Beautiful night for a romantic Harley ride!

So you guys know that I picked up that bad ass 1200 Sporty for Diane. The night I brought it home she took off on it for a short while. She did a few laps around the neighborhood but that was it. Since that night, she has been working like crazy and coming home late and exhausted. She has not had the chance to take one single ride. I know that it has been killing her. So we did all our running around today, waited for the blazing heat to die down and got ready to go for a ride. I pulled out my pickle.... wait, does that sound right? Well anyway, I pulled out my pickle and took out the sporty and got them all ready to go. She had some last minute shit to do before we left so I sat on the couch and fired up the ol' lap top. I just happened to catch a post from a friend about the "HOLY HAIL SHIT" that was happening out there way. She was about 15 miles or so east of us. I reached out and she said it had already passed on by but it was serious. I punched up the local radar and it looked ominous! SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WARNING, TORNADO WARNING AND QUARTER SIZED HAIL along with 70MPH winds. The storm was east of us and heading north east! Perfect! I watched the radar for another 25 minutes and sure as shit, it was going the other way. I watched the "animated" radar map and it was confirmed. I watched the forecast for the next 6 hours, CLEAR! We went out to the driveway and there were some clouds over head and they looked kind of dark, but I was armed with Doppler radar info, how could that be wrong? It was a beautiful night for a romantic Harley ride!




Until we see each other again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Tomorrow is the 10th anniversary of the tragedy that was 9/11. Never forgive - Never forget! Pray for the survivors and the families of the victims and don't forget the soldiers that are fighting to this day to protect and defend America. God bless the American soldier.

Your friend,
Jack Shit

We all need to laugh this weekend!

As this, the 10th anniversary of 9/11 arrives tomorrow, I've been overwhelmed with sadness. When I feel down, I like to look through old photos of good times and it helps raise my spirits. While going through old files I found this video. I had either forgotten that I even had it or never even knew that I had it.

I was invited to compete in a comedy contest and the winner would open for the winner of Last Comic Standing. I had never before performed a 10 minute set. I am use to doing anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour on stage. I was terrified that I would fuck it all up or god forbid, not make anyone laugh. I had set a plan of attack, all new material and I went for it. As you will see, that plan went straight to hell. I hope on this very sad day that this helps to bring a smile to your face. God bless America and please, never forget the 3000 Americans we lost on September 11th and the soldiers who have been fighting ever since!

Born Free 3 after party

If you guys read my recent piece in Cycle Source magazine titled "MAY THE FOURS BE WITH YOU", this was the culmination of that trip, well sort of! It was the culmination of Born Free 3 and it was amazing. I will tell you briefly in case you didn't read the article or in case you have not picked up this months mag yet and I don't want to ruin it for you. What we did was set a plan and then try like hell to follow and we nearly did. The plan was, 4 guys, 4 FXR's, travelling 400 miles and leaving promptly at 4am.... supposedly. Here was the kicker, we ran late and pulled out at 4:44, you can't make this shit up! Not enough fours for you, then here is one more, the temp 114 degrees! That is the reason that we had to leave at 4am to get across most of the desert before the temps rose and killed us! As many of you have read recently, I have fallen in love with the FXR from Harley, I don't know how I've gone so long in my life without one and now I know, I will never go without one again! What you also know is that I AM A CHOPPER GUY at heart and to my very core so it was difficult for me to be at Born Free 3 on a bike with suspension. What wasn't difficult was riding that fucker across the desert and not stopping every 80 miles for gas. Born free was truly an amazing event and I don't know how it can possibly remain a one day event. There was far too much to take in with only a few hours. I have been reading about plans for Born Free 4 and I am pumped. I had heard rumor that the event had grown in just three years from an alley party to a massive event and may have gotten too big! Thank God they are not true.

After we packed up camp at Irvine Lake Campground we decided to make a run up the Pacific Coast Hwy for a few hours and then work our way back down to Seal Beach. Brother Teach and his crew of iron assed maniacs had ridden 2500 miles at the minimum to be there on antique iron, some even further and as a knucklehead owner, I sort of felt redeemed when Elvis, his 47' knuck made the journey with a single issue! Well Teach and his crew were staying down in Seal Beach with Chicago Will another proud knucklehead rider at his place and that is where the after party was held. Will and his lovely wife and crew put out one hell of a bbq spread for all of us and no bullshit, the greatest mac and cheese that I have ever tasted in my life! We hung out until around 7 pm before we had to make our mad dash back across the desert. When I shot the video below of attendees at the bbq, only about 1/3 of them had arrived. I should have taken out the camera and caught more video but I was so blown away by these bikes and then the ones that rolled in afterwards, it never entered my mind to start shooting again. I want to thank Chicago Will for inviting us in to his home, Keith Cole, Milwaukee Mike and Skoog for being the 3 other FXR's in the four story, Kevin Teach Baas and Scotty, Mario the Dirty Sanchez and so many others for making this an amazing trip! There is so much more to tell but one, I don't want to bore you with it, there is a video of some sick ass choppers to look at and just in case you haven't picked up this month's Cycle Source mag yet, I don't want to ruin the story! I do however want you, my fellow chopper lovers to take a look at this video and enjoy these bikes as much as I did. Don't miss out on next years Born Free 4!



Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
tits in your back and
the Man off your Ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

IMITATION IS THE GREATEST FORM OF FLATTERY

At least that is what I've been told! For the last 15 years that I have been an ordained minister, I have done a great deal of weddings. I have written each and every single ceremony for every single couple and they are all different than any other. There is one part of the ceremony however that I have used on many occasions for the couples and the ceremonies that have meant the most to me. Like I said, I've been doing this during weddings now for 15 years. There are a few of you that read this very blog whose weddings I have performed and you will recognize this. Watch the video and start to pay special attention at 3:00 on the clock.

Like the video below, many of these weddings that I have performed have been video taped and shared around the world on places like you tube. It is no secret that I perform a great deal of biker weddings and have done quite a few "outlaw" weddings. You can imagine my surprise while watching Sons Of Anarchy tonight and heard my blessing used in Opie's wedding ceremony! I damn near shit! So if you guys watched the show tonight this will ring a bell to you. If you recorded it, go back and watch again. Should I assume that a check is in the mail? Yeah, probably not! This was a great wedding and one of my all time favorites. The links to the rest of the ceremony are also here on this YouTube page but it was part 4 that I really wanted to share with you guys. The funny thing is, if you go back through my old posts, there are two from 12-24-10 that I posted of this very ceremony.

Like they say, "IMITATION IS THE GREATEST FORM OF FLATTERY"! I hope you enjoy!



Until we see each other on the road or until someone uses another part of my life on yet another tv show,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend, "The Sinister Minister"
Jack Shit

Who are these fucking people?

I did not take one single photo last night on my trip or even once I arrived.  I did however drink all but a mouthful of an entire bottle of Jack Daniels so I never even thought to take the camera out.  Before we all met up in Tonto Village for the party and camping, the rest of "our crew" was hanging out with Long Jon and Pinky over at Sacred Skin Tattoo up in Payson, Az.  For over a year, one tattoo in particular had been discussed at great length and you are looking at it above!  I call these commitment pieces!  Why you ask?  Because you should be committed for getting it done!  I have got to say beyond what it reads, the work is kick ass and the lines are so tight!  This photo doesn't do it any justice, it truly POPS when you see it!  I give you credit Brother Adam, you got balls of steel for doing this!  Now you don't have to ever worry about being shy, you just have to shake hands with each girl you meet from here on out!  After this, they shut down the shop, everyone else met up at their new house and rode on down to the event down the road.  I wanted to wait for Diane to get home before I left.  When she is out with clients, I stay at the house and pretty much run tech support from here.  So I wanted to make sure that she didn't need me for anything before I left to do the 95 mile ride.  Usually no matter what the weather here in the valley, it is insanely different up in the mountains.  Nearly every day in the summer an afternoon monster storm rolls through and cools it all down.  By the time you hit 4000 feet on the mountain it is usually cold, even when the valley is at 115 degrees.  Last night, the temps never dropped.  I rode all the way there in just a t shirt.  I never even put on a sweatshirt the entire night until I went to my tent to sleep around 4 am or later.  You could not have asked for a better group of people to hang with.  The event was already going on for two days by the time I arrived and it went until 11pm.  I did not even enter the event until ten minutes to 10pm.  We watched a great local band called Hard Ride tear the roof off the joint.  If you guys are local here in AZ, you really should check this band out, they are really making a name for themselves these days! 

I got to the forest, and followed the road to nowhere in to the event.  The only thing that could have made hanging out there more perfect would have been if my girl was there with us all.  Long Jon, Pinky Pancake, GTP, Chris, Jokey, Keith Cole, Brother Adam, Menace and the lil woman, Walrus, Suzy Ferrington and so many others were all there partying already long before I even arrived!  It was so great to just sit around a fire, drink and just laugh our asses off.  The best part of the night was when we told everyone that came up to meet me that Jokey was me!  He's a funny and good looking guy so he pulled it off pretty damn well.  Then around 3 am we told people the truth and nobody believed us so I went to sleep and he had to remain Jack Shit for the rest of the night!  Everything was perfect, right up until..........

So at about 3:30 in the morning, this morning, I find myself in the middle of the largest Pinion Pine forest on earth, sitting around a camp fire and hanging out with my dearest friends on earth and 2 new "friends".  The two new friends came out of the shadows, flashlights in one hand, the other resting on top of their holsters!  They really snuck up on us too!  "Hey guys, welcome, want a beer" I asked!  Then "is there something that we can help you with"?  We are going to have to ask you guys to quiet down a bit, we've gotten complaints about the noise!  We are in a forest, who complained, an elk?  Apparently there are houses nearby but as it turns out, that is not who called the police!  I can't believe I am even going to say this but I'm going to, the cops weren't bad!  There I said it!  They could have been complete dicks and read us the riot act or ran our plates or asked for ID from any number of us shit faced fools but instead they just walked back in to the shadows.  As they walked away, the people in the tent across from us said to the cops, now get this shit, "IS THAT ALL YOU ARE GOING TO DO"?  Can you believe that?  We are at a bike party in the middle of the woods, in the middle of nowhere and some son of a bitch, punk ass, no respect having piece of shit called the cops to complain about the noise!  This is a first for me and I have seen some shit!

As the cops walked away they answered the RATS with a  "yeah".  That was it.... well that is until the fuck stains that called the cops got out of their tent and broke down their camp and left!  I didn't know about any of the shit with these assholes until this morning when we were talking about the cops coming up last night.  I laughed because when the sun was up, you could see the houses right across the road.  That is when everyone told me about the people in the tent!  Who goes to a biker party that was going on for 3 days, sets up their tent in the middle of all the action and then wants peace and quiet?  Who are these fucking people?  I wonder where they went?  Did they go and set up their camp near the nice and quiet bikers?  Did they leave the national forest altogether?  I wish I had seen or heard any of this because if they think they were miserable before, they would have had no idea what I would have done to them for the rest of the overnight period!  Now the funny part was that this was not even your average, run of the mill "fashion show" type of bike event.  This was put on by the MMA here in AZ.  The MMA stands for Modified Motorcycle Association, you know, choppers pretty much!  There were no $12 cups of coffee for sale, no chaps vendors, just some drinking, eating, bands and camping....  Truly the perfect combination of ingredients to cook up a great event.  That is until you get jerk offs to show up.

Everyone who did not drink a bottle of Jack Daniels got up early as the temps rose and broke down camp.  They were all heading off to Menace's joint up the mountain in Heber and then back to Long Jon and Pinky's place for a bbq and all night party!  I sure hope they don't have the cops called on them again tonight.  There are some pretty nosy elk that come right up in to the backyard!  Rather than stay and ride and party and do one more over nighter, I waited for everyone to leave and then I took my time breaking down my camp and took off in the other direction.  Diane was working again today so I wanted to get home as fast as I could and take my rightful place back in "tech support".  I also missed the hell out of my girl.  So I race home only to find out that she is out all day showing property!  Go figure!  Hey, at least I'm home sitting in the Ice Cold Air Conditioning!  The last 60 miles or so on the way home were stifling and sucked the life right out of me!

So remember now, next time you go to a multi day bike event held in the middle of nowhere, please don't forget to be very quiet, God forbid you wake up any of your neighbors by HAVING A GOOD TIME!  So again, I have to ask, WHO ARE THESE FUCKING PEOPLE and why do the even exist?  I am so sick and tired of fakes, frauds and losers who put their own misery on to others or go to places that they don't belong!  They are so unhappy that they have to ruin the good time for every one else!  The really funny part is that not one of us ever even thought that we were loud at all!  We were not revving bikes up or doing burnouts and we didn't even have any music going...... and they called the cops....  Can you picture  that 911 call and imagine the description that they gave.  911 what's your emergency?  Yes, we are at a motorcycle event and we need your help.  Has someone been injured or shot?  Well no, but the large group of bikers in the tents across the dirt road from us in the woods are being loud.  Is this a prank call?  No, really, we need you to send some officers to quiet them down.  Okay ma'am, we are sending two cars out.  How do we find you?  We are in the red tent next to where the guys found the rattle snake earlier, under the big pine tree, you can't miss me, I'LL BE THE MISERABLE RAT BITCH STANDING IN THE ROAD COMPLAINING.  Who knows, by the time you arrive I may have a boot in my ass!

There are very few people in this world that I can't stand but it is people like this that make me sick!  Obviously they don't belong.  I truly believe, TO EACH HIS OWN and I have no problem with what people do or where they want to hang out but don't be a fake a fraud or a liar, I have zero tolerance for that.  Just be who and what you are and people will eventually either take to you or send you packing but at least you were honest!

Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass ---- and out of your campsite!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Howdy everyone!  I am totally shot out from cleaning the garage today in 115 degree heat, to make room for our newest addition to the family!  I can't believe that I got it cleaned out enough to put not only 3 bikes in it, but 3 bikes in it side by side!  Honestly, I never thought I would see the day that this happened!  I must say though, it is nice to see "our stable" getting filled up again.  There was a time where things were so rough for us that I thought the knuckle would be my last and only bike and to be quite frank, there were times a year or so ago that I thought I would have to let her go as well!  I thank God that the day never had to come!  I am so fried out from the heat that I am falling asleep with the laptop cooking my balls!  Today, in my mail box, I found a comment that was posted on an interview that I did a while back.  I have gotten really great feedback on it, but I am sure a great many of you never got to see it!  So, I took the link from my friends blog and pasted it down here below.  I really hope that you guys enjoy it and it gives you a bit more insight in to the mental patient that you maniacs have befriended!  I wish you all an amazing Labor Day Weekend and I hope and pray that you and your loved ones all remain safe and sound!  If you guys are riding, please watch your ass and watch out for your buddies that you are riding with.  IT IS A WAR ZONE OUT THERE and I don't want anyone that I care about getting hurt or worse!  I'm not saying don't have fun, hell I'm not even suggesting that you don't go out and get twisted up, I'm just saying watch your ass!  The cops will be out in full force as well, with the economy the way it is, they have to make money some how, so watch your ass with them as well! 

Here is the link to the blog.  Once you are there, click on follow and keep an eye on this page, it really is a great blog!  I think this will take you to the main page, just scroll down a post or two.  Thanks for checking it out!


http://iowaharleygirl.blogspot.com/

Until we see each other again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Another Pony Added to the Shit Family Stable

It's a happy day here at the Shit Ranch today!  For the first time in roughly 7 years, Mrs. Shit will be back in the wind on her own!  The chopper project doesn't seem to be moving at quite the pace it should be.  My friend who was hand building the frame for the XS chop has literally dropped off the face of the earth!  I have no idea if something happened to him, it's like he just doesn't exist anymore.  I had to make a move and make one quick!  If you guys remember, last month I took Diane out on the FXRS and pulled over and said more or less, "let's go, your riding, I'm riding bitch"!  She was so happy about riding again that it was killing me to not see her in the wind, back on her own scooter!  I put the word out that the chopper project was going bust for now and to keep an eye out for a great Sporty at an even better price!  Every few days friends would send me links to bikes for sale.  Of course, the best ones were always gone and the shitty ones you see on there for months on end are still available!

While we were in California a bike came up and Brother Adam sent me the link to it.  Of course I could not get it as I was on the road.  When I came back and saw the bike, the year, the mileage, the extra shit that came with it and more importantly the price, I knew it was the bike for Diane!  I called the guy and of course, it was gone!  He had taken a deposit on it and the guy would not have the money till Thursday.  He was leaving early on Friday morning to go to the lake and said to give him a shout on Tuesday after the holiday.  TUESDAY?  How the hell am I supposed to wait until Tuesday?  Diane had seen the link over my shoulder and flipped out over the bike.  I told her the story and she was really bummed out.  "I REALLY LOVE THAT BIKE BABY" she said with a sad tone!  Well I am not going to allow her to be sad if there is anything on earth that can be done to change it! 

So this morning I woke up, called the guy back and told him that we are together 25 years and I love my girl.  I told him that it was our anniversary and that in the past each time that I got jammed up for money that I sold her bike out from under her.  Always with the promise to get her another one!  I told him that rather than wait till Thursday for the guy to call and ask for more time, I would be there the moment he got back from work, cash in hand and I would give him 200 bucks more than the other guy offered!  Well, I guess he is a romantic because he was blown away at what I was trying to do for my girl.  "I'll see you at 6pm" he said!  Really?  "Yes sir" he said.  So I asked about the guy with the deposit and he told me not to worry about it, that he would deal with the heat that came from it!  What a nice guy he turned out to be.  He was so happy to see Diane with that bike and told me that he was really glad that he had done what he did!  He thought the other guy was going to buy it and flip it anyway.  The look on Diane's face when I told her that the bike was hers is something that I won't forget, she was so genuinely happy!

When Diane is happy, I am happy and her happiness is all that matters to me.  Everyone always asks me why we don't save our money.  Well quite simply, Diane has Multiple Sclerosis and we go to sleep each night and never know what tomorrow will bring.  She could wake up one day and not be able to walk or wake up and be blind again like when she had her first attack and who knows, maybe this time she won't get her sight back.  We live each and every single day like there won't be a tomorrow!  It may not be for everyone but it damn sure works for us!  Why wait and then have to look back and ask what if we had done this, or what if we had gone there?  We will no longer do that, we live each and every single day to the fullest!  WE LIVE LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!  One day there will not be and I don't want to look back and have regrets. 

I rode the bike home from the guy's house and I was stunned at the power that this little Sporty had!  It is a 1993, 1200 Sportster with 6388 original miles on it!  He through in all kinds of extra parts, a brand new battery, changed the oil and even filled the tank with gas.  Like I said, what a truly nice guy!  I jammed through the gears and when Diane caught up to me at a traffic light, I was smiles from ear to ear, there was no way to even wipe it off of my face!  On the way there I said "oh shit, I forgot my helmet"!  Diane said "but you never wear a helmet around town"!  "I need it so nobody sees me riding this damn thing" I said!  By the time I was halfway home, I was smiling at people and proud like a peacock!  I could care less that the bike was Wineberry Sunglo!  After feeling that lil rocket ship take off, I could not care if it said "COCKMASTER" on the side of the tank, I was having a blast!  We got back to the house and all Diane wanted to do was ride.  It has been so long since she has ridden and riding in Phoenix is so hard core and so fucking dangerous that I suggested that she take the rider safety course and shockingly she agreed!  I told her that I had total faith in her ability but would feel so much better if she just freshened up on her skills.  Again, she thought this was a great idea!  I was stunned!

So we get the bike home and I grab the camera and take a few pics of my baby, with her new baby!  She goes inside the house, a few minutes pass and Diane comes out with a helmet and boots on!  "What are you doing" I asked?  "I'm going for a ride" she said!  ????????  What happened to taking the course?  "Oh I'm still going to take it, but first, I'm going for a ride" was her answer!  With that, she fired up the bike, pulled in the clutch and kicked it down in to first gear.  Well, okay I guess but first, I want you to remember .......... and then I saw the back of her head and her pony tail blowing in the wind!  She took off and was out of sight in 15 seconds.  I now know how the dad feels as he watches his child ride off for the first time on the bicycle.  I was worried to death to say the least.  After what seemed to be an eternity, she came rolling back up with the brightest smile that I have seen on her face and she was all glowing!  You would think that she came back pregnant by how radiant she looked!  All night tonight she just walks by me smiling!  I love that she is so happy!

So if you can, do something nice for someone.  No matter how big or how small it is, because it will make you feel as good as it makes them feel!  If I died tomorrow, I would go a happy man!  The funniest thing she said upon her return was, "it's like I never stopped riding, like I've never been off a motorcycle".  I said where do you think the phrase "it's like riding a bike came from"?  It looks like our stable of murder sickles is growing again.  Now all I have to do is keep her from getting a cooler knuckle then me and we'll be okay!

Until we see each other again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back (or in this case in the wind)
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Sometimes you just need a damn break, no matter how short it is!

So I loaded up the Pickle Sickle and kept my promise!  I had told Diane that when I returned home from Sturgis, we would hop on the bike and I would take her to California.  She has been working so very hard for so very long and has not had a break in what seems like forever!  With the pressure of constantly working and worrying about how to bring in the next buck.  When you are in Real Estate these days, it doesn't matter how great at it you are, it is a crazy fickle market and buyers are not beating down your door, you have to hunt them down and she is the great Italian Hunter!  When you are use to traveling like we always have, not taking a vacation for a while really makes you miss getting away.  So the plan was on and I have to give her credit for sticking to it.  In order to beat the heat, you must leave the Valley of the Sun by 5am at the very latest to cross the desert or you will wish you were dead!  I knew after only a few hours of sleep, waking her was going to be the most difficult part of the entire trip.  I got up nearly an hour early and at 3 am I was double checking the pack and the bike.  I told her that she had to be up and at it by 4 am, not a minute later.  I feared having to wake her!  I came back to the bedroom at 4:01 to hear the shower running and see her bouncing around, man, she really did need to get away! 

We pulled out late of course but at least we were on the road just after 5 am.  We jammed across the desert for all the Pickle Sickle was worth and even as the temps rose, not a single complaint from my girl.  We were off to Southern California to see our friends Chopper Doll, Qian, Betsy and maybe even throw a Bart in there as well, do some riding and spend at least one day being totally lazy on the beach.  Within the first 50 miles of the ride, my sciatic nerve got tweaked and no matter what I did, I could not squeeze my legs together to keep them on the floorboards.  I did all that I could do to hang on the bike!  We were about a 125 miles outside of Seal Beach and we gave a shout to C.D. and told her what was up.  "I'll fire up the spa and it will be ready when you get here"!  Now that's what I'm talking about!  We arrived after stopping at Starbucks to get Diane a monster size drink and load her up with caffeine to keep her going.  We were welcomed at her house like we had been friends for 20 years.  Within 20 minutes, I was floating like a tea bag in her spa and it literally saved my ass!  We chilled for a bit, caught up on some gossip... okay, the girls caught up on some gossip, I just listened from the jacuzzi!  Then our friend took us to this kick ass joint right on the beach for lunch!  Day one of our mini vacation was off to a great start!  By this time though, Diane was about full on running out of gas!  I had just enough time to race back to the house, grab my Pickle Sickle and head off to the I RIDE movie premier.  I arrived there with nearly 3 minutes to spare, this weekend was going perfectly!

The movie is about the Fryed Brothers Band and their lives and most importantly, about their lives behind bars.  Handlebars that is!  It was a great movie and it had a pretty damn good turnout for the Long Beach premier.  I ran in to old friends, met some new ones and we are going to work on putting on a Phoenix Premier of the movie, so I'll keep you posted on that as it moves forward.  I think my favorite part of the movie was seeing brother Miles Squire up there on the screen, healthy, happy and full of life!  Squire truly loved the Fryed Brothers Band and when you see the movie, you will see how very much.  I got to see guys like Beatnik and Kim Peterson from Biker and In the Wind magazines and friends like Will and Richard who showed up with a hard backed poster of Squire and everyone signed it.  It was a nice moment.  It was the same one that we hung up on the wall at the Broken Spoke Saloon after Squire's memorial there!

When the movie ended I walked outside to grab a smoke from my saddle bag and get some fresh air as I kept falling asleep during the movie.  Don't get me wrong, the movie was great, it's just that I was so fuckin exhausted from getting up at 3 am and riding 400 miles, then eating a big, late lunch and the theater was so cold and nice.  I get to the street and the bikes next to me are parked so damn close to mine I had to lean over from the left side of the bike to reach the right side bag.  I'm thinkin, what kind of an ass would park his bike this close?  I know that a lot of bikes were parked out front and no one wants to park across the street or around the block but what was so damned important about getting in to this spot in front of the theater?  Then common sense took over and my eyes began to work and I thought, okay, I'll give them a break this one time.  First off, the two bikes that were jammed in next to me were both FXR's and you know my new love for them but it was the paint job on the tank mostly that caused me to give them a bit of leeway!

I guess that they were running a bit late for their own movie premier and had to slip on in to any space that was available, so they put two FXR's in one spot and with the Pickle Sickle there, that made three.  How often do you get to see FXR's lined up like that?  Well, if you are me, often but not for most people.  Wait, I'll show you from another angle, this shit was tight!

It looks like I am carrying his luggage!  His bag was literally laying over the top of my saddle bag lid!  No there was not that much space available when they pulled in, it was lined with bikes!  We walked around the side street, hung out after the movie was over and I watched as everyone had a "safety meeting".  We shot some video interviews for the Squire tribute movie and then we all headed over to the Gas Lamp on Pacific Coast Hwy for the after party.  I hung out for about 45 minutes, but since Diane was not with me and this trip was all about her, I had to get back to Chopper Doll's house!  I raced there as fast as I could and got there only to realize that I wasn't missed much at all, go figure!  So being the loyal, loving man that I am, I plopped down on the couch and sat quietly while the girls watched Millionaire Matchmaker and I didn't complain not even once.  I do believe I did shout WHORE at the screen a few times....... or more even.  I know I promised to take lots of pics from this trip but looking back now, I barely took any.  We ate some Chinese food, and I passed out on the couch.  Which in the end was a lot more comfortable than the concrete sidewalk next to her garage where I had planned on staying!

Sunday came and we had originally made plans to ride on up to Hollywood and attend a benefit with the entire cast of Sons Of Anarchy.  They were helping out with a benefit for soldiers and you guys know how passionate I am on that cause!  Later we planned on heading from there over to see our friends Qian and Betsy who was luckily in town at the same time we were!  Like they say, plans are meant to be broken and that is just what we did.  We slept in and moved like 90 year olds with our depends under garments filled with shit!  We never even fired up the bikes until after 1:30 that afternoon!  Looks like Hollywood was out!  Miss Chopper Doll had us covered and took us on a gorgeous ride through some canyons and through the Cleavland National Forest or some shit.  Why anyone in California would name a national forest after Cleavland I have no fuckin idea.  Let's name something beautiful after something ugly.  Then I thought maybe it's named after President Cleavland and the same thought prevailed, yeup, still fuckin ugly!  We rode our asses off and arrived at this bad ass lil bar in the middle of nowhere called Hells Kitchen.  The concrete walls were made in the form of human skulls and the walls were cut flames.  Well, here, check it out!

We arrived dying of thirst and starving.  We got off the bike, stood in the sun which only made us even more thirsty and shot some pics.  We walked in to the bar and it was dark as hell.  Awesome, I love dark lil hole in the wall bars but this one was REALLY dark.  Then I heard the girls voices "Jack, the power is out"!  Okay, so we drink and eat outside.  Well we can't get anything to drink from the fountain because that needs power and we can't get any condiments because with the power out, the coffin can't be opened and because....... wait, DID YOU SAY THE COFFIN CAN'T BE OPENED?  That matters to us why?  Does a vampire make drinks and cook the food?  "No, we store all the condiments in the casket" the bar maid said.... oh well, that makes complete sense, where else would anyone store condiments? 

Eventually the power came back on and I could not help but go open and close the casket!  Hey, a guy needs bbq sauce!  We sat there and watched as every few minutes a bike cop took off from his little hiding spot between two trees and chased people down to give them tickets.  FUCKIN CALIFORNIA trying to make up for their budget shortfalls on the backs of their citizens!  It's a disgrace.  Needless to say, when we pulled out, we rode with a little less aggression than we did on the way in.  Especially after receiving the warnings from others in the lot that cops were both up and down the hill and they had been there all day.  Shit, did we blow right past them on the way in?  We took off and then headed down the hill and through the canyons back down to Cook's Corner to see if we could still catch the Fryed Brothers on stage.  We didn't but we did manage to catch them in the parking lot, not as good but nice anyway.  We hung out and as Diane and Chopper Doll began to look on in disgust at the drunken parents who had brought their infant baby to the bar and were speaking of how great it was to be out of prison, especially after being violated so many times by parole officers, I decided to suck down my Jack and Coke and beat a hasty retreat before they ended up back in prison for choking me to death!

You can see the devious looks on their faces here.  I knew that they were going to be up to no good so I set up he camera on the timer just to capture this moment while was face was pretty much still reasonably attractive and didn't have boot prints on the side of it yet!  The ride out of there through the canyons and then down towards the ocean absolutely rocked!  We rode out in to a southern California sunset and it was truly gorgeous.  We made it to the freeway, cut across 5 lanes of traffic to the HOV lane and until we hit the exit never once had a single car in front of us!  It could not have been more perfect.  It had gotten late and now there was no way on earth to make it up to the valley to have dinner with Qian and Betsy so I sent a text saying sorry for missing them.  I decided that since it was Diane's vacation, she had the night off and I ran over on the bike to the supermarket, picked up some shit and then came back and destroyed Chopper Doll's kitchen!  I whipped up some of my famous Rigatoni w/ vodka sauce alla Jack Shit and we had a kick ass dinner together.  Okay, so Diane was not totally off duty, when we were done, being the amazing girl she is, jumped up and cleaned the kitchen and the mess I had made of the most beautiful Viking Stove, thank God, I would not have known where to even start cleaning that shit!  We followed it up by eating cookies on the couch and watching more reality tv.  Tonight's viewing, Real Housewives Of New Jersey..... shit, I'm married to one, why the fuck do I need to watch it on tv?  But being a good man, I sat and we all made fun of these Jersey Bitches!  I have not seen that much drama in Jersey since the first party that I attended at Diane's house when we started dating!  Our host had to get up early for work and finally told us that we no longer had to sleep outside the garage on the sidewalk and if we wanted to, we could move right on in to the garage, so that was really nice!  Hey, I told you she treated us really well didn't I?  She went off to bed and Diane and I both fell asleep!  That garage was really warm and comfy.  We slept so well that we didn't even wake up until near 11am.

To the beach to the beach to the beach we go!  We hopped on the bike and rode on down to Seal Beach which for the record, I still, in three trips now have yet to see one fucking seal!  So I think there may be some bullshit going on here!  I'll keep you posted as my investigation furthers!  If you have never been to Seal Beach, you should really get over and check it out.  You may remember it from my writing about Born Free Chopper Show and the after party at Chicago Will's place.  As it turns out, he lives only two blocks from the ocean.  Main St. there is filled with great little shops and restaurant bars.  Definitely worth checking out and your ladies will thank you for it, trust me!  The beach is like the beaches that I am use to back east.  Big and beautiful and a long walk to the water.  Great sand and lots of people having a great time made the afternoon perfect.  We planted our asses down and staked a claim!

All done with our 2 slice one drink lunch special and ready to hit the beach!

The Beach had a great view.  Funny thing is, the sun was so bright that I was shooting the pier and could not see the screen on the camera so I zoomed a bit and hit the button.  I laughed afterwards when I saw this!

Sorry, just a Baywatch moment!  No Pamela though.... or CJ I think was her name.  Hell, no Carmen Electra either, just these three wannabe rockers!

Self Beach Portrait.  I was bored, Diane was working!

Even on the beach, even on vacation and even 400 miles from home and she is still on the phone working but this time she is doing it with a smile on her face!  That makes me really happy!

By the time we left, this is what the beach looked like and nope, still no damn seals!

One last shot before loading up the bike to split the beach.

We had planned to head back to Chopper Doll's house where she said we could clean up.  She was even willing to hit us with the pressure washer in the garage or our guest room as it is now being called.  We were going to roll out just prior to sunset and hit the desert in the dark as temps were still supposed to be over 100 degrees.  By 7 pm we are out the door and rolling down the road, that was the plan!  I was really worried about the heat from the engine and the pipes along with the heat from the desert and how it would affect Diane so I was pretty intent on sticking to the plan!  I guess plans are made to be broken!  As we were just finishing dinner around 8:30 at the restaurant and I had yet to pack up our shit and clean the garage, I knew we were going to be very late getting home.  Yes, we cleaned up the garage, after all, we are good house guests.  You can't stay at some one's place and not leave it clean.  Too bad we didn't have any laundry to do because the washer and dryer were right there in the garage.  It was nice too because I like to leave a light on when I sleep and all I had to do was open up the door on the dryer and there it was, night light, perfect!

So now here we are, running late and having a big dinner!  We are staying with a friend and rather than give her a gift, she is giving them to us.  What a sweetheart!  If you guys remember a few months ago, we did the necklace and bracelet giveaway.  If you ordered some I know Jack Shit shirts you were entered to win.  Well Chopper Doll was the one who donated that jewelry for our cause and I won't forget that!  You guys should check her out at lolasboutique2u.com, the stuff is gorgeous!  The bracelet and the necklace that you guys always ask me about are pieces that she made, they are so fucking cool!  Well she gave Diane the baddest necklace and made me for my birthday, the sickest wallet chain you have ever seen!  Thank you so very much Chopper Doll, you rock! 

I got all dressed up for our last meal and rocked my new Wall of Death T'shirt!  Damn I'm sexy!  Oh yeah, the girls, they sort of looked okay too.

It was a really, really long ride to the restaurant so we had to shoot some pics on the way to keep us occupied.  I wish I could have driven so that I could at least say I was driving Miss Daisy.  Next time maybe.

A little pre dinner, pre gift shot!  What a really great weekend, it sucked that it was so short! 

Diane was so happy all weekend!

Diane rocking her new necklace!  Thank you Chopper Doll!

So we chowed down like animals and shot back to the house for our middle of the night blast home!  Packed up our shit, cleaned up our socks and underwear off the garage floor and said our goodbyes!  We took off down the road and we were just getting in to the ride when this maniac pulled up next to us.  I thought this crazy California lunatic was going to shoot out the window at us or something but luckily we made it out safely.  Each time I see a white BMW I will get chills and watch my back from now on, you never know when that maniac will be back!  Our 1am arrival at home turned in to a 4 am arrival and you know what?  It didn't matter even in the least!  We both have been working our asses off and we needed the break.  Our no work rule for the trip was almost followed.  Hey, we can't be expected to stop cold turkey ya know.  So I did some work at a movie premier and Diane negotiated contracts from the beach, no harm, no foul!  I will look back on this August and have fond memories.  I knocked it right the fuck out of the park at the Broken Spoke, kept my word to my girl and took her away, made some amazing contacts and I didn't even go and talk to any of those tv guys in LA.....  hell, tv will always be there, we needed a break!

Until we see each other again,

Keep the wind in your face,

Tits in your back

and The Man off your ass.

Your friend,

Jack Shit

Fortitude, strength and dignity barely describe it!

The above photo was taken at 4:30 in the morning.  That is my mom, my sister, her seeing eye dog Dorothy and myself.  I had taken a late night flight and arrived only moments before she had to leave to go to the hospital to have surgery to try and beat cancer.  It's a few years now and it looks like it was a success, thank God.  I know, how can I only have pics of my mom and my sister that are a few years old in this day and age when damn near everything we own has a camera built in to it?  I have not seen them in that long.  Yes, I am a monster!  I don't know how the time goes by but somehow it does.  They still live in New Jersey and I have not been back since this emergency trip. 

As you guys know from my facebook post that some bad shit came down on my big sister yesterday.  So here is the deal and it will help you to understand a bit more and then when I tell you that I spoke to her today, she is fine and laughing you will not think that I exaggerated or am nuts!  My sister, Colleen, yes the Shit family has Irish roots, is an amazing individual.  She was born with Juvenile Diabetes and she was born in 1965.  The average life span for someone with this condition, born at that time was roughly about 25-29 years of age.  It's just the way it was back then.  The doctors would say that each day that she made it past that age was a gift.  While growing up, it was a time that you rarely ever questioned the doctor.  What the doctor said was correct and you went with it.  During her childhood we became quite use to my sister being literally at death's door and pounding on it a minimum of 2 times per year.  One was always around Christmas and the other around spring.  Don't get me wrong, there were other times and other years when it seemed that every few months, she would go in to what my mom called "insulin shock" and be rushed to the hospital at break neck speed because the orange juice or the candy didn't bring her back.  You would think that trauma like this would really screw a kid up, but it only made her a stronger, better person.

To make a REALLY long story shorter, let's jump ahead to later in her high school years.  She began to have all kinds of troubles that people with diabetes have when they are 70, not 17.  She began to have kidney trouble, she began to bleed behind her eyes, all kinds of horrible stuff.  As it turns out, that doctor nobody ever questioned had pretty much given her the wrong dosage of insulin her whole life!  Because of that, it had really taken a toll on her young body.  The blood vessels behind her eyes began to either collapse or burst.  They had given her some pain and some pressure but we had no idea at the time.  So here she is, 17 years old driving her bad ass Camaro Rally Sport, Judas Priest blaring on her 500 watt stereo rolling down the highway, lil 14 year old brother in the passenger seat smiling ear to ear feeling more cool than he had ever felt when suddenly she shot to the side of the road and pulled over!  "EVERYTHING IS RED" she said!  I laughed and said, "you are wearing rose colored glasses dumbass"!  But upon taking a second look, she had taken them off!  She would hold her hand over one eye and it would be crystal clear then the other eye and everything was like looking through a red lens!  It was not long after that it was both eyes!

Fast forward a bit and she graduates at the top of her class.  She goes off to college and is number one on the dean's list.  She was truly brilliant and an incredibly hard worker.  By the time she was 18 years old, she was a buyer for a department store back east called Bradlees.  She also began to have laser treatments to cauterize the bleeding blood vessels.  By this time, my parents had long been divorced and the only time we ever saw dad was when he would come down to take my sister for these treatments.  He always hated doctors.  If you remember an old post of mine that I wrote about him that went something like, "IF YOU NEVER GO TO THE DOCTOR, YOU WILL NEVER BE SICK".  This one day that he came down, they were sitting in the waiting room and it was standing room only.  The doctor was not in but there was a doctor covering for him.  He was way behind in his appointments!  My sister just kept saying, I don't feel good about this and that is all dad needed to hear, "let's get the hell out of here" he would say.  But my sister thought, he came all the way down here and if we leave, he would soon leave as well.  She said "no, we are here, let's just do it".  If only she had gotten up and left!  She went in to the treatment room where prior to the treatment, small injections of lidocaine would be delivered in to the retina to numb it for the laser.  A series of 3 or 4 shots each deeper than the last would numb it all the way to the core.  But the doctor was behind, he was in a rush so he pushed the needle in to her good eye, and pushed all of the lidocaine in, in one single shot.  HE MISSED THE RETINA AND GONE STRAIGHT IN TO HER EYE!  My sister felt nothing because he had numbed her but she knew something was wrong by the way the doctor screamed at the top of his lungs "NURSE"!  At the very same time, she heard my father gasp and fall back against the wall and collapse!  Now you have to understand, my father was a detective and the head of homicide for the city of Newark, New Jersey.  When he took the job, Newark had the highest crime rate on earth, it was quite an achievement.  There was nothing that he had not seen, nothing!  That is until it was his own daughter.  My sister's eye had blown up to the size of a lemon and was sticking straight out of the socket, barely hanging on by the retina!  FROM THAT MOMENT ON, my 18 year old sister would be blind!  My father blamed himself for not taking her out of the office of course!  My parents kept the doctors name from me because I was a maniac kid who wanted blood for this.  If he had just taken his time, if he had just checked where he was placing the needle, if he had just waited and done a little bit at a time like he was supposed to, but he didn't.  One month later, that doctor, under such incredible stress died from a massive heart attack and you know what?  HE GOT OFF EASY!  UNFORTUNATELY, THESE THINGS HAPPEN SOMETIMES!   That was the response from the Doctor's office, the attorneys involved and the insurance company.  She has diabetes and they would have happened eventually anyway, she never received a penny for this.

I don't know what I would have done if this was me.  At that age, I think I would have curled up and died or played the woes me card, but not her!  She just adapted.  To show her that she was no different to us, my friends and I would move the furniture around from it's normal location and then hide.  You would hear her scream as she would bang her knees or stub her toes, "Jackie, you mother fucker"!  We would laugh and then later so would she!  11 surgeries later at Will's Eye Hospital in Philly and they were not able to give her any of her sight back, not one tiny bit.  To this day, if she looks directly in to the mid day sun, all she can see is the needle hole of light that passes through from where the injection went in.  Also during this time, from all of the different meds that she was on, she developed a kidney infection from being in the hospital.  It has been non stop trouble from there.  Nearly 20 years now they have been saying that she will need a transplant one day.  It appears that the day is fast approaching and when it does, I will make up for all of the furniture moving and for being a shitty brother.  I just pray that I am a match! 

Rather than curl up and die, she tried all that she could to stay in college but there was no way for her to get there.  She later enrolled in the school for the blind and we all raised money for her to get a seeing eye dog.  She was not giving up.  While there, she met another person who had lost most of his sight from being sick and they hit it off.  After a few years of separation but keeping in touch, they began to date and later got married.  They produced the most beautiful boy, who is growing up to be an amazing young man.  The neighborhood that we grew up in is where she still lives to this day.  She knows each and every street and she walks all over.  Her son, my nephew promises that he won't let anything happen to her and has been in karate for nearly 6 years now and at 12 already holds a black belt!  I believe that he won't let anything happen to her!  This past year, her beloved seeing eye dog Dorothy got cancer and had to be put down.  So now, she is trapped in the house unless someone comes and takes her out.  I can't imagine how she does it, yet each and every day, no matter how sick she is, no matter how bad she feels and no matter how much pain she is in, she gets up, faces the day and ALWAYS puts people before herself!  She is truly an angel walking this earth, I have never known anyone like her and I have known a great many people!  She has held and broken the record twice now for the lowest blood sugar ever recorded without brain damage!  Each time she falls in to one of these comas, she laughs afterward and says, "I could really feel my brain sizzling on this one". 

So this last time was no different, her blood sugar dropped to 24 and after a direct injection of glucose it rose to 36 and that is when they revived her and put her in the ambulance.  Her body temp was below the lowest numbers on a thermometer and it took over 3 hours to raise her temp up to 96 degrees and that is with a hot water blanket on her.  The type they use if you fell through the ice in to the water.  Shortly after reaching 96 it began to drop again.  Yesterday was a real battle for her.  Each time this happens, she can hear everything going on but can't respond, she calls them her "low sugar dreams".  This time, she was dreaming that for some crazy reason, Gordon Ramsey was yelling her name and screaming at her.  She could not answer and didn't know why he was so damn mad.  After bringing her blood sugar up to a level where she was pulled from the coma she realized that one of her paramedics was Australian!  It wasn't Gordon Ramsey yelling at her, but a paramedic yelling to her that she was going to be okay and that they were there!  She laughed her ass off about this today!

All I can say is that when the time comes that I need to be the toughest I ever have to be, that I have half the strength, courage and fearlessness that she exhibits each and every single day!  Her battle is not over, it never will be and she knows this.  She just faces it each and every day with dignity and faith!  So now again, today she feels a bit hungover, but she is okay.  Your messages to me were overwhelming and I can't thank you all enough, from the bottom of my heart I swear I am so lucky to have you each in my life!  So say a prayer for the ones you love and hope to God that no one you care about ever has to live like she does.

Until we see each other again,

Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,
Jack Shit

Hardest Working Guys In The Business!

Most times, before we ever arrive at a rally, the WALL OF DEATH crew is already on property.  Often rolling in during the middle of the night!  As we complain about having to set up our tent or blow up our air mattress, the guys have the daunting undertaking of building THE WALL!  I only watched part of this process but by no means was it any less than back breaking!  They are the first to come and the very last to leave!  I had never really gotten to know any of the Wall crew prior to hosting this year at the Broken Spoke Campground and now wish I had taken the time earlier!  NOTHING BUT CLASS!  While on my ride to the Spoke, I had stopped to get gas about 40 miles or so outside of Deadwood and I was beat.  It would be a 687 mile day for us.  I turned on my phone as I had it off to conserve the battery and I had some messages.  One of those messages was from George The Painter and he had a real tone of concern in his voice.  "Hey man, where you at, we are having some insane weather here", "hope you are okay"!  Yes, GTP does have a heart!  50 weight pumps through it, but all in all, it is a heart.  Well that weather put the guys from the Wall well behind in their construction.  If that wall is not operational, they don't make a dime, if they don't make a dime, how do they even make it to the next event?  THEY DON'T!  The following day, they were still building the wall when it was announced that the Rolling Vietnam Memorial was on property, the opening ceremony would take place shortly but they needed volunteers to help construct it.  The guys from the wall stopped what they were doing instantly!  Now remember, no Wall, no money!  Each and every one of them went down the hill, behind the general store and went to work building the memorial wall.  I had nothing but mad respect for these guys before this, now, forget it, I can't put in to words the RESPECT, yes, there is that word again, that I have for these guys.  They put their work down, they put their income at risk and they went to help!  Fuck that's cool as shit! 

There is no insurance company on earth that will insure a Wall of Death rider and that sucks big time.  You guys know what the cost is when you go to the emergency room because you twisted your ankle, now imagine riding 50mph on a 16' high, 30' round wall of a cylinder and having something catastrophic happen!  I would bet the ranch you don't want that bill!  So they have a fund that they keep for when someone gets hurt.  Yes, they take care of their own, they are a family, the way this shit is supposed to be!  We watch these guys jump dirt bikes and we see the X games on tv, but this is the shit folks, this was America's first extreme sport and they are keeping it alive and well..... okay, maybe not well, but sure as hell alive!  Not well you ask?  Nope!  These are hands down some of the craziest bastards that I have ever had the pleasure to call my friends!  The word Death isn't in the name for no reason ya know!  On a side note, NEVER, EVER, go flat track racing, drunk, at 4am with anyone who has DEATH in their name!  It just doesn't work out in your favor.  One of the highlights of the rally and yes, I have a list of them, was following Mikey in his two wheel drive sidehack and the Jeremiah Weed nuts in their dune buggy on steroids and Jeremiah Lightning on his insane sporty off to HELP FLATTEN the overgrown flat track.  Mikey said "Jack, it's in bad shape", asshole me says, "well we should go see, right now"!  MISTAKE NUMBER ONE FOR STURGIS 2011 on my part!  Did you know that inside the oval of the flat track at the Broken Spoke County Line, there is a motocross track?  No?  Well neither did I!  But guess what?  IN FOURTH GEAR, WHILE CHASING THESE MANIACS, I FOUND IT!  I can also say that I now know for sure that the FXR is the most amazing modern bike Harley ever put out and did you know that they can fly too?  Yeah, I do now too!  Your friend Jack Shit nearly had Death is his title too!  One huge jump, one brutal landing and what I swore were two broken thumbs, I had to heed Jeremiah's warning of "this is really stupid man, really fuckin stupid" and ride back to the lot!

As the week went on I did all I could to make sure that people got to take in at least one wall show and each person that I sent over came right back to me and said "that's the baddest thing I've ever seen"!  They too were absolutely correct!  My schedule was so hectic there that I barely had a moment to get my head straight and I had given the FXR a serious smack down on the flat track.  Well on the part of it that I   managed to find anyway.  The bike was barely running, I blew a fork seal and to make matters worse, the carb was pissing gas out of it!  I had really done a job on her.  With 15 minute breaks between band sets, it is really hard to put your bike back together and with the property being so massive, it took me half that long to walk from one place to another (up until flat track night I had ridden to all these places).  Handsome Charlie Ransom repeatedly told me, "Jack, get that fucking thing over here and let me get a look at it" so I did, then 30 minutes later, I would fire her up and take off, sputtering and spitting my way up the hill!  Eventually, I made it back to the Wall, pulled off the carb and had to run back to work.  Upon my return, I found the entire bike put back together, filled with gas and ready to go.  What an amazing gesture of friendship!  I have got to tell you that being around these guys was amazing.  They truly made my Sturgis Rally 2011.

I can't think of a single night that once the work was done at the Wall, that I did not turn around to be handed a drink or given a hug or to hear my name being screamed at the top of one or more of these maniacs lungs!  They supported me like nothing I have ever seen and I will never forget it!  I was sure as hell not the only one who woke up in the morning more than once with no voice!  I will never forget these guys!  It more or less became a running joke, I would scream "WALL OF DEATH IN THE HOUSE" and they would scream "JACK SHIT".  Incredible memories!

Hands down, one of the highlights of not only the Sturgis Rally at the Broken Spoke but no bullshit, of my life, was when Wahl E. Walker, man I love that name, invited me in to see the show from inside the Wall!  If you have seen the show from the top, you know how amazing it is.  This pales in comparison to being able to see the show from inside.  I know most everyone will never get to experience this and that is truly too bad because it is mind blowing.   These guys are men of honor, respect and loyalty!  They have been at the Spoke for years now on nothing more than a hand shake deal and if you can't RESPECT that, what can you RESPECT?  People who mean what they say and say what they mean, hell, it's virtually unheard of anymore!  This is one cohesive unit, one family and it shows!  Hell, on the final night of the rally, after the food vendors had packed up their tents and trucks these guys even fed me dinner!  Tell me where can you get Spaghetti at a bike rally?  AT THE FUCKING WALL OF DEATH THAT'S WHERE! 

 On the last night of the rally, we were all hanging up on the VIP balcony next to the stage and J. Lightning was killing me with limericks and "poetry" so to speak.  I mean here is this guy who has seen it all, who barely spoke and then in a fury, spit out some of the fastest and funniest shit that I have ever heard in my life!  There are days that I can't remember my phone number and here he is remembering 75 lines from something that he learned as a young guy, incredible!  The entire time there, a documentary was being filmed on the Wall crew and I can't wait to see it, these guys deserve all the good that come their way!

I bet you guys thought that I would forget the FOX IN THE BOX.  Hell no!  What a sweetheart and hard worker as well.  "Don't forget the garlic bread" she said and my night was made!

So next time you see these guys at a fair or a bike rally, dig deep in that pocket, hold your money over the top rail and let them come snatch right out of your hot little hand!  This Sturgis Rally at the World Famous Broken Spoke Saloon would have never been the same without the crew from the Wall of Death.  As a friend said to me 2 nights ago, "I applaud and RESPECT YOU"! 

WALL OF DEATH IN THE HOUSE!

Until we see each other on the road,

Keep the wind in your face,

Tits in your back

and The Man off your ass!

Your friend,

Jack Shit

Respect man, plain and simple! How fucking hard is that to understand?

For nearly a year now there has been something just gnawing away at my soul.  I have spoken to friends about this issue and each offered me advice of what they thought I should do, what they thought I should say as well as the advice of "fuck it man, leave it be" or "do nothing man, it will all work out in the end".  For the longest time I had done just that, NOTHING!  I had said nothing, I had done nothing and it has eaten me alive!  As you guys know from reading my writing, I have one very simple hard core belief that guides my life.  I live my life by four letters.  I wrote about them last night.  L, L, H & R, Love, Loyalty, Honor and FUCKING RESPECT!  For me, it just can't be any more plain and simple!  I can understand if all people don't live by each and every single one of these letters, it takes time to get the whole theory but I am appalled by those who can't seem to manage to live by any of them!  I am disgusted by people who are users, by people who put themselves above all others and mostly by PHONY people who will step on the necks of those who they pretend to be friends with just so that they can climb a few inches higher so that they can try and grab shit that they have neither earned nor deserve!  They just step on the necks of those around them because they see something that they want!  It is disgusting and it makes me fucking ill!

For one to be loved, one must give love!  For one to have loyalty from others they must first be loyal to someone, to anyone!  For a person to be honored he must first do something honorable!  Most importantly of all this, is for one to EVER be respected, that person must first show respect, to have respect to give respect and truly important is to have some SELF RESPECT! 

If you have been holding this in for so long Jack, what makes you finally spit it out tonight?  What was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back?  Well humor me for a moment and you may understand.  I moved in to my new house about 18 months ago.  You guys have heard me talk about the neighborhood and the people who live here.  Directly across the street from me is an old couple.  He is 91 and she is 94.  Everyday this beautiful woman walks up and down the street holding on to her walker.  Most days, her husband is right by her side, holding her hand, loving her.  When she needs to stop, he does not get bothered by this, he RESPECTS her and waits until she has the strength to carry on.  He is loyal enough not to leave her side after 70 + years together and tonight as I watched the coroner wheel her out of the house on a stretcher to take her to her final resting place, I watched as he honored her by helping to hold the blanket over her as the Dust Storm tried to blow it off.  Once secured, as they placed her body in the van, I watched as in a final act of L,L,H & R, he placed one last red rose on her body.  At the same time that I was touched to my core to witness this, I was infuriated by the lack of respect of others, for others!  How can some people be so amazing and some people be so disgusting?

You guys know well and good that I have been away in Sturgis and I have only just returned.  The first time that I was invited to come to be part of the Spoke Family, Jay Allen told me that this was our home and we were to make each and every guest who walked through the door feel welcome and make them feel as if they were part of our family.  "Jack, I want these people treated with total RESPECT", that is what Jay asked me to do and that is what the Broken Spoke Saloon is based on, what it was built on, RESPECT!  These were my marching orders and believe me when I tell you, they were the easiest instructions that I have ever been given, I RESPECT everyone until the time comes that they have lost my RESPECT!

For so many, the Broken Spoke Saloon Campground is a sacred place.  The walls are adorned by the great ones who have come and gone before us.  On one wall above the stage, Indian Larry will forever watch down upon all who enter the Spoke, on another, the one and only Johnny Chop, a person that in my entire time around this life we have chosen to live, I've never heard one single person speak one bad word about the man!  On a third wall, the incredible Samantha Morgan is honored and this past rally on another wall we added the one and only Million Miles Squire.  The Spoke's walls are covered in greatness, they are covered with people for whom we could only wish to aspire to be like!  Also on these walls are personal belongings from Jay Allen.  Items that he chose to take from his personal collection of memories and share them with his extended family at the Spoke.  None of these items have ever been stolen and none have ever been defaced because everyone who enters the sacred walls of the Broken Spoke have enough RESPECT for this man, for his property and for his dream!  On the first morning after my arrival this year at the Spoke I entered the main building.  I had never before spent any time there and had never had the privilege of being able to walk every square inch of the place.  With each moment that I spent there, I became more humbled by the energy of those who have passed through the doors before me.  I looked at those huge prints of the names I mentioned earlier and I was moved! 

Over the years, for a great many years, Jay has been a huge part of our culture whether you knew it or not.  His generosity is overwhelming and while there this past two weeks I learned of more and more that he has done to help others.  This is a man who deserves to be treated with respect and his property deserves to be treated equally with the very same respect!  After some time touring the building, getting the lay of the land and trying to figure out how I was going to pull off the mammoth undertaking that I had gotten myself in to by hosting such a hallowed place, I needed to use the bathroom.  I walked in, stood at the urinal and took one hellified piss.  As I turned around, pulled up my zipper and looked up at the wall, my FUCKING HEART SANK!  For one of the very first times in my life, I was truly speechless.  I could not believe my eyes!

On the wall hung an original Discovery Channel Biker Build Off banner!  Now I don't care if you loved those shows or if you hated those shows, they have become a huge part of our recent history and showcased some of the finest people who have ever turned a wrench on bikes.  Now I'm not sure if this banner was from Larry or Johnny, but I know that it was special and it was hung on that wall for all to enjoy and share in.  It was there for all to know that Jay and the Spoke were also part of that history and it was taken from a personal collection and shared with our extended family to enjoy and because they were our extended family, it was there for them to take pride in as well!  Since the day that it had been hung there, it had been unmolested, untouched and unscathed because people understand RESPECT!  Well, some people understand RESPECT!  Why did your heart sink Jack?  Because when I turned around, this is what I saw.

Understand that this photo was taken at the end of the rally this year.  The large I AM DON WOOD was the only thing written on this banner when I arrived on the property.  As the week progressed, seeing that the banner had been written on, for the first time in years, other people added their names to it.  But on day one of the 71st annual Sturgis Rally, this banner had but one name, one thing written with TOTAL AND COMPLETE LACK OF RESPECT for our history, for others property and for the people who gave up everything to follow the life we lead and to follow the dream of what they love!  For me this is inexcusable, unforgivable and just shows the world the kind of person he is!  In the last year I have witnessed a total lack of respect for others.  For other people, for other people's old ladies for anyone in general who he did not think that he could get something out of that would move him up or to help him reach the "FAME" that he so desperately seeks.  Well you have done it Don, you are known now for exactly who and what you are.  For being someone who has a total lack of respect, a total disregard for anyone and everything around him.  You have no idea the world that you have snaked and deceived your way in to.  This Sturgis Rally, you have shown everyone just who you are, what you are capable of and proven to all that you have ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA of the codes that we live by..... let me remind you again, L, L, H & R! 

While at the Broken Spoke, with no warning at all, Don walked back stage, then on to the stage, pulled the microphone mid song from the lead singers hand of the HEAD LINE BAND and stopped them dead in their tracks because he felt the need to make an announcement.  We have one strict policy at the Spoke, we don't stop the band, EVER!  Everything, EVERY DETAIL OF EVERY DAY is timed to the minute.  These guys were being paid a lot of money to play and entertain the guests of the Spoke and they were prevented from doing that.  The crowd was angry, the band was angry, the bosses were angry and I AM FUCKIN ANGRY!  This egomaniac was so afraid that he may lose a moment of camera time or not be able to stand on stage in front of a crowd and shout I AM DON WOOD, which is exactly what he shouted first!  The only smile that I was able to muster up was because the moment he shouted it in to the mic, someone from the crowd shouted, WHO GIVES A FUCK!  I share the very same feeling now!  You may be saying now, "but Jack man, you were running the show at the Spoke, how did you let this get past you in the first place"?  Funny, it was the same question my boss asked me.  I was tricked out of the building by being told that there was a big surprise birthday party for me up at the pool and all my friends in the world were up there waiting for me.  I had to go up there immediately if not sooner!  Oddly enough, as I walked past friend after friend on the way to the pool to quite literally find no one up there but two drunks, I was not surprised, I only assumed it was a practical joke.  On the way back I asked one of my friends and they said oh no man, Don told us 20 minutes ago that we were to be inside the main building, we were wondering why you were going up to the pool!  When I arrived back to the building is pretty much when Don pulled this scam to get up on stage.  He used the guise of Aidan has a Posse to do this.  He put on this bullshit, fake, caring, humble voice and whispered in to the mic, not one person there had a single idea of what he was saying and were shouting for him to speak up, but why would he listen, he knows it all right?  I believe the total raised by pulling this bullshit was a bit over $100.  In 15 minutes, I raised nearly 800 bucks for a titty contest and this guy could not raise shit for a deathly ill child!  So he tricked me, broke the number one rule at the Spoke and cheated a family out of desperately needed funds, NICELY DONE DON!  Your ego is writing checks that you can't cash man!  All you had to do is notify me or any other person at the Spoke of what your plan was and we would have made it happen, at the right time, in front of the right people and raised a shit ton of money, but I guess someone else may have gotten the attention rather than you.  That's what this was about right?  Drawing attention to yourself?  Well you got that attention now man!


This is but just a brief tale of the events that took place this year and believe me when I tell you and you know you can because I always tell the truth, there is so much more!  The bike community is done with you Don.  You have burned all your bridges faster than anything that I have ever seen and I have been around a long time now!  EVERYONE IS DONE WITH YOU!  Some have their 15 minutes of fame, you man, now have your 15 minutes of SHAME!  Look inside yourself man, become a better person or your life will suck forever!


I have never before in my life called someone out like this and the decision to do it did not come easy and I didn't take it lightly.  Like I said earlier, I have been sick over this for months about what to do, or say or to just leave it be, but this was the final straw, I could not just let this go any longer!  It was your actions that drove me to this. 


If there are any of you who disagree with what I have done than tell me so.  In return, I will share with you some of the other amazing and appalling things that have recently taken place.  I will no longer hold back, those days are now long gone.  I've tried my damndest to just let each and every incident go but what you did this week at the Broken Spoke is unforgivable on a great many levels! You should no longer be welcome on any Broken Spoke Property, anywhere!  Congratulations!

For all of the rest of you amazing people that share in our lives, I am sorry for even posting something like this but my head was about to explode and it had to be said.   Until we see each other on the road again,


Keep the wind in your face,
Tits in your back
and The Man off your ass!


Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart and with absolute brutal honesty, I AM YOUR FRIEND,
Jack Shit