Diane had gone up stairs to check on the bathroom.  Now understand, the place is empty except for material and tools and when I tell you there was nothing to deaden the sound I mean there was nothing to deaden the sound!  I let out what quite possibly be the most powerful, longest lasting, strangest sounding fart of my life!  Now we have a running joke around here that my farts don't smell, my feet don't smell and even after working outside in the AZ desert heat and not showering, I DON'T SMELL but God made up for it by giving me a child size penis!!!  Oh well, at least I don't stink right?  I've got that to be thankful for right?  Well let's just say I use to have that to be thankful for!  Not only in what seemed to be a split second after the actual rocket propelled fart ended and my anus began to feel like someone had jammed the neck of a broken bottle straight up my ass from my sphincter vibrating so hard did I realize that in all my life, all the food that I've eaten, all the partying that I've done, I've never in my life had a fart smell like this!!!  The smell filled the entire first floor of a town home instantly!  The place was engulfed!  It was as if the enemy had just released chemical weapons upon us!  I was both ashamed and oddly proud in that moment!  Diane came down the steps and said "holy shit, was that you or is there a dead hooker in the closet"?  I said "yes, it was me and no dead hooker in the closet, I think there is one in my ass"!  Now I have not farted again since this relationship changing fart and for that I am grateful but one has to wonder, if this was half the dosage on the very first day, only hours after taking the first dose, what the hell do I have in store for me?

So that was it, my first Chantix Diary post.  I don't know what making this decision will bring to me or what effect it will have but whatever it will be, it will be right here on this silly friggin blog!  The reason that I used the photo at the top of this post was because I'm hoping it will be the last drawing, photo or video ever taken of me with a smoke in my hand!  Wish me luck!  Thank you Ms. Pinky Pancake from Sacred Skin Tattoo for the drawing, I love it!

Until we see each other on the road again;

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back and
The Man Off Your ASS!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Stuck at home on Christmas with The Shits!

What happens when you are stuck at home with The Shits on Christmas?  What happens when
George the Painter comes down on Christmas and fills his pipe?  Ideas like this!  Merry Christmas
everyone!  Here is a message from Diane, a message of thanks and a poem of joy!

GTP LIGHTS OUR FIRE!

It's the very first time that we remember the most, isn't that what everyone always says?  You never forget your first?  Do you remember some of these milestones in your life?  The first time a chick fell for the "I'll just put the tip in" line or the first time you tried with all your heart and soul to walk in the house shit faced drunk and convince your parents that someone must have dosed you because you would never drink or the first time that your girl leaned over while you were driving and put her head in your lap or the first time you were out deep in the woods in the dead of winter at keg party and your girl and her best friend get in an argument over who gives the best head and decide that this debate must be settled right there and then?  The first time you were released from the back of a police car and the cop said, "now get the fuck out of here or next time I catch you, I'LL CALL YOUR FATHER", the first time you got the front wheel up on a motorcycle and you rode that shit out and didn't crash your buddies bike doing it or the first time you took a chance, went for it and didn't hear, WRONG HOLE, WRONG HOLE, WRONG HOLE!!!!  Ah yes, so now we are on the same page of those special times we all hold so dear in our hearts and in our memory!

Tonight was one of those special nights I won't soon forget!  It's Christmas time and I have to admit coming into the season, I was one miserable ass som bitch!  Somehow we managed to salvage the holiday and it actually turned out pretty decent.  On Christmas day, George the Painter jumped on his Leaky Latowski and rode down the mountain from Payson to come join us in our celebration of the birth of Baby Jesus.... or perhaps he took the ride because he was going bat shit crazy up there all by himself, we may never actually know the truth!  Since we were in the spirit of the day, we decided to make one of Diane's wishes come true.  We've lived in our house now for 3 years and one of the reasons we chose this house was the fact the home had two gorgeous fireplaces!  Oh the fantasies that those things inspired in us.... well 3 years have gone by and till this day, we've never lit the fireplace in our bed room or in our family room.  Well wish no more!  Today I sent GTP up on to the roof like god damned Spiderman to unblock the flue while all the neighbors wondered who that skinny prick was on my roof yelling down, it looks clear to me, but it has a bend in it!!!  Shine the flashlight up the hole!  Oh yeah, I don't think my heavily Mormon populated hood had any idea what hit them!  They must have thought the biker scum were filming another dirty movie at the house on the corner!  So we did it, we lit the fireplace for the first time ever and Diane has a big ass happy smile on her face!

If I would have had any idea that if you do what she wants and things that make her happy, she busts my balls a whole lot less and I GET REWARDED!!!  That video WILL NOT follow!

Until we see each other on the road again;

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man Off Your ASS!

Your Friend,
Jack Shit