The Greatest Gift!

The greatest gift we receive are the people that the universe puts in front of us.  The question is simply, what do you do with that gift?  Do you keep it?  Do you cherish it? Do you put it in the closet thinking that you don't really need it but one day might?  Do you return it and try to get something different?  Do you re-gift it?  Or do you just say thank you universe for thinking of me but this is a gift that I neither want nor need in my life?

It seems so simple right?  But how simple is it really?  Times are so tough and some people have begun to sink lower and lower on the pond scum scale.  Reaching levels of scum that even the other scum sucking organisms don't want to feed off of.  How do we know who we are dealing with, better yet, can we ever know right off the bat?  Do we have to let the bad in with the good and just let things shake out?  After more than 40 years of trying to figure all of this out, I am sad to say that I honestly still have no real answer for this.  I have no real advice to offer any of my friends to help them keep the scum from sucking the life out of them.  I only wish I had even a hint of an answer.  I was just about to turn off the computer tonight and go and try to catch up on some much needed and missed sleep from Biketoberfest when I happened upon a photo that I snapped with my phone just moments before I left Daytona for the airport.  The photo above is of the one and only Brother Speed!  The man is an icon in our community!  HE IS THE REAL MOTHERFUCKIN DEAL! 

There are so few of these people still left around it seems.  He has no agenda, he just is!  If you are good, you stick around, if you are shit, he scrapes you off his shoes and moves on!  So simple and to the point!  Seeing this photo just got me to thinking about a few things.  First, about how lucky I've been in my life to have had such amazing people come in to it.  Then I thought how lucky I am in my life because I was able to cut the evil, selfish, goat fuckers out of it!  Sadly, there will always be people who attempt to bring drama or lies or evil in to our lives, there is no way to avoid it short of never leaving your home.  Then again, telemarketers will call you and once you have answered, the evil is in anyway, so you may as well go out!  Hang up promptly for your own good!  Nothing worth buying is worth buying over the damn phone!  I guess the only thing that we can do is stay honest, true and loyal to the ones that deserve it! 

I've got so much to write about, so much to tell you about and so much to share but I am just so exhausted still from Biketoberfest that I don't have it in me.  I want to write a piece about a friend who passed a few weeks ago and pay him the homage that he deserves.  I want to write about the rally in Daytona, I want to write about the renovations going on with THE FLIP house and I want to write to tell you how well Diane has been doing but I just don't have it in me.  I promise to catch up on all of it as fast as I can.  I have a huge wedding to perform this weekend so I will not be attending the Love Ride.  So at least that is one thing that I have not fallen behind on writing about!  I will catch up on it all and I promise, you will enjoy it!  Until that time comes, keep an eye out for where you step because the universe puts big fat piles of shit where you least expect them to be.  They are usually found right around the people you care for most.  Until we see each other on the road, please be safe, live life and love with all you have!  We only get one shot at this crazy ass life so make the best of it.  It's okay to make mistakes, what's not okay is to learn nothing from them!

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your Ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

This is just amazing!

If you haven't yet seen this, you have got to check this out! I had wondered what those special lil cameras were for and now I know! You arrive and the property is empty and when you leave the property is empty..... what happens in between is just a blur! I have not seen this done with during a rally before. This was all set up by Uli and Rachel from Whinnies who worked their asses off with us at the Broken Spoke for Biketoberfest! I hope you enjoy this as much as I have.... This is so damn cool!

I don't think that it could be better!

Well I've done it!  I made it through another rally and I am no worse for the wear!  The only thing different about this rally was that I arrived at this one injured!  Typically I only leave them injured so it was a nice change of pace!  Leading in to the rally and after each night I averaged 3.5 to 4.5 hours of sleep so to say that I wasn't at the top of my game would truly be an understatement.  It was the crowd having a great time and seeing the smiles on their faces that gave me the strength to pull through.  Well that and the occasional, desperately needed shot of Jack Daniels!  I arrived home in Phoenix last night at midnight, which for me was 3 am on the clock that I was running on.  I stayed awake till 3 am which was really 6 am for me and when I finally fell asleep, I slept all damn day.  When I finally did get up, I limped out of bed, naked, to the pool and laid down on a chair in the sun!  It wasn't long before I had to cover up the "boys" with a bandanna because they were boiling!  It sure was nice to be home!  I got yet another two hours of rest and it really made me feel great.

When I return from these events and people ask me how things were, the answer is always "great"!  When asked about specific events and I try to recall them, everything is blank!  As the next few days follow, the events that transpired slowly creep back in to my brain!  It's like my brain is swollen and I have to put ice on it to bring the swelling down and then the memories rush back in!  Yes, I know, I am a lunatic!  So my point is this right now;  I would very much like to tell you all about Biketoberfest at the Broken Spoke, but right this moment, I SIMPLY CAN'T!  There is just not much in the ol' memory bank! 

I just wanted to write a quick post and say thank you!  There were so many people that began working long before this rally ever even began to the people who are quite literally still on property at the Spoke right now working their asses off to clean it up!  From the bottom of my heart, this could never have been done without you, each and every single one of you!  I just wrote this to say thanks and to let you guys know that I am back home, safe and sound and in the following days, I plan to write about this years Biketoberfest! 

Most importantly though, I want to say from the depths of my heart and soul, THANK YOU to all of you who came to the Broken Spoke to party with us!  There are so many of you amazing people that I have become friends with over the years that in all that time I'd never had the pleasure of getting to meet you in person and for a great many of you, at this rally, that finally got to happen!  That was for sure one of the major highlights of this rally for me!  I also want to say thank you to each and every single one of you whose first questions to me were about Diane!  It touches me that you guys have grown to love and care about her and her battle with MS!  God Bless You!  One day soon, I will find a way to bring her to one of these larger rallies so that she can see first hand, for herself how much she is loved by so many! 

So for now, I'm going to actually eat something!  I eat very little once I have switched to rally mode!  I am going to go back to bed, wrap my arms around my girl and count my lucky stars that I have been blessed to have been surrounded by so many amazing people, not only in business and in cyber space but in my real life as well.  I could not ask for more than I have!  Everyone ride safe and until we see each other on the road or at the next rally;

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

You truly just never know!

For a great many of us, we will never ever know how many lives we've touched, how many people respected us or how many people counted on us or simply, HOW MANY PEOPLE LOVED US! Here is the perfect example. Kenny Lucas, Master Bike Builder from Knockout Motorcycles here in Mesa, AZ was killed while test riding a customers bike of all things! Here is one of the best wrenches and riders I've ever known and in one split second, it was all over! I am sure that as Kenny spent day and night in the shop, he could never in his wildest dreams imagined the way his loss would affect so very many people! When I arrived 45 minutes late to the Memorial last Saturday, which by the way was 6 blocks from my house, I was stunned with the turnout and that was before I realized that there was nearly as many bikes behind the shop! The showroom and the massive shop at Knockout were packed to the walls with friends of Kenny's! As I sit here in the Atlanta Airport, waiting on a connecting flight to Daytona for Biketoberfest, I sit here wearing my Kenny Lucas shirt! The memorial was quite fitting. First we got together, shared some stories, shared some memories, ate some food and then took off like crazed bastards on murdersickles, ah yes, just the way Kenny would have. I don't have a lot of time to write because I know just what will happen, I'll get in to writing this story and miss my fucking plane, so I will just say this.... Kenny, you were truly one of a kind my friend! Had it not been for you, my bike would have been fucked. I would never have made the ride to Sturgis and you guys know how great Sturgis was for me this year! 6 degrees of seperation. As it turns out, the guy, my friend that I write about all the time, Keith Cole was taught damn near everything he knows about FXR's from Kenny and I never even knew it..... what a small world! Enjoy the video, it's quick and only about half the bikes that went on the ride....

Kenny Lucas, long may you run my friend, Long May you Run!



Until we see each other on the road or in this case, Daytona for Biketoberfest, be safe and be kind, what comes around goes around, love as you would like to be loved.

Keep the wind in your face, tits in your back and the man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

The Countdown is On!

I am 9 hours from leaving for the airport and flying over this great nation of ours on my way to the World Famous Broken Spoke Saloon!  Tomorrow will be a 23 hour long work day for me.  From the time that I get up, hit the airport, fly, land, catch a ride and jump on stage and blow the Spoke up, I will have been up for 23 hours straight.  Now that is the way you start off your rally, balls out! 

We've got so much planned for such a short rally that it is going to be as I like to call it, madness and mayhem!  In the last four days I've gotten 16 emails about Jack Shit shirts...... the answer is YES!  I will be bringing as many as I can carry.  This isn't like the usual week long event where I have 500 or more shirts, I can only bring so many on a plane in one suitcase so I suggest you get them early.  If you find yourself out Ormond Beach way and you are a bit buzzed out or it's early and can't get yourself in gear, we are offering free coffee, day and night, so don't take a chance, stop on in the bar and get your shit straight!  I was also asked if we were going to hit people up for cash to park their bikes.  I will say this so that you all know, the answer is a simple and resounding, FUCK NO! 

I could go on and on about the bands that we have playing all rally but I don't want to weigh this post down with that shit.  Just go on over the the Broken Spoke Saloon website for Daytona and check it out.  It will be constantly updated as will face book.  My page, the Spoke's page and Biketoberfest pages will all have non stop updates of how the day is progressing and what events are happening.  Don't forget though, regarding entertainment, the one and only Molly Hatchet will be performing and as I understand it, it is going to be a free show.... now how the hell do you top that shit?

So I need you fine folks to pack up your shit, get on those murdersickles we all love so much and get your asses to the Broken Spoke Saloon and come down and hang out and party with your pal Jack Shit!  There are a great many of you who have reached out to me, letting me know that you are coming down and I'm pumped!  For a great many of you, I have not had the honor to meet you in person yet and I am really looking forward to it! 

Ride safe and see you soon.  For those of you, my friends that can't make it down to Daytona;

Until we see each other again on the road,

Keep the wind in your face, tits in your back and the man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Lives are still being lost at the OK Corral!

The location of quite possibly the most famous gunfight in history was also the location for two dear friends to give their lives this past weekend as well.   Their single lives at least!  What seems like forever ago, perhaps it was on New Year's day, my dear friends Porn and Ilise asked if I would perform their wedding ceremony.  How could I not?  I have seen so many great couples that have thrown it all away by getting married but this was not the first for either of one of them so I figured they knew best!  Normally I at least try to talk a couple out of getting married.  I use every argument I can to do it too!  Now you are probably thinking, how does a guy who is with his girl for nearly 26 years bash marriage?  Why would you try to talk people out of what you are so happy with?  The answer to that is very simple.  I like to hear them defend the idea of why they are getting married.  The harder they fight, the better the chance that it will work out and the deeper the love.  Ya get it now?  IT'S A TRICK!

I've been going pretty hard since August and Sturgis and September was not much different.  I have events, weddings and rallies booked for each and every single weekend and I am bouncing from town to town and state to state.  Along with performing, writing and the other silly things I do with my life, I've also been, as you know, involved in the renovation work on yet another property.  Of all the things that I've been up to, you would think being involved in the bike world would be the most dangerous part of it all right?  Running helmetless at 100 mph would surely lead to disaster at worst or a few real good injuries at the least.  Walking in to the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people and there is always the chance you may not be walking out!  Hell, living in the city where I live now, there is the chance of getting hurt in a mugging or hit by a drunk driver.  None of that has happened to me yet but I did get hurt pretty bad.  I got hurt how most hardcore rigid chopper riders get hurt real bad............  moving boxes of tile!  I twisted the wrong way as I was picking up a box of 18" tile and literally heard my back pop like bubble wrap!  I was frozen in place, still bent over, still holding the box of tile and I could not move!  I had hoped that within a day or two it would ease up and I could make the ride down to Tombstone or as I call it, Doombstone!  Well that didn't happen and I only got worse and worse as the days led up to the wedding.  This was nearly the very first wedding that I ever cancelled out on but I could not, I gave my word!  I could not only NOT ride a bike, I could not sit on a toilet, I was a mess!  I was screwed and then our hero entered the picture, GTP and his PIMP BLIMP saved the day!

I never thought that I would hear myself say this, hell, much less ever hear anyone else ever say it, but here it is; THANK GOD FOR GEORGE THE PAINTER!  There, I said it.  Sure a little bit of bile shot up in the back of my mouth as I said it but the burning in the back of my throat was worth it!  GTP showed up early in the morning, helped me load my shit in to the Pimp Blimp and got it all set up to carry a crippled ass Minister the 200 miles down to Doombstone!  It's not often, as a matter of fact it is actually quite rare that if I am in a cage that I am not the one driving.  I like to be in control and being a passenger makes me tense to say the least.  This could very well be the first time that I've ever been in a vehicle with George driving so I had no idea of his skills.  Every ripple in the road, each bump and each time the brakes were applied it was like being tasered!  My knee was blown out and my sciatic nerve was electrocuting me!  I thought I was going to just plain pass out.  Pain killer and muscle relaxers, one after the other like M&M's were the only thing that helped me make it through the ride down.  All that I could think of was getting out of that car!  The pills kicked in, I found a comfy position with pillows, braces and ice packs and a little Kid Rock on the cd player and I was relaxing.  Being a passenger is kind of cool, you get to see things you normally wouldn't.  You get to capture those things on camera that otherwise you wouldn't be able to.  For example;

Since I had the camera out, I figured I may as well capture the trip for posterity so I turned it on George and myself.  So we are driving 90 mph in a 75 ft. long wagon and I start snapping away.  I couldn't turn my hips, I couldn't turn my head and I could barely lift my arms.  I snapped a pic to see how it would line up and was stunned when I realized this car had a very special feature!

The Pimp Blimp has a rear sun roof!  Who knew?  I guess this was meant to help keep the kids quiet long before dvd players and video games were in each of the head rests!  Had I not taken this picture, I would have never known it was there!  This luxury vehicle has now grown even more luxurious!  Since I was taking pics, I had to capture the driver passenger shot.  I didn't think I would be able to get us both in but sure as shit I could.  Because of the horrible spasms in my back, it took two or three shots to get just the right one.  Now picture me, shaking like a junkie who is 2 days without a fix and GTP looking at the camera and smiling, but we are on the 10 in Arizona, one of the most busy and dangerous roads in the country as you can witness by looking at the news from yesterday of the multiple, 20+ car wrecks.  So here we are flying down the highway, me snapping away and us laughing like fucktards when just as I hit the shutter we realize that the Jeep Cherokee in front of us has all but come to a stop.  You can all but see it in his face!

You are probably thinking "hey, wait, I thought you said George was driving"?  He was!  The phone has two cameras.  One is forward and the other rear.  I never realized that the rear camera shoots backwards until this day when I started getting all kinds of crazy messages. 

After a quick stop at Wendy's for lunch and the hardware store for dog food, yes, that is what I said, don't ask, it is just how it works down there I guess, we rolled on in to Doombstone!  I guess in the town that is too tough to die, somethings just never change.  I had not been there since Jan. 1st of this year and as we pulled in to the Circle K store, I am pretty sure that the very same people were waiting on line.  Not that they were the same customers, I mean they were still waiting on the very same line as they were 10 months ago.  Service at the Circle K is well, FUCKING SLOW to say the very least!  As we turned in to the Porn compound, we could see all of the folding chairs nicely lined up along the property for wedding guests to sit and relax on.  Of course as we drove in, George promptly crashed in to and drove over them at high speed.  It was really funny to everyone but me because he had to slam on the brakes to keep from crashing in to the building and the pain that it caused me was indescribable!  For the record though, it was funny as shit!

As you can see in the video, the home on the Porn Compound is bad ass to say the least.  Well that is if you are in to history!  I believe the home was built in the 1880's and the home that shares the property is even older.  We arrived just shy of two hours prior to ceremony start time.  I had been so busted up in the days leading up to it that I had not written any ceremony for them at all.  I had taken the time to put down some bullet points as they popped in to my head while working on other projects.  I had my usb storage device plugged in at the time and didn't realize that when I hit save to each of the projects that I was working on saved to that device.  Of course that storage device was sitting on my desk at home, 200 miles away.  So now it's a little more than an hour before scheduled start time and we have no wedding ceremony.  I hopped to it, wrote from the heart and managed to put together what I believed to be beautiful.  All we had to do was print it out and head over to the wedding.  NOT SO EASY!  The printer would not work with my computer.  The only way to make it work was to print wireless.  The problem with that was that we had to steal the ac adapter from the wireless router to power up the printer.  No wireless printing now either.  We are now 22 minutes from start time.  We burned it to disc and put it in Ilise's lap top, opened it up and files "unreadable".  18 minutes to go, no ceremony!  By the grace of God, we got it to print and saved the day.  I ran outside, took another pain killer, sucked down half a jack and coke and we raced over to the OK Corral!  Needless to say, the bride to be was running a bit late.  By now I was on my feet for a while and just plain thought I would drop, walking with a cane and all. Brother Porn and I waited and waited and then!

 Finally, I heard the crowd on the bleachers moving and then a collective, AHHHHH!  With that, the bridal party began to enter this sacred property!  The one and only GTP gave our bride away along with lil Brayden and they all looked great!

I've got to say that the entire bridal party looked great.  Now it was time to gather them all together and let the madness begin!  I've always called Porn my brother and Ilise my sister so about 3 minutes in to the ceremony it dawned on me.  I began to speak about how touched and honored I was to perform both my brother's and my sister's wedding.... I just never thought that I would be marrying my brother to my sister?  Oh well, after all, it is Tombstone!  I don't think anyone would care and more so, not even sure anyone would notice!

So if there is anyone here who has any reason whatsoever to object to this couple being married here today, SHUT YOUR MOUTH, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF, NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR FROM YOU!

The ceremony progressed and as I looked down on my friends, I could see the love in their eyes and the joy on their faces and it touched me.  I was honored and humbled to have been asked to be part of this incredible day and if but for a brief few minutes, my pain went away!  When you look down and see a friend with this kind of smile on her face, how can you feel anything but great?

I pulled a few fast ones on them during the ceremony and it just added to the joy and laughter that we all shared that afternoon in the OK Corral.  I mean really folks, I'm not sure how much of a history buff you are but this is inside the OK CORRAL!  Remember the Gunfight at the OK Corral?  Wyatt Earp?  Doc Holiday?  We were standing on sacred ground!  I've married couples in the most amazing places but I have to say that this is right up there on top of the list as the best ever!  I finally gave them the "all good", pronounced them man and wife and let them kiss!

I have very few rules when I perform a wedding but one is that I get to be in the first pics with the new married couple.  The minister isn't the norm, the ceremony isn't the norm, the location isn't the norm so why would our photo be normal?

The ceremony was done, friends and family gathered around to show the newlyweds how much they were loved and then we moved the party back to the Porn Compound!  The DJ put out the jams, the caterers put out the food, the drunks put out the booze and the guests put out the smiles!  It truly was a great reception.  Just a bunch of friends celebrating the love of our friends in the back of a 130 plus year old home!  The party went late in to the night and was like fluctuating crop circles.  All night the groups of people switched up.  Nobody was a stranger there, just friends that were just made!  The over all vibe was amazing!
Bouquets and garters were tossed and caught, drinks continued to flow and finally, the wedding cake was cut and was served in the traditional fashion of course.

after the cake was served and for the record, I don't know where it came from, it was just incredible!  From after this wonderful cake moment, let's just say that the party moved forward in a magical direction.  Every once in a while you would find yourself just about to ask the person walking towards you in the dark if they were okay and then realize that there was no one there!  Ghost?  I dunno?  Drunk? Perhaps!  But it was a good time.

Look how busted up and shot out I am in this pic.  I am bent like a 90 year old man.  You know things are bad when Jack Daniels, Jagerbombs and percocet don't help!

We ended the evening with signing the marriage license to make sure that we didn't forget all about it!  I would have hated that when they returned from the honey moon and realized they were not married!

Leading up to the wedding, I was honestly dreading it.  I was not sure how I was even going to make it down there.  Once there I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to make it through it.  Afterwards all I wanted to do was just crash out.  It all worked out great and as always, I was one of the very last people still up and partying!  Believe me the partying was done too.  My ability to bring smiles that day to so very many people carried me through all the pain.  Getting to spend time around people that I love didn't hurt either.  Sure I pushed it so hard that I have barely gotten up and out of bed since but I've got to rest up, I've got Daytona Biketoberfest to be in fighting shape for!  Here is an example of how hard the party raged, here is a shot of the DJ that I just love!

No he is not leaning down and reading the US Constitution or anything.  That is what you might call, "taking a break" from the festivities!

All I can say is that it was a beautiful day that many won't soon forget!  I am grateful for having been invited to take part in it.  I want to thank Annie Cooper and Juliana Salvante's Photo Pizzazz for allowing me to use their photos here to share this day with my friends around the world!

So next stop for me is now Daytona at the Broken Spoke Saloon, I'll see you there!

Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and the Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

T Shirts! Oh how I screwed this up!

Hey folks, I am writing this to you guys so that you understand what is going on with T shirts and shirt orders!  As you see, on the right side of the page here, on any page here, you can order I Know Jack Shit shirts.  Those orders are processed automatically and go straight to pay pal.  When an order comes in, pay pal sends me an email and lets me know that an order has been placed and the specific details of the order and the person who has purchased it.  I also have people order through me directly via email, or right on face book.  I thought that it was perhaps the economy or thought that maybe people just weren't digging on them anymore or that sales of the shirts had just run their course.  I've been getting asked for some time now about when will the next design come out?  I also have a pay pal visa that is attached to this acct. that I rarely use but it makes it much quicker to take money out of pay pal and it offers me a way to pay for Diane's meds and such that come right from these sales.  I went on line to check to see if a charge was credited back to the account and was dumbfounded to see the amount of money in the acct.  HOW CAN THIS BE?  So I opened up the pay pal acct to find it filled with shirt orders going back since Sturgis ended.....  HOLY SHIT!

As you guys know, I ship typically within the next business day or at the latest two days after an order arrives and payment is received....  apparently lately I have not.  I just could not understand how this happened.  It took some research on my part and I got to the bottom of it.  They say an explanation is just an excuse so take it anyway that you like it, but here it is!  If you guys remember, just prior to Rally time Diane's cell phone was stolen.  She is not real tech savvy and didn't really have any "security measures set up to protect herself with the phone.  Because the MS affects her memory, she saved all her passwords right in the phone for all her accounts.  The phone was brand new and we never loaded up where's my droid or any other type of app to track down the phone.  In a total panic we raced home and changed each and every password to all of our accounts, email, bank, pay pal etc.  Well what I should say is that "I" changed all of these for her.  I also made my email address the primary email for pay pal.  This means each time an order comes in, pay pal sends me an email with the details.  I was receiving these right up to Sturgis.  I don't really have the greatest concept of time these days but did think to myself "man orders really slowed down".  What I didn't realize was and she swears to God that she told me, Diane changed the primary email on the pay pal acct back to the original email address and just changed the password to the new one.  She told me that she did it so that I would not have to worry about it while I was on the road for those few weeks.  Every week since, she has said to me, have you shipped shirts and I responded "sure have".  I was talking about shirts that I received orders for myself through facebook and email.  I had no idea until this morning that she was talking about these orders from the net and through the blog page!  I HAD NO IDEA THEY WERE EVEN THERE!  So this morning, standing on the driveway, we got in what for us is the very rare argument!  She insists that she told me and I can't remember that she did.... 

I AM SO FUCKING SORRY!  These orders will be dealt with immediately.  I have a shirts coming in this week!

I had no idea that you guys had put in all of these orders.  All of you guys that follow me on face book know that for the last 2 weeks now, I can't open "messages" in face book.  I am now up to 306 new messages and it only opens up to a blank page, nothing there at all!  As a matter of fact, I actually posted two pics up to facebook today of the number of messages and the blank page when you open it.  I've called the number someone posted last week to reach them and I've tried all that I can to get them to open, but to no avail.  I had gotten email messages from people saying that they were going over to the blog to order shirts but didn't receive them.  I just thought they changed their minds or didn't get around to it yet.  Little did I know.  So again, this will be dealt with as fast as I possibly can!


I can't thank you all enough for the support that you have shown to both Diane and myself with the orders of these shirts.  I am humbled each and every single time that you go out, take photos in them and send them to me!  The proceeds go to a great cause and honestly over the last two years I don't know how we would have paid for Diane's meds had it not been for you guys, my friends and the purchase of these shirts!  From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.  I'm going to post this here and then post and re post it on to facebook so that people know what happened and get this all resolved right away!  I hope you understand that I am a fuck up, forgive me for this screw up and still want your shirts.  IF YOU CAN'T, then I understand and I'll send you back the payment for the shirt.  You just let me know.  Now that we know about the email address issue with pay pal, this will never happen again.  


Sincerely, your friend,
Jack Shit 

Starting to polish up our little Gem

On the 15th I believe, I posted up about a property that we are deeply involved in the purchase, renovation and hopefully soon, the re sale of.  I was blown away by how much interest you guys showed in it.  In that original post I told you all that I would keep you up to date on the progress of the property and show you what a little bit of imagination, elbow grease and a hammer can do with an old foreclosed home.  Today we took a trip up to the doctor and stopped by the property to check up on how it was coming along.  Right now about 80% of the demolition is complete and the prep work is being done to prepare for finish materials.  Not only has the home taken on a drastic appearance change from the curb but once through the door it has become unrecognizable from its former self!  Well, here, check it out.

Here is a shot of what the exterior looked like when first acquired.

The exterior was refinished with masonry product and is now stucco which

is traditional here in Arizona and will be painted earth tone.

Over the years it seems that the kitchen more or less grew with the family.  There was no real thought that went in to it it seems.  A cabinet was added here and there and there was a built in "china cabinet" that must have been hard to move so they literally built around it.  Very strange!  There was tile in some spots, carpet in others and spots where three different types of tile met up with no real transition, they just came together.
Take a look at this shit!

When you entered the home and looked towards the kitchen this was how it appeared.  By this time we had already chopped up all or most of the flooring.  You can see the smoke rising from Diane's brain working over time.  This was the moment she decided that "THIS KITCHEN MUST GO"!

.....and here is the very same shot and how it appeared today!  One hell of a big difference isn't it?  Don't worry, that crazy oak railing is not going in the kitchen but rather it is replacing the shit ass home made rail outside on the small front patio and entry. 

Here was a view looking from the kitchen towards the front door.  It truly is night and day!

Once Diane gets on that job site and begins cracking that whip, work finally gets done!  She paces like a lioness and the workers suddenly become like gazelles.  Suddenly, siesta time is over!  Check out the difference now!

All of the flooring in the main living area has been removed, the cabinets, the appliances, that old china cabinet and even the walls have been taken down.  I can't wait to see the design that she has for the new kitchen.  She is amazing in her vision for these properties.  Let me show you another view of what this mish mosh of a kitchen had grown in to, it was truly horrible.  Just look at how they built around the cabinet!

.... and take a look at the very same space now with the cabinets out and the walls removed.

In Arizona, they say that the biggest room in your home is your back yard!  We average around 350 days of sunshine here per year.  The old saying here is 9 months of heaven for 3 months of HELL!  Those 3 months are our summer and all you need is some A/C in the house and a pool in the yard and life don't get any better.  The bigger the back patio, the happier the family!  This home had an average sized screened in patio with a few makeshift windows and a swamp cooler.  Over the years, walls were built and small prison cell like rooms were added along the back of the home.  What the hell is the sense in having a big beautiful back yard with a pool and a hot tub and you can't even see the damn things?  I made the command decision that the patio bar would stay!  ARE YOU SHOCKED?  But I also made the decision that the entire back of the home would come off!  This home was going to have one big, beautiful patio for the new owners to enjoy!  Here is what it looked like when we got this joint!

As of today, this has all come down!  The exterior walls have been removed, the windows and screen are gone for good.  No more prison cell!  As I said, of course the bar had to stay but the rest is history.  What was a 16' patio is now about 36' and it will all be open right to the pool and spa!

As you can see, THE BAR HAS REMAINED!  How can you enjoy your backyard without a place to make margaritas?  Once again, Diane obviously rocking her construction pumps is cracking the whip again!  As far as the rest of the property goes, the bathrooms will be gutted and those silly one piece shower stalls will be pulled out and the showers will be all done in tile.  Every nail hole will be filled, every single flaw in the will be made perfect and new flooring will be installed throughout.  The home also features a two car garage that was converted years ago in to one huge family room.  The only problem was that the room was so dark and so dreary.  In the middle sat a wood burning stove which will soon find its new home on MY PATIO.  There is a big ass closet that will be ripped out we've converted a room that I have no idea the original purpose that it served in to a huge pantry and laundry room.  First things first though, we had to make that room more inviting and get some natural light in it so we blew out the center of the front wall and framed in a big ass window.

This was how it looked before with all of the lights on and the camera flash going off!

There is nothing like adding natural light to a once dark and miserable space! 

Yes, that is the stove that will be going out on my back patio.  I have a separate patio all lined

up for this bad boy to be placed!  Can ya feel the romance?

So now you guys know a little bit more about what we do with our time when we are not riding those crazy murder sickles around the country and I'm not on stage entertaining or sitting on the ol' lap top and writing crazy shit for you all to read!  For those of you who did not see the previous piece about the story of this home, how we came about our involvement with it and so on, than I'll hit you with a brief recap.  My amazing wife, Diane is hands down, the very best realtor that I have ever seen!  She is so good that nearly every client that she has ever gotten a home for has referred their family and friends back to Diane to purchase their own home.  With the real estate market being so volatile these days and with all of the foreclosed properties, you need a very knowledgeable agent on your side and as I said before, SHE IS THE BEST I'VE EVER SEEN!  Back in the day, we use to find investment properties for friends and clients and turned them all in to real estate moguls before we began doing it for ourselves as well.  So flipping homes is in our DNA!  These days, Diane's client base is nearly all investors and most of those fine folks are coming down from Canada because their market is still exceptional up there and they are buying down here in Arizona.  We've made so many Canadian friends now and have done so much business with them over the last few years that we are practically honorary Canadians.  Now if they would just let me cross the damn border we could actually go and visit them too!

So as I promised, I'll keep you up to date on the progress of this property, as crazy as it seems right now, we are not really all that far from finishing this home.  I can guarantee one thing, this home will be beautiful when we are done and a lucky family is going to have a great place to call their own and either raise a family or have one hell of a vacation house!  So if you are interested in finding out more about the insane deals that are going on down here, please don't think twice about hitting Diane or myself up with those questions.  As much as I love to make people laugh and smile, Diane loves to find people homes of their very !  If not for you and you know someone else who is thinking about something like this, have them reach out to us.  THE ONLY STUPID QUESTION IS ONE THAT IS NOT ASKED!

Until we see each other on the road again,

Keep the wind in your face,

Tits in your back

and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,

Jack Shit